Chapter 42 Chase
Chase
Finn looked like he wanted to throw up or run or scream. I wasn’t sure which.
I watched him freeze, his body going rigid in my arms. His eyes were wide, his lips parted, and I could feel his chest rising and falling with quick breaths.
Oh God. Did I just screw this all up? Was that too soon? I should have waited, should have—
“You—” Finn’s voice cracked. “You what?”
My heart was pounding so hard I thought it might shatter into a thousand pieces.
“I’m in love with you, Finn,” I said again, more certain this time. “I’ve been trying not to fall. I told myself it was too soon, that we’d only been dating for a few months, that I should wait, but I can’t wait anymore. I love you. I’m in love with you. I just . . . I needed you to know that.”
Finn swallowed hard.
His eyes were bright—too bright, like he was holding back tears.
“You love me,” he whispered.
“Yes.”
“You’re in love with me.”
“Yes.”
“Chase—”
“You don’t have to say it back,” I said quickly, panic rising in my chest. “I’m not saying it to make you feel obligated. If you don’t feel the same, that’s fine. I’ll be fine. I’m saying it because it’s true and because I want you to know and—”
He kissed me.
Hard and desperate.
His hands flew up to grip my face like he was trying to hold on to something solid.
I made a sound—surprise or relief or something in between—and kissed him back just as desperately, pouring everything I felt into that kiss, trying to show him what the words could never capture.
When he pulled back, I was staring at him with what must have been complete shock.
“I love you, too,” he said, the words tumbling out in a rush. “I love you. I think I’ve been in love with you for weeks, but I was too terrified to admit it because what if you didn’t feel the same way? What if I scared you off? What if—”
I kissed him again, cutting off his rambling, as my heart soared.
Finn loved me.
“You could never scare me off,” I said against his lips. “Never.”
“God, I love you,” he said again, and I could hear the wonder in his voice, like he couldn’t quite believe he could say it. “I love you so much it’s kind of terrifying.”
“Good terrifying or bad terrifying?”
“The best terrifying.”
I laughed, a bright, genuine sound that came from somewhere deep in my chest.
He pulled us close, and I held him like something precious.
Because he was.
He was precious and perfect, and he loved me.
“Say it again,” I whispered into his hair.
“What?”
“Say you love me. Please.”
He pulled back to look at me, his eyes soft. “I love you, Chase.”
My knees went weak.
“I love you,” he said again. “I love you so much.”
I kissed him again, softer this time. More tender.
I tried to memorize the feeling of that moment, of standing in my kitchen with Finn in my arms, both of us having just said the scariest, most wonderful words in the world.
When we broke apart, Finn’s hands were already working at the buttons of my shirt.
“Finn—”
“I can’t leave yet,” he said, his voice rough. “I need you, all of you. Right now.”
“The bar opens in an hour.”
“I don’t care.”
“But—”
“Chase.” He looked up at me, and the heat in his eyes made my breath catch. “You just told me you’re in love with me. Do you really think I’m going to walk out of here and go to the bar like that’s a normal thing that just happened?”
“You should—”
“What I should do,” he interrupted, pushing my shirt off my shoulders, “is take you upstairs and show you how I feel about you. That’s what I should do.”
My brain seized.
“The kitchen—” I gestured weakly at the disaster around us. “We should clean—”
“The kitchen can wait. My ass can’t.” His hands found my belt. “I need you upstairs in your bed with only the clothes your mum birthed you wearing. Do you understand?”
I nodded, incapable of speech.
“Good.” He took my hand and started pulling me toward the stairs. “Come on.”
“Finn—”
He stopped at the bottom step and looked up at me, his eyes blazing. “Chase. I love you, and I’ve been thinking about getting you into that bed since the moment I got here. So please, for the love of God, stop being practical and fuck my brains out.”
The desperate want in his voice—the raw need—broke whatever remaining resistance I had.
“Okay,” I said.
“Yeah?”
“Take me upstairs. I’ll apologize to your ass in advance. I’m not in a nice mood.”
His smile was brilliant. “Finally.”
He pulled me up the stairs, both of us stumbling in our haste. We made it to the landing before he pushed me against the wall, kissing me hard enough to bruise.
“I love you,” he said between kisses. “I love you. I love you.”
By the time we made it to the bedroom, neither of us wore a shirt, his shoes had bounced down the stairs, and my button fly had sprung open. Finn yanked at whatever I had left, not even caring to close the bedroom door.
“Wait,” I said, catching his hands. “Slow down.”
“I don’t want to slow down.”
“Just—” I cupped his face, making him look at me. “I want to remember this. Our first time after saying I love you. I want it to be—”
“Everything,” Finn finished. “I want it to be everything.”
“Yeah.”
We helped each other out of the last of our clothes as we moved toward the bed, hands everywhere, mouths finding skin. I needed this man more than I needed air to breathe.
“I need you inside me, Chase.”
A growl bubbled up from deep inside. “Whatever my baby wants.”
He purred. “Your baby. I like that.”
“My man. My sweetheart. My—”
“Boyfriend.”
I pulled back and met his gaze. “Boyfriend.”
He smiled and nodded. “Oh, I almost forgot. I need to tell you something, too.”
I froze. Shit. More news.
“I got tested last week, and I started on PrEP.”
For the hundredth time that day, I was stunned into silence.
Finn stammered on, “We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to. I’m all for being smart and safe and—”
“Yes.”
Finn’s words stilled.
The silence stretched as we stared, each trying to read the other’s thoughts.
Finally, I said, “I tested a month ago, and I couldn’t even think about being with anyone else with you in my life. I’m all yours, Finn. Every part of me. Every part of me you’ll have, at least.”
His smile was all teeth and gums. I could feel it in my gut.
“I want all of you, Chase. Every last drop.”
The drawer to the side table flew open, then the pop of the lube bottle echoed in the bedroom. There was no tearing sound this time.
It also didn’t take hours to get Finn ready. His legs flew into the air, presenting me with a pucker painting to make Van Gough blush. By the time my second finger slipped inside him, he was begging for more than any digit could give.
I leaned over him, my shadow consuming his form, and kissed him with every ounce of love I’d ever known.
When the head of my cock grazed his hole, we both shuddered.
When it slipped inside, his back arched, and I groaned.
When I pressed in and he swallowed me whole, I forgot my own name.
Until Finn yelled, “Fucking holy hell, Chase. Make me yours.”