Chapter 11
Eleven
VIOLET
I've never wished for a tube of mascara so much in my life. Lacy thongs are uncomfortable as hell, but a pair sounds amazing right now. My cotton panties and sweatpants on the bathroom counter mock me. What was I thinking coming here like this?
I'm not my mom. Blue Bennett loves her clothes and makeup, but for me those things are just armor. Masks I can hide behind. I am not Mom. Not strong, not fearless, or epic.
How could I come here and show Jamie just how depressing I really am?
"Martini undies..." I sigh, and hang my head to splash some water on my face. My oldest, most comfy thong should not be anywhere near Jamie's apartment.
Yet, I let him eat me out with them on. Insert face palm.
God, I could cry. I feel so embarrassed and even more strange than when I decided to come here.
For some reason I really needed Jamie tonight. I've been struggling to understand the torrent of emotions and overwhelming thoughts in my mind since Jamie texted me the other day.
We need to talk, and that was the main reason I came over here. To say what, I'm not even sure? But ignoring him, ghosting him made me sick to my stomach.
I've seen the damage miscommunication can cause.
My goal is never to hurt anyone, let alone someone who I know cares about me. Love, Jamie had said. He can't possibly love me when he doesn't know anything about me.
Except that I wear grungy panties and baggy clothes when not seducing him...
Grumbling to myself as I dry my face and put my clothes back on, I try to think through the best way to get out of here. I know I came here to talk, but I should at least have jeans on and a bra with a wire.
With one final glance in the mirror, I try not to cringe at my messy hair. Patting it down with water didn't seem to do much I guess. Slowly, I open the bathroom door and tiptoe down the hallway. I had left Jamie in the living room so I could get myself under control.
The closer I get to the main area, the louder his deep voice becomes. Who is he talking to?
"I intend to do just that. Promise." His voice echoes down the hall. His shoulders and head come into view where he's sitting on the couch, and I see him nod. "Yeah. She's amazing."
The pinch of my brows is starting to give me a headache. Is he talking about me?
Keeping my steps light, I try to gain a little information about Jamie through his phone call. If he's not talking about me, then I'll know his text was a lie, and I can leave without having a heart to heart.
I see his lips twist as I get closer. "I understand, Mrs. Bennett."
As if he punched me in the chest, I gasp on my next breath and rush into the living room. Jamie whips around, startled, and that's when I see my fucking phone held up to his ear.
"What the hell are you doing?!" Shock and betrayal rip the words from my mouth in shrill distress. "Are you talking to my mom?!"
Jamie's crystal blue eyes are wide, but they hold a sense of calm that confuses me. He opens his mouth, and when I expect him to make me feel better, he talks into the phone. "Don't worry, Blue. I'll fix this. Have a good night."
He hangs up, and I launch myself forward to snatch it from his strong hand. I grapple for my device and fling myself off of him as if his touch burns me.
"How dare you?!"
He stands after I back away a few steps. With his hands in the air like he's trying to tame a wild animal, Jamie coos, "Violet, please listen."
"No!" Childish response, but I'm not taking it back. I'm pissed off and taken by surprise in the worst way right now.
Jamie doesn't back down. "Your phone was ringing, and I saw your mom's name on the screen. I wasn't going to answer, I swear—"
"You swear, but you did!"
My breaths are coming fast, but what Jamie just did crossed a line. I wasn't ready to tell my mom about him. I don't even know what I would freaking label him as.
She's going to have so many questions. Oh hell, what did they talk about while I was in the bathroom? How long was I in there?
"I wasn't," he assures me. "Then I got it in my head that there might be an emergency when Blue called a second time. So I answered. I swear I didn't say anything bad. She just wanted to make sure you're okay and—"
"WELL I'M NOT OKAY!" The truth explodes from my heart like it's been waiting an eternity to be brought to light. "Now, not only am I super fucking confused and sad, Jamie, I'm angry too!"
"Violet—"
"NO!" Rushing for the door, I shove my phone in my sweatshirt pocket. "You crossed a line!"
Before I can reach the small table with my keys on it, Jamie's there blocking my way with a look of anger and desperation. "All you fucking have are lines!"
My breath stutters and my hands go numb in response to his booming voice. Jamie has never sworn at me or raised his voice, so the anxiety that rushes through my veins is born of uncertainty and maybe a little fear.
He's not done, though.
"I told your mom you were fine and that I would make sure you stayed that way. I can't fucking do that if you block me at every turn with all your damn boundaries and walls!"
"They're there for a reason," I say, my voice dropping into hurt territory.
Jamie throws his hands in the air like he's done with my bullshit. Maybe he is, hell knows I would be at this point.
When he turns his back to me, more of my pain slips free with my tears. "I've made some really horrible mistakes in my life. You don't know—"
He whirls around, eyes wild, and fists his hands, forcing my heart into my throat. "Of course I know what happened! That was national news seven years ago, Violet!"
I can't breathe. All I can feel are my toes twitching, begging me to run. Of course he knew. How dumb can one person be? I'm such an idiot.
"Seven fucking years. It's time to move the fuck on."
I’m done. Done with this conversation, done with Jamie thinking he knows what I’ve been through. There is no moving on from the trauma my family endured.
Pushing past him, I bolt for the door and snatch my keys from the small table in the entryway.
"Violet, wait!"
Jamie's voice is far away and completely disappears as the blood rushes through my eardrums. He did what he had to do when faced with someone who's ruined lives.
Jamie has officially pushed me away.