Chapter 13
Thirteen
VIOLET
It's been two days since I stormed out of Jamie's apartment. The sun is setting like it had that night when I showed up at his place, and all I can think about is him and his words.
How do I get over the worst mistake of my life? He made it sound so easy. As if I'm choosing to drown myself in sex and misery.
But aren't you? a mean voice whispers in the back of my mind.
Hours pass as my mind tries to wrap itself around the mess of feelings and thoughts. I feel like this is all I am these days—a storm of uncertainty and questionable points of view.
There have been a few times as I drove to my mom's house in Chicago where I thought this might be a bad idea, especially in the dark, but I couldn't stand being in Detroit any longer. Memories of Jamie and reminders of the sad life I've created for myself assaulted me at every turn.
After Mom texted me that her husband, Roman, was making my favorite banana bread tonight, I thought long and hard about what I needed. My conclusion sits right in front of me.
Blinking back tears as I stare up at my family's beautiful home on the outskirts of Chicago, I notice that Mama left the porch light on for me. That's nothing new though. She reminds me of the house code frequently and lets me know the light is always on if I ever need to come home.
My eyes burn as I kill the ignition and peel myself from the driver’s seat. Without thinking, I grab my backpack and tiptoe up the porch steps.
It wasn't long ago that I was waving goodbye after our holiday celebrations. I didn't think I'd be back so soon and definitely didn't think I'd be returning a changed woman.
Because there's no denying I won't ever be able to go back to my cold, detached ways. I'm alive again for the first time in years, which is why I'm hurting so damn much.
Life holds beauty. Life carries pain.
Letting myself inside, I inhale the scent of fresh bread and appreciate the calm silence of the late night. Everyone's in bed, which is perfect because I'm not ready to talk just yet.
They'll have so many questions. I've never come home unannounced, so they'll know something's up.
Denying their assumptions will be futile because Mom's partners can read me like they raised me.
They didn't. They just inserted themselves into Mom's life and learned everything they could about us so they could win her heart.
Mom and I are a package deal, so they needed to win my heart too. Felix's protectiveness, Roman's warmth, Declan's ability to lighten my mood, and Jared's understanding were everything I could have hoped for in new additions to our support system.
With a slice of bread in my hand and my water bottle, I curl up on the couch. I'm too tired to go upstairs to my room, and to be honest, I'm afraid I'll hear something that will make my ears bleed if I do.
It's best to stay down here just in case.
My mind turns sluggish as the heat from Mom's blanket surrounds me. With a full belly, I drift off to sleep, finally feeling like I made the right choice in coming home.
"I'm so glad she's here," a deep voice rumbles. Roman.
Something tickles the top of my head, and I decide to open my eyes. The living room is dim, so the sun must not be fully up yet.
"Do you think we need to kill someone?" With that response, I realize it's Jared playing with my hair.
I huff a laugh, feeling happier than I have in way too long. "No killing," I deny and shimmy until I'm sitting up to look at my mom's men.
Roman's wearing his usual black sweatpants and sweatshirt. His short black hair is wild, but it fits his ear piercing and neck tattoos pretty perfectly.
Jared's darker skin contrasts the tight white T-shirt he's wearing. But I don't notice much else about him beyond his frown. Jared never frowns.
"Kiddo..." Roman murmurs, sitting beside me and drawing my attention.
Sighing, I bring my legs up to sit cross-legged. "I just needed to come home."
Tears are already blurring my vision, so I look down at my lap. Tugging the blanket tighter around me, I try really freaking hard to find the strength to open up to them.
"Violet."
"Shit," I curse beneath my breath, not realizing Felix was sitting on the other side of the living room. "Good morning, Felix."
With an eyebrow raised, he silently scolds me for cursing. Which is wild because Mom curses like a sailor.
"Is that fucking Violet I hear?!"
See?
Leaping from the couch, I rush right into Mama's embrace as she too runs to me. The sob I've been holding back since I got in the car last night finally breaks free.
Muffled beyond my cries, I hear Felix telling Mom that he was just waiting for me to explain what's going on. I cling harder to her, not wanting to do this in front of all four of her men.
I just want my mom.
Thankfully, Mama understands me the way I knew she would.
"Can Violet and I each get a cup of coffee, a few slices of banana bread, and some fruit? We will be in the library."
Thank goodness. The library is her reading room with beanbag chairs, twinkly lights, stacks upon shelves of books. It's her escape and is the perfect place for me to open up once and for all.
I just hope all this time away from home hasn't diminished her motherly advice because I really need Blue Bennett to step up and untangle the knot in my brain.