Chapter 44
Forty-Four
VIOLET
Ihave never in my entire life been so fucking happy as I am right now. Like truly happy.
Of course I know what happiness is and have had plenty of it in my life, but tonight encompasses all of those moments. The arcade has brought me so much childish joy I haven't stopped smiling.
Thankfully, it's more of an adult arcade at the back of the bar, so I'm not as disgusted to be wearing my Ferri. Yes, it's mine now. I love it. I claim it because I love the reminder of Jamie's claim.
Nate and Ellis love guessing when Jamie's teasing me too. So not only am I having a blast kicking their asses in Skee-Ball and Piano Keys, but I'm horny and excited for some more kinky shit.
Also, I have never sworn or threatened someone so much in an evening. Nate and Ellis think my competitiveness is funny, so that's good. Green flags all around.
The only red flag I've felt is all on me. Nate and Ellis have been together since high school. I know their background, how they met, and the complete love they have for each other.
Witnessing their public displays of affection and feeling their connection literally inches away from me is...I have no idea how to explain it. I'm not jealous, per se. Left out maybe.
I made it a point to tell Jamie that they are not our boyfriends yet. Which is totally true because it's way too soon to tell if this will work, but I'm worried.
The complications keep adding up, and without taking action to figure my shit out, I'm just going to keep questioning things. I'm starting to wish we had canceled tonight’s plans and just stayed home to fuck to see where the jealousy comes from.
Am I being toxic? Or just horny?
It sounds like a good plan to me, and Jamie didn't say no, so who knows.
Ellis for sure wants to have sex with Jamie, and I know for a fact Nate wouldn't mind watching.
Is it just me? Am I the only one with stupid insecurities and hesitation?
Except, Nate and Ellis have made no move to kiss me or initiate anything beyond simple touches. So maybe, much to my anxiety's pleasure, they aren't actually attracted to me as much as they are to Jamie.
Once again, my anxiety steals a wonderful evening from me. I'm hiding in the back corner, playing a lonely game of Skee-Ball with only my thoughts to keep me company. And that's never good.
I could have gone to find Jamie in the bar section of this place, but he's not meant to be here. I'm on a date with the other two to see if this can work. So that means not running to Jamie every time I feel sad.
"Do that again," a raspy voice says behind me, and my skin breaks out in goosebumps.
I had left Nate and Ellis behind during one of their sweet kisses to play a game alone so I could chill out. Turns out being alone was the last thing I needed to make myself feel better. Because as soon as Nate's pelvis lines up with my ass, I whimper and all thoughts flee from my mind.
"Do what again?" I rasp, eyes still locked on the Skee-Ball lane.
His beard tickles my neck, and I kind of hope I'll have a rash there in the morning. Now to just keep him there. "Stick your ass out like you're begging for my cock."
"Oh." I couldn't sound more needy if I tried, but my hips sure think that's a challenge because I immediately bend at the waist to grab another ball.
Nate curses as he moves his hands to grip very low on my hips just above my pussy. Just as I'm about to toss my ball, Jamie does something new to my vibrator, and, the next thing I know, Nate's hand is covering my mouth as I lose all composure.
Each pulse of my Ferri starts to slip and glide as I soak my panties. My thighs clench and my eyes roll. The neon lights of the arcade blur, making me feel like I'm flying through space. When Nate's other hand grabs my pussy outside of my jeans, I spasm and thrust against his palm.
"Someday, you needy girl, I'm going to fill this ass so full I'll be dripping out of you for hours."
His words really do make me see stars as I go crashing through time and space.
I want his fingers in my pussy as I clench around nothing over and over again.
His tongue would feel so good slipping through my folds and around my clit.
I wouldn't even care if it felt like too much because I'd have more of him.
More. More. More.
I just need more. More of Nate. More of them.
Jamie brought me to the edge, and Nate sent me crashing into an orgasm so hot it stole my scream from my lungs.
Ellis carries me back to earth with his grin and relaxed composure against the wall.
He blocks us from the rest of the arcade all the while holding his phone up to his ear.
"Yeah, man. We got her. Damn is she beautiful when she lets go." Ellis nods while I try my best to comprehend what he's saying. "Yeah. Turn it off. We need her to get points so we can get some candy at the ticket shop. Yep. See you soon."
His phone comes down just as I'm beginning to relax my muscles. I miss the heaviness of Nate's hand on my pussy and the reminder of Jamie there too, but Ellis makes it easy to shift back into date mode.
"Alright, pretty lady." Ellis gently pulls me from Nate's raging hard on and tucks me in front of him instead. "Think you can get a few more in the fifty slot so I can get you a bag of candy with our tickets?"
I don't promise anything, but I do grind on him with each ball I throw. These positions give me some really good ideas on how to test myself and this new budding relationship.
It's much different from what we used to be, but I didn't give us a chance back then.
This time, I plan to give Nate and Ellis my all, and that includes sharing Jamie.
This dynamic is like offering the ultimate trust. It's us acknowledging the love we can have for one another while believing we're loved equally.
Am I too damaged, too deflated and detached from the girl I used to be to actually believe I could be loved the way they love Jamie and each other? Or am I too messed up to see myself the way I hope they see me?
Jamie, Nate, and Ellis keep saying it's up to them to show me this can work. That they all have feelings for me.
I haven't said anything, but they're wrong.
They can't convince me if I'm not ready to be convinced. I love Jamie, and I know he loves me too. But I'm just not sure I'm in the right headspace for this level of commitment and trust. I don't remember the last time I trusted myself in any way.
I'm a mess. A mess I'm trying to sort out and love.
But how does someone who doesn't love themselves, allow three others to and actually believe their words? Time might help, but I know for a fact that if I go on this trip with questions, I'll fuck everything up like I always do.
So while Nate gave me the reassurance that he wants me, I need to know if I'll feel like I'll always be competing with the others.
Maybe I should call my mom again. How the hell does someone love one person and feel confident in their relationship, let alone one from a why choose novel?
This sucks.
I suck.
Anxiety sucks.
Sex is good, though. Sex is the answer. If I run away puking, angry, or crying, I'll have my answer.
Let's hope the only things burning my throat on Valentine's Day are thick cocks and shrill screams of pleasure.