Chapter 50
Fifty
NATE
Iam incapable of tearing my eyes away from the paper in front of me.
When we told Cassidy we hadn't heard from Violet in almost six hours, she flipped out.
When Ellis expressed his concern that she might have run again, Cass told me to go through V's journals to see if there could be any clues of that being the truth.
I refused, saying that was a horrible breach of privacy, but as six hours became eight, I couldn't refrain. I had to know whether Ellis was right.
Was she saying goodbye to us when she left?
She’s been gone for three days, and her texts have become fewer. Cassidy said it's probably bad service, but Jamie has looked sick to his stomach ever since Ellis mentioned her running.
Not even Jamie knew if this was normal behavior for her because she's been distant as hell with him until last month. He knows nothing. We know nothing.
All we have is the trauma of the last time she left us in her rearview mirror. Is this time the same? She just couldn't commit? Jamie's barely said anything to us since we got here, but now I'm the one incapable of speech.
Seeing her room for the first time was like a fucking punch to the gut. It's scarce and depressing, like she packed up and is planning to leave. All except her notebooks.
Over and over again she jotted down her worries, thoughts, and fears. When she told us she hated herself, I didn't believe it. Not until this moment. Violet has to convince herself that her bad thoughts aren't true.
Does Jamie know about this? About how deep her pain runs? It's practically in her veins. No part of her life is untouched by this sheer anxiety. She even wrote about taking a nap one day not making her a lazy person. Who has to tell themselves it's okay to rest without feeling bad about it?
Violet second guesses every single choice she makes. It would make sense she's second guessing our relationship change. It's not the norm in society. Even though her mom lives in a polyamorous relationship, Violet is a different person than Blue.
Tossing another notebook to the side, I grab the most recent one on her nightstand and take a deep breath. My eyebrows furrow as the script changes. She’s no longer questioning who she is as a person, but it looks more like a list of things she needs to think about and process.
Her birthday and Jamie’s is on here. Then her need to ensure she can handle a relationship like ours. The last entry makes my shoulders slump in relief.
My worries and insecurities were soothed by Jamie, Nate, and Ellis. Fact.
I can confidently say I am comfortable moving forward with this relationship. Fact! :)
I'm happy. Fact.
I'm bubbly. Never thought I'd say this but fact!
Leaping from her bed with the notebook in my hand, I rush into the living room. Excited to share my news, I give the book to Cassidy first and turn to my partners.
Jamie's phone is against his ear like it has been all morning, and Ellis is pacing, trying to rip his hair from his skull. I clear my throat, and Jamie turns around, not dropping the phone. It must be ringing.
"I—"
I'm cut off as I realize Ellis is talking. No. More like he's rambling, getting louder and louder. He's closer to Jamie, and when Cassidy speaks up behind me, I startle.
But what she has to say doesn't matter because then I hear the fucking words that Ellis swore never to speak. Nothing matters because I'm getting a front-row seat to Jamie's heart shattering.
"She found out what we did. She ran again. I knew I shouldn't have felt bad for sleeping with Jamie to get back at her. How could she do this? She couldn't have. She cares about us. I know she does. We do too. We love her!"
Every atom in my body pauses as I watch the life we planned go crashing to the ground again in the form of a cellphone with Violet's name on the screen.
Voicemail sent.