Chapter 10
Ten
NATE
Love bends morals.
For example, I wouldn't normally break into a random cabin and sleep on the living room floor without explicit permission. My conscience is telling me that the front door being unlocked was not legit permission.
Ellis has no such worry—that he has verbalized at least. In all honesty, I slept like shit because I was scared Jamie would wake up and hit us with a baseball bat. My fucking boyfriend, on the other hand, snored the damn night away.
I'm sure Jamie knew we were here. Being incognito went out the window as soon as Ellis fell asleep.
After bumming around outside the cabin for a while, we decided to grab some groceries and fill the car up with gas. We knew where Jamie and Violet were staying, so we felt confident leaving. At least enough to back down the driveway slowly and rush through our errands.
To say we were beyond relieved that Jamie's car was still in the driveway at the cabin we left is an understatement. We spent the rest of the day knocking on the door, only to be ignored. Using our time to our advantage, Ellis and I brainstormed ways to make them believe our feelings are real.
But that would really only work for so long because even if they believed that part, we still hurt them. So then, our efforts went into groveling ideas. Although that didn't lead us far either. We can atone for our sins, but that won't show how we've changed.
We have changed. I can feel it; now how do we show it?
Ellis didn't have much to say on that front. I could tell he was struggling, but while he zoned out, I knew he was doing some hard thinking, so I left him to it.
Then night came, and the lights in the cabin turned off. It really was a beautiful place when the sun was up, but without any light, shit got creepy fast.
And Ellis being Ellis thought, hey, let's see if the door's unlocked. I had laughed as I watched from the driver's seat in the car while he opened the fucking door and went inside.
Right now, like before, I'm confused as to why I'm not being awoken by screaming and shouting. Instead, the glorious aroma of bacon rouses me from my fitful sleep.
It took a lot of convincing to make Ellis just lie down once I found him snooping in the kitchen last night. We grabbed a few blankets and pillows from the couch and cozied up on the floor.
"Ellis?" I murmur, nudging the back of his shoulder. He doesn't move, just continues to snore like we aren't fucking trespassing.
Contemplating my next move, I'm scared shitless when Jamie speaks behind me. "Come make yourself useful," he demands. Yet his voice is quiet, as if he doesn't want to disturb Ellis.
Willing my heart to calm down as I stand is a lot harder than I thought. I don't know whose fucking house we're in, and I'm worried Jamie is about to ambush me in the kitchen with the people who live here.
With a deep breath and my morning wood going down, I suck it up and follow the sound of sizzling bacon.
Turning a corner behind the big sectional, I'm blinded by the early morning sunlight coming through the big windows by the dining room table. I have to rub my nose and eyes to keep from sneezing.
Jamie's deep hum draws my attention to the beautiful kitchen. Natural wood and updated appliances make it feel like a home. The magnets and photos on the fridge add to the cozy vibes.
"Coffee's in the corner," Jamie basically growls. "Make some."
Not wanting to ruffle his feathers any more than I already have, I find the coffee pot, grounds, and filters. As I get to work, I sneak peeks at the man I believe I've fallen in love with.
What I wouldn't give to crowd his back and pepper kisses all along his neck. Jamie's long hair is down and messy today, urging me to grab it and rub my cock against his tight ass.
His grey sweatpants and tight black T-shirt are mouth-watering. I'd rather eat him than the bacon he's flipping.
"What?" he snaps when my stare lingers for too long. His harsh voice reminds me I can't do any of the things I long to do.
My teeth ache with the force of my clenched jaw, but I can't help it. It's infuriating not knowing what to do. How do I bridge this space between us when it's there because of my deceit?
"Where are we?" I ask, feeling like it's an easy enough question.
Jamie leans his hip against the counter and crosses his arms. "Funny you ask after breaking in and sleeping on the floor."
"Funny you left the door unlocked," I retort, only slightly regretting my words.
But Jamie just shrugs. "I wanted to see how far you would go to try to heal the damage you caused."
"We will do anything—"
Jamie cuts me off. "But the thing about the kind of pain you inflicted is that no matter how old the wound is, there will still be scars and memories. I wonder how you'll manage the phantom pains we might face years down the road. If you make it that long," he mumbles and turns to open the fridge.
"Jamie—"
The fucker once again talks over me, this time with orange juice in his hand. "My parents' friends allowed me to stay here for a bit while they're on vacation. I called them once I realized how close they lived to Blue's house."
"What a coincidence," I comment, all the while frowning. "Do they know Blue?"
"Not sure." He pours a glass and continues to move throughout the kitchen as if this is all normal. As if my dick wasn't in his ass less than a week ago. He brushes past me without touching me, like we weren't on the cusp of building something amazing.
As the minutes wear on and he continues to ignore me, my impatience rises. I'm not usually so uncertain, and it's making all rationality flee from my brain.
"I'm sorry, okay?!" I explode, hands childishly flinging in the air.
Slowly, as if to torment me, Jamie turns around and levels me with a flat look. "Your apology doesn't matter much in the grand scheme of things. I don't know who you really are."
That statement startles me. "Of course you know me, Jamie."
"Not really. The Nate I knew would never have done this to Violet. I can get over what you did to me, but not her. Never her. Nobody hurts my woman and gets a pass, Nate."
He says everything so matter-of-factly like it's not horribly complicated. Actually, it's not that complicated. "I made a mistake, Jamie. A drunken miscalculation based on past hurts and lingering anger. I'm sorry!"
Raising an eyebrow, Jamie studies me. I know whatever he's about to say will push me and challenge me, and I'm ready. I was right.
"You say these things like you actually care."
"Of course I fucking care!" Shit, I wasn't as prepared as I thought. "I care more than anything. Ellis, Violet, you...you're everything to me. I lo—"
Faster than I can blink, Jamie's hand is around my throat, and he has me pinned to the pantry door behind me. "Don't you fucking dare use the L word right now. Not when it concerns me. I already know you love Violet and Ellis. That's all you get. Now shut the fuck up and pour me a cup of coffee."
Holy fuck. I'm not usually the one being pushed around with my airways partially cut off, but I might be a little into it. Judging by the heat in his eyes, he's turned on too.
Just when I think he's about to kiss me and choke me out, he shoves away before storming out of the kitchen. At least his body still likes me.