Chapter 13
Thirteen
VIOLET
“THAT MOTHERFUCKER!"
I'm going to kill him. Kill him dead. Who does he think he is?
Jamie has pushed me before, but this is a fucking violation of privacy. I don't know what kind of reaction he wanted from me, but he's going to fucking get one.
"GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE, JAMIE MURPHY!"
I know for a fact that he's in the yard somewhere watching. No way would Jared have naturally brought it to me from the shed. Snow crunches, and I use the remaining time I have left before I commit murder to read Jamie's letter one more time.
Some truths for you...
I'm in love with Violet Bennett. Truth.
I didn't know their motivation for pursuing me. Truth.
My focus is completely on Violet. Truth.
I don't know how to convince her I'm deserving of forgiveness because I'm not sure what I did wrong to get her to run from me, too. Truth.
I'll do anything and everything to get her back. Truth. Even if that means pissing her off.
A huff of air draws my attention to Jamie jumping onto the patio in a flurry of snow. It's easy to ignore how freaking handsome he is in his black hat and jacket, with his crystal-blue eyes when he basically admitted he'd read my journals in his letter. The format and intent are the same as mine.
"Violet," he breathes, sounding relieved.
Baffled by the audacity he has to smile at me as I hold this darn letter, I jump from the couch, thankfully still having enough sense to land on my good foot. "Are you for fucking real, Jamie?! You read my journals!"
Without a word or motion of acknowledgement, Jamie stomps toward me. With each step he takes, his face becomes stonier and far more pinched than I've ever seen it.
"What happened? Violet, what the—" he cuts off, eyes snapping to my ankle wrapped in a supportive bandage. "What the fuck happened?!"
Total panic has replaced his previous confident smirk. His fingers grab my chin in a fierce grip that makes me suck in a breath, but he's so gentle as he twists my face side to side to check my cuts. Tears blur my vision.
Gosh, I've missed him.
"Answer me, my love. Please?" he begs, startling me with his sincerity. His chest rises and falls faster with each new wound he catalogues.
"I—" Clearing my throat, I try to gather my wits. I went from feeling super depressed to horribly angry. Now I feel like I could fall apart if Jamie weren't mere inches from me, ready to catch me. "I fell."
Hopefully, Roman isn't around to correct my grossly inaccurate explanation of how I sprained my ankle and bruised my ribs. As if in response to my thoughts, my ribs twinge. Without thinking it through, I wrap an arm around the ache like I've done so many times in the past few days.
Everything hurts.
Jamie, of course, catches onto my pain immediately. "Your ribs?" he rumbles, bending at the waist and gently extracting my hold. With my breath caught in my throat and my body frozen in his hands, I allow him to lift my sweatshirt.
The fire does a good job of battling the chill trying to give me goosebumps, but Jamie's colorful cursing and fingertips against the mottled area of bruises make me shiver anyway.
"Violet, fuck! Sweets, what happened?!" He doesn't look up at me, just continues pulling at my clothes to check for more evidence of my...fall.
I can no longer hold back my tears. My throat closes over, and I lose the ability to speak. This is what I love about Jamie. How fiercely he loves me.
"Jamie," I whimper so quietly I doubt he can hear it over his animalistic growling. I've forgotten how angry I am that he read my journals and wrote a letter taunting them. Instead, I'm so...so...sad.
How could my life change so drastically multiple times in the past two months? I went from my usual detached, sex-driven self to someone who strived to grow and make meaningful connections. Then, just when I've fallen in love and am ready to accept happiness, I lose my footing.
Not only literally, but they ripped the rug right out from under me. My mental state would have been fine had I only fallen down a fucking cliff. Instead, I crawled my tired, sore butt up that hill only for my heart to get ripped out of my fucking chest.
"V, shit," Jamie curses and scoops me into his arms. I'm struck by a wave of warmth as he barrels us through the back door of Mom's house.
I'm not panicking or out of it, but everyone around me acts like I am. First, Jared snaps at Jamie for making me cry, then Roman comes barreling into the living room, shouting for my mom. Felix threatens bodily harm, of course, and Declan swats him upside the head.
"What's going on?!" Mom shouts, running down the stairs, only for all four of her men to rush to her and scold her for running like that.
My confusion is shaken out of me when Jamie sits on the couch and frantically pushes my hair out of my face. "I'm crying, not dying!" I huff, slightly embarrassed that Jamie made us cause a scene.
"I fucking hate it when you cry," Jamie murmurs as he continues to wipe my tears and cradle me to his chest.
It feels nice, and I would normally melt into his embrace, but the paper digging into the palm of my left hand reminds me that things have changed. Nudging his hands away first, I try to wiggle out of his arms, only for Blue freaking Bennett to halt my movements.
"Stay right where you are." Mom narrows her eyes at me as she offers me my water bottle.
I do as she says because I spent too many years pushing back against her authority when I was a teenager.
Snuggling back into Jamie's embrace has nothing to do with the fact that I missed him.
That I may be in my mom's home, but in Jamie's arms is where I feel the most comforted.
"What happened?" Felix growls, coming around the coffee table to stand behind Mom with his arms crossed.
"Why are you all awake?" I deflect.
Jamie doesn't get the memo, though. "She's hurt. I didn't know." His voice is tight with emotion, drawing my attention. His jaw is tight, but his eyes are watery and pleading. Like he can't believe he didn't know I was in physical pain. "Someone tell me what happened."
Felix opens his mouth, probably to tattle on me, but Mom raises a hand at her men to stop their words. She raises an eyebrow at me. I'm not loving the swap to tough love, but I get it. I knew as soon as I landed in the puddle at the bottom of that cliff that I would be in trouble.
With a heavy sigh, I face my fate and stare at Jamie's Adam's apple.
Because I'm anxious like that. "I fell down a pretty big hill.
Sprained my ankle, bruised a couple of ribs.
" With each word, Jamie stiffens beneath me, but I rush to finish my crappy storytelling.
"Crawled up, hiked a few miles back to my car, and—and—"
I can't get the words out. Not when they're the worst part of the story. "I drove to my mom," I say instead with a soft whimper. With my eyes squeezed shut like I can block out the memory, I recall the scary detachment that overcame me once I listened to that voicemail.
A few hands touch me, one on the top of my head, one grabs my hand, another grabs my foot, then a weight falls over me. When the touches fade, I open my eyes to find the lights have been dimmed, and it's just me and Jamie.
Right as we lock eyes, he says, "I'm so sorry, my love. So fucking sorry. I should have been there. You've been hurt so much in such a short amount of time."
My empty hand raises to press my fingertips against the bruise on his cheekbone. "So have you," I murmur.
He shakes his head and presses a kiss to the inside of my palm. "V, please forgive me?"
I actually take a moment to think about what he's asking of me, but I'm confused. What is there to forgive? Now I understand Cassidy's insistence of Jamie's innocence. Jamie didn't do anything wrong. Except...
My heart hardens just enough for me not to melt into a puddle of goo all over him. "You read my journals. Why?"
Blowing out a breath, Jamie chuckles. "That's not what I was begging forgiveness for. I was talking about not being there for you. For not being the best boyfriend I could be."
"What are you talking about, Jamie?" Frowning, I sit up a little and look him in the eye. "I told you not to come with me on my trip."
He sighs, looking pained. Still, he's patient with me. "Not that either, though I feel fucking awful for not being there when you were hurt. Just imagining you all alone, fighting to survive shatters me, my love."
Once again, I find myself a little speechless. He takes the gap in my ability to speak by pressing onward.
"I mean..." Jamie swallows and looks away. "I should have known they were just using me. Even if it was for such a short time—"
"What do you mean by a short time?" This time, when I push away from him, he loosens his hold and lets me sit by myself. I really don't want comfort while rehashing the very thing that broke my heart. "How do you know that anything they say is true?"
Jamie eyes me as if he's not sure what to say, and that sets me on edge even more. "Will you ever talk to them again?"
Immediately, I shake my head because that's what my toxic brain would automatically choose. Run, run, run as fast as I can. You can't catch me, I'm a sad woman.
His lips quirk up as if he knows I'm being stubborn, but fuck everyone. I have the right to be right now.
"They broke my heart, Jamie," I whisper and look down at my hands.
Jamie wiggles his left hand between mine and admits, "Mine too, Sweets. Mine too."
For a few moments, we sit there with our pain. Yet, this time I feel far less alone. Jamie makes me feel seen and understood. But I still have so many thoughts, so many questions and ideas that I can't keep them in while he's here.
"How do you know?" I break the silence.
"Nate told me," Jamie says simply. It's not simple. It's awful and horrible and plain mean. "I want you to listen to something. Can you do that for me, my love?"
Eyeing the phone in his hands, I ponder his request. It may be selfish, but I'm broken, and my pieces are only going to be put back together by me.
"If you're about to make me listen to a recording of them professing their undying love, then no.
I don't think I can handle more right now, Jamie.
Even if it sets things right, I need to deal with this pain on my own first. I need to heal myself first."
"Violet," he rumbles, leaning toward me and grabbing my cheeks in his big palm. "Don't shut me out. Please. I'm sorry, Sweets."
Nodding frantically, I try to repair the damage I might have just caused. "I love you, Jamie."
"But?" The tears building in his eyes break my heart. He expects me to push him away and break things off for good.
There should never be a but after saying I love you. "I love you, and I want to love myself. Let me figure out how to heal all the hurt before I have to determine the validity of other people's words."
"And me? Fuck, I sound like a selfish dick, but Violet...what about me? Us? I love you so fucking much. Please let me love you."
Goodness, even if I wanted to lump him with the other two, I couldn't. Gently, I tangle one of my hands into his hair beneath his hat. "You may love me, Jamie Murphy," I murmur just before placing my mouth on his in a feather-light kiss full of promises and repair.
"Thank fuck," he breathes, dropping his forehead onto mine.
"But—"
"Damn it, Violet," he growls, and I can't help but giggle.
Releasing him, I nudge him away and narrow my eyes.
"I need twenty-four hours to be mad that you read my journal.
I don't care if it was for a good reason.
You did it to get a reaction out of me. You got a kiss and a confirmation that I love you very much.
But now you get to walk your tight ass back where you came from and leave me be for a day. "
"What will you do? You better not just be doing this to punish me." Now he narrows his eyes.
"I definitely am. Even Doms need a lesson in manners. Now shoo," I tease, waving my hands at him to get him away.
"Violet," he growls, although he stands to leave like I asked.
Softening my evil smile into one full of warmth, I grab his hand. "Cassidy will be here tomorrow, and I need some alone time before girl time. We're going to get drunk, cry, and probably curse all men forever. Just a little space. Please?" I add because I know how to get what I want.
Eyeing me for an extra beat, I know Jamie's trying to figure out what role he needs to play right now. He's pushed me enough, and now it's time for me to process everything again. "As long as your doctor says you can drink, fine. I love you. Be good," he states, pressing a hard kiss to my lips.
Watching his tight ass walk out my mom's front door brings a big wave of emotions, except this time, I welcome it. It's time to deal with all the yuckies and get hammered with my friend.