Chapter 26
Twenty-Six
VIOLET
Regrets are much stronger the next day.
My progress stuttered and fell back into old habits. Of course I'm not proud of it. I regret how it began, but the light of day and coming back to my apartment has allowed me to think.
While I hate how I regressed, I'm glad I did because I proved to myself that I have grown. I snapped out of it and held myself to a higher standard than I would have before.
The ability to trust myself took a big blow and my anxiety skyrocketed, but Jamie was there. In the moment, I was so overwhelmed with all the things I needed to think about, but he was right. It’s not on me to figure out how to forgive them. They need to earn my trust before that’s even a question.
My goal was not to cry, yet they pulled it out of me.
The ferocity of my sobs as I sat on Jamie’s counter hurt my chest, although after Nate and Ellis left I felt a smidge lighter.
The bath and multiple orgasms helped. That paired with the kind messages from Nate and Ellis, I was in a place to just enjoy their sweet reassurances.
They will be groveling and beating themselves up for what they did. I hope they do it well, but I have needs too. I need to figure out if I can still connect with them in a meaningful way too.
My anger is a rollercoaster. Sometimes it keeps me from rationality, but when it's low and quiet, I can think about what I need to move on.
The fact of the matter is, I need to figure out how I feel now. I've loved Nate and Ellis for a long time. New information has surfaced. Painful truths. Now it's up to me to figure out how to live with it. Do I accept their shows of growth and repentance? Or tell them to fuck off?
The only way I'll know and trust my decision is by asking questions, experiencing the men they are now, and living. I can't stop living.
"Girls’ night out?"
Cassidy's face lights up at my request. "Hell yeah!!"
I've chosen to keep my alcohol consumption to a minimum tonight. Mainly because the last time I got drunk, I embarrassed the heck out of myself. Plus I'm feeling particularly vulnerable after last night with the guys. I just want to hang out with my bestie, have a few drinks, and shake my hips.
My feet ache, and my neck is damp with sweat. Exactly what I needed. With my hands in the air, I jump up and down without caring how I look. The music takes me away and thuds through my bones, eliciting enough dopamine to chase all thought away.
"Hot!" Cassidy pants in front of me, waving her hands at her face to cool down.
I knew her choice of leather pants would come back to bite her in the ass.
Laughing, I take her hand and pull her off the dance floor.
I deposit her at a high-top table by one of the drafty windows and rush to the bar to get her a glass of ice water.
My phone vibrates in my sparkly fanny pack against my hip, but I ignore it.
It's probably just Jamie. I'll respond once I'm out of the crowd.
No need to risk losing my phone in the throng of bodies surrounding me.
I told him I was getting drinks with Cass tonight and that I would check in later.
He's admitted to being extra possessive after everything that has happened, so I figured it would be a good idea to text him a few times.
I didn't tell him where we were going, though.
Which I've waffled between feeling like that might have been a mistake. Especially now that I'm standing at the bar alone waiting for someone to take my order. I just need a damn water.
"Hi sexy," a rumbly voice says behind me.
When I glance backward, the guy who sounds attractive is not my type. His blonde hair is basically white, his face is clean-shaven, and his eyes are a bit too...creepy. He's also definitely drunk off his ass.
He must not care that I'm frowning, because in the next moment he has me pinned to the counter. With his crotch against my ass. Stiffening, I try to wiggle away, but he groans and grabs my hips.
"It's crowded," he says, as if that's an excuse for him to be touching me. "Do that again."
"Get off me!" I snap and bring my elbow back to clock him in the ribs. He must be really freaking drunk though, because he doesn't so much as puff out a breath of air.
Frantically, I look around, hating to see everyone in their own little world.
As the beady-eyed bastard tightens his hold, I wave my hand at the bartender.
The same one who knows I'm not to be messed with.
Jamie made sure of that, and the fact that I take the pictures for their social media makes me an employee.
I stomp on the guy’s foot and try to climb over the bar, my panic making me frantic. Please no.
"JOSH!"
My bartender friend finally sees me and rushes to me. He grabs my flailing hands while shouting at the man and yanks me to the other side with him. My shirt becomes soaked with spilled alcohol and my jeans don't sit right anymore, but my wardrobe is the least of my worries.
When I scramble behind Josh, who's fuming and protective, I finally get a look at the ruckus I left behind.
A very large man with a leather cut and a big beard has the white-haired asshole by the throat. Cursing, I stomp my foot a little when I realize this is Jamie's protection detail. An MC member hauls the horrible man away, and finally I can breathe a little easier.
That was fucked. Why do I have such bad luck?
"Are you okay, hun?" Josh asks, bent at the knees so he can look into my eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't see you sooner. Shit."
"Fine," I mumble, avoiding eye contact with all the customers staring at me. "That sucked. Well, thank you for your help. I need to find my friend."
"Hold on," Josh stops me. "Are you hurt? I can get you some ice while I grab the manager."
Shaking my head, I decline. "I don't—"
"Violet." Shit. Jamie leaps over the fucking bar top and takes Josh's place. He looks so angry, which only makes my trembling worse. Shoot shoot shoot. "Where does it hurt?"
Blinking, I frown up at him. Unlike Josh, Jamie lifts my chin and runs his hands over my body. "I'm fine," I blurt, needing this to stop. As much as I love his concern and his touch, I need to find Cassidy. "Jamie, people are staring," I hiss, and realize Josh probably left to get the manager.
Jamie grunts and wraps an arm around my waist. Escorting me to the far corner, we leave the bar. He doesn't say a word as he makes a path for us. Cassidy jumps up when she sees us. "What the hell just happened over there?"
"Nothing," I say at the same time Jamie growls, "Let's go."
Cass and I exchange a look but don't fight my boyfriend as he guides us out of the club and to his car. Cassidy climbs into the back, and I follow.
"You're in trouble," Cass whispers as Jamie finishes buckling me into the back seat and closes the door.
Sighing, I drop my head on her shoulder. "He has people following me again."
Jamie opens his door and Cass murmurs, "That's not a bad thing."
No, it's not, I think to myself as Jamie drives us toward our apartment. My chest feels tighter and tighter the closer we get, but when he parks in front of the door, he sets some of my worries at ease. "Good night, Cass. I'll be keeping Violet tonight."
"Thank you," she says with forced cheer before turning to me with a slight cringe. "Good luck, bestie."
Then she's gone and rushes into our building. Jamie waits a moment to make sure she's safe, then pulls away from the curb. My ears are ringing. The ache of my scare, the stress, and loud music finally getting to me.
I just want to sleep. Hopefully the lecture Jamie has in store for me will wait.
His phone rings, startling me, but what really surprises me is Nate's voice that comes through the Bluetooth speakers. "Is she okay?"
"She's fine. Bringing her to my place." Jamie's tone is flat, and his side profile is like stone.
There's some muffled cursing from Nate's line, but his voice comes through clear again. "Let us know if you need anything. Seriously. I'll keep my ringer on."
"Will do," Jamie replies and ends the call. It seems rude, but I'm not sure Jamie's in the mood to be buddies with anyone right now.
The final few minutes of the drive makes me sweat. When we finally arrive in his parking garage, I'm struck by the speed with which he jumps out, rounds the car, and ushers me out of the car. With a hand wrapped around me once again, he escorts me to the elevator.
I'm scared to breathe. His touch has been nothing but gentle, but there's a storm brewing that keeps me quiet. I'm afraid to pull my phone out. How many messages did I miss?
Jamie's apartment is bright when we walk in, confusing me just a bit. It's midnight. Why was he wide awake?
"Shoes off," he demands. I toe them off and continue moving with him as he marches us to his bathroom.
My breath hitches when he spins me around and drops his hands to my fanny pack and deposits it on the counter. He's so gentle as he peels my jeans down my legs, yet his eyes are hard and focused.
My panties go next. He flutters his fingers over my flesh and takes a shuddering breath. "Shirt now," he rumbles and reaches for the hem. It's sticky and gross, making me cringe as he lifts it off me.
Again, he runs his hands over me, even going so far as to spin me around. "Nothing visual," he mutters. "Does your ankle hurt?"
I open my mouth to say no, but I think better of it and nod. "Yeah." My voice is small, but it's honest at least. I think I scared him tonight. "Jamie?"
He turns abruptly and starts the faucet for the tub. It fills quickly as I watch him bustle around, getting the right amount of rose-scented bubbles in it and some shampoo from the shower. The brand I use.
"In," he commands gruffly and grabs my hands.
A ball of emotion gets lodged in my throat as he helps me settle. When he begins washing my hair, I do cry. The bottle of conditioner thunks as he sets it down and reaches for me. Not caring that I'm wet, he hauls me partly out of the tub and into a tight hug.
"I'm sorry!" I cry, not quite sure what I'm apologizing for.
Jamie presses a kiss to my soapy forehead. "I was so scared, V..." Now his voice is gruff with emotion. Or maybe that's how it's been all night.
"You're mad," I force out, needing to know where we stand because this has been weird and intense.
Jamie settles me back into the water. "Not mad," he murmurs. "I'm going to bathe you, then you're getting into my bed and going to sleep. We'll chat tomorrow."
He doesn't want to yell at me now?
"Love you," I whimper, but it comes out sounding like a question.
"I love you too, Sweets. Now rest, please."