Chapter 45
Forty-Five
VIOLET
Stepping into my room at Cassidy's apartment, I realize a few things. A: I don't refer to this place as mine anymore. B: I have two pairs of shoes, a few journals, and a handful of outfits left. C: I haven't slept here in over two weeks. And D: I think I'm officially moving out.
None of that means Cassidy and I haven't been spending time together. I still come over for dinner, but more often than not we go out or she comes to the house for girl’s night.
We even had a slumber party there last week. The epiphany with that was I realized I didn't ask Nate and Ellis if I could invite Cass over. Nobody batted an eye at it either. It felt natural to invite her into their space, and that's probably because it's beginning to feel like my house too.
I'm not sure how Nate and Ellis do it, but they're very particular about including me and Jamie in their comments about it being our home. They don't even say my bedroom. Everything is ours.
I haven't denied it in a few weeks. It's been almost five months since I fell down that cliff, and I admit sometimes it feels like it was just last week I listened to that voicemail. But those moments are becoming fewer and less painful.
We've had a few low moments, which we knew would happen, but the way we handled them is what helped me come to the realization that we really are a family.
Ellis takes a breather and utilizes his gym.
Nate shares his struggles and asks for help.
Jamie pushes us to talk about our feelings when he starts thinking too much.
And I'm comfortable being vulnerable. Sure I still flee, but they always find me and I let them.
We're figuring it out and I'm proud of us. I'm comfortable with them. My heart, which has taken many blows, is comfortable with them. Even my soul sings for the three men who cradle my heart so gently.
I'm theirs and there's no hesitation.
"It's time, huh?"
Cassidy's quiet question barrels into me full force. I'm not hesitant, but I'm sad. Turning around, I fling myself at her and cry my eyes out.
"I don't w-want to go!"
Cassidy was my only safe space for a long time. She gave me a soft place to land every time I fell, and I fell a lot.
Her chuckle is watery against my shoulder. "Yes you do. Change is just hard."
"Come with me?" I plead through sniffles and plotting how to keep her as my roommate forever.
She pats my back and laughs. "No, thank you. I'd like to keep my vision and hearing."
Snorting, I pull away and wipe my face. "This sucks."
She wipes her eyes and shakes her head with a smile. "No, babes. It's fucking awesome. You're getting your happily ever after."
"That's cheesy," I grumble and turn to survey the packing I need to do.
"No," she teases, "it's the truth. You've become a version of yourself that you love. And the fact that you found three loves of your life along the way is fucking epic."
Epic.
Cassidy helps me pack up my final few things in silence. I wonder if we're both thinking about the good times we had as roommates.
"You're my best friend," I whimper as we drop down onto our butts in the empty bedroom.
"And you're mine." She drops her head on my shoulder, and I rest mine on hers.
"Remember that one time—" we say in unison and burst into a fit of giggles.
Once we've caught our breath, I sigh. "Thank you, Cass. You were everything I needed and still are. Thank you for...for loving me even when I didn't accept it."
I don't expect a response, knowing what I said was pretty deep and there's not much she can say. But her one word reply makes my heart soar.
"Always."
It's the end of our roommate era, but never the end of us.
Pulling into the driveway of my new home, I watch Jamie get out of his car too. I haven't spoken to them much today, but we've all been busy so that just means they get a surprise when they realize I've brought my last bag here.
Smiling through the windshield, I turn the car off and grab my stuff. Instead of coming to me or going right into the house, Jamie opens the back door and takes out his own duffle too.
When he stands upright and I'm out of the car, we lock eyes. With just one look, I know he's made the same choice as me. I love that we did this on our own, and it feels like fate that we're completing it by sharing this experience together.
Smiling, I start up the drive, and he falls into step with me. Both of us are quiet and I can't stop myself from turning to him with my hand on the door handle.
I love him. Beginning a new chapter in my life feels right when he's beside me. I ache to find Nate and Ellis and hold them forever, but first...
"Ready?" I whisper.
Jamie tucks a hair behind my ear while his loose ones fly across his face in the summer breeze. "With you? I'm ready for anything."