Chapter Thirteen #2
“Stay with me,” I whisper, pressing my lips to her temple. “We’re here, Mama . We’re here.”
Her only response is another keening wail that tears at my heart. The paramedic produces a syringe, and I have to look away as he administers what must be a sedative.
Mom’s desperate grip on my hand gradually loosens as the medication takes effect. Her screams fade to whimpers, then to silence.
The ambulance lights paint everything in strobing red and blue as the paramedics secure Mom to the stretcher. I climb in beside her, my fingers interlaced with her limp hand. The sedatives have stopped her screams, but her face remains twisted in anguish even in unconsciousness.
“I’ll follow in my car,” Nick calls before the doors close. His voice sounds strange, strained.
The ride to the hospital blurs past. I focus on Mom’s shallow breathing, trying to make sense of her frantic words.
The doctor… St. Petersburg… They came.
Could our old life in Russia have something to do with Dad’s death?
My mind replays her hysteria — “They murdered him!” Not an accident then? But who would want to hurt my father, a family doctor?
The emergency room staff whisk Mom away for evaluation, leaving me alone in the harsh fluorescent lighting of the waiting room. Nick arrives minutes later, his face ashen.
“Stels… How is she?” His voice is hoarse.
I helplessly shake my head. “They…” My voice comes out hoarse and I have to clear my throat. “They just took her to one of the wards.” I rub my eyes. “She was pretty out of it. Babbling about murder and people being after him.”
Nick looks away and fixes his attention on the doorway, I frown at him. “What’s going on, Nick? Is there something you’re not telling me?”
“No… I…” He pulls in a breath. “Mom and Dad had secrets. You know that.”
“What secrets?” I stare at him. “What do you mean, Nick? Are you saying Dad was involved in something that got him… killed?”
That’s unbelievable.
“I don’t know what to say, Stella. But you can’t deny that our lives weren’t exactly normal.”
“Yeah, but… murder?” I whisper. I sink into one of the hard plastic chairs. Nick’s words are stirring up memories I’ve tried to forget. The rushed move from St. Petersburg, leaving Russia, Dad burning our old documents, their whispered conversations in Russian when they thought we were asleep.
“Remember how they made us practice our new names?” I rub my temples. “Over and over until Larkin became Fermont in our sleep.”
Nick nods, his knee bouncing with nervous energy. “And the way Dad would check the locks three times every night? The security cameras he installed?”
“I thought he was just being paranoid.” But even as I say it, I know it was more than that.
Nick runs his hands through his hair, leaving it standing on end. “Listen, Stels… with everything that’s happening…” He glances at the emergency room doors. “I need to go.”
“What?” I grab his arm, alarm surging through me. “Now? Mom needs us!”
But he’s shaking his head. “I can’t be here now.”
“When will you be back?” I glance back at the door. “The doctors will be out any minute, and Mom will want to see us.”
“I’m not coming back, Stels,” he says. “There are things I have to take care of.” He won’t meet my eyes. “Important things.”
My jaw drops. “You… you’re leaving? Just like that?” When he doesn’t answer, I continue, “What could be more important than this, Nick? Than Mom? Than losing Dad?”
I can’t make sense of this. It has to be a mistake. A sick joke.
He gently pries my fingers from his sleeve. “There are things going on that I can’t tell you about,” he says. “Just… stay with Mom. Keep her safe.”
“Don’t you dare walk away from us!” My anxiety is flaring. But he’s already turning toward the exit, that haunted look still in his eyes.
“I’ll call when I can. But… until then, don’t try to find me.”
“Don’t try to find you?” I can’t believe what I’m hearing. “Nick, you’re not making any sense.”
He turns and practically runs through the automatic doors.
“Nick!” I call after him. “Nick, don’t go!”
But he does. He just lets the doors shut behind him and disappears from sight. Leaving me alone with the knowledge that our father is dead and our mother is falling apart.
“Goddamn you!” My voice breaks. I don’t realize I’m crying until I feel cool tears dripping from my chin.
The fluorescent lights buzz overhead as I sink onto a plastic chair. The events of the last few days are fading into a blur. Nothing seems real compared to seeing Dad’s car overturned, Mom’s hysteria, the body bag…
I press my palms against my eyes until spots dance behind my lids.
Only a few days ago, I was organizing a charity event, engaged to be married, part of a whole family.
Now I’m alone in a hospital waiting room while my father’s body lies in a morgue, my mother sedated in a ward somewhere above me, and my brother…
“He left us,” Boyana whispers. “Just like that.”
My brain frantically scrambles for answers, but I’m too shocked, too hurt, too confused to make any sense.
I lean my head back against the wall, exhaustion seeping into my bones.
I don’t know what’s going on. All I know is that Mom will need me when she wakes.
I’ll have to be strong enough for both of us now.
But in this moment, sitting alone under harsh hospital lights, I allow myself to feel the full magnitude of everything I’ve lost today.
My father is dead.
My brother is gone.
And I’ve never felt so completely alone.