Chapter Twenty-Two
Stella
The key clatters against the lock as I open my apartment door, stepping into darkness that matches my churning thoughts.
The silence wraps around me like a shroud as I drop my keys on the entry table. My skin still tingles where Aleksei touched me, ghost sensations of his hands, his mouth, his…
I press my thighs together, trying to suppress the ache that lingers.
“Twice,” I whisper into the emptiness. “Twice, I’ve had sex with men to save my brother.”
The words taste bitter. I sink onto our worn couch, curling into myself.
Except with Gianni, it was hell. Or worse. And with Aleksei… it was different. It was…
“You loved it,” says Boyana, her voice teasing in my mind.
I press my face into a throw pillow, unable to deny it. The memory of Aleksei’s touch sends fresh shivers through me, so different from the revulsion that followed Gianni’s assault.
Hannah still isn’t back from her training camp. Her absence hits me harder tonight — no one to talk to, no one to help sort through this mess I’ve made of my life. The apartment feels bigger, colder without her infectious energy and ready advice.
I curl tighter into the couch cushions, wrapping my arms around myself. The ghost of Aleksei’s hands haunts my skin, while shame and desire wage war in my chest.
A key turns in the lock. I jerk upright, heart racing until Nick’s familiar silhouette appears in the doorway.
“You’re back.” He flips on the lamp, flooding the room with unwanted light.
I squint, trying to compose myself. My head is still reeling, making it hard to focus on Nick’s concerned expression. The guilt hits fresh — here I am, fantasizing about the very man who held my brother’s life in his hands hours ago.
“How did it go?” Nick perches on the coffee table, leaning forward. “Did you get the money to him?”
“It’s handled.” I keep my voice steady, fighting the memories that keep threatening to overwhelm me.
“Just like that?” Nick’s eyebrows shoot up. “The most dangerous man in LA’s underground just… took the money and let it go?”
I press my lips together, tasting Aleksei there. “It’s more complicated than that.”
“Complicated how?”
The worry in Nick’s voice cuts through my hormone-addled brain. Here I am, getting lost in dangerous attraction while my brother still needs protection. Still needs his big sister to think clearly.
But Aleksei’s dark eyes flash in my memory, the way he looked at me like I belonged to him. The possessive grip of his hands, so different from Gianni’s entitled pawing.
“Stels?” Nick waves his hand in front of my face. “You’re starting to freak me out. What happened?”
I take a deep breath, studying Nick’s hopeful face. He looks so young in this moment; the four-year age gap never seemed so wide before.
I can’t tell him.
The truth would crush him — knowing what I did with Gianni, what happened with Aleksei. The weight of protection settles heavily on my shoulders.
“The money’s been delivered.” I choose each word with careful precision. “Tarasov accepted it as payment for your debt.”
“Just like that?” Nick leans forward, eyes wide. “He didn’t… I mean, he’s not coming after me?”
I shake my head, remembering Aleksei’s cold dismissal after our encounter. “The debt is settled. But Nick—” I catch his gaze, holding it. “You need to stay away from that world. No more gambling, no more… connections.”
“Of course, yeah, absolutely.” He nods eagerly, relief washing over his features. “I swear, Stell. I’m done with all of it.”
The earnestness in his voice makes my chest ache. He has no idea what his mistakes have cost — what I’ve sacrificed to keep him safe. But isn’t that what big sisters are for? To shield their little brothers from the harsh realities?
“There’s one more thing.” I force myself to continue. “You need to get out of town.”
“Out of town?” His brows pull together.
“You have twenty-four hours to leave Los Angeles.” The words taste like ash in my mouth. “Tarasov was clear about that condition.”
Nick’s face drains of color, his earlier relief evaporating. “Twenty-four hours? But I… where am I supposed to go?”
“Anywhere.” I grip the couch cushion to steady myself. “Just far from here. From his territory.”
“What about you?” Nick runs his hands through his already disheveled hair. “You can’t stay here alone, not after everything with Mom and Dad—”
“I’ll be fine.” The lie comes easily now, after so many others tonight. “I have the apartment, my job. Hannah.”
“But Tarasov—”
“Isn’t interested in me.” Another lie that burns my throat, especially with the lingering evidence of his interest still marking my skin beneath my clothes. “The debt is yours, and so is this condition.”
“There has to be another way.” Nick starts pacing, his sneakers wearing a path in our carpet. “Maybe if I talked to him myself—”
“No!” The force of my response makes him jump. I modulate my voice, trying to hide my panic. “That would only make things worse. Trust me, Nick. This is the best outcome we could hope for.”
“How do you know? What aren’t you telling me about the meeting?”
I focus on smoothing invisible wrinkles from my dress, avoiding his searching gaze. “I told you everything that matters. You’re free of the debt, but you have to leave.”
“I…” His face falls, defeat etched onto his features. “Okay. I guess you’re right. This is a good outcome.”
“Let’s get your things together.” I nod to where he’s stashed his few meager belongings. He’s been on the move for so long that he doesn’t have much, but what’s there makes my heart ache.
I help Nick stuff clothes into his old duffel bag, the one we used for swim team when we were kids. Each t-shirt, each pair of jeans represents another piece of our life together falling away.
“You should take my blue sweater.” I pull it from my dresser.
“But Mom knitted it for your graduation.” His brow furrows. “I can’t.”
“You need warm clothes.” I press the sweater into his arms. “And it’s… it’s a piece of her.”
He nods, fingers tracing the uneven pattern where Mom dropped a stitch. The sound of fabric rustling fills the silence between us.
The metallic sound of the zipper on the bag feels so final. Like sealing away our childhood, our family, everything we were supposed to be.
I grip the strap of Nick’s duffel bag, the worn fabric grounding me as I force out the hardest part.
“There’s one more condition.” My throat tightens. “No contact. With anyone here. Including me.”
Nick drops the sweater he’s folding. “What? No, that’s insane. You’re all I have left.”
“Nice. Didn’t remember this when you were arranging the funerals.” Boyana’s voice is dry.
“It’s non-negotiable.” I turn away, unable to bear the hurt in his eyes. “Clean break. New start.”
“But why? The debt’s paid. Why can’t we at least talk?”
Because I don’t trust Aleksei, I want to scream. Because the way he looked at me, touched me, claimed me — it wasn’t just about the money.
“It’s safer this way.” I keep my voice steady. “For both of us.”
“Safer? What aren’t you telling me about this guy?” Nick grabs my arm, forcing me to face him. “What really happened when you delivered that money?”
The memory of Aleksei’s possessive kiss floods back. I pull away from Nick’s grip.
“Nothing happened. But these people — they’re dangerous. The further you are from their world, the better.”
“And what about you? If they’re so dangerous, why are you staying?”
I swallow hard. “I have nothing they want. You’re the one who crossed them.”
The lie hangs between us. But Nick can never know how Aleksei looked at me like I belonged to him. How his touch branded me. How uncertain I am that he’ll keep his word about Nick’s safety.
“This doesn’t make sense.” Nick rakes his fingers through his hair. “There has to be another way.”
I shake my head. “This is the only way to keep you safe.”
I wrap my arms around Nick, breathing in his familiar scent. My little brother. My only family left.
“I love you, knucklehead.” My voice cracks despite my efforts to stay strong.
Nick’s arms tighten around me. “Love you too, Stels.” His shoulders shake slightly. “I’m so sorry. For everything.”
I press my face into his shoulder, memorizing this moment. The texture of his worn t-shirt. The way his chin rests on top of my head, reminding me when he first got taller than me at fourteen. The slight tremor in his breathing that matches my own.
“Stay safe.” I pull back, gripping his shoulders. “Promise me.”
“I promise.” He wipes roughly at his eyes. “You too, okay?”
I nod, not trusting my voice. Nick hefts his duffel bag, the old swim team logo faded almost beyond recognition. He takes one step back, then another.
“Bye, sis.” His voice is hoarse.
I press my lips together, fighting the urge to call him back, to tell him to stay despite Aleksei’s warning. To keep my little brother close where I can protect him.
But that’s not protection anymore. That’s selfishness.
Nick turns, his shoulders hunched under the weight of more than just his bag. His footsteps echo down the hallway, each one driving home the finality of this moment.
The lock clicks with devastating finality. My hand lingers on the doorknob, as if holding onto this last connection with my brother.
Empty silence presses against my eardrums. I turn, facing the apartment. The space feels wrong, distorted. Too big and too small at the same time.
Leaning back against the door, I slide down until I hit the floor, wrapping my arms around my knees.
“It’s just us now,” I whisper to Boyana.
“You mean just you,” she corrects. “I’m not real, remember?”
A laugh bubbles up in my throat, edged with hysteria. Right. Even my imaginary sister is reminding me how alone I am.
Everyone I love keeps disappearing. First Gianni turning out to be not the man I thought he was. Then, Dad’s accident. Then Mom’s suicide. Now Nick, forced to run because I made a deal with a devil in an expensive suit.
The silence rings in my ears, broken only by my ragged breathing.
How did my world come to this?