Chapter 33
Thirty-Three
Lane
Waking up in Ryell’s arms is the best feeling in the world. After six months of sleeping alone, of using memories of his warm body to help me doze—not to mention the ankle monitor—it’s like heaven that he’s actually here in the flesh.
I open my eyes slowly, meeting the gaze of my Daddy. “Good morning,” I whisper, not wanting to speak too loud so I don’t break the illusion. If this is a dream, I want to lie in it just a little while longer.
But it’s not a dream. He smiles at me, a smile full of his own relief. “Good morning, Agent. Did you sleep well?”
“I did, for the first time in half a year.”
He uses his foot to jostle the ankle monitor that’s resting against his leg. My cheeks heat with embarrassment, but I won’t apologize for how I chose to cope with his absence. “Does that help?”
I shrug, then nuzzle closer to him. “Helped me feel grounded.”
He hums and kisses the top of my head. “You can take it off now, Agent. I’m not going anywhere.”
I wiggle out of his arms and sit up, resting against the headboard. Ryell rolls to his back and sighs, but after a few seconds, he follows suit and sits up beside me. “Time to talk, huh?”
“Yeah,” I say, biting my lip. “What happened Ry? Why did you let me go? Why did you leave? I went to your house when I was discharged from the hospital and saw all your things covered with sheets.”
He narrow his eyes at me. “Didn’t I tell you not to look for me?”
I duck my eyes and shrug, ashamed that I didn’t listen, but I needed to know.
“I had to see for myself,” I explain, meeting his gaze. “You haven’t been the best at being honest with me, Ry.”
“You’re right,” he says, hooking his finger under my chin and kissing me softly. “I’m sorry about that, baby boy. We’ll start fresh. Nothing that happened before matters, okay?” I nod and smile, kissing him again. But I still need answers.
“Where did you go?” I twist my body toward him, wanting to see his face while we talk. Ryell mirrors my pose. “Did you really leave the country?”
He nods. “I went to Europe. I had another oral surgeon fill in for me at my office, so I wouldn’t have to close my business. He’s bought half of the practice,” he mentions offhandedly.
“What did you do in Europe?” I ask, intrigued.
I’ve always wanted to travel as an adult, since the trips I went on with my parents as a kid were just their mental abuse in another country.
They ignored me there too, not taking me out sightseeing or on any adventures.
I was stuck with a nanny they found in the country so they could enjoy their vacation as a childless couple.
One of Ryell’s eyebrows ticks up slowly. “Sure you want to know?”
It takes a moment for me to understand, then I give him an incredulous look. “The entire six months, Ry?”
He chuckles. “No, sweet boy. I’m fucking with you.” He pauses for a beat, then adds, “Mostly.” I roll my eyes. “I also checked out property there, in case I wanted to move permanently. But I couldn’t stay away from you.”
My heart pitter-patters in my chest. It’s weird I have that reaction, especially since he just said in not so many words that he killed people while he was in Europe. That’s something we’ll talk about later, I guess.
In a rough voice I hardly recognize, I ask, “Why did you let me go and leave me like that? I thought…I thought when I told you I loved you, you’d know I wanted to stay with you forever.”
Witha. sigh, Ryell says, “Oh my beautiful boy,” and drags me into his arms. I lay my head on his chest, listening to the strong thumping of his heart. He’s here. He’s really here, and I’m curled up against him.
After he kisses the top of my head, he says, “I didn’t want to let you go. I wanted to keep you with me forever. But I didn’t like how unhappy you were. Even if you were happy with me in the moment, I thought you’d end up resenting me because all we had were the four walls of my home.”
“We had your backyard,” I say defensively, but I understand what he’s saying.
“We did, but in a year, two years, a decade from now, would that have been enough? I would eventually have had to release you because I wasn’t able to kill you.”
I bite my lip, mulling over his words. I don’t know how I would have felt in a year or further into the future. I just knew I was happy every moment I spent with Ryell. Maybe I would have resented him but maybe not. We’ll never know.
Looking up at him, I murmur, “You could have told me. We could have come up with a plan.”
He shakes his head. “No, Lane, I couldn’t have. Because when I did, you said no and broke down in my arms. It had to happen how it did.”
“Were you always going to come back?”
“No,” he answers bluntly, and my heart clenches. “You deserved better than me, and if I were going to let you move on and not kill anyone that touched you, I had to be as far away from you as possible.” I grin and shake my head. “But I couldn’t stay away.”
“You hurt me,” I whisper. I don’t want to make him feel bad, but I have to be honest. “I didn’t think I’d ever see you again.
” I huff a thick laugh. “I tried to tell myself just yesterday that I needed to move on, but as soon as I got in bed and couldn’t fall asleep until I put this on,” I lift my right foot, rattling the monitor, “I knew I never would.”
Ryell drags his fingers through my hair, his blunt nails scratching along my scalp. “I wasn’t trying to hurt you, Lane. I was doing what I thought was right as your Daddy. I always want you to be happy.”
I wrap my arms around his waist, hugging him tight. “I know, Daddy. I just hated being alone. Being without you. I was upset with you. Really fucking pissed, but I think it’s okay now. If you’re staying with me, it’s okay. We’re free. No one knows who you are and I’m in a new state. A fresh start.”
“A fresh start,” he agrees.
“Can we take a shower?” I ask. After we got done making love, Ryell wiped us down quickly, but we probably need to do a more thorough job of cleaning up.
“Mhm. What time is it?”
I reach for my phone and check the time. “6:15. I have to be at work by nine.”
“Call out sick,” he demands. “We’re spending the day together.”
Without hesitation, I text my partner and tell her I’m not feeling well and to cover for me. “Done,” I say, grinning up at him.
“Good.” He kisses my nose, then pulls my ankle onto his lap. “You won’t need this anymore.” He removes the pin that keeps the ankle monitor together and tosses the pieces on the floor. “Now that I’m back, I’ll help you sleep.”
“Thank you,” I whisper, suddenly choked up.
Ryell hauls me out of the bed and throws me over his shoulder like a caveman. I laugh, loudly and obnoxiously. He slaps my ass, and I laugh even harder, feeling more carefree than I have in months.
When we get into the shower, I force away tears when Ryell goes through our old routine like we haven’t been separated for months. He tips my head back and washes my hair, making sure it’s clean.
“I like your hair longer like this,” he murmurs as he rinses the shampoo out. “Makes you look softer, even though I know differently.”
“I’m plenty soft,” I say, eyes closed and a grin on my face.
He bumps his hips into mine, his hard cock brushing against my own. “Not right now you’re not.” I bark a laugh.
Grabbing my cloth, Ryell washes my body, paying special attention to my hole. I think he’s going to slip a finger inside, but I’m left disappointed. “I want to take you on a date, Lane. A real date. If I start playing with your ass, we won’t leave this apartment.”
I pout but say, “Fair.”
He slaps my wet ass, then laughs when I yelp and hold my stinging flesh. “You’re a dick,” I mutter as I turn the water off and step out of the shower.
Still chuckling, Ryell grabs a towel to dry my hair, then wraps one around my waist. He guides me in front of the mirror and picks up my brush to detangle the strands.
As I stare at him, quiet contentment on his face, I have to ask the question I’ve been thinking about since I saw him sitting at the end of my bed.
“Did you kill my parents?”
Ryell stops brushing my hair and meets my eyes in the mirror. We’re quiet for a few beats, the only sound in the room the air flowing out of the vents.
Finally, Ryell nods once then goes back to brushing my hair. “How did you find out?”
I’m don’t know if I should laugh or slap him silly for his nonchalance. Then again, I’m not sure I expected a different response from him.
“They never removed me from their wills,” I say, still surprised by that. “When their bodies were discovered, authorities notified me, and turns out, I’m a wealthy man now. Were you aware of that?”
“No. I killed them for how they hurt you in the past, not for financial gain. Had I known, I would have reported them dead right after I left the scene.”
“Thank you. For killing my abusers.”
“Anything for you, Lane. Anyone else you want me to get rid of?”
Giving him a deadpan look, I ask, “What am I going to do with you, Ryell?”
He wraps his arms around my waist and kisses my neck. Moving his lips to my ear, he whispers, “Love me as much as I love you.”
I startle, looking at him through the mirror with wide eyes. When I told Ryell I loved him all those months ago, I said it with the intention of never hearing it back. He said he doesn’t have normal feelings and emotions like other people, so I thought I’d have to love him enough for both of us.
Hearing him say he loves me too is probably the best thing I’ve ever heard, next to him calling me his boy the first time.
“You do?” I ask, needing to be sure that’s what he said.
He scoffs, but smiles. “Of course I do. I’m threatening my freedom to come back to you. Nothing but love would make me do that.”
I turn around and loop my arms around his neck. “I can quit. I don’t have to work for the FBI anymore. I love my job, but I love you more.”
Ryell closes his eyes briefly, then opens them, looking down at me with so much love that I almost choke on it. Then he frowns and says, “Lane, I love you, more than words can describe, but I can’t change who I am. If—”
I place a hand over his mouth to stop him from talking.
“It’s okay.” I shake my head as I drop my hand.
“Well, not okay, but…if you…don’t…pose them and don’t talk about your victims, I can…
I can deal.” It sucks that he murders people, but I’m as much a part of two of his kills as he is.
If I hadn’t told him about my parent’s abuse and how I fucking hated their guts, I’m sure he wouldn’t have killed them.
I’m not sorry they’re dead either, so I’m no saint.
Ryell smiles. “I only want you to pose for me, baby.”
My heart flutters as he kisses me softly.
Breaking the soft, but earth shattering kiss, I scoop up the brush and hand it to Ryell, who goes back to detangling my damp hair.
After a stretch of silence, I say, “There’s an opening at the training academy here.
My new SSA asked if I was interested, since he heard about the seminars I gave in California.
Maybe I can do that. No more field work.
I solve cold cases now, but I could be pulled into an active investigation at any time.
If I’m an instructor at the academy, I’m no longer considered an active agent.
” Ryell looks at me, raises an eyebrow. “What do you think?”
“You want me to move here?”
I shrug, now feeling a little embarrassed. I didn’t even ask, just assumed he’d like to. “Do you want to move here with me, Daddy?”
He kisses a spot behind my ear, making me shiver. “Anywhere you are is where I want to be, sweet boy.”
If my smile was any wider, I think it’d break my cheeks.
Once we finish up in the bathroom, we get dressed—Ryell in the same clothes he wore last night, since he didn’t bring any bags with him.
“We’ll have to go shopping after breakfast,” I tell him, threading my fingers through his as we leave my apartment.
“We have to walk to the bar a few blocks away to get my car. I was drinking last night and didn’t want to risk driving, even a short distance. ”
“I know,” he says as we step out into the chilly morning. “I saw you.”
I glance up at him, my eyebrows scrunched. “You followed me last night?” I think about that feeling I had that someone was watching me. Scoffing a laugh, I shake my head. “You’re so weird.”
“Only for you, Lane.” He raises my hand and kisses the back.
I’m so happy walking down the street with Ryell, our fingers laced together. It feels good to be near him again. My heart is lighter, happier.
Just last night, I was talking myself into moving on and trying to figure out how to live without Ryell. Now here he is, standing beside me, looking as amazing as ever.
“I love you, Daddy.”
He peers down at me, affection shining back at me. So much that it makes me gasp. “I love you too, sweet boy. And I’ll spend the rest of my days showing you.”
Sighing happily, I ask, “Promise?”
Laughing, he lets my hand go and wraps an arm around my shoulders. “I promise, baby.”