Chapter 24 #2
“Ah. So, I’ll get to meet the infamous Vince.”
“He can be headache-inducing, and his mother isn’t much better. We can leave at any time.”
“You think I’m going to let people I can ignore if they step out of line keep me from authentic Italian food? Yeah, no.”
Elias chuckled. Since they’d decided he would officially introduce her to his family as his girlfriend at one of their bi-monthly family dinners, all she’d talked about was the food and how excited she was.
He blamed it entirely on his Zia Lorna, knowing Eri had eaten dinner at Avian and Marco’s a couple of times, when his aunt had cooked and dropped off food for them.
He pulled in behind his mom’s car, and they headed to the front door. While passing his aunt and uncle’s house, he’d seen Marco’s car in the driveway, so he was sure everyone but the annoying mother/son duo had already arrived.
They entered the house, and Elias would swear that he could feel the excitement rolling off Eri as the delicious aroma filtered to them from the kitchen.
He led her into the living room, where he knew his dad, uncle, and cousin had been banished.
Sure enough, he found the three of them watching some documentary Elias was sure his dad had forced upon them. His uncle was the first to notice them.
“Elias, Eri, hey,” he greeted, drawing the attention of the other two men.
Greetings went around, with no need for introductions.
“Take Eri to see your Mamma before she comes out here and pops you with a cooking utensil,” his dad told him, and Elias was sure she would if he waited too long.
He led Eri into the kitchen, where his mother, Zia, and Avian were. The latter of the three sat at the island, attempting to steal a fried zucchini blossom from the serving plate without being seen. She took the opportunity immediately when his mom and aunt turned their attention to them.
“Eri, sweetie, it’s so nice to see you again,” his mother greeted, pulling her into a hug.
“You too, Ms. Lucy.”
“None of that now. Lucy is fine. Or Mamma. We’re family now, and eventually the two of you will—”
“Mamma,” Elias cut her off. There was no telling what she was about to say, and he didn’t need her spiraling into excited plans for his future.
“Non farmi la mamma. Posso essere eccitata per il fatto che ti sei sistemata. Non farmi scoppiare,” she responded.
“Sii felice, ma non affrettare la mia vita,” he countered.
“Let’s go back to English for our non-Italian speakers,” Avian suggested, coming over to greet them and hugging Eri. “Though I’m pretty sure she said something about popping you,” she teased him as his Zia hugged him, then moved over to Eri.
“Yeah, yeah,” he responded. “Do you need help with anything?” He already knew that he would get one of two answers.
“Get that boy of mine and the two of you can set the table,” Lorna told him.
“Eri, I was so excited when Elias told me the two of you were dating, and he wanted to bring you to dinner. That boy doesn’t bring anyone around,” he heard his mother say as he exited the kitchen to get his cousin.
“Because if not, he isn’t too old for me to put him over my knee.” He overheard when he returned with the other man in tow a minute later.
Eri laughed. “He is, but if he stops, I’ll let you know.”
He had an idea of what they were talking about and threw out, “You know, Mamma, if I wasn’t treating her right, then that would mean you raised me wrong. And since Nona is no longer with us to put you over her knee, I suppose Zia Lorna would have to do it.”
“Get what you need and get out of here,” his mom countered while the other three laughed and Marco snorted.
“Zia told you your favorite people were coming,” Marco checked when they were in the dining room.
“You’re funny, but I thought they were your best friends,” Elias countered.
“Hilarious. On a serious note, you know how tonight might go.”
“And if it does, it might be the first time in a while that I put my hands on him.”
While he tolerated Vince more than their older cousin, Elias had never tolerated him making passes at his girlfriends.
The shit had happened too much in high school.
That was part of the reason why he kept his dating life private.
A relationship would either end before he felt the need to introduce them to his family, or by the time he did, in one situation, they’d been together a year.
As if he knew they were talking about him, the front door opened, and Vince’s voice, loud for no reason, filtered into the dining room. He took a deep breath, determined not to let his cousin ruin the night.
Two hours later, Elias had almost succeeded until his eyes shifted to where Vince kept inching his way in Eri’s direction.
Dinner had gone off with his aunt and cousin only making one sly comment apiece, which were both quickly shut down.
His aunt’s by his uncle, and she sat there almost silent as a church mouse after that, damn near like a kicked puppy.
Her still having feelings for Matteo after thirty-plus years and a marriage of her own was pathetic, in Elias’ opinion.
Vince’s by Marco with a reminder that their side of the table wasn’t safe.
They’d moved to the living room after dessert, where Lorna and Avian had challenged his dad and Matteo to a game of Spades. His girlfriend was at the threshold, looking at some figurines that had caught her eye.
When Vince finally stood beside her, he said something that had Eri turning to him with a raised brow. Elias couldn’t make out what it was. His cousin’s usually loud voice was now purposely low, and the trash talking happening during the game didn’t help matters.
Elias watched them for a few minutes since she seemed okay.
Then Vince said something that made Eri smile in mocking amusement.
It didn’t seem that his cousin could tell from the smug look on his face.
When she responded to whatever it was. Elias watched in real time as the other man’s face fell.
His expression went from smug to confused to irritated to pissed as his girlfriend laughed. He got up and approached them.
“Let me in on the joke. What’s so funny?” he asked.
Eri leaned into his side. “Vince here is a comedian. He should try stand-up. Say it again,” she told the man across from them.
“I’m all for a good joke. Let me hear it,” Elias agreed.
“It was nothing major,” Vince countered.
“Oh, you don’t want to tell him? That’s okay.
I will.” Eri turned syrup-brown eyes to him.
“The setup for the joke was that he knew something that would give me a great time. The punchline was that something was him. I don’t think I’ve heard anything more hilarious in my life.
” Elias chuckled as mischief shone in her eyes.
“I don’t know anyone who has ever purposely made themselves the butt of such a bad joke. ”
They turned their attention back to Vince, who was gone a second later, and Elias was sure he would go cry to his mother.
“He’s an odd one,” Eri said once they were alone. “He said all that shit unprovoked.”
Elias lifted an eyebrow in curiosity. “All what shit?”
Eri shook her head. “I’ll tell you when we leave.”
“Eris,” Elias started. “What else did he say to you?”
“Nothing you need to worry about because even if he were the last man on earth, I’d fuck an animal before I let him touch me. And since I’d never fuck an animal. Yeah, no.”
“I’m not worried about it. But if he said some out-of-pocket shit to you, I’m not letting that go unaddressed.”
“He asked why I was with a boy when I could be with a man.” She draped her arms over his shoulders.
“Another terrible joke. And the two of you are what, two years apart in age?” Elias nodded, and she rose on her toes, and he leaned down and kissed her.
All too aware that his mother might decide to take a picture.
“Come on. I want to play next,” she told him, pulling him over to the seat he once occupied.
Elias didn’t miss Vince sitting in the corner, irritated, and he held back the temptation of laughing in his face.