24. Lucas
TWENTY-FOUR
Lucas
Roman has settled a lot since he claimed me so primally—and publicly—in the kitchen. I’ve settled too.
I don’t think I even realized until then how unsettled we both had been. Our relationship began in isolation. That, combined with Roman’s silence, meant it was shaped from the most base, primal, deepest aspects of ourselves. Despite how awful the circumstances were, I love that fact. Everything that shaped us was the barest, most real truth.
But it’s been scary to take that out of isolation into a more complicated world.
It’s harder for Roman than for me, obviously. Though I see it—on his scarred body, in his eyes, in his reactions and his frequent reversions to silence—I cannot truly imagine the depth of his trauma.
Sometimes I worry that he needs help I can’t give him. I think Vitali worries about it too. But I also know that attempted help would not help Roman right now. Maybe someday, when he’s ready, but right now I think he just needs time. And me. Vitali too but mostly me, and nothing has ever made me happier than the way Roman needs me. Wants me. Claims me.
I didn’t realize, until he fucked me in the kitchen, how much he’d been trying to keep our relationship like it was in the beginning. I didn’t quite understand that. Maybe he didn’t either.
That moment solidified something between us—his desire, and mine. It doesn’t have to be kept in isolation to survive.
I don’t think I realized, until that moment, that I, too, was worried about it. I let myself focus on my push for freedom, but hidden in that was fear. And maybe a subconscious test.
Roman has been leaving the house more and more, leaving me behind. I rarely know what he’s doing. I worry about something happening to him, but I also worry about him realizing that I don’t fit with his life anymore. His return always reassures me, but I just get worried again the next time. Like I said, though, it’s been subconscious. I didn’t perceive that in myself until Roman fucked me so possessively in the kitchen, in front of someone.
I’m not even embarrassed about it. I have never felt so secure and sure of my place in my life.
And it was really fucking hot.
What we’re doing right now—what he’s doing—is really hot too. Intimacy with Roman always is, like when he held my cock in the shower. Just like then, I’m getting aroused now as he guides the electric razor along my inner thigh.
I’m lying on my back on the bed atop some towels. I thought we should do this in the bathroom, but he wanted me to be comfortable. I’m more than comfortable. I’m incredibly turned on.
Some of it is the vibration of the razor around my groin. Some of it is Roman’s hands on me and the sheer intimacy of the act. Some of it is gazing down my own body to where Roman is kneeling between my spread legs, also turned on by this.
He pushes my leg higher to tauten the skin as he shaves carefully along my taint to my balls. He switches his grip to my sac, tugging it tight. A fresh wave of arousal washes through me as the razor vibrates against my balls. My cock is leaking by the time he’s done. Then he shaves my shaft.
“Fuck!” I gasp as my dick throbs.
Roman takes the razor away and pinches the tip of my cock. “Don’t come,” he says.
My head is light, spinning. I close my eyes and groan in frustration.
“Lucas.”
I open my eyes and find Roman looking at me with both desire and dominance. He says, “I’m going to fuck you, but you have to wait.”
“It feels good.”
He smiles a little. “Good.”
His smiles are so fucking rare that I stare at him, soaking in the sight. I love this. I love him.
The realization settles easily inside me because I already knew. I’ve known for a long time.
I know he loves me too. That, I’ve also known for a long time, in spite of my insecurities.
I ask, “How come you have so little body hair? Your hair and beard grow so thick, I feel like you should be hairier than me.”
“Laser,” he says simply.
“Oh.” I should’ve guessed that.
“Some grew back over the years but not much.”
I settle back into silence, content to let him do this for me, happy that it’s getting easier for him to mention the past. He doesn’t talk about it much, but it doesn’t shut him down like it used to.
I close my eyes and try to steady my breathing as he works on my shaft. When Roman first suggested this, I felt nervous about a razor around my groin, but the second he started, my anxiousness faded. I trust him.
When he’s done with my cock, he turns off the razor and sets it aside. He uses a damp towel to clean me then another to dry me. The friction of the cloth has my hips curling.
I want sex so bad.
I can’t believe how important it’s become in my life. It’s a fundamental part of myself that I had no idea even existed.
I lived such a limited and unrealized existence before Roman.
He nudges me to roll over then helps me lift onto my knees. I keep my head down, offering him my ass. Roman massages my cheeks then parts them. The razor buzzes to life again, and he shaves carefully around my hole. The position, the vibration, Roman’s presence behind me … I’m leaking so profusely that when I look down along my torso, I see a long thread of precum dripping from my cock.
After a while, the razor shuts off. Roman cleans me up. With anyone else, this would embarrass me. With him … fuck. I love it. With him, I can let myself whine, “I need you. Please .”
Roman reaches between my legs and grips my balls, tugging me until I’m moaning and rocking. I almost come, but he pinches my cockhead again. I groan in frustration. I’ve never been edged like this.
“Stay,” he orders as he withdraws from me, clearing everything away, even tugging the towel from under my knees.
He gets off the bed and opens a drawer in the nightstand. Holding my position, I turn my head to watch him squirt lube into his hand. I moan when he wraps his hand around his huge, stiff cock to slick it. I leak more precum at the sight.
His cock is so beautiful. I need it inside me.
He climbs onto the bed again and kneels behind me. His slick fingers massage my hole. The sensation is unbelievable. He told me it would be better, more intense, but I had no idea. His hand slides along my taint to my balls and dripping cock. I let out a soft whine.
“Fuck me,” I beg as his fat cockhead nudges my hole. “Please— now . Don’t prep me, just—ahhh! Fuck! Yesssss …” I trail off with a long moan as he pushes into my body. I groan into the sheets as his huge shaft penetrates me deeper and deeper.
He glides out slowly, then in again. I start shaking because it feels good but it’s not enough. I need—
“Ahhh!” I shout as he starts fucking me hard and deep. I let everything go. I give myself to it so completely that I when I come, I don’t even try to hold back. I just let my cock pulse and spurt, and I let myself float in the wake of it as Roman keeps fucking me.
I’m already outside of myself as I harden again. I can’t believe how my body responds to him.
He fucks me to another release. It’s not as hard, but it leaves me dizzy and quivering. Roman is grunting now, getting rough. His fingers dig into my hips as he rails me.
I don’t expect to come again, but when he slams deep inside me and his cock kicks hard against my prostate, I scream and thrash through another ejaculation. I buck against him as he punchesforward, spilling hotly inside me, torturing my prostate with so much sensation that I’m mindlessly spasming and pulsing out more cum.
It’s so intense, so overwhelming that I start crying even while Roman’s cock pumps out the last of his release inside me. He pulls out more quickly than usual. He hauls me up and into his arms. I cling to him and bury my face against his neck.
He gives me what I need. His stillness. His acceptance. His silence.
He waits until I’m ready, then he asks quietly, “Are you okay?”
I nod against him. He pets my hair, accepting that maybe I don’t want to talk about it. But I want him to understand.
I say, “You take me to a different place in myself.” I frown against him. That’s not quite right. I try again. “I feel a lot. With you.”
His chest rises against me. “I feel a lot with you too.”
“They’re not bad things,” I say quickly. “They’re just strong and sometimes that’s a little …”
“Scary,” he supplies.
I relax against him, relieved. “Yeah.”
He pets my hair some more. After a while he says, “You need a haircut.”
“I know. It looks terrible.”
He ruffles my hair. “It doesn’t look terrible. It’s just shaggy.”
“Are you good at cutting hair?”
Roman snorts. “Only if you want me to shave it.”
“Yikes. That would not look good on me.”
“Anything would look good on you. You’re beautiful.”
Fuck.
I press my face against his neck again as emotion overwhelms me. It’s the way he says shit. He makes me so vulnerable.
He takes a deep breath. Tension rises in his body. I don’t understand it at first. Then he says, “I’ll take you somewhere.”
I perk up, drawing back so I can look at him. “Really?”
Another slight smile tugs at his lips, but there’s something wry in his amusement this time. It’s so nice to see more emotions from him, more nuance in them.
“You like that idea, huh?” he asks.
“Mm-hm. I need shoes too.”
He sighs. “I know.”
“So …?”
“So we’re going out, I guess.”
At the huge smile spreading across my face, Roman narrows his eyes.
He demands, “Don’t you like being here with me?”
I lean near and nibble at the underside of his jaw. “Yes. But I want to do other things with you too.”
Roman tilts his head back to give me better access. “I’ll need to fuck you again if you keep doing that.”
I practically crawl up him to intensify my assault on his throat. His breathing shallows. His hands grip my ass as I straddle him. His cock stiffens against me. I love that I can arouse him like this.
I keep at him until he bears me down onto the bed and is inside me again.