29. Roman
TWENTY-NINE
Roman
“I’m fine,” Lucas says as I look him over in the bathroom, but I won’t be convinced until I see every inch of his skin.
I turn him so he’s facing the mirror while I scan his back. I run my hands down his sides. Goosebumps erupt all over his skin, and he shivers. I look up to check on him in the mirror. His nipples are in tight peaks, but it’s not because he’s cold.
His lips are parted. His eyes have darkened. His cock is starting to thicken.
I’m happy to see it. I know that it’s partially because adrenaline is still running through him, but it also means that he feels safe now.
Answering heat travels down to my own groin, and I wrap my arms around him. A breath stutters into his lungs as I run one hand up to his throat and the other down his stomach. He makes a soft, needy little sound and leans back against me as I exert more pressure. Massaging. Soothing. Claiming.
I watch him respond to my touch. His head tilts back to offer me his throat. His cock swells and starts to lift.
I have no choice but to see my own hands and scarred wrists, but I don’t otherwise look at myself. I focus on Lucas’s body. Smaller than mine, finer, more beautiful.
And yet, he’s the one who says, “You’re so beautiful, Roman.”
Startled, I lift my gaze to his in the mirror. His eyes meet mine, but they drift away to look at more of me. I don’t shift my own gaze from his face. I still don’t like looking at myself, but something eases inside me as I watch how he looks at me.
I see his focus on me, his attraction. His love. Some of the tightness leaves my chest, like I can look at myself through him and not be so angry.
“I love how you touch me,” he murmurs as his cock stiffens further.
I massage the base of it, sliding my fingers on either side and watching it twitch upward. When I curl my hand around his shaft, he starts making sounds that have my own cock hardening into a stiff rod. I stroke him until precum beads at his tip, then I let go and drop to my knees behind him.
As I part his cheeks, he bends over to lean on the counter. He widens his stance and arches to offer his hole. As I lick and tease him, I reach between his legs to grip and tug his hanging balls.
“Oh my god,” he breathes, “oh fuck.”
My cock throbs and aches, but I don’t touch it. I keep my focus on Lucas.
As Lucas starts to writhe and pant, I stroke my hand up his cock and find it dripping.
“I need you inside me,” he murmurs. “Please. Fuck me.”
I want to. I need to. I’m worried though. I’m on edge. I’m upset. I’m holding it off, but I’m afraid that fucking him will break my control.
I might just suck him off. I think that would be better.
I grab his hips and ask him to turn. He straightens and does it, then gasps when I take his cock in my mouth. His hands settle on my head as I suck him. He makes delicious little sounds then moans when I tug his balls. I think that’s when he realizes, though, that I want him to come.
He cups his hands under my jaw and lifts until I draw free of his cock and look at him.
“I want all of you,” he says.
I shake my head. I don’t know why, but I’ve lost my words again.
He takes my hand and pulls. I get up and walk with him to the doorway, but there I stop. Lucas pulls free and walks across the room. He opens a drawer of the nightstand and gets out the lube.
He walks halfway back to me before stopping. He says, “I know that you’re angry. I know it’s not with me, but I know that you’re angry.”
I make myself speak, though the words come out in a rasp. “I don’t want to hurt you.”
“I want all of you,” he says again.
I frown. I don’t understand. Or rather, I think he doesn’t understand me. I remind him, “I’ve hurt you before.”
The first time I fucked him.
The time I came back from a fight so angry that I didn’t know what to do.
Lucas closes the distance between us. “Sometimes,” he says as he squeezes lube into his hand, “I need you to hurt me.”
“Lucas,” I protest as he wraps his hand around my hard, aching cock, slicking me from base to tip. I brace against the surge of arousal. “Lucas—”
“Let me explain something to you.”
Lucas would never interrupt me when I’m struggling to speak unless he had a good reason, so I let him cut in. I listen.
He says, “I’m angry too, but it’s a feeling in myself that I don’t know how to access. I’ve spent my whole life shutting everything bad inside, filtering what I let out for other people to see or hear.
“The first time you fucked me was the first time I let any of it out. I don’t want you to be controlled or filtered with me, because I don’t want to be controlled or filtered with you. I trust you, Roman, and I need you to trust me too. I need you to be exactly what you are. I need you to fuck me with all of your anger—so that I can scream with all of mine.”
I’m breathing hard now. Because he’s stroking me. Because he’s freeing me.
Because I need him, too.
When I reach down and grab his ass, he jumps up into my arms and hooks his legs around me. His hard cock is trapped against my abdomen and mine bobs against his ass as I carry him to the bed.
He unwinds from me as we reach it. He drops onto the mattress and gets on his elbows and knees, presenting his ass at the edge of the bed.
I take the lube from his grip and squirt some into my hand. My jaw is clenched. My control is fraying, but I have enough presence of mind to do this. I push my lubed fingers into his ass and stretch him.
His body language is frustrated and impatient, so I slap his ass, telling him to deal with it. He cries out and settles and lets me prep him. I have to—because as soon as I have my cock at his hole, I know I’m going to snap.
“Roman—”
I slap him again and grab his hips, yanking himpartway off the bed. I’m at his hole and shoving inside even before his feet settle on the ground. He cries out as I penetrate him, forcing my dick deep into his ass, making his body yield to mine. I shove his head down onto the bed and start to fuck him.
He moans and cries out as I pump into him. My grip is brutal. My thrusts are deep. He wants more. He draws one of his knees up onto the mattress, opening himself further. I get my foot up onto the bed. I lean over him and grab his hair, smashing his head down more as I rut him until he comes with a sharp cry.
His ass clenches on me as he orgasms. His body thrashes in my hold as I keep fucking him.
I don’t let him rest. He moans and cries and claws at the sheets as I keep thrusting into him. The anger in my heart starts to burn through my whole body as I unleash it.
Lucas starts moaning. I reach my free hand around his torso and up to grip his throat. I growl against him as I fuck him hard and deep until he comes again, screaming louder this time, bucking against me until something snaps inside me. I punch forward as my orgasm seizes my body abruptly. I come hard inside him, my cock kicking and filling him.
I spasm against him as I keep releasing until my anger fades. It leaves me feeling exhausted and shaken.
I crawl up onto the bed and drag Lucas with me. He’s limp and shaky. I curl my body around his. He grabs onto my wrists, holding me there.
I’m trembling, but I just let it happen because I know that I’m safe with Lucas. I don’t have to hide my anger—or my pain.