Chapter 21
CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
KILLIAN
Listening to the three of them fuck last night wasn’t fun, but it gave me focus.
Clarity. I want her—I want what they have with her.
The lack of trust is the biggest thing standing in my way.
Well, that, and the fact that she’s so pissed off she can’t look at me without daggers in her eyes.
I don’t blame her, but I have to get her to spend time with me, so she can see for herself that I’m not as much of an asshole as she thinks I am.
I’ve been stalking the kitchen all morning waiting for her to come in for coffee. I’ve made three pots of coffee so far. The first was at four in the morning. The second because I was afraid the first wasn’t fresh anymore. And the third because the second pot got cold.
When she comes down the hallway and into the kitchen, the sight of her takes my breath away.
She looks so fucking gorgeous in tiny black shorts and a matching tank top.
She must have showered because her long blonde hair is wet.
Her blue eyes settle on mine before she quickly lowers her head, avoiding my gaze.
“I’m just going to get coffee and I’ll be out of your hair.”
I pour her a cup and add the small amount of cream she likes. I hold it up for her, and she places her hands on her hips and glares at me.
“I can get my own coffee, Killian.”
I let a deep breath out, knowing I deserve this attitude.
“Please, Heather. Please.”
Moving closer to me, she extends her arm, and I hand her the purple cup. It’s smaller than the others, but since it’s her favorite color, it felt right.
“I spent the entire night trying to come up with words to express how much I regret everything I did to you.”
She holds her free hand up.
“Killian, stop. It doesn’t matter what you say. The only thing that matters is your actions, and yours told me everything I need to know about you.”
Kneeling in front of her, I wrap my arms around her and press my face to her stomach, inhaling her clean scent.
“Baby, I’m sorry. So fucking sorry.”
Her hand is fast, and I don’t see it coming until it lands across my face.
“I don’t forgive you and I never will. How could you do that to me? To your brothers?”
After I open my mouth to try to explain, she holds her hand up, indicating for me to stop.
“Forget I asked, Killian. It doesn’t matter how or why. It wouldn’t change anything.”
“Killer?”
She glances at me, her expression filled with hatred, but still she stands and waits for me to speak.
“What if it did? Do you really not want to know why I made that call?”
Shaking her head, she refuses to hear me out. I wonder if it’s because she’s afraid she might change her mind about me when she’s quite content hating me.
“Maybe one day, but right now, no. I can’t stand being in the same room with you. It hurts too much.”
A tear rolls down her cheek, and I have no choice but to fight the urge to take her into my arms and kiss it away.
“It felt like things were changing between us. That’s the worst part. I felt something, and I thought you did too—I guess you did.”
Her voice comes out pained, her tone harsh, then she laughs, but it’s not genuine laughter instead it’s laced with bitterness.
“Hatred. At least now we are on the same page and our feelings finally match.”
I want to tell her how wrong she is, that I felt it too and it wasn’t hate. But what’s the point? She wouldn’t believe me anyway—not now. I have one trick up my sleeve, and I don’t know if it’ll work, but it’s all I’ve got.
She turns to walk away, and I stop her as I rise to my feet.
“Killer, do you remember when I beat you in our game of pool?”
She turns to me with a subtle nod.
“What did we say the winner would get?”
She flashes me an incredulous look before rolling her eyes at me.
“If I won, you had to be nice to me for an entire day.”
I step closer to her and place my hand on her chin, tilting her head back, forcing her gaze to mine.
“And did you win?”
Her breathing gets heavier from my proximity to her, and she whispers softly.
“No.”
“What did I win and never get?”
She doesn’t respond. The air around us is thick with tension. There’s still something potent between us. It’s visceral, and I know she feels it too, even if she wants to deny it.
“You. I was to get you. However, I wanted you. So I guess there are some questions for you to answer. Will you honor your unpaid bet? I told you, you don’t owe me anything—anything but this.”
I place my hand on her throat and enjoy her racing pulse on my palm while she continues to glare at me.
“You’re unbelievable, Killian. Are you that desperate? Really?”
Stroking my thumb down the side of her neck, I admit the truth.
“Yes, Killer. I am desperate for you—so fucking desperate.
I know I fucked up, but let me show you the dick you know is not all that I am.”
She reaches up, balls her hand into a fist, and punches me in the stomach. When I don’t react with evidence of pain, it only seems to infuriate her further.
“I honor my word, so you win, but listen to me, Killian. Hear my fucking words. Loud and clear. One night will not change anything between us. You are a vile man. You can try your damnedest, but I won’t forget what you did.”
I release her and nod.
“Tonight. You are mine—and mine alone.”
She turns and walks away, stealing the breath from my lungs.
Carter once told me that when she was out of sight, it was hard to breathe.
I get it now. I only wish I understood it before I burned everything down to the ground.
Now it’s too late and there’s little I can do about it.
Still, I’ll try. And if they leave, I’ll follow them to the ends of the Earth.
I’m a selfish asshole, and I refuse to live without her or my brothers ever again.