Chapter 23
CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
KILLIAN
I’m as nervous as a fucking school boy as I wait for her.
I’ve over thought everything, wanting to make sure everything is exactly right.
When Knox came into my room to discuss my plans for tonight, I was sure he was going to tell me it wasn’t happening.
I breathed a sigh of relief once he told me it was fine, but that I had better honor her safe word if it comes to that.
I don’t expect her to let me touch her, but I assured him I will honor it, regardless.
I swore to him that I won’t do anything to hurt her or either of my brothers.
I was relieved when he seemed to believe me, but I know this is still an uphill climb.
I light the candles on the small table I set up for dinner as I hear her knock lightly on the door.
“Come in.”
My breath hitches when she walks into the room, closing the door behind her.
She’s wearing a tiny black skirt and a sleeveless purple shirt.
Her long blonde hair hangs down past her elbows, a pale pink tint colors her cheeks, but not a bit of makeup.
Just like I prefer. My gaze travels down her body, and I spot the bracelet my brothers gave her.
That bracelet used to bother me, but not anymore.
I know I’ll be adding a boxing glove to it.
It’s just a matter of time. I have to believe I can fix this because if I can’t—I don’t think I could live with myself.
“Candles. Wow.”
I motion to the table, signaling for her to take a seat, and her eyes go to the food sitting on the table.
“I’m not hungry.”
Flashing her a stern expression, I motion to the table again.
“You did not eat lunch, Killer. This is not negotiable. Sit down so we can have dinner.”
She sighs in annoyance but takes a seat while mumbling under her breath.
“Oh, there you are, dick. I knew the way you were behaving was too good to be true.”
I take a seat across from her, and while I don’t want to fight with her, I have to respond to what she said.
“If making you take care of yourself means I’m a dick, so be it, Killer. Now eat.”
She lifts the tray covering her plate and gasps while staring at her spaghetti in surprise.
“Is this spaghetti with pork chops?”
I nod as I remove the tray from mine.
“It’s still your favorite, right?”
Heather's watery eyes confirm that it is still her favorite food, and my chest constricts. I’m surprised at myself, but I want to take care of her and make her happy. I’m such a fucking idiot. This would have been so much easier if I hadn’t been such an asshole.
“It is, but I didn’t think you knew that, and this is not something most people even think about making. It’s unusual, and this cannot be a coincidence.”
I’m afraid to tell her the truth—I watched every video of her with my brothers, and that’s why I know certain details about her, including this.
I convinced myself it was intel to protect Carter, but now I realize it was all bullshit.
If I confess that to her, I’m terrified she will storm out, so I have to keep it to myself for now.
“You told my brothers, and they told me.”
Another lie. Fuck. I hope this doesn’t blow up in my face.
She lifts her eyes to mine, and my heart races as I stare into her blue gaze.
So beautiful.
For a moment, she doesn’t look at me like she hates me. I’m sure she’ll revert to disgust for me again soon, but I’ll take any second I can get with her looking at me like this.
I hold her gaze, afraid of breaking this intense, silent communication.
She clears her throat uncomfortably and picks up her fork.
“Thank you. This is unexpected but nice. I haven’t had this in so long. Not since I was living with my parents—in hell. This was the one treat.”
I pour two glasses of Pinot Grigio and slide the one closer to her. After she swallows a bite of food, she takes a sip of her wine and sets the glass back down.
“I know this is about the debt I owe you with the stupid game of pool, but can I request one thing?”
I nod, and she continues.
“Can we be honest just for tonight? This is all so confusing for me, and I just want you to be truthful. This is all kind of weird. My expectation was to walk in and find you naked, demanding that I get naked. I thought that’s what this was about, and I guess I feel a little off balance right now.
I don’t know which way is up. If that’s what you’re after, we can skip the theatrics.
Trust me, I’m used to men fucking me without wining and dining me first. Remember, I’m trash and I know I’m trash.
Just tell me what you want and I’ll give it to you. ”
I swallow hard as the pain fills my chest. The thought that she’s garbage is something I’m responsible for. I put those ideas in her head—actually said those words to her.
“You aren’t trash, Killer. I know it’s my fault that you think that. I mistreated you and I’m sorry, but you aren’t garbage. Never say that again.”
Heather sets her fork on her plate and stares at me with an agitated expression.
“You don’t give a shit about me, Killian. Why am I here? What the hell do you want from me?”
Her words make me angry, but not with her—with myself.
“I care about you far more than you know, and that’s my fault.
After what I did, how could you think otherwise?
You are here because I won a bet, and this is what I desire—you.
Would I like to fuck you again and feel your pussy strangling my cock?
Fuck. Yes, but that’s not what this is about, Killer. ”
This is a hard conversation, but I continue anyway.
“I want time with you—and to know you better. I’m hoping you’ll let me explain my fucked-up state of mind.
I don’t expect forgiveness because what I did was unforgivable, and I know that.
There’s nothing I can say to excuse my behavior, but I think you might at least comprehend where I was coming from—what my motivation was. ”
“So you want to talk?”
I nod in agreement.
“Yes, but I want more. I want to spend time with you, maybe watch a movie. And I want you in my bed all night. Nothing will happen without your consent, but I want you with me.”