Chapter 36
Istraighten my T-shirt and glance in the mirror again, then pull my hair into a slick ponytail. My face is pale and my eyes empty as I stare into the mirror.
When did I become the doll broken beyond repair? He promised to always fix me? Protect me. But he never promised me anything else. He never promised me love, and since learning of his wife, I know he could never promise me a solid place in his family.
“Hey, you look pale. Are you feeling okay?” My eyes dart to his. I wasn’t even aware he’d come into the bedroom, that’s how out of sorts I am.
My morning was a mess of tears, crying for a man I can never have, a boy that will never be mine, and a life that never truly existed.
When I finally pulled myself together, I made a plan.
I need to get as far away from here as possible. Loving him is hurting me, but staying will kill me.
“Ellie, I said, are you feeling okay?” His furrowed gaze flicks over my face. Then he licks his lips and settles his hands on my stomach, forcing me to want to pull away from him and his warmth.
“Do you need a doctor, Little Doll?” His scent invades my nostrils, and as his lips find my neck, his touch pierces my skin, seeping into my bloodstream, and I try to swallow back the hiccup of hurt that builds inside me.
I can’t allow it to escape. I need to remain strong. I need to take back control of my life, a clean break.
“No.” I push away from him and slip on my sneakers.
He turns to face me, watching me as I try to act as calm as possible when inside I’m screaming for him to rescue me from my dark thoughts.
“Where do you think you’re going?” he snipes out, then drags a hand through his hair.
“I want some fresh air.” I shrug a shoulder.
He shakes his head. “No can do, Little Doll. I’m dropping you at my father’s.” This is news to me. I’ve never even met his father. “Jade asked for a girls’ night. I thought you could do with a friend right now.” My pulse races. I haven’t seen Jade in weeks, and though the gesture is sweet, it’s also out of character for Rafael.
“Where are you going?”
He darts his eyes away from me. “I’m working at one of the clubs.”
“Am I taking Oliver with me?” So easily I sing to his tune, and I hate myself for it.
“No. Rosalita will watch him. I want you to have a good time.” He’s in front of me and holding my head in place as he breathes in my hair and places a soft kiss on top of my head. “When do we leave?” He pulls the band from my ponytail, forcing the locks to fall down my back. Then he strokes over my hair, as if needing reassurance and soothing himself, reminding him I’m still here.
Guilt sits like a heavy weight in my empty stomach.
“Now. But Daddy needs you, little girl.” In one fell swoop he has me bent over the bed, my yoga pants down, and my panties shoved to the side while he unbuckles himself and slams inside me before I can even blink. His strong thrust sends my small body sliding across the mattress, but he tugs me closer, then holds me in place with his heavy palm on the middle of my back.
“Fuck, Little Doll. Daddy needs this. He needs it so damn much.” He grunts with another thrust.
A rebuke is on the tip of my tongue, to ask him if his wife wasn’t enough for him. Instead, I close my eyes and imagine him fucking me before he shattered my heart, before I knew she existed.
I relish his touch and pretend we are Daddy and his little doll before he broke me; I need this too. One last time, I need to feel him before I break him like he broke me.