Chapter Twenty-Two
Hallie
At that moment, Fraser’s phone buzzes on the counter. He pauses and glances at it, frowns, then blows out a breath. “It’s one of Joel’s colleagues. I’d better answer it.” He holds up a finger. “Don’t move.”
I sit there, heart pounding, as he answers the call. I fight the urge to run and get dressed, then sneak out while he’s talking. That would be cowardly. We do need to talk about this.
“Hey, Manu, what’s up?” He studies the worktop as he listens, scratching at a mark on it. Then, all of a sudden, he sits bolt upright, barking questions and frowning as he listens to the answers. “What? When? Fucking hell. There’s no sign of them at all? Is there any land nearby? What’s the island like? How far is it from the rocks? Do you… do you think…” He swallows hard. “Okay. Yes, of course. I’ll fly up and join you. Yep, I have them as emergency contacts through the museum. And yeah, I’ll have to ring Mum and Dad before I leave.” He checks the time. “I’ll probably be able to get a plane around nine thirty, something like that? Yeah. Okay.” He runs a hand through his hair. “See you then. Thanks for calling me. Yeah, let’s hope.” He ends the call.
I get to my feet, facing him across the counter. “What’s happened?”
“Joel and Zoe are missing.”
I inhale sharply. “What?”
“Apparently they took the boat out yesterday, just the two of them. A storm blew up and swept across the islands. The Coastguard found the boat drifting by the Black Rocks, not far from the excavation site, about thirty minutes ago. There’s no sign of them.” He’s gone completely white.
“Oh Fraser, I’m so sorry.” I cover my mouth, shocked.
“I have to ring my parents and Zoe’s parents,” he says. He looks down at himself, as if only realizing then that he’s not dressed. “And I need to get ready. Then I’m going to fly up to the Bay of Islands and join the search and rescue party.”
“Okay.”
He hesitates. “The museum… I have meetings…”
“Don’t worry about work,” I say immediately. “I’ll go in and see Louise and explain everything. We’ll sort it out. You need to concentrate on your family.”
His brows draw together, and he runs a hand through his hair. “We need to finish our discussion…”
“There’s plenty of time for that, sweetheart. Why don’t you ring your parents while I quickly get dressed?”
He nods. He looks so upset that I walk around the breakfast bar and lift my arms around his neck. “I’m so sorry,” I whisper as he hugs me tightly. “I hope they’re found safe and sound. They’re both resourceful. Joel’s broken all those records for freediving, so he’s the perfect person to survive in a situation like this. And Zoe’s a strong swimmer.” I swallow hard. It’s true, but she’s nowhere near as capable as Joel. And even he would struggle if he was thrown overboard in the middle of the ocean.
But we can’t think like that. We have to believe they’ve survived, because I don’t think I’ll be able to cope otherwise.
I move back and kiss him, and then he kisses me back, long and hard. Then he releases me and says, “Okay, I’ll ring my folks.”
I leave him to it, return to the bedroom, and go into his en suite bathroom. I stare at the toilet for a moment, fighting the urge to vomit, but eventually I conquer it, and I turn to the mirror. I’ll go back to my apartment and take a quick shower and change into fresh clothes. For now, I have an elastic band around my wrist, and I wrestle my hair into a ponytail. I splash some cold water on my face, trying not to think about Joel and Zoe being tossed about by the cold ocean waves. Then I go out and get dressed, my hands shaking anyway, because it’s impossible not to fear the worst.
By the time I go back out, Fraser is wrapping up his conversation with his parents. He’s standing by the window, speaking softly, trying to console them with the same words and phrases that I said, reminding them confidently that Joel is an accomplished diver who can hold his breath for nine minutes. It’s true because he holds the national record, but of course that’s under strictly supervised conditions, and it didn’t take place in a raging sea in the middle of a storm.
And not only that, but I know Joel well enough to believe that he would have been doing everything he could to get Zoe to safety. He would never have abandoned her to save himself. Either they’ve both survived, or neither of them have.
My eyes fill with tears.
Fraser repeatedly reassures his parents, then says he has to go and call Zoe’s folks, and that he’ll get back to them the moment he has any news. He ends the call, then stares out at the view, although I doubt he’s actually seeing the bright day. His head is up in the Bay of Islands, with his brother.
“What about Elora?” I say, walking up to him. She’s away on a cruise around the country with Linc. “Are you going to call her?”
He shakes his head. “We decided to wait until we have news. They’re in Milford Sound, so it’s unlikely they’ll have a reception anyway.” He looks down at me. When he sees me fighting tears, he puts his arms around me again.
We stand there like that for about a minute, letting the sunshine warm us through, because I’m sure, like me, he’s chilled to the bone.
Then I move back, and together we walk over to the front door.
“Do you want me to drive you home?” he asks.
But I shake my head. “I’ll Uber, don’t worry about me. Can you let me know when you get some news, though?”
“Of course.” He opens the door.
I hesitate. Then I give him a last, brief kiss before I walk out.
I walk down the steep hill to the main road and call an Uber. Then I stand there, heart still banging on my ribs, as I wait for it to arrive.
I could have stayed behind with Fraser, but he needs to concentrate on his family right now, and he doesn’t need me distracting him. There’ll be plenty of time for us to catch up once he has some news.
Realizing what the news could well be, I press my fingers to my lips. Oh, Zoe. She’s one of my best friends, and I can’t imagine what life would be like without her. She’s smart, feisty, bright, and cheeky, and the world would be a much poorer place if she wasn’t in it. She can’t be gone.
And Joel… I know Fraser will never be the same again if something happens to his brother. They’re very close, and they’ve been through a lot together, especially with what happened to Elora.
And as for her… kind, gentle Elora, who’s recovered from such a horrific event, and who’s been so brave. How will she cope with losing her brother?
No, I can’t think like that. In the same way that before I told Fraser about my past, I felt like Schrodinger’s Cat, Joel and Zoe are the same. At this moment, it feels as if they’re between worlds, as if they’re captured in amber. I have to remain positive, because if I think the worst and they’re alive, I’ll have worried all that time for nothing. And if I imagine the worst and they’re… not alive, I’ll have gone through it all twice. What is it they say—worry is the dark room where negatives develop?
I’m not sure if I believe in the power of prayer, or in the idea that thinking positive creates positive energy that can influence events, but what do I know? At this point, I’m not too proud to try anything. So, while I wait for the car to arrive, I close my eyes and prepare to send up a prayer to anyone who might be listening.
What should I say? Is there any point in praying that they’re alive? At this point it’s too late, surely? The die has been cast. But maybe time isn’t linear. Maybe prayer can change the past, and influence the course of events both past and future. There are more things in heaven and earth, Hallie, than are dreamt of in your philosophy…
So I pray that Joel and Zoe survived the storm, and that they made it to land, and they’re safe somewhere. And then I pray for Fraser and Elora, and for his parents, and Zoe’s parents, and for everyone else who knows them to have the strength to make it through the next few hours, and for whatever the future brings.
The car pulls up, and I get in and stare out of the window as it threads through the traffic to my apartment, lost in thought.
When I get home, I take a quick shower and dress, then head into work. I go straight up to Louise and explain the situation, and the two of us decide to keep it quiet from the rest of the staff for now. They all know Joel, and of course Zoe works here, and we don’t see any point in upsetting anyone when there isn’t any concrete news.
She assures me she can rearrange Fraser’s meetings, and after a quick hug, I leave her to it and return to the conservation room. I need to finish restoring the Māori box, and I have several other items to start work on, but it feels impossible to concentrate. I’m worried about Joel and Zoe, but we’re selfish creatures at heart, and I can’t help but think about my relationship with Fraser, and what’s going to happen between us.
I make myself a coffee, then have a thought, and decide to call Whina Cooper. She answers after a few rings, and I tell her about Joel and Zoe.
“I thought I should tell you,” I say. “Not just because Zoe works here, but… well, I thought you’d like to know.”
“Of course,” she says, shocked. “Poor Fraser. How is he?”
“Worried. Terrified, actually. He’s going to fly up there and join the manhunt.”
“What about you—you’re not going with him?”
“No…” I don’t want to discuss our personal relationship with her. “I thought I’d check to see whether you’d managed to speak to Isabel.”
“Yes, I was going to call you later. I’ve booked you on a flight tomorrow morning at eleven, and I’ve spoken to her, and she finally agreed to meet you for lunch. I talked about my long relationship with her father, and I don’t think she felt she could say no.”
I blow out a nervous breath. “Okay.”
“I’ll text you the details of the flight. Good luck.”
“Thank you.”
“Will you let me know when you hear anything?”
“Of course.”
“Take care, dear.”
“You too.” I end the call.
I take my coffee back to the table and pull the Māori box toward me. I might as well do some work. Maybe it’ll take my mind off everything.
It doesn’t, but time passes, as it always does. The seconds tick away, and turn into minutes, and then an hour.
And, shortly after ten, my phone buzzes, and the screen shows Fraser’s name.
Immediately, my hands start shaking and tears sting my eyes. I take a few breaths to try to calm myself, but of course that’s not going to happen, and eventually I slide the green button across and answer the call.
“Fraser?” I say softly.
“They’re alive,” he says.
Emotion crashes over me like a wave, and I immediately burst into tears. “Oh my God,” I sob. “Oh my God. What happened?”
He explains how the two of them decided to swim to shore, and they ended up on one of the small islands and took shelter in a Department of Conservation hut. This morning they walked across the island until they managed to get a reception on their phones, and they called for help.
“Are you up in the Bay?” I ask.
“No, I was just about to get on the plane when Joel rang me.”
“Oh Fraser, I’m so happy for you.”
He blows out a long, long breath. “Yeah, I’ve never felt so relieved. That’s the worst couple of hours of my life.”
“Of course, you poor thing.”
He hesitates. “All I could think about was you.”
I look up, at the shafts of sunlight streaming through the high windows, and sigh.
He sighs too. “I’ve got a few phone calls to make, but I’ll come into work this afternoon. I’ll call in and see you.”
“All right. I’m so happy for you, Fraser. I’m so glad they’re okay.”
“Yeah, me too. See you soon.”
“Bye.” I end the call.
It’s impossible to keep back my tears, and I cry for a bit, wondering whether my prayers helped at all. It’s nice to think so. When I eventually feel better, I call Louise, then Whina, and let them know the good news. Then I get back to work.
Mid-afternoon, I finally hear from Zoe, and we have a tearful conversation where I tell her how relieved I am that they’re both okay. She’s heading back to Wellington to see her family, but she tells me a bit about what happened, and how scary it was.
“Good job Joel was with you,” I say.
She lets out a long sigh. “Honestly, Hal… he saved my life. Several times, I think. It’s all a bit of a blur. But he was amazing. And he didn’t leave my side.”
I smile. “So is this the start of something beautiful?”
She hesitates. “Maybe.”
My smile fades. “What’s the matter?”
“It’s never that easy, is it? I mean, there are things he doesn’t know about me. And I know it’ll change how he feels about me when he finds out.”
It mirrors my own fears so closely that it makes me frown. “I’m sure it won’t,” I say awkwardly, conscious that I’ve already come to that conclusion myself.
“We’ll see,” she says. “Anyway, I’ll probably see you at work on Monday.”
“I’m really glad you’re okay. I was so worried.”
“Thanks, sweetie. See you soon.” She ends the call.
I put the phone down slowly. It was quite sobering to hear it from the other side. My instinct is to believe that of course Joel won’t feel any different toward her no matter what she tells him. But she obviously feels the same as me—that these gorgeous men have set us on pedestals, and when they discover we’re not perfect, that we’re very human, in fact, their feelings toward us are inevitably going to change.
It’s late in the day before I see Fraser. He comes in as the sun is dropping lower in the sky, while I’m packing up and getting ready to go home. The room is now filled with tangerine-colored light.
“Hey,” he says as he crosses the floor. “Sorry I’m late. I ended up taking a couple of this afternoon’s meetings.”
“Oh, hey.” I turn to face him, shocked when he comes right up to me and wraps his arms around me. I suppose it’s not surprising considering what a morning we’ve had. I lift my arms around his neck, and we exchange a long hug.
“How are you doing?” I ask when we eventually move back. He looks tired but happy.
“I’m good,” he says. “Looking forward to seeing Joel. I’ll head home shortly.” He looks down at me. His face is a complex painting of light and shadows. His dark-brown hair has turned the color of caramel in the sunlight. His blue eyes are brighter, bluer than the sky at the moment, and they have gold flecks around the pupil that gleam.
He reaches out a hand and tucks a stray strand of hair behind my ear. “You’re so beautiful.”
I blink at the compliment. My instinct is to make a joke of it, or protest that he’s teasing me, or just simply deny it, but I force myself to just smile and say, “Thank you.”
He lowers his hand. “Thank you for sharing your past with me. I appreciate that you felt you could trust me enough to do that.”
He meets my eyes. Then he looks down. “I’d better go,” he says. “Joel will be home by now.”
“Okay.” I feel a twinge of unease deep inside. I’d half-expected him to reiterate his feelings toward me, and repeat his intention to resign so he can be with me. But he doesn’t. I can’t help but think it has something to do with what I’ve told him about my father.
“I suppose it’s good that we both have time to think,” I say softly.
He lifts his gaze to mine. “Mmm,” he says, non-committedly.
I wonder whether he’ll talk to his family about me? Especially his father. I can’t imagine that Atticus Bell will have anything positive to say about Fraser having feelings for another employee, especially one with my family history. I’m sure he’d rather his son meet someone who’s not the daughter of a rapist and serial killer.
“I’ll see you Sunday,” he says. “I’ll let you know when I’m back and we’ll decide what time to meet.”
“Okay. Give my love to Joel.”
“Will do.” He smiles, then turns and walks out of the room.
It’s impossible not to think that he’s walking out of my life.