Chapter 4
4
HAYDEN
I should have made a move. Since when had I been too chicken shit to make a move on a woman I wanted? But here I was, tucked into my sleeping bag, trying to go to sleep while replaying every word we’d exchanged and every glance she’d cast my way.
Rustling on the other side of the tent forced my eyes open. I turned my head as far as I dared and saw that Eve had tossed one mostly bare leg outside of the sleeping bag.
I couldn’t blame her. It was hot outside, and the battery-powered fans I’d hung above each of us did little to cool things down. Or maybe I was feeling hot for other reasons.
Just thinking about it, I started to feel hot too. I shoved the still-unzipped top of my sleeping bag to the side and wiggled through with both legs. Ahh, that was better.
What are we going to do about it?
That was the question I’d asked. I should have leaned in to kiss her or made a move on her. I could have leaned closer toward her, and she probably would have met me halfway. But I couldn’t bring myself to do it, and it wasn’t because I was afraid of being rejected. No, I was afraid I wouldn’t be rejected. The more involved I got with her, the harder it would be when she left.
“You asleep?” she suddenly asked, her voice barely above a whisper.
We’d been in bed for less than half an hour, but I figured she’d drifted off to sleep, even with her leg on top of the sleeping bag. I was sure she must be deep in dreamland while I lay here, torn between kicking myself and congratulating myself for my willpower.
“No,” I said. “I can’t sleep.”
“Too hot?”
Actually, it wasn’t that bad now that I wasn’t buried deep inside the sleeping bag. A cool breeze had settled outside the tent. I’d left the tent flaps open on each side, and the ventilation allowed air to circulate inside. That, plus the fans, made it comfortable.
“No,” I said. “Are you too hot?”
“Not at all. I’m just…”
Silence. What was she going to say? Maybe she didn’t know. I stared up at the fabric above us, waiting impatiently for her to complete the thought. My heart hoped she was about to say that she wanted to kiss me. Maybe even do more. But my head knew that wasn’t a good idea. I should not be hoping for that.
She laughed. “I can’t believe I agreed to camp out all night in a tent with a man I just met. That probably wasn’t the smartest move. Luckily, he turned out to be a normal guy and not an ax murderer.”
“I use an axe, but not to murder.”
I made a face at my own careless wording. It wasn’t exactly reassuring, if she was nervous about being out here with me.
“I just… I don’t know,” she said. After a long pause, she added, “I’ve never felt this kind of attraction to someone before. Every time you look at me, I…”
Again, she paused. Damn it with the pauses. I’d never wished I could read someone’s mind more.
“I’ve had this problem all my life,” she said.
She hesitated again, leaving me to wonder what problem that was. Not being able to finish thoughts? Being attracted to a guy who lived hundreds of miles away? Could be anything at this point. I opened my mouth to ask, but she continued, picking up where she’d left off.
“I’ve never felt that spark with anyone. I waited for it. My friends talked about it, and I envied them. They’d have these big crushes on these guys, and I’d try to like someone, but…I don’t know. I guess I was waiting. I didn’t realize what I was looking for was someone like you.”
Now I was really curious. In the privacy of our tent, both of us staring up at the ceiling, it felt easier to be open like this. At least, that was how I saw it. I had a feeling, though, that she was spilling details for that reason too.
“It made sense in middle school, but by high school, it just seemed wrong that I didn’t have a mega-crush on anyone,” she said.
“You said you were looking for someone like me. What exactly is it about me that’s different?”
She paused another long moment before answering. “Well, you’re a man, not a boy. That’s a big part of it. But it’s not just that. All you have to do is look at me, and I feel…beautiful.”
“You are beautiful.”
“Nobody’s ever told me that before. Well, nobody who wasn’t related to me.”
That was hard to believe. I didn’t think much of the guys who’d been in her life before she met me, whoever they were.
“I’m thirty-five years old,” I said. “I’ve lived a lot of life, and I can one hundred percent say I’ve never felt this before either. I’ve been cursing the fact that I’m feeling it with someone who’s leaving soon.”
I had no idea how soon. She could be leaving tomorrow. I was afraid to know exactly how long she’d be in town.
“I’ve never had an orgasm.”
The statement came so out of the blue, it shocked me. It took me several seconds to even run it through my mind and make sense of it. When it did, anger was the emotion that shot through me. I shifted my head on the pillow and looked at her.
“Fucking assholes,” I said.
She turned her head toward me. “Who?”
“The guys you slept with who didn’t make sure you were satisfied. Even when I was a young prick, full of hormones, I never left a woman wanting more. Never.”
“Nobody left me unsatisfied. I’ve never slept with anyone. Not even close.”
With that, she turned her head back to its original position, staring up at the ceiling. I did the same, my eyes wide.
What was she saying?
“You’ve never had sex before?” I finally asked.
“Never. I don’t even have a good reason for why. I mean, all three of my friends have done it. They even brought guys back to the apartment over the two years we lived off campus. I guess I felt like sleeping with a guy I wasn’t in love with was worse than not sleeping with anyone at all.” She paused, then added, “But then I met you. And I get it.”
My eyebrows shot up. “Get what?”
“Why someone would sleep with a guy she just met. That sizzle of attraction. It’s like seeing a big, gooey brownie and craving just one really delicious, mouthwatering bite.”
She was talking about food, but her words were going straight to my dick. I’d taken off my jeans and T-shirt before climbing into the sleeping bag and now, my erection was turning my boxer briefs into a giant tent. But she probably couldn’t see that in the dark.
“There’s one problem with really good brownies, though,” she said.
I was almost afraid to ask. “What’s that?”
“You can’t have just one. And if you find a brownie that’s particularly tasty, you’ll compare it to every single brownie you eat for the rest of your life, so you may as well stick with that original recipe.”
She was not talking about brownies. I was fully aware of that. I was that gooey brownie that made her mouth water. And once she got a taste of me, she wouldn’t want anyone else. Her phrasing, not mine.
“What if you know that brownie is going to never be available to you again?” I asked. “Is it better to enjoy it while it lasts or to walk away, knowing that it would have ruined you for all other desserts?”
I shouldn’t drift too far from the analogy, but she would get my meaning. If I knew she was going to leave here soon and I would never see her again, would I want to sleep with her, anyway?
The answer to that was yes. Sure, I’d kick myself for the rest of my life for not finding a way to make it last, but that would be better than kicking myself for not finding out what it would be like to make love to her—and wondering for the rest of my life.
“I’d have the brownie anyway,” she said. “Better to have a moment of the best pleasure you’ve ever had than never have it at all.”
It reminded me of an old saying. “It’s better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all.” I’d never really understood the meaning of that, but now I got it. I would not want to go the rest of my life without knowing what making love to Eve might have been like.
“I want you to be my first time,” she said. “I’m on the pill, so you don’t have to worry about birth control. Let’s do this.”
She sat up. I stared at her, suddenly aware that I’d lost all ability to breathe. It was like the air had been sucked out of my lungs. If I couldn’t breathe, there was no hope I’d be able to speak. And I needed to speak.
“Are you sure?” I asked. “I mean, we’re in a tent, in sleeping bags. I wouldn’t think that would be an ideal first time.”
“That makes it even hotter. It’ll be the most memorable first time ever, with a gorgeous mountain man in a tent at the top of a mountain.”
It was a story she’d be telling for the rest of her life. And that was the part that bothered me the most. I did not want her to tell the story for the rest of her life. I wanted to be in her life, making even more memories.
One thing at a time, though. Now that I’d established I wanted to do this—even if she was walking out of my life afterward—there was no point in holding back.
I grinned. “Your sleeping bag or mine?”
“I’m on my way over to you.”
I was so nervous, I reached down to shove the sleeping bag off, only to remember I’d tossed the top aside already. There was nothing between me and the woman now standing above me but a pair of boxer briefs.
“Now I’m not sure what to do,” Eve said. “Maybe I should have had you come to my sleeping bag.”
“It’s not too late.”
She shook her head. I could make out her features even better now, but she still had to get closer for me to see the finer details.
Within seconds, she lowered herself until she was crouched next to me on her knees. I reached over and put a hand on her thigh, and even that simple touch did things to me I wouldn’t have expected. I couldn’t imagine what it would be like to have her whole body pressed against mine. I groaned.
“That good, huh?” she teased.
She lay down, and I fully made out the smile playing at her lips and the teasing glint in her eyes. I reached up with my other hand and placed it on her shoulder, nudging her toward me and sitting up a little to meet her halfway.
Our mouths fused in a frenzied kiss that came from hours of intense desire. My hands itched to roam, but I kept them in place, hesitant to do anything that might disrupt the moment.
I would keep kissing her for hours if I could. But eventually, I’d have to touch.
She seemed to have the same thought because her hand was moving over my stomach and upward, toward my chest. Her movements were somewhat amateurish, but I didn’t mind. My body warmed beneath her touch, sending fire straight through me.
She moaned against my mouth, reminding me that my hand was still on her thigh, doing absolutely nothing. I pulled away.
“I want to see you,” I said. She looked confused, and I realized I probably needed to be clearer than that. “I want to see you naked.”
“Oh.”
That was all she said. “Oh.” Then she sat there, looking at me, her palm still flattened on my stomach.
“I’ve never been naked in front of someone before.” She laughed. “Well, I guess I have, but it was in the girls’ locker room in high school. My roommates haven’t even seen me without clothes. I’ve always been very modest.”
“Getting naked is part of the rest of what we’re going to do. But if you don’t feel comfortable?—”
“No, I want to,” she rushed to say. “I just wanted you to know how rare this is. All of it. It’s all just for you.”
With that, she lifted her shirt, leaving me thinking through her words. Just for me. Did that mean she was open to the idea of continuing this relationship after tonight? I sure as hell hoped so.
Before I could think about it too long, I had to put my thoughts on pause. She wore a bra under her shirt. I tamped down my disappointment. I was hoping she’d take off that T-shirt to reveal nothing underneath.
But she was already reaching behind her, unclasping that bra and removing it. Two generous, pink-tipped breasts appeared before me.
“Fuck, you’re beautiful,” I said.
She froze at those words, and I remembered what she’d mentioned earlier. Nobody had ever called her beautiful outside of her family. I was the first. I hated that I was repeating myself, though.
I simply couldn’t think of another word to describe what I was looking at right now. Beautiful. That was the only word that covered it.
I waited, expecting her to say something romantic in return, but instead, she surprised me. She pushed herself to her feet, grabbed the elastic waistband of her shorts on either side, and shoved them down, taking her panties with them.
“Now, remove your underwear,” she said, grinning wickedly, “I want to see what we’re working with.”