39. PARKER
THIRTY-NINE
PARKER
I wake up, inhaling the smell of Connor’s skin, wrapped around him for the third day in a row. He really is a snuggler, and I’m an affection whore who can’t get enough.
Today is his first official game day on the injured list for an apparent upper-body injury. There’s a very small part of me worried that he might regret walking away, but at least this option gives him the freedom to change his mind if need be, and no matter my insecurities, he’s making this choice himself. I need to trust him.
“Good morning,” he rumbles, still half-asleep. His arm tightens around me, and I love how wanted and claimed he always makes me feel.
My face buries into his neck as I slide my hand down his chest. “Tell me where the poor, injured hockey player hurts.”
“Huh?” He’s immediately awake. “Uh … further down.”
My hand skims his abs.
“Yeah … keep going, almost there.”
I slip my hand under the waistband of his boxer briefs and wrap it around his already hard cock.
Connor moans, husky and deep, as he involuntarily thrusts into my grip. “There. Right there. ”
His desperation sends a shiver of delight to my balls, and Connor’s large hands close over my ass. He grinds me against his thigh as I jerk him off until we’re both spilling into our underwear.
I slump against him, kissing my way up his neck until Connor’s mouth is on mine. I’ll never get over the possessive way he kisses. Slow and in control. It makes my toes curl pleasantly.
“Now it’s a good morning,” I say, grinning as I pull away.
His smile is also stretching across his face, and it’s still hard to wrap my head around that I made him look that way.
He reaches down to kick out of his underwear and helps me do the same, then does the best job he can cleaning the mess off us. We’ll still need to shower, but at least we don’t have to do it right now.
“Come here.” Connor opens his arms, and I climb into them, half-draped over his chest. “I’ll never get sick of waking up to this.”
Me neither. We lie there in a lazy silence, soaking in each other’s body warmth. Connor has nowhere to be, and I technically don’t either, even though I’m planning to spend a lot of time with my coaching team while I develop my software.
Connor strokes his thumb over my cheek, pulling my attention back to him. “No, Park, I … I won’t get sick of this. Ever.”
“This?”
“Us.”
I go all melty inside. Connor swallows roughly, and I realize more is coming. “I’m selling my place. Knox and East want to buy it, and I hate being there.”
“Where will you live?” The words are barely out of my mouth when I catch on to where this is going.
Here.
He wants to live here.
With me.
“Yes,” I say, so fast that he hasn’t got a word out .
“Umm … yes?”
“Yes, you can move in here.”
A laugh barks from him. “How did you know that’s what I was going to say?”
“Even if it wasn’t, I want you to. Will you? Move in?” It’s the type of serious move that might be too soon for some but feels exactly right for us. I’m going to go back to traveling with the team to a lot of games, and knowing that I get to come home to a man I’m confident I’ve fallen for sounds like a dream to me.
“I can find another place,” he says. “No pressure. I just really don’t want to.”
“Then don’t. Let’s live together.”
“Fuck, I like the sound of that.”
I’m swimming with nerves and excitement, and for the first time since we first hooked up, I can see it. Us having a life together.
“We’ll have to be careful though,” I remind him. “We’re not going public about us for a reason.”
“I know, and that won’t change. With me more or less out of the sport, no one will give a shit where I’m going home to, and if my brother buys my place, I can keep that address as mine on paper. Then, once my contract has ended and enough time has passed that it won’t bring heat on you, we can relax about it.”
I’m dying for that day to come, but while Connor might be happy to walk away from hockey, I’m not. I love the sport. It might have started with a need to spend time with Dad and then keep that closeness once he passed, but the games are fun to watch, my team is hardworking and dedicated, and with me finding a more active role in the franchise, I’m getting that hit of belonging, of being part of something, and I’ve always craved that.
Connor respects that as much as I respect his need to distance himself from it. For Connor, he’s never been able to be his own person, and I’m so proud he’s taking that chance now.
“Any idea of what you want to do next?” I ask.
A contemplative look falls over his face. “Yeah … I don’t have all the details, but I thought I’d give public speaking a try.”
“Really?”
He shrugs. “I’m good at it. The media always comments that I’m easy to interview because, unlike most of the other guys who grunt, I can actually string a sentence together.”
“Shocking with how many hits to the head you’ve taken.”
He pinches my side. “Okay, brainiac. But I thought the first step could be to reach out to our old high school. Maybe have a practice run and see how it goes?”
He sounds nervous about it, and that only proves this could be a great step for him.
“What are you going to talk about? Hockey? Queer men in sport?”
“Definitely a bit of that.” He pauses. “And also … bullying. How you can easily be a bully by not saying anything at all.”
“Connor—”
“Nope. Don’t let me off lightly. Having the perspective of a few years makes it a lot easier to know that if I had said something to get the team to lay off, most of them would have done it. They looked up to me. As captain, it’s not only how you are on the ice that the guys pay attention to, and while there’ll always be the outliers who don’t give a fuck, I could have made a difference. So I figure if I can get through to one kid, just one, it’ll all be worth it. You’re such an incredible person, Parker, and you didn’t deserve any of what happened to you.”
My eyes get all misty. I know I accepted Connor’s apology, and I know he meant it, but this feels like … like validation. Like he’s looking at me and he’s understanding. Knowing that he wants to bring positive change even though he’s not that person anymore is all a bit too much emotion for me to handle .
“Thank you.” I brush his lips with a kiss. “But I don’t want you to do this for me. I want you to do it for yourself.”
“I am.” Those two words fill me with relief. “And for them. The past mes who still have a chance to be better.”
Knowing he has a plan for what he’s working toward makes it so much easier to get out of bed and get ready for my day. We shower together, cook breakfast together, take Conishkin out for a play and to explore together, and it’s this brief little glimpse of what our lives could look like once he moves in that makes me excited for the future.
Connor Kikishkin finally sees me, and more importantly, I see him. The real him and not some fantasy dream man who I had built up in my head.
The reality is better anyway.
Me, Connor, and our little rat baby.
Who he finally held the other day.
Cup or no Cup, I know that getting to see me like this would make Dad proud.
He only ever wanted me to be happy, and for the first time ever, I actually am.