Chapter 7 Jack
SEVEN
Jack
The dreaded moment had arrived.
Tian and I were flying out of paradise this morning.
Him back to Colorado. Me to Harrisburg. Both of us had training for our respective sports.
The Railers and I had a lot of fine-tuning to do, and the only way to come into the season ready to kick ass was to train.
Hard. Harder than I ever had before. I was old.
The rest of the team was not so old. If I didn’t perform well, I’d be let go.
No disrespect to the Railers organization as that was the business.
You don’t bring the Cup home; you’re on the block.
Happens every year to players, coaches, and general managers. I was nothing special.
So, if I wanted to stay in hockey, and some mornings I wondered if I really did, given all the aches and pains, I had to intensify my pre-season prep.
What would I do if I didn’t play hockey?
I had nothing in my life other than my sister and this brief fourteen-day holiday that had given me a tiny window into happiness with another person. Now the window was closing. Again.
“You’ve been staring at your underwear for a long time,” Tian commented. I glanced across the rumpled bed to where his case sat snapped and ready to roll. From his intense expression I knew he was trying to figure out where I was mentally. “You okay?
“Yeah, I’m good. Just thinking about getting back on the ice. Training and all that.” I closed the lid on my case, smiled widely, and zipped it shut. “When is your flight again?”
He glanced at his phone after giving me a curious glance. “About two hours.”
“Right, right.” I’d blocked that departure time from my head. “I guess you’d best get rolling then. Your ride will be waiting for you.”
“Yeah, I guess.” He hoisted his bag from the bed.
I stood and watched him pad around in fancy sneakers, shorts, and a tee.
A gorgeous specimen of a young man in his prime.
And he’d been mine. For two weeks. For some reason this sexy-as-sin athlete had wanted to not only fondle my old man balls but suck them until I blew sky high like a Roman candle.
He dropped his bags by my feet. My plane back to Harrisburg was at four.
I had time to kill. Alone. Sitting by the pool with a drink in hand.
Ugh. “This has been amazing.” He cupped my hairy face in his strong hands, dark eyes melancholy. “I wish we had more time but…”
“Yeah I wish so too. Damn buts. Can I kiss you goodbye?”
“You better.” He rose to his toes.
I enveloped him in a hug that pushed some air from his lungs as our mouths met.
I licked over his tongue, picking up the sharp taste of spearmint toothpaste as I breathed in the warm scent of his skin mingling with his cologne.
I wanted to lock the sensory memory down so I could pull it up when I thumbed through the few dozen selfies we had snapped during our stay.
“I’m going to miss you. If you’re ever in Colorado and I’m there… not that I’m there in the season… but hell, look me up.”
“I will,” I whispered then, as hard as it was, I released him.
He held my face for a moment longer, then forced a smile. “Maybe we’ll run into each other then.”
I nodded, and his hands fell from my face.
I wanted to say things to him. Lots of things.
But this was what we had agreed on. A clean break.
We’d come into this knowing it was a vacation fling that ended at checkout time.
He had a blossoming career while I was trying to salvage mine.
Romance just did not fit into our busy lives.
“We’ll always have Caye Caulker,” I said in my best Bogart impression.
That made him smile. We’d spent a few nights curled around in other in bed after sex, his head on my chest. I recalled one special night when we watched Casablanca as the tropical winds tickled our overheated skin.
Perfect. Then, I let him go. And go he did, with a few glances over his shoulder until he was out of the door and out of my life.
It sucked. I felt as if a hole the size of a manhole cover had been gouged out of my chest.
I walked out onto the patio and stayed there until I was sure he was gone. Only then did I call Fi to let her know I was heading home. Alone. Just as I had left.
“Okay, Jack, let’s hit the scale before we hit the ice,” Bjorn said as soon as I entered the locker room. “You can’t out-train a bad diet.”
I’d heard that for the past four weeks. And it was true. No denying it. I’d come back from Caye feeling glum over the loss of another lover, but something Fiona had said on the ride home from the airport had wiggled through the gloom like a sliver of sun cuts through the rain clouds.
“You’re looking at things wrong, Jack. Instead of focusing on leaving him, look at how fucking amazing it was to be with him and that you, Jack O’Leary, had a younger lover who lavished attention on you and was well-pleased in bed and out.
Also, I love your snapshots of you and him. Can I please send a dozen to your ex?”
“No!”
“You don’t let me have any fun!”
Still, Fi was right. I had managed to find and please a gorgeous man ten years my junior.
That was something to feel good about. My ego began to grow slowly.
Knowing I could still please a lover made me feel better about myself.
And that had started to leak into my hockey life.
Which was why I settled on signing up with Bjorn Persson, a personal trainer at his facility in Falmouth, Massachusetts.
The man was legendary. He’d worked with many of the pros, including several from the Boston Rebels.
The four-week training camp was intense.
I do not know how I survived the first day.
I barely made it to the ice for day two, but I did.
And then I showed for days three, four, five, etc.
, and the training got easier. Not easy. Bjorn did not do easy. But easier.
Coming into the final week, I was down ten pounds, my speed had increased, my focus on basic mechanics had improved, and my endurance had risen.
The Railers were about to get a brand-new captain when preseason began next week.
All thanks to two magical weeks with Tian.
If I ever saw that man again, I would kiss him for the bolster he had given my sagging ego.
I’d also kiss him because I missed his laughter and sunny disposition.
We could have been good, I think, if life hadn’t pulled us apart.
“If I maintain weight, do I get to have a banana split after sprints?” I asked, stepping up onto the scale in front of ten other elite players, all younger than I was, and all just as hungry. The guys chuckled.
“No, but you can join the others for another hour in the weight room followed by fruit smoothies on the quad,” Bjorn replied.
“That’s not as inspiring as you seem to think,” I countered and got a short huff of a laugh from the towering Swedish ex-Olympian.
The fruit smoothie, an hour later, tasted mighty fine. As did the knowledge I’d bench-pressed more than any of the hotshot youngsters. Yep, that smoothie tasted damn fine.
“Cap, do you think that the Railers will ever again have a streak like we had in the Rowe-Madsen days?”
I scrubbed at my beard, neatly trimmed but still on my face.
I couldn’t bring myself to shave it off, as Tian had loved it so much.
Not that I had anyone to take his place in my bed.
I doubted anyone could, but keeping the whiskers reminded me of our short but incredible time together.
And that always made me feel better about myself.
I stroked my chin as I contemplated the question from one of about fifteen reporters gathered around me on the first day of training camp.
“Well, Issac, I think that we’re going to see a new team this year, filled with great talent. We have some great rookies this year who will be trying to make the roster. Did you see our representation at this year’s rookie camps?”
Issac, a reporter from a local sports blog and a pretty decent guy, nodded. “I did, and while those kids are in the pipeline, we’re going to need more from the veterans.”
“Agreed,” I said, and got head bobs from the press at my cubicle.
“I know that I’m coming into this season lighter, stronger, and with a fire in my heart that I hope to spread to the rest of the team.
I know Gunny over there,” I jerked my hairy chin at Noah Gunnarsson holding court in the corner, “has been working hard all summer, just like Trick. We’re all hunkering down to bring this city a winning team.
I think you’ll be pleased at what you see during our first preseason game against Philly in a few weeks. ”
They fired a few more questions at me, then filed out when the press manager for the team told them to.
Layton Foxx, newly appointed Senior Director of Public and Media Relations for the Railers, herded them to the press room where they could speak with the GM while we players were put through a day of testing.
I strolled through the locker room, stopping to talk with each man, asking how their summer went and how the partners and kids were doing.
Gunny and his race car driver were stupidly happy; I could tell by the goofy grin on his face when he mentioned him.
Trick was dating a retired football star and seemed happy as a clam.
His attitude would be under my scrutiny this season.
I knew love could do miraculous things for a man.
Not that I loved Tian. I mean, that would be silly.
I’d known him for two weeks. And sure, those were amazing weeks, but love was something you built together.
Over time. And we were not together, nor would we ever be, as long as we were both professional athletes. But the point still remained.
Once I’d chatted with everyone, I stood in the center of the horseshoe-shaped room, careful not to step on the Railers logo in the center of the mat. We did not need any bad juju.
“Okay, men, I know you’re all looking forward to a day filled with grueling tests both on and off the ice.
Surely you all were training hard during the summer and are in peak physical condition, so nothing to worry about, right?
” I asked and received a round of replies that seemed to be mostly upbeat.
“I love the VO2 test!” Gunny shouted and got pelted with socks.
“Yeah, we all love that one,” I grunted as the men moaned.
“I know the trainers and coaches are about ready for us, but I wanted to take a few minutes to talk with you guys. I know last season was disappointing. Yeah, we made the playoffs, and that’s something to be proud of.
Getting shunted out in the first round was shit.
” The men murmured in agreement. “I feel that a lot of our trouble was here in the locker room. I was going through some personal stuff that pulled me down, and I wasn’t here mentally to keep the locker room in the right frame of mind.
” They all started to coddle. “No, hey, no.” I held up a hand.
“I failed you all in that regard. It will not happen this season. I had a great summer, have moved into a new place, and am ready to devote myself to this game one hundred and ten percent.”
They all grunted and clapped. “So, now the rest is up to you. Your captain is here, leaner and meaner and ready to knock fuckers off their skates. What are you baboons ready to do to bring the Cup to Harrisburg again?” Everyone shouted different things.
Forwards wanted to score more, goalies be scored on less, and my fellow D-men wanted to knock fuckers off their skates.
“Excellent! I love that grit! From this point forward, this team is all about cohesion. Working together as a unit. I want to see you bringing energy, toughness, and eagerness to every practice, every game, every time your skates touch ice. Together we can build something incredible. As a team that works as one, we can bring the Cup back to Harrisburg. Together we can build our own legacy!”
They all rose. Fists pumped the air. A dozen or so fell on me, slapping my back, ruffling my hair, and saying how proud they were to be Railers.
That was the drive and passion we needed from the guys and from me on the daily.
Last year, the shit with Paula had distracted me, pulled me down into a pit where I couldn’t see one good thing about myself or my life.
Now I was better, lighter, stronger, ready to take on the rest of the league.
And so much of that new spirit was due to Tian.
Someday, I would thank him for those magical two weeks.
He’d been the keystone of my slow climb out of misery and self-doubt.
As my team filed out to conduct their testing and get the new season underway, I whispered a heartfelt thanks.
Not to any saint. No, I offered up a tender gratitude to Tian and the joy he had brought into my life.
I sent it off with a kiss of my mother’s gold cross that hung around my neck.
Wherever he was and whatever he was doing, I hoped he felt a gentle caress of affection and warmth and knew it was from me.