Chapter 23 Meet the Parents #2
“I agree,” Davey said. “Although, Dad always said trying to raise us was harder than with the girls. And given that all of them are much more mature, I’m not sure there’s a way around it. Daphne is the most grown of all of us.”
“Daphne seems like a nice woman,” Mom said.
“She is,” I agreed. “And she’s about to go on leave, so Davey is panicking.”
“I’m not. But I am relying on you to keep me abreast of literally all of technology. I cannot even fix a computer, but you’re—”
“My job is to translate and filter it,” I said. “And I will do that. Of course, now we have the added complication of—”
“It will be fine,” Davey said. “I’m giving myself a hard time. I am sure it will work. We do the best we can.”
Dad changed the subject. “Well, the car is nice. It’s electric.”
“I’m getting a plug for the barn. I can charge it by the overhang,” I said.
“It seemed very fancy,” Mom agreed. “But that’s silly. Put the plug and charger in the garage. Maybe we’ll get a new-fangled car. We’re not that old-school and redneck, Eva.”
“I didn’t want to impose—”
“Well, you aren’t. And anyway, you aren’t planning on staying here, are you?” Dad asked.
“Oh… I we haven’t talked about that,” I sighed. “Way to make it awkward.”
“That isn’t true, Eva,” Davey outed me. “I’ve tried—”
“To make me move up there.”
“Well, I think it would be better if I could be closer and could actually help you.”
“I agreed to the nanny.”
“Eva, that’s not the same thing.”
“You should move up there,” Mom said. “I hate to have to see you go, sweetheart, but… he’s right.
You will want him nearby for help. And they will want to see their father.
It’s a little silly to have him drive down here.
Besides, Dad and I raised our children. We’ll be glad to take them on weekends sometimes, but having two babies in the house isn’t for us. ”
I felt rejected. “Okay, well I didn’t realize I was getting evicted—”
“Sweetie, you aren’t,” Dad said. “We just figured you’d want to move up there after you got a steady paycheck. This isn’t exactly the center of the universe. It’s exciting up there.”
I expected a superior look from Davey. Instead, his face showed sympathy.
“We’ll make it work,” Davey reiterated.
Mom slapped her knees, initiating a Midwestern Goodbye if I ever saw one. “It’s late. I should get you some towels and make sure the guest room is ready, David.”
“Oh, uh… you don’t need to go to any trouble,” Davey said. “Really, Mrs. Pavlak—”
“You aren’t sleeping in her room,” Mom said. “And I won’t make you drive. Stay up. Talk to Eva. But, mind yourselves.”
Mom left. Dad soon said goodnight and disappeared.
“They realize I’m almost forty, right?” Davey winced. “And that… you’re pregnant with my children?”
“My mother is still very religious and traditional,” I said. “So, she’s going to make you earn it. And, Davey, we’re not having sex tonight. You knew that.”
“Did I?”
I rolled my eyes. “Do I look up to it? I’m not.”
“Oh… okay. I’m not upset just… I don’t know. This is peak awkwardness.”
“I know,” I laughed. “Fuck, it’s so weird.”
“It is worth it, though,” Davey said. “I will keep trying. Your parents care about you, Eva. I’m sorry that sort of blindsided you.”
“I’m fine.”
Davey moved next to me. “No, you’re not. I think I hurt your feelings about Mum not wanting a distraction. And I think your parents mean well, but it’s a complicated time.”
Davey wrapped his arm around the couch. “You don’t have to be tough-as-nails always. You know? I don’t know who hurt you, Eva, but I do want to be the one who proves not every man in your life has to be a grave disappointment.”
“It’s not just the man who hurt me,” I said, feeling vulnerable. “It’s years of thinking it was something it wasn’t. Maybe in your mind, I should just move in? In fact, Ellie teases me about it all the damn time.”
“Why?”
“I moved in with Mona—my ex—about five minutes after we got together. We were a walking stereotype for a lesbian couple. But that is so different than this.”
“Yeah, I supposed my house is probably a little wild, but Eva, I’m older and have had time—”
“Davey, I don’t mean it like that. You know nothing about her—or what we did or didn’t do.
No. Her place was immaculate. She lived in a posh neighborhood.
She spoiled me with nice things. She was older than you.
I felt safe—perhaps, too safe. In the end, she s love as something that can change.
She was done. The baby stuff killed my sex drive, and we grew apart. ”
“If this is what it looks like when your sex drive is dead, I think she was asking a lot,” Davey chuckled.
“It was different. One, I never got to the horny part of pregnancy before. Two, it was an endless cycle of drugs that fucked with my body and my head. And it made her not want to touch me because I was always irritable. She’s not like you.”
“What am I like?”
“Persistent,” I said. “Annoyingly persistent. And far too secure when you have no right to be. Sometimes, I wish I was more like you.”
“I will take that as a compliment,” Davey said.
“Look, I like you. I even must admit I have fun with you. I find you absolutely grating at times, but I honestly adore that you care so much for me despite all the weirdness. I don’t get why, but…”
My voice trailed and my eyes dropped as Davey played with the hair in my ponytail. His distraction suddenly hit me as sweet.
“I… do want to try,” I finished.
“You are utterly infuriating but so engrossing, Eva.”
“Is that a compliment?”
“I haven’t chased a woman in years. Instead, I found women who threw themselves at me—low investment flings that made me feel good for a bit. The stakes were low, so I didn’t have to try. With you, I must do the awkward things, but… I don’t regret it.”
“Why, though?”
“You are so different. You’re smarter than I am.
You’re beautiful. I don’t have to babysit you even if I don’t always understand what you are talking about.
If I must have children with someone, I would much rather they be smart, demanding, and ambitious as opposed to lazy, overly attached, and dumb as a brick. Who would I argue with if not you?”
“Literally everyone since you love to argue,” I giggled.
“So do you, Eva.”
I stared deep into his eyes for a minute, trusting him as I hadn’t before. “Do you honestly care what happened?”
“With the person who hurt you?”
“It was people, but yeah,” I said.
Davey nodded.
“A person I loved—or at least I thought I did—forced himself on me. At the time, I don’t think I’d call it anything, but… it was not consensual.”
I watched Davey’s face turn sympathetic.
“Don’t say anything, please. The last thing I want is your pity.
But… it meant that for years, I feared men.
Shouting makes me fly off the handle. Men who are rough with me, trigger the hell out of me—unless I initiate it.
Until we slept together, I was absolutely convinced I’d never have penetrative sex with a man again. ”
“Really? Then why me? It was a hookup—”
“You wanted to prove yourself to me. You got me off like a fucking god. And you wanted me to tell you what I wanted. It had been years since anyone asked me what I wanted—fuck, even what I needed! Also, the idea of torturing a rich guy who could get me off appealed. Sorry, but, I sort of fantasized about it.”
“I never want you to feel scared. And hey, objectify me any which way! I don’t mind.”
I giggled and shook my head. “I know. You always check in on me. And… that is what I need. It is taking me time to come to terms with the fact that you get aggro because you care. It’s not some sort of fucked up power move. It’s because you care and anger is your only emotion sometimes.”
“I am working on it. Since Dad died, it has gotten worse. I feel like everything is slipping through my fingers, Eva. I suck at all of it. I don’t want to suck at parenthood.
I don’t want to suck at having a relationship with you—whatever that looks like.
The stakes couldn’t be higher. Dad would have my ass if he was here and I didn’t step up. ”
“So, you just want to do this because—”
“I want to do this because I fucking love you, Eva,” Davey admitted.
As he said it, I froze. He did, too. He regretted it.
“I am sorry. That was… I didn’t know—”
“It’s okay. You don’t love me. You couldn’t.”
Davey started slow, words coming to him as they filtered through his brain. “I… I did though. I do love you, Eva. And I’m sorry about that.”
“I don’t love you,” I said.
“That’s fine.” Davey looked down.
I grabbed his chin, pulling his eyes to mine.
“Stop. I… I am so bad at this. I’m really scared to try with anyone, but Davey, I care about you.
I do. I see how you care for me and the twins.
Okay? It’s not that I could never love you or that I’m not attracted to you.
It’s the opposite. Those things make me want to run because I see you and I want this. ”
“You think you could love me?”
“Maybe… I sort of hope so… someday. But I cannot promise I’ll ever say those words. So, if that is a dealbreaker, we really should stop any romantic—”
The words didn’t make it out. Davey kissed me, pulling me close. He breathed me in, our tongues tangling. To my surprise, I didn’t fear it. I couldn’t tell him I loved him because I didn’t, but his vulnerability and acceptance that I needed time was what I longed for.
Davey pulled away, his forehead resting on mine. “I don’t want that. I can wait. But, I don’t want to do more out of respect for your parents. So, let’s part ways before I become even more obsessed with you and do something stupid.”
I laughed. “Okay. I’ll show you upstairs.”
I turned off all the lights. Davey followed me upstairs, carrying the ridiculous pillow. His heart was so full. Davey couldn’t hide the way he felt and was the sort of man who would teach our boys to be vulnerable.
“Here’s your room.” I handed him towels and tried to race away before crying overwhelmed me.
“Thanks. Are you okay?”
“I feel like I learned a lot about you tonight,” I said. “I’m emotional. I’m glad, though. It feels like we’re getting somewhere.”
“It does,” Davey agreed.
“Sleep well,” I said.
Davey kissed my forehead. “Goodnight. I love you.”
On that note, I left. I unfurled the snake-like pillow and tucked it into bed.
I laughed as I found myself curling up, my hips properly supported for the first time in months.
I could finally retire my stash of too-soft pillows.
Davey was onto something. I’d never admit he was right, but I did adore his stubbornness right about now.
In the end, I had the best night of sleep in nearly a year.