Chapter 25 Love Me Less
Eva
I returned home from a night of conversation, affirming sex, and cuddling, to find my sister and brother-in-law at my parents place.
My sister was only days from her due date, and it occurred to me she was in the dark.
I’d not spoken to her in about a month. She’d been so busy with baby prep and the baby sprinkle she was hosting next weekend that she had no time for me.
I’d sworn my parents to secrecy, but as I paraded back into the house in a pair of shorts and t-shirt stolen from Davey, it appeared obvious.
I slumped into a chair by my nephew. He smiled and threw his arms around my body.
“Auntie Eva!” Miles declared, launching himself into my lap.
The real estate in my lap grew smaller by the day. It was so bad I had to buy a new maid-of-honor dress while shoe-shopping with Ellie this week. I’d given up trying to fit in the tight, pretty dress she’d chosen, electing for something a bit more forgiving.
“How are you?” I asked, brightly. “It’s been ages.”
“I got a dino!” Miles declared.
“Oh, how nice! Did you go to the Field Museum to see the dinos?”
“This morning,” Brooke said. “Alone.”
She was exhausted. Ian deserted her.
“Well, you should have called,” I said. “I would have come. I was in the city last night. I just got home.”
“Yes, just what I needed—you on a walk of shame,” Brooke rolled her eyes as Miles butted into my chest, squeezing me tighter.
“Buddy, that hurts,” I grimaced, ignoring her. “Can you love me a little less?”
“Be nice,” Mom said to Brooke. “Your sister was offering to help.”
“I’m always glad to come to the museum.”
“Uh-huh. So, what is going on with this guy?” Brooke snapped.
I straightened in my chair. “I’m seeing him. He lives in Chicago. I went to his mom’s party last night.”
“Oh, so it’s serious?” Ian asked. “Wait, this is a man you’re seeing?”
He snickered in an immature way that made me want to smack him.
“Yes.”
“And he’s an actual man?”
“What do you mean?” I played dumb, waiting for him to tumble into a transphobic hole.
“He has the right plumbing.”
I rolled my eyes and bluffed. “Does it matter? I like him.”
“It’s just I wasn’t sure you’d know what to do with a real live man,” Ian joked.
No one jumped in to defend me. I deflected, bluffing, “The plumbing… as you say… doesn’t have to correlate with his manliness. But really, do you want to see a picture of it, Ian?”
I pulled out my phone as if Davey had ever sent me dick pics. He’d never do that. He knew better.
Disgusted, he said, “Of course not!”
I shrugged. “It’s a shame, really. Or, maybe for your sake it’s better? Comparison is the thief of joy.”
“Eva!” Brooke declared, shocked that I would give back to her manchild better than I got.
“Are you going to come to the sprinkle with him?” Brooke demanded.
“No,” I answered. “I assume he would find that a fate worse than death.”
“Eva, be nice,” Dad groaned.
“Look, no man wants to go to a baby sprinkle,” I said.
“She’s right,” Ian backed me up.
“It’s not a testament to not liking you. It’s that he’s gotta go to London and, I assume, would rather set himself on fire in a parking lot.”
“What is happening in London?” Mom asked.
“Can’t say. I signed an NDA.”
“He made you sign an NDA?” Brooke gasped. “What is he? A murderer?”
“It’s company business. I cannot talk about it, Brooke.”
“Wait… are you… with your boss?” Brooke demanded.
“My bosses are both women.”
“He’s her boss’s boss,” Dad said. “She doesn’t report to him.”
“Who?” Ian asked.
“David Delphine,” Dad answered. “The son of that billionaire who died. His sister is married to the mayor.”
“I don’t buy it. This is all so fake,” Brooke said. “A billionaire? With you? No way. There is exactly no way!”
“Brooke, please,” Mom whined. “Do not be rude to your sister.”
“No, what is the proof? I think all of this is some big lie.”
“He was here just this week. He’s a nice boy,” Dad said.
“Nope. This is a charade,” Brooke crossed her arms across her boobs, resting them on her pregnant belly. “He’d never waste his time with you. Men like him don’t marry fun-sucks. Men like him marry women who can manage parties and start families.”
Tears welled. I shook with rage.
“I don’t think what Davey wants is for me to bring him his slippers when he gets home from work. Unlike Ian, he’s not a manchild incapable of purchasing a birthday present or sticking to a commitment to show up for a family thing. He does all of that.”
“Pound sand, Eva!” Brooke said. “Give me my child! Give him to me right now!”
She stood with Ian’s help all while he glared, then came around, holding her hands out.
“I cannot bend over,” Brooke said. “Hand him to me or so help me!”
“He’s forty pounds,” I said. “I cannot lift him.”
“Oh, are the princess’s arms broken?” Brooke rolled her eyes.
“Yeah, my wrist is still hurt, and I need to be careful with it,” I said.
“Oh please!”
“Brookie, she’s pregnant,” Dad said. “With twins. She shouldn’t be lifting anything.”
The room stopped, gauging Brooke’s reaction. Ian came in, ripping Miles away. As he left my lap, he sobbed. Confusion crossed his tiny face. I couldn’t help but cry, seeing him do the same. My mind raced as I stared down, waiting for Brooke to lay into me.
“I don’t want you at the sprinkle,” Brooke said. “You’ll be an embarrassing distraction, and my friends will just make fun of you. It’s better for you to stay home.”
“Brooke, that isn’t kind,” Mom said.
“No. She’s a whore who is bent on taking away my sunshine by being pregnant!
Good lord! You must be so ashamed, Mom! She’s always looking for attention.
It’s why she dated women—never men. It’s why she got knocked up repeatedly before in some desperate attempt to prove she could trick science.
But it failed because everything like that never works.
Now, she’s trapped some rich guy to prove something. The idea of Eva as a mother is a joke.”
The room fell silent. I sobbed, wanting a hug or someone to defend me.
Instead, no one spoke in favor of me, Davey, or the twins.
No one defended my character or how hard I’d loved Brooke through the worst times or held my tongue with every disagreement.
No one said shit. I just kept crying. Brooke continued to rant.
Miles sobbed. I couldn’t breathe, so I ran.
“Eva!” Mom called. “Eva, come back here! Let’s talk!”
I couldn’t talk. I climbed the stairs, threw my big suitcase on the bed, and began to pile work clothes inside before realizing none fit.
Breaking into tears, I fell forward onto the bed, gasping.
This hurt worst of all. I knew this conversation would hit someday—I just didn’t realize it would hit when I was so raw.
“Eva, sweetie, it’s going to be okay,!” Dad rushed in.
“No, it’s not,” I batted his hands away as he tried to comfort me. “No. Brooke will win the war. This just proves it.”
“What war?”
“Her war of superiority and relegation. My children will not be loved. She will make sure they always feel like second-class citizens.”
“Why would you say that, honey?”
“Because down there, no one defended me. No one called her out for her homophobia, her transphobia, or even for calling me a fucking whore. She said me being a mother was a joke. And you and Mom just fucking sat there, Dad.”
“We don’t want conflict.”
“Well, I don’t either. Not at a dinner table where adults are saying hateful shit to one another! Dad, Miles is distraught. I love that little boy. And God help him if he’s gay, because she won’t! He’s going to grow up hating himself in that case. It’s not okay. And I won’t just sit here.”
“What could we do?”
“Throw her out,” I said.
My dad stared at me, more confused and desperate than I’d ever seen him—worse than on the day I’d come out. At least then, he jumped in to hug me and tell me he loved me even if he didn’t really get it yet. Now, he was seized by inaction.
“Exactly. So, this cannot be my home anymore.” I threw a stack of yoga pants in my bag. “I have to go. I’m not safe here.”
“Please don’t do this, Eva. Sweetie, we love you—”
“Not enough to do the right thing, though.”
“That’s not fair. We cannot just disown her—”
“I’m not asking for that. I’m asking for you to set her on her ass for calling me a whore or dancing on the fact that I miscarried two babies before I got pregnant with these. Do you realize how hard it is to hear these things from your own family?”
Dad shook his head. “I don’t know what to do, Eva. You’re strong. You can—”
“But I cannot. And I don’t have to. I’ve gotta choose me and my babies right now,” I tossed in a load of t-shirts, underwear, and sports bras. “I just can’t do this. Please leave me. I need to pack. I’ll be gone soon. Promise.”
Davey
The doorman rang me around eight. I tried to go over something legal sent, bashing my head against a desk.
I wanted so badly to call Daphne for help, but I knew it would come back to haunt me if I bothered her in the last weeks of pregnancy.
I thought about what I’d want for Eva. The answer drove me to leave her alone.
“Mr. Delphine, Miss Pavlak is parked in guest parking and would like to speak to you,” he said.
“Oh, sure. Send her up.”
I wasn’t expecting Eva. She’d left a few hours ago. This was odd.
A few minutes later, Eva arrived in the foyer with a suitcase. Her face was puffy from crying. She was a shell of the beautiful woman I’d put in a car earlier. What happened? I wasn’t angry she was here, just confused.
“I cannot carry my bag. I am sorry,” Eva said. “I don’t even know what I packed and it’s heavy. I had to have help to get it out. I think your front desk guy hates me.”
“He doesn’t. He’s probably just worried about you. I’ll… I’ll sort the bag out in second,” I said. “The elevator actually goes up to the next floor with a special code.”
“Oh.” She looked down.
“Eva, I need to know what is going on. Are you okay? What happened?”
“I don’t know,” Eva sobbed, moving forward to wrap her arms around me. “I’m so broken.”
“Come on,” I said. “Let’s sit you down. Does a cup of tea sound good?”
“Sure,” Eva sniffled.
I tucked her into the living room couch and went to make a cuppa for us. All the while, the wheels turned. Was it something I did? What about my mother? Had she said something to Eva? Had her parents thrown her out for staying the night? Did they think it was 1066?
“Milk or sugar?” I called into the living room.
“Honey,” she said.
“I don’t have honey,” I laughed. “I was raised by a Scot!”
“Damn it,” Eva said. “Sugar—two.”
“Alright,” I dumped two cubes in her mug and carried it to her.
“What happened?” I asked as she swirled her tea bag.
“I left my parents’ house, and I don’t think I can ever return.”
“Eva, that’s not possible. They love you—”
“Brooke called me a whore. She said there’s a reason I don’t stay pregnant. She said I couldn’t attend the baby sprinkle because I’d be an embarrassment to the family. She said you’d never end up with me. And… she’d probably be right if I wasn’t having these babies and…”
Her words fell to the side as she shook her head, fighting tears.
“Eva, I love you. That’s not true,” I said. “None of that is true. I cannot imagine a world in which you—a high-ranking leader at an international firm with an Oxbridge education would ever be labelled an embarrassment. And as for being a whore… I won’t hear it.”
“I know I’m not… but she’s sure I’m your beard.”
I snickered. “That is a new one. If so, I have a beautiful beard.”
She shook her head. “Now’s not the time, David.”
“For what?”
“Don’t call me beautiful. I don’t feel beautiful. I don’t feel loved or protected or—”
I stopped her. “Hey, you are wonderful. And I love you and will protect you. But I think your parents—”
“They refused to say anything to her, David. Ian ripped my nephew out of my hands. He was sobbing. It was traumatic. He went from smiling at me and bopping around on my knee to seeing me as a monster. My parents didn’t say anything.
They refused to hold her accountable. Davey, I cannot let our children grow up around that.
I love my parents fiercely. I know they love me, but if they cannot hold her accountable, I can’t do it.
You must think I’m being stupid but… I’m not. ”
I shook my head. “No, baby, I don’t. I think you’re protecting yourself from someone toxic. Being family isn’t an excuse for abuse. She hurt you. She did it in front of her own child. That’s totally fucked up.”
“But there are no consequences!”
“I’m sorry, but there were. She lost you in that moment. That is awful, but it’s what she earned. I would never let someone talk that way to you. I’d have packed us up—same as you.”
“Davey, I’m scared.” Eva collapsed, curling in my lap.
I tried to calm Eva with back rubs. After a few minutes, she fell asleep.
I grabbed a pillow to slide under her neck for support and slid from beneath her.
Eva’s tired body barely moved. She was emotionally exhausted.
All I could do was think about how angry I was.
My mother might have been a classist asshole, but she wouldn’t have tolerated a rant like that aimed at my sisters.
I was sure somehow it could be fixed, but I didn’t know how to get there.