Chapter 37 Sparring
Davey
Eva and I hit our stride in November. I lived for the occasional ‘I love you’ that came.
Eva didn’t dole them out as freely as I, but when she lavished me with one, I knew it meant everything.
The boys grew bigger, stronger, and more exhausting to deal with.
I’d never seen Eva as tired as she was between year-end regulatory bullshit and not being able to sleep for more than two or three hours.
I encouraged her to quit, but she refused.
I wanted to quit. Daphne returned from leave part-time and had magically straightened everything.
She never turned it off. We had Thanksgiving at my mother’s house—Eva not ready to put the pressure of a big holiday and separating time out with her parents—and even there, talking shop reigned supreme.
I couldn’t stop it. For the next two weeks, I wanted to talk about the babies and finish the nursery with Bert’s help.
Even as we hung shelves and painted walls, Eva sat in the very expensive glider custom made with her choice of upholstery while working on network integrations and change management plans.
Out of nowhere two days before Christmas, things fell apart.
We planned a date to travel to her parents for Boxing Day for gifts and a simple dinner.
Some of my family went north to the farm in Michigan, but we’d stayed in the city.
We already had two car seats in each car, a go-bag that I kept constantly updated, and the paperwork I thought we might need.
Eva felt it was too soon to worry, but that was my job. I was the support person.
“Eva, where are you going?” I asked, exasperated.
She stood in our closet in a pair of maternity leggings and one of my shirts—the thing barely covering her stomach.
“The office,” she answered. “We have a London incident and Claire and I—”
“You are officially on leave as of yesterday.”
“I am on work-from-home only.”
I groaned, “Does this integration need to happen before Christmas?”
“Look, it needs to happen. Buy-in is fleeting. And if we don’t integrate, we cannot meet GDPR and everything else. It’s a hot mess. It’s bad enough I cannot be there. If I was in London—”
I groaned. “If I was in London. Again, and again.”
“Davey, ninety percent of my job is unfucking things across the Atlantic. You know this. Don’t act like I’m doing this for fun. It’s not, but I feel guilt daily for not being there. If… if only I’d been there, everything would be different.”
I didn’t understand. She was so flustered, but I received no notification about a major incident.
Why was she in such a damn hurry to leave?
And why in the past few weeks did she never stop worrying about London.
Things weren’t always puppies and rainbows with our acquisition, but it didn’t seem that bad.
“I am fighting the urge to get on a plane.”
“Eva, no one in their right mind would permit it.” I snickered.
My laugh further angered her.
“This isn’t a fucking joke, David.”
“Don’t you think I know that? Whose head is on the line, Eva? Not yours. Mine.”
“You should be more worried about London.”
“I have knowledge of financials you do not, my love. I have insight you don’t. Let London go.”
She set her jaw, annoyed. I rubbed her shoulders.
“This is really important, and I need to go, David.”
“To London?” I joked.
Voice sharp, she said, “Out. To the office. I’m not running to London!”
I chuckled. “Well, let’s hope. Can you just explain—”
“I’m already running late,” Eva insisted.
“Call in,” I urged, worried. Nothing about this made sense, but Eva was a hormonal ball of nerves.
“I cannot work on an active incident like this. I know it sounds stupid, but I cannot—”
“You can.” I needed to talk her down.
“God, do you want to track me?” Tears welled. “God damn it David! I am trying to fix things. I have a life. I had one before you. I have a career. I will hopefully have one after all of this.”
She thew her arms around.
“All of this?” I asked.
“The baby shit, your constant obsession with organizing the nursery. Your fussing. Your policing my movements. Your worry about the babies more than the company. Good lord!”
“You are about to give birth. This is what happens.”
“Not to me! Not right now. I’m not… it doesn’t matter. You won’t fucking care.”
“You know that isn’t true.”
“I am a walking incubator. So, what if I went to London? You’d only be sad because you couldn’t talk to my stomach and reorganize the hospital bag. I am useful. I can be, anyhow. I know that place. I know the players and the regulators. And…”
Tears rolled, but she couldn’t finish.
“Eva, I respect you. I see you as a human. Yes, you had a life, but this is your life now.”
“Yes. I’m just the little mother I’m—"
“You are a mother, though. Is that so bad?”
“It is not all of me. Damn it, David! That is what I am telling you. You just want me to ignore everything before—the stress, the move, the new job, and all of this—and move on. I cannot talk to you about anything without it coming back to the babies.”
“Can I not be excited? Can’t we just focus on them? Do you really thing work is more important than our babies?”
Eva glared. “David, I never said that. Stop putting words in my mouth!”
She slipped into a pair of fluffy boots and strode to the door. “I don’t have to choose.”
“I know,” I relented. “But there is so much to do. Can you not just give it a rest, stay home, and focus on—”
“No,” Eva shook her head. “That’s not me. And you should want this. This company is your baby. It is what you worked tirelessly to acquire. I am doing this for both of us.”
“I don’t need you to—”
“I am motivated. Sorry if you’re not!” Eva said, annoyed. “If I wasn’t tied down right now and stuck, I’d already be in the air. Just let me do this!”
She pulled her maternity coat on, but it didn’t button.
It was a waste. She was so cute, but I knew everything got to her these days.
I didn’t want to point out how much I loved soaking up these moments where she was so different than the woman I’d met.
I wanted to do anything but fight, but her words got under my skin.
How had she been so docile an hour early—putty in my hands as I took her from behind.
Could we not go back to cuddling and joking about the most recent flubs made by our governor?
No. That would be too simple. That wasn’t Eva.
What I didn’t understand was why she was so whipped up out of nowhere. Why was she in such a hurry?
“I love you,” I called as she boarded the elevator.
She glared. I wondered if she knew how much it hurt me for her to go to this place and ignore me. Wounded, I turned back to sorting the nursery’s mountain of clothes. I got a text from Daphne an hour later asking if I wanted help. I knew she’d spoken with Eva but didn’t want to be alone. I gave in.
Daphne arrived, noting Cal was home with the baby. She dug in, sorting clothes on the floor by me.
“I went in. Eva is a mess. I hope this brings her closure,” Daphne said.
“What?” I asked.
“Well, her dog died, you know? And her ex is in town handing over half of the ashes.”
Confusion struck.
“Oh, sorry. You didn’t know,” Daphne said. “She didn’t tell you?”
We’d discussed this to death. If you need something, tell me. And if you meet with an ex, you have to say something, right? That was never explicitly said, but it was the kindness she extended previously. Had she given up?
“Not about the dog. Not about Mona, no,” I said. “I need to call—”
“Davey, she has reasons, I am sure.”
“She lied and said she had to deal with the situation in London. She wants to be boots on the ground but cannot be there!” I pulled out my phone, worried I knew what went on. “She lied.”
“She was at the office,” Daphne said. “She didn’t lie. Her ex was just going to meet her quick. She was here on business and wanted to hand the ashes over since Eva can’t very well go to London. Lord knows she’d try with all this technology bullshit—"
London. I couldn’t listen past that word. Certainly, she wasn’t serious about getting on a plane, right? No. I knew better. Still, the fact that she’d lied about where she was going and who she was meeting upset me. Why had she lied? What more was she hiding?
“Davey, calm down, okay? You’re driving her off. This isn’t about a lie. No doubt she didn’t want to bother you.”
“Bother me?” I gasped. “She lied.”
“Davey, she loves you. This isn’t about holding a candle for Mona. I promise you—”
But I’d already lost my mind. Phone in my hand, I was about to play warrior—like it or not. I wasn’t about to lose the best thing I ever had. Eva would talk to me. We would resolve this. It wasn’t about Mona. That was a symptom, not the problem.
Eva
I spotted Mona across the room of a cafe near work.
Palms sweaty, I gave a nervous wave. She responded, a grand smile on her face.
Inside, I hurt. I loved Carter and hadn’t been given a final goodbye.
I wasn’t there for last kisses and ear scratches.
Full of emotions and terrified about pushing two humans from my body, I’d had no quiet space to grieve.
It was all baby clothes and how next Christmas would be all about the boys.
If I told him, he’d either be a dark cloud or tell me to let it go because it was Christmas, after all.
I wanted to get the ashes, grieve alone for thirty minutes in my office, and go back to him in a better mood.
Mona gave a quick hug. “You look so cute.”
“I’m miserable and look ridiculous.”
“No, you don’t. You’re so close. I’m happy for you.”
“I cannot stay long,” I apologized. “It’s been a wild day. I wish this was under better circumstances.”
“She had a good last day, Eva,” Mona said. “I promise you it was peaceful, and I did right by her.”
“I know you did,” I said.
Mona passed a small box of ashes across the table. “Your half. Do what you want with them. I know how much she meant to you.”
I teared. I’m not going to cry here, damn it!
“Thanks.”
“How are you? How is David?”
“He’s fine,” I answered.
“And how are you?” She repeated.
“I’m…” I glanced at my phone. It was Davey.
“Oh, he’s calling you,” Mona said. “It could be important.”
“He’s upset with me,” I said. “I didn’t tell him about any of this. I sort of lost it, and… he’s angry.”
“Take it. Apologize.”
I took the call against my better judgement, feeling bad for how things ended.
“Davey, hi,” I said.
“Are you with Mona right now? And don’t lie again. Daphne told me!”
My heart sank.
“I… I met her to get Carter’s ashes.”
“Why the fuck would you hide that from me? Why would you lie, Eva?”
“I didn’t do it on purpose. You’ve been so happy about the babies that I didn’t want to bring the mood down. Emotionally, I’m so worn down and panicked about being on leave. We’re at a cafe. Nothing is happening.”
Mona’s mouth dropped, as if she knew what this argument was about.
“Your lying makes me think otherwise.”
“Davey, I am allowed to—”
“We talk about things like this. When you hide things, I don’t trust you. I don’t care about you talking to Mona. I do care about you lying.”
“I’m not up to anything.”
“Eva, when you lie about one thing, I assume you’re lying about much more! Prove me wrong!”
I fought tears as his voice rattled in anger. He thought I was cheating? Why would I do that? I’d confessed my love for him and fought for us. I’d chosen to stay even when shit got hard. I’d given so much of myself—including my body.
“What more could I leave out? It was a white lie—”
“It was still a lie. And that coupled with all this discussion of running off to London understandably concerns me.”
“I want to go to fix the business shit. I want to go because it feels like home. I want to get far away from my own fears about all of this.”
“Us? You are suddenly worried about us?”
“David, don’t do this! Don’t speak for me. Motherhood scares me. And you? You don’t get like this. Why are we here? Why are you putting all this doubt on me? It’s scaring me!”
“You don’t lie. Because this is so out of character for you, I have a reason to give into this idiotic fear that you’re going to run off to London—”
I laughed nervously. “Oh my God, I would never—”
“Don’t act like I’m being ridiculous! We aren’t married. You could run off with the boys wherever! What is to keep you from running off with my babies to anywhere?”
I debated just telling him this was the only little white lie. I was sorry he was just in a pre-baby tailspin over this. It wasn’t my intent. I wanted to apologize, but when he said that they were his babies, I lost it.
“Your babies?” I gasped. “Davey, last I checked, they were ours. And you don’t get to accuse me of that!”
“Why not? If you are going to lie about one thing, why not just lie about everything?”
A pain hit deep in my stomach—one felt a couple of times in my office. I knew it was a contraction, but I ignored it. They were mostly silly, and I could work through them. This time, I gripped the table with my spare hand, barely breathing as it rolled through me.
I sobbed, “You don’t get to make assumptions. I’ve given you no indication I would ever do that. I’ve been loyal. I’ve put up with a lot—”
“So have I! Being happy is just impossible for you! I cannot do this anymore!”
He hung up as I fell apart.
“What is happening? Is he cross with me?” Mona asked. “Eva, didn’t you tell him? You’ve walked into a straight man minefield—”
“I didn’t think he would care,” I gasped. “I’m… I’m sorry, but… I didn’t tell him. I thought I’d just drop in, get this done, and not bother him.”
“What is going on? How can I help? I feel awful, Eva.”
“I’m… he just broke up with me. I have absolutely no idea—”
“Why would he do that? I doubt that is true.”
“No, I am pretty sure that was the implication.”
“You should go right home and talk to him. He seems to love you. The stakes are high and… well, I loved many parts of you, Eva, but you are not easy to decipher. You hold it all in. You cannot do that with him.”
I cocked my head. “What do you mean?”
“Things fell apart when I felt like you never told me anything. I said this to you. Clearly, you haven’t learned from it, though!”
I didn’t need her derision now. Another pain struck. I panicked.
“Eva, are you okay? I didn’t mean to upset you—only help.”
I groaned, “No. I’m… I’m having contractions.”
“Oh, bloody hell! Contractions? Do we need to get you to hospital? We do, don’t we?”
“Calm down, please,” I begged. “I need to go in. I’m fine, but I do need to go.”
“Well, I’m taking you.”
“Please, Mona—”
“No. I am taking you.” She stood. “C’mon.”