Flashback 3
“What the fuck are you doing, boy?” My father’s voice booms, and I almost jump in place. Almost, because with every passing year, his voice becomes less and less scary to me. At thirteen, I already understand a hell of a lot, and I know even more.
“You said you wouldn’t touch her again! You’ll never hit my mom again!”
It’s undeniable that we’ve been in this situation before. More than once, in fact, but today it has to end.
I’m determined. I’m also the only person who can protect her from him.
“Ryker, do you really want to pay for her mistakes again?”
I look straight into the face of the man I curse every single day.
The worst part is that the same man stares back at me in the mirror every day.
At my age, I’m already his carbon copy. Same dark hair, same gray eyes, similar build.
I’m definitely taller than my peers, but still not as tall as he is.
Thanks to daily workouts at the gym, I’m getting bigger and faster.
All three of us are becoming stronger. Theo, Eli, and me.
After three years of silence, I finally confessed to my friends what really happened in my father’s office when I was six.
What happened later too, because my father taught me such lessons many times.
The three of us swore to each other that the day would come when the tables would turn.
And until then, we would do everything we could to survive together and be the best versions of ourselves.
The truth is, each of us has our own hell to bear on our shoulders. There’s only one hell; only the devil changes his face.
So I look into the face of my devil, unable to find a part of myself other than hatred.
After a moment, I shift my gaze to the middle of my father’s office.
My mother lies in almost the same spot, curled up, bloodied, beaten.
She has a cut on her forehead, and a trickle of red blood is flowing onto the wooden floor.
Her right eye is already swelling. This time, her nose is unharmed but her lip is cut.
She must have been punched or kicked in the stomach several times; she’s holding it and crying silently.
“Do what you have to do. You need to feel like a man by hurting her, but you will never touch her again. Not in this way or any other,” I growl at him through clenched teeth, looking away from my mother.
“You’re weak like her. She’s the reason you’re a pussy.” The disgust is clear in his voice and on his face. “It’s not that I need to feel like a man. I am one, flesh and blood! And either I’ll make you a man too, or I’ll fucking kill you with my bare hands!”
I don’t let on, but a chill runs down my spine.
“Mom, can you get up and walk on your own?” I ask, without taking my eyes off the son of a bitch who brought me into this world.
Mom groans as she straightens up a little and lands on her knees.
She’s shaking all over, and tears are streaming down her face.
Her hair is a mess. She looks like a victim of domestic violence, the kind I’ve seen on TV many times.
I notice she’s not protecting her belly the way she protected my little Aisling many years ago.
Now she’s supporting her forearm with one hand, and I suspect it’s broken.
I see red. I feel like painting all the walls of this office with his blood.
The last threads of my patience breaks, and the claws of the demon inside me tear through the protective layers. Layer by layer, it gets closer to my soul, and I feel its thirst for blood, its insatiability, its desire.
With the last of my composure, I approach my mother and help her up, then step by step I lead us to the office door.
“You’ll be punished twice for this,” my father threatens, but he doesn’t move from his place. He knows I’ll come to him myself.
“Fuck off,” I say boldly.
I help my mother slowly walk to the living room and sit down on the couch. Pulling my phone out of my pocket, I unlock it and whisper, “Call Theo or Eli. Either of them. Say ‘code red’ and they’ll both come to help you.”
Only when she nods do I turn away from her, planning to go back to my father.
“Ryker,” she says my name, her voice laced with a plea. “Please don’t go back there. He’ll kill you. Don’t go...”
I sigh sadly and close my eyes for a second.
“You know I have to, Mom. If I don’t go back and finish this, he’ll never leave you alone. I can’t stand watching this anymore.”
After a few steps, I hear my mother say she loves me. I answer the same and enter the office. The room that has seen so much pain and suffering in my life.
Looking into my father’s eyes, I close the door with the skull knob and turn the lock.
Later, after many hours, I crawl out of the room on all fours, feeling victorious. My father’s alive, although he took some pretty good blows. I’m alive, so that’s a reason to be happy. My mother’s finally going to get the peace I fought so hard for.
But I fought in vain.
It turns out, in the next twenty-four hours, everything is in vain, and from that moment on, nothing is the same anymore.
In revenge for everything I did to him that day, my father takes Aisling away from home. That morning, before I leave for school, I see my six-year-old sister for the last time. My mother’s powerless to stop him, and I’m not there.
In the end, my father doesn’t have to physically hurt us to cause pain. With one move, he robs us all of our joy and hope.
I hate myself more than I hate anyone else. For taking my little sister away from my mother, for taking her away from me. I hate myself for not knowing where she is, if she’s okay. Will I ever see her again?
We all suffered the consequences. And I’m the only one to blame.
For the next few days, I’m stuck in bed. The feeling of defeat mixes with fear, destroying me from the inside.
“Remember this lesson.” My father’s voice is full of satisfaction when he visits me in my room on the first evening.
“If you ever decide to thwart my plans again, I’ll destroy everything you hold dear.
I’ll find every single person who means anything to you and kill them.
If it’s a woman, I’ll sell her for a dollar to the most ruthless brothel.
I’ll find every single one of your weaknesses and crush them in my hand. ”