Chapter 10
ten
. . .
Riley
Life settles into a routine. Al goes to the rink every day. On nights when he has a home game, he gets back to the house a little before midnight. He takes care of any middle-of-the-night diaper changes, and for the first time since Carter died, I finally get to sleep through the night.
He has road trips. Some are only two nights, some are longer. His game schedule is taped to the fridge, which is full of prepared meals. A man comes by every Monday with a cooler, delivering the glass containers and taking away last week’s empties.
Some of the meals are for me, so I don’t have to worry about cooking every night. They’re pretty tasty. It’s a far cry from the ramen, beans and rice, and canned-tuna diet I survived on until payday each week.
One day, a sleek brand-new black Audi SUV arrived, and the delivery person handed me the keys. Me. I called Al, but all he said was I promised I’d get you a car, and hung up. A top-of-the-line car seat was already installed.
It’s isolating, being home alone with a baby all day. My schedule revolves around hers, naps and bottles and diapers, and whenever Al is home, I try to give him as much space as I can.
But I’m fucking lonely. Aside from a few walks around the block, I haven’t gone anywhere or done anything by myself in the last three weeks.
I miss my sister. She was the other half of my heart. And now it’s like a piece of me is missing. She wasn’t a perfect person, not by far. But she was mine.
And now Emmy is mine.
An authoritative knock sounds on the door, and I freeze. What if it’s Joanne, coming to take my baby away?
For one second, I consider not answering. Just because someone knocks doesn’t mean I have to answer. But I know if it truly is social services, I stand to risk more than I have to gain by ignoring them. I blow out a breath, then trudge across the room and open the door to my fate.
Vanessa stands on the stoop, holding a baby with round cheeks and white-blond hair. He looks to be about eight months, chubby and cute. A brunette carries a car seat with an infant, and another woman stands beside her, tall and redheaded, holding a diaper bag.
“Sorry for dropping by unannounced,” Vanessa says, a smile stretching her face. “I thought maybe you might like a playdate.”
I blink a few times. “A playdate?”
The redhead holds up her diaper bag. “I brought wine.”
A laugh bubbles up from inside me. “In that case, come on in.”
Vanessa sets her son down on the play mat near Emmy, and I disappear into the kitchen, retrieving four wineglasses.
“I don’t have much in the way of snacks,” I apologize. “The grocery delivery is supposed to come in a few hours.”
“Don’t worry about it,” the brunette says, scooping her hair into a ponytail. “We’re the ones barging in on you uninvited. Hi. I’m Audrey. I’m married to Seb Henry, the goalie.”
“And her dad’s the coach,” Vanessa adds with a smirk.
Audrey rolls her eyes, shoving her playfully.
“Nice to meet you. I’m Riley.”
“I’m Bex Whitney,” offers the redhead. “Van and I went to college together, and my brother plays for Austin, so I’m basically part of the team.”
“We’ll find you a hockey player one of these days,” Vanessa teases.
But Bex shakes her head. “Nope. Been there, done that. Don’t need to go down that road again.
” A loud pop echoes through the room as she opens a bottle of white wine, pouring a generous serving into each glass.
Every cliché about wine moms pops into my head, but after a few weeks of solo parenting, I’m starting to understand the stereotype more and more.
“How are you settling in?” Audrey asks.
“Uh…”
“It must be difficult, suddenly having to be responsible for a baby. Especially one that’s not yours.” She clucks her tongue sympathetically. “I chose this, and it’s still hard sometimes.”
“It gets easier,” I assure her. “That’s what they tell me, at least.” I reach for my wineglass, taking a sip.
“Holy hell,” Vanessa says, grabbing at my hand. “You guys got married?”
My face heats under her shocked, inquisitive stare. “Um…”
“Congratulations,” Bex cheers. “Weddings are exciting.”
“It wasn’t exactly a wedding.” I force my gaze to the babies.
Vanessa’s son is trying to crawl, rocking forward on his hands and knees, but not yet ready to commit.
Emmy is on her tummy, watching him with fascination.
She hasn’t been around many other babies.
“We just… got married. It’s no big deal. ”
“It’s definitely a big deal,” Audrey argues. “Gonzo is the heart of the team. We love him, he’s the best. I’m glad he has you.”
The heat radiating off my cheeks could fry an egg, so I distract myself with another sip of my wine, hoping to cool my body temperature. I’m not much of a drinker, though, especially these last few weeks.
“So. Tell us about yourself,” Bex says, leaning back on the couch and drawing her leg up.
“What do you want to know?”
“Well, you’re the baby’s aunt,” Vanessa says. “That’s pretty much all we know.”
“I’m twenty-five, I’m from Arizona, and Carter was my foster sister,” I say simply.
“We met when I was twelve and she was fourteen, and she’s looked out for me ever since.
” I swallow, trying to dislodge the ball of emotion that always lodges in my throat when I think of her.
“She was in a car accident on her way to pick up Emmy from daycare. We lived together, and I’m her only family, so I was awarded temporary guardianship.
But social services…” I shake my head. “So we got married. They can’t take her away from me. ”
“Oh, honey.” Bex touches my hand. “Who are you? Without the baby, without your sister. We want to get to know you.”
My eyes well up with tears. “Really?”
“It’s easy to lose your identity when you’re married to a hockey player,” Audrey says quietly. “I have a career, and now I’m a mother, but my entire life has to revolve around Seb’s schedule and his needs. For now, his career is more important.”
“It’s shitty, but it’s true,” adds Vanessa. “I still work for the team part-time—I didn’t want to give that up. But I can’t travel as much as I used to. Hell, I can’t do half of my responsibilities I handled pre-baby. My entire life changed.”
I blow out a breath. “I worked at a beauty counter at the mall, and I did makeup on the side. Now I have no clients, no time to work, nothing.”
Bex grins. “You don’t know who you’re talking to, do you?”
Blinking a few times, I shake my head.
“You’re a hockey wife now,” Vanessa says.
“We can put you in contact with the rest of the squad. There’s a group chat and everything.
When we have events, it usually requires a full glam squad for the red carpet.
” She pauses. “Of course, you’ll be attending them, too, so you might not want to work the glam squad.
You’ll finally be the one sitting in the chair. ”
“I don’t know about that… I’m not really a red-carpet kind of girl.”
“That ring on your finger means you are now,” Audrey says. “Trust me, I resisted for as long as I could. It was definitely not the future I planned on when I started library school. But it’s what fate planned for me, and now I can’t imagine anything else.”
“It’s just something to consider,” Vanessa tacks on. “We’d love to have you in any way you want to participate.”
“I’ll think about it,” I promise.
“You’ll have to bring the baby to the next matinee game,” Audrey says. “I haven’t brought Cora to any yet. I’m a little nervous.”
“Is that a thing? Bringing the kids?”
“Oh, yeah,” Vanessa says. “We usually only do it as a group for matinee games, but Mel will bring hers to nighttime games, too. We hang out at the ice level for pregame skate, let the boys see the babies, then we retreat to the suite and hang out. There are toys and play mats and a changing table, everything we’d ever need. ”
“Really?”
“The happier the babies are, the happier the wives and partners are,” Bex says.
“And the happier the partners are, the happier the players are. Management wants to take care of the team. They want the guys to want to play here.” She scowls.
“My brother’s played for a few different teams, and it’s definitely a different culture here.
They’re accepting in a way other teams aren’t.
They’ve even accepted me as part of the team, even though I’m not actually related to anyone on the Grizzlies. ”
“Now we just have to convince management to trade for Wyatt, and he and Elsy can come here,” Vanessa says.
“I’ll drink to that.” Bex laughs, lifting her wineglass. “My best friend moved to Austin and started dating my brother. I’d love for them to be in Boston long term,” she says, filling me in.
“It’ll happen one of these days,” Vanessa says with a grin.
She sips from her wine, looking over at the kids, who are rolling back and forth.
Leo gets up onto his hands and knees again, then collapses onto his belly with a chortle.
“Everything is so different now. I almost don’t recognize myself.
But then I look in the mirror, and I realize this is my life now, and I’m so fucking happy, I don’t know what to do with myself. ”
She looks at me, her blue eyes bright. “I don’t have any contact with my family.
I don’t have any siblings. And now I have this huge family of friends and players and their partners, and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
This team, the culture they’ve built… it’s special.
You’ll see. You’ll be at home here before long. ”
“I’ve never had a home before. Not really,” I admit quietly. “I bounced from foster home to foster home. The first time I ever put down roots was with Carter, and that was yanked from beneath me.”
“And now you have Emmy and Gonzo,” Audrey says. “You’ll put down new roots. And you’ll make a new life for yourself. You get to start over, on your terms, with all these resources at your disposal. You can do anything.”
“So,” Bex says, looking at me expectantly. “What do you want to do?”
“I don’t know.” The words come out quietly, just above a whisper.
The redhead reaches over and pats my hand. “It’s okay. You have all the time in the world.”