Chapter 32
thirty-two
. . .
Riley
Daylight streams in through the cracks in the blinds, and I wake with a start. I’m in Al’s bed, naked, but he’s not here. The spot beside me is cool when I run my hand over the sheets.
I swallow around the lump in my throat. Why does my stomach clench at him not being around? Why do I miss him? It was just sex; it’s not a big deal. Right?
After forcing myself out of bed, I pull a shirt and sweatpants out of his dresser, his smoky scent calming my ruffled nerves. In the hall bathroom, I wash off my makeup and scoop my hair into a new ponytail.
“No, no, your mommy is sleeping,” I hear Al say from downstairs. “Let’s give her some space for now.”
Emmy whines, the sound punching me straight in the chest. I hate it when she cries.
“Baby, I know, I miss her too,” he continues. “She works so hard to watch out for you. She deserves a day to sleep in.”
I creep down the stairs, trying not to make too much noise. Al must have supersonic hearing, though, because he looks up as I hit the ground floor, a bright smile on his face. He’s in sweats and a T-shirt, much like me, lounging on the couch. Emmy is sprawled on his chest, pawing at him.
“Good morning,” he says. His eyes widen as he takes in my stolen clothes, and the heat on his face makes my sore pussy throb. “There’s coffee in the pot. I made chilaquiles, there’s a plate warming in the oven.”
“Fuck, I love you,” I blurt out.
His eyes widen hopefully. “You do?”
Horrified, I cover my mouth with my hand. “I’m sorry. I—”
Al’s face falls, but he does his best to hide it. “No, yeah, I get it,” he says. “It’s way too soon. We just had our first date. It’s not… No. I get it,” he says again.
My heart breaks at the pain on his face, and I cross the room and perch on the couch beside him, drawing my leg up between us.
I pull Emmy into my arms, and she gives a squawk of displeasure at being separated from her jungle gym, but right now, I need the baby snuggles.
When she wraps her chubby arms around me and buries her sticky face in my neck, all is right with the world.
“It’s too soon,” I tell him softly. “Isn’t it?”
He swallows thickly, his soulful brown eyes meeting mine. “I think I’m falling for you.”
I hold my breath. “Are you falling for me? Or am I convenient?” My heart races. “We’re married and we’re coparenting. Are you sure it’s actually me you have feelings for?”
“Yes, Riley, I’m sure.” Al reaches over and cups my cheek, running his thumb over the bridge of my nose.
“I see you for who you are. I know it’s convoluted, but you are one hundred percent not convenient for me.
If we wanted to keep this strictly business, we could have.
But I like you too much. Not as my wife. Not as my child’s mother. You.”
My stomach clenches. Everything he’s saying sounds great. Almost too perfect.
I’ve never been in love before, so I don’t know what it feels like. I enjoy spending time with Al, and I get those silly little butterflies in my stomach when I think of him, but it’s just a crush. It’ll fade.
Then again, I’ve never had a family before, either, and I think we’re nailing this thing. So maybe it’ll come with time. It’s like coffee; sometimes, it takes a while to percolate. That instant stuff will get the job done in a pinch, but a good, strong brew tastes better.
My past relationships… Nobody has ever treated me the way Al takes care of me.
Money and physical comforts aside, he goes out of his way to treat me with kindness and respect.
He makes food for me and is thoughtful about what I like; he doesn’t leave me to fend for myself.
He pulls his weight with our child so I can sleep in, getting up with her on the nights he’s home and being an equal coparent.
He’s a partner in every sense of the word.
But is it love?
I don’t know what to say. I need to answer him.
But Al takes my silence in stride. He darts forward, pecks my lips in a chaste kiss, and then settles on his couch cushion before I can react.
“Is there anything you want to do today?”
“I just want to spend the day with you,” I admit. I run my hand over Emmy’s back, trying to settle my nerves. “Maybe when she has her nap, we can have a repeat of last night?”
His eyes darken with desire. “You want to go out?”
“Not exactly.” Heat radiates off my cheeks. “If you want to take a nap, too, we can arrange that. Or we can use the bed for… another purpose.”
“You want to have sex,” he says bluntly.
“Shh!” I cover Emmy’s ears with my hands. “You can’t say that word in front of the baby!”
Al cracks up. “Okay, okay, got it. We can go have a naked nap while she’s in her crib,” he says. “Anytime you want to sleep in my bed, naked or fully clothed, I’m game. Even if I’m not here.”
At that, my eyes widen. “What are you talking about?”
“When you’re ready, I want you to move in with me.”
“We already live together.”
He fixes me with a pointed look.
“Oh. You mean the spare room.”
“I am one hundred percent not pushing you,” he assures. His fingers stroke the back of my hand. “When you want to, I’m here.”
“And if I’m never ready?”
Al gives me his lopsided grin. “I’ll still be here.”
“I want that,” I admit. “I want us to be together. I’m just…”
“Not quite there yet.” He doesn’t seem upset, taking it in stride. “That’s okay. It’s a big adjustment. I want you to be sure.”
It’s not enough for me to want it; I have to follow through. And that’s the part that scares me.
“Now, me and my girl need some important daddy-daughter time,” he says, pulling Emmy out of my arms. “Get your coffee, eat your breakfast. We have a full day of playing ahead of us.”
My chest warms with contentment. How is this my life? How did I turn out so lucky?
“That sounds perfect.”