Chapter 10
10
Kit
T here was no way I was going to let Liam see where I lived. No chance. It was bad enough he saw a few of my jobs.
I didn’t need him knowing any more of my business. This pool party thing was already too much, but for five grand off the debt? And Tess with her goggles and gap-toothed smile. What could I do? Honestly. I was made of regret and bus fare – not stone. But I could draw the line at letting him give me a ride to where I lived.
The Uber drove past check cashing places and liquor stores. The boarded-up Dollar Store that had been broken into.
“We close?” he asked.
“Yeah. Just a left down here.”
Off the main drag there were residential houses. Lots of them with overgrown yards and too many broken down cars in the driveways.
“Here,” I said, and he stopped in front of a cheery yellow house with a gorgeous garden and bars on all the windows. Ms. Rene, my landlord/roommate, ran a tight ship in the worst neighborhood in Portland. I had my suspicions she could move out, but she’d lived on this block, in this two story Victorian, her whole life.
“They’ll move me out feet first,” she liked to joke.
I lived on the second floor, for a reasonable rent, and looked after Ms. Rene, who didn’t really need it. She’d lived in Maine her whole life and owned her own hair salon for fifty years. Mr. Rene, (I had no idea if that was his last name, or her first name and she just called him that) passed a few years ago. I got the feeling she liked having people living in the house.
For my part, she was excellent company. She cooked a giant dinner for me on Sunday and left a plate in the oven on most other nights. Plus, her garden was really something. The irises were singing their last songs but the lilacs would be next and then the show-stopping peonies.
Ms. Rene had that garden blooming all summer long, and for me - a girl who’d lived in hotels or dorm rooms most of her life - it was like living in a story book.
I knew Liam would take one look at the bars on the windows and remember the way my dad and I used to live - the cars and the parties and the fancy dinners – and he’d make a joke about how far I’d fallen.
I’d never tell him the truth, but after everything that had happened, I now realized this was the most honest I’d ever lived. Sometimes you had to have everything taken away from you before you knew who you were. Me, I aspired to the house with the nicest garden in the shittiest neighborhood with a landlady who treated me like family.
It was more than I deserved.
“Thank you,” I told the driver. “If you want to wait five minutes, I can tip you cash.”
He gave me a skeptical look and I held out one of Liam’s twenty dollar bills.
“If you’re over five minutes I’m out of here,” he said, pocketing the cash.
I ran to the front door. It was a three-lock process to get inside and I turned and locked them all behind me. Ms. Rene didn’t have a lot of rules but the locks were serious business.
“Hey, Honey!” She cried from her spot at the kitchen table where she lived out her Candy Crush addiction. Ms. Rene wore tight sweaters and big gold earrings. Her now gray hair was piled on her head like a crown. She told me once, a little drunk on Schnapps, that she was sure her grandmother had been a witch.
I had no idea if that was true, but I liked believing it. Ms. Rene had some real witchlike tendencies herself.
Her green eyes were wide behind her ruby red cat-eye glasses. “You’re home early.”
“No birthday parties today,” I said.
“Well, that’s too bad,” she said, looking down at her game which beeped and blinged at full volume. “You hungry? I’ve got-“
“I’m actually going back out.”
“You pick up a shift at the bar?” she asked. “I’ll keep a plate warm for you.”
I could just say yes. It would be simpler. But I had a strict no lying policy when it came to Ms. Rene. She took me in when I had nothing but debt to pay off.
“I’m actually going to a pool party.”
“For grown-ups?”
I nodded like I wasn’t quite sure how this had happened either.
“Well, now,” she said, putting down her phone like this pool party business needed her full attention. “That sounds like fun. “
“I’m going with Liam Locke,” I said. She didn’t know about Liam. About what I’d done to him. It was too much to explain and I didn’t want to see that affection in her eyes change to anything else.
I didn’t lie to Ms. Rene. That didn’t mean I had to tell her the whole truth.
Ms. Rene looked at me over the edge of her cat-eye glasses. “I’m sorry, what now? You’re going to a pool party with that pretty hockey player everyone is always talking about?”
“I didn’t think you paid attention to hockey,” I said to Ms. Rene.
“Well, you can’t avoid him on the TikTok, can you?” Ms. Rene said, like it wasn’t her fault all she got served were professional athlete and Ryan Gosling thirst edits. I tried to explain the algorithm to her but she wasn’t having it.
“This is probably a mistake,” I said out loud. I mean, it was a mistake. What Liam and I had was a transactional relationship. This felt like we were crossing a new line.
I imagined him telling his friends how he knew me. Why I was there.
“Catherine,” Ms. Rene said, the only person who used my real name. When I’d come to see about the apartment, I’d introduced myself as Kit and she’d asked me what my real name was. I was so surprised it came out of me like a cat through an open door.
I hadn’t heard that name out loud since the night before my father went to prison.
“You know,” she said. “Since you got here I haven’t seen you do anything but work and look after me.”
“Well,” I joked. “You need a lot of looking after.”
She shot me her give me a break look and I smiled. “You’re young,” she said. “You’re beautiful. Even though you seem to try real hard not to be.”
“What?” I cried.
She winked at me, payback for the looking after her joke. Even so. The size of my hair and it’s lack of blond highlights was a constant concern for her.
“You should be going to parties,” she said. “You should be having fun with handsome hockey players.” She stroked my shoulder the way I imagined a mother would do it. “He’s not as dumb as he seems, is he?”
I wanted to make a joke, but nothing about Liam Locke was funny. There was nothing dumb about Liam. You only had to watch him deconstruct a defense to know that.
It was his…earnestness that sometimes translated as simple.
“No,” I said.
“Well, then, I say go for it, honey. And don’t do anything that will get you in the papers.”
“I’ll try not to,” I said and ran up the steps to grab what I thought I might need for the pool party.
I’d sold nearly everything of value to pay people back. The clothes and jewelry. The shoes. I really missed those shoes. But I couldn’t sell the lingerie or the swim suits.
From the very back of my dresser, I pulled out the Missoni black bikini I’d only gotten to wear once and shoved it in my bag with my cover up and a pair of sunglasses. I was confident that even if I didn’t belong at this party, at least I’d look like I did. It was cold comfort, but I’d take what I could get at this point.
Dresses that would hold up against the NHL WAGS were not to be found in my closet. So, I thought, why suit up for a battle I would lose? Nope. I pulled on a pair of white linen pants, a pair of wedge sandals I got on sale at Target and a black tube top that I’d been wearing for six years. I put on mascara and lip oil, the only makeup I would allow myself to buy. I was as good as I was going to get.
I glanced at my watch, I had forty-five seconds to spare.
“Oh, you look nice,” Ms. Rene said when I came back downstairs. “Those pants do great things for your caboose.”
“Thank you, Ms. Rene,” I said, kissing her cheek as I ran by. “That’s what I was going for. I’ve got to run. I shouldn’t be late.”
“You better not be.”
Ms. Rene had a real problem with the neighborhood after dark and gave me constant shit for taking the bus home from work long after midnight.
She wasn’t wrong. But I was doing the best I could.
“Lock up after me,” I shouted, and ran out the door to the car thankfully waiting at the curb. I punched in the address Liam had texted me, the driver accepted the ride and we were off.
I sat back, surprised to be excited. Just a little. To be going to a party.
It had been ages since I’d done something fun. Or something that was supposed to be fun. I wasn’t sure I knew how to act.
Harrison’s house was at the very top of the ridge and made Liam’s look like a quaint cottage. It was concrete and steel with one whole wall of glass looking out over the city, surrounded by grass so green it had to be fake. There was a huge patio off to the side, with a big in ground pool. I could hear the music through the car doors.
“You sure about this place?” the driver asked. His eyes in the rearview mirror told me I didn’t belong here.
No shit, mister.
I thanked the guy and got out. My bag over my shoulder. My heart in my throat. I stepped up to the front door and before I could ring the doorbell, the door was thrown open by two kids. Twins by the looks of them.
The leader, a boy of about ten with Patrick Mahome’s curls, had a smile on his face.
“Hey,” he said. “Welcome to our house.”
“You’re the greeter?” I asked with a smile.
“My dad said if I answered the door for an hour he’d pay me ten bucks.” The boy smiled. “Can I take your bag or… you don’t have a coat.”
“I don’t. And I’ll keep my bag.”
Behind him was a little girl. She wore sunglasses and a cover up that had a hood with a unicorn horn. “Can I get you a drink?” she asked.
“Sure,” I said. “What are you serving?”
“I made lemonade.”
“Homemade lemonade sounds great. How much is your dad giving you?”
“Ten bucks,” she said. “Which isn’t fair since I had to make the lemonade.”
“You’re not wrong,” I said. The two kids ran off, presumably to get my lemonade, and I followed the sound of the party through the house. The living room opened up to a kitchen that was full of women in swimsuits and sundresses. The wives and girlfriends. They gathered around a huge black marble island.
“Hello!” said a beautiful woman with long thin braids hanging down her back. Harrison’s wife, I was pretty sure. “Welcome, I’m Denise.”
“Hi Denise,” I said, feeling self-conscious in my Target clothes. The whole crowd of women had turned to look at me, half of them owl-eyed over their glasses of white wine. I could feel their attention like a sunburn.
“I’m Kit, I’m with…” I trailed off, mad at myself for even opening my mouth. I wasn’t with Liam. I didn’t want any of these women to think that I was.
“Kit! Right. Liam and Tess are over by the pool. He said you’d be joining them.”
“How do you know Liam?” A beautiful red head to my right asked. She wore a sarong that probably cost as much as a mortgage payment.
“Stop,” one of the other women whispered, and the red head shrugged.
“You know Liam doesn’t bring randoms around,” the red head said. “If she’s here, she’s someone.”
“Trust me. I’m… no one,” I said, and never meant those words more.
Ugh. This party already felt like a mistake.
“Are you the nanny?” The red head persisted and then dropped her voice. “Tell us the truth, is that little girl his daughter? I’d swear they have the same smile.”
“Ignore Selena,” Denise said, casting a cutting glance at the red head who looked properly chagrined before taking a sip from her glass. Denise was the Queen of the Wags, then. Lovely. Nice to have a sense of the hierarchy. “Can I get you a drink?”
Before I could answer, the little bartender from the door was suddenly there with my glass of lemonade.
“Fifty cents,” she said in a voice so low I could barely hear her.
“I’m sorry?” I said, leaning down.
“Fifty cents. If you give me a dollar, I’ll bring you a refill.”
“Neveah!” the woman cried. “You are not selling that lemonade!”
“She’s totally selling that lemonade,” the red head said with a laugh. Frankly, the fact that this girl was going to make a few bucks off this party only endeared her to me. A girl had to take care of herself in this current climate.
“Mom,” Neveah said. “You’re the one who told me I have an entrepreneurial spirit that I should embrace.”
“What you’re going to have is trouble if you don’t knock it off.”
Neveah sighed as if she’d been robbed of all her life goals and wandered out towards the pool.
“Sorry about that,” Denise said and I laughed.
“No problem. I’ll just…” I made an awkward gesture towards the pool. “Go check in.”
“Of course!” Denise said with a warm smile. “Shout if you need anything.”
Outside the sliding glass doors, it was a patio and a pool full of beautiful people. Gorgeous professional athletes without shirts, lounging around on deck chairs or sitting on the side of the pool with their feet in the water. It was nothing but thick thighs and bare chests.
And in the middle of it, tossing a football in the air, wearing a pair of Burberry trunks that were frankly borderline indecent, was Liam Locke. The golden boy. His smile glittering as much as his gold chains and diamond earrings.
Water splashed into the air around him, sparkling in the sunshine like diamonds. It landed against his skin like glitter. His teeth gleamed white as he laughed and talked to his teammate Harrison.
I was only human. Only a human woman surrounded by such gorgeous male flesh. I forgot myself for a second and just stared.
It wasn’t fair that some people got to be so beautiful. So…easy with themselves.
“Kit!” A little voice cried and it was Tess running around the side of the pool with her goggles pushed up on her forehead and the floaty around her waist. She dodged between grown-ups and made her way to me.
“Hi Tess!” I said, smiling at her because she was so sweet. “You’re still dry! Haven’t you gone in?”
“I was waiting for you!” she said, as she tugged on my hand.
“Okay,” I said. “Let me go change.”
“Hey.” Suddenly Liam was beside us, smelling like sunscreen and pineapple.
He was so…overt. Overtly sexual. Overtly masculine. He was also indecent with his good boy/bad man smile. I wasn’t proud of it, but I felt overwhelmed. By him. By this man who hated me. Who was literally paying me to be there. I managed, despite his every effort to provoke the memory, to put thoughts of our night together in a lockbox that never saw the light of day.
However, sometimes it reared its ugly head and I remembered the sensation of that chest against mine. His weight, heavy and exciting on top of me and I felt a pulse through my body. A desire so intense it felt like need.
“You look really nice,” he said, like it was a surprise.
“You told me to dress up.”
“I know…I just expected-”
“The cat costume?”
He laughed. “No. But I wouldn’t put it past you.”
His laugh, his rich full-throated laugh made me smile against my will.
I made no effort to look good for anyone anymore. Mostly, I walked around in baggy clothes without makeup because I didn’t want people to notice me.
My dad had used my appearance as…what had he called it?
“ Honey, you’re just one more tool in my arsenal. Why do you think I always sent you into those parties first? You were there to distract them, loosen them up, make them feel like all- powerful athletes.”
I’d believed, so foolishly naive, my father was just always perennially late to those parties. And bad with names.
The whole time he’d been using me.
Liam put a hand on the bare skin of my elbow and I gasped. Literally. Gasped.
Could this have been more of a mistake? I was wearing a thong for crying out loud – putting on a thong was the first sign you were making a mistake.
“You okay?” he asked, his voice low, and I pulled my body away from him like he was poison.
“Fine,” I said.
“You’re being weird,” he said.
“You’re being weird,” I shot back, nonsensically. Then I reached up and pushed my sunglasses higher on my nose like he was a nuclear blast and I needed the protection.
Thank goodness for Tess who pointed towards a small building on the far side of the pool. “You can change in there,” she said. “There’s a bathroom too. You’re not supposed to pee in the pool.”
“I always pee in the pool,” Liam said, and Tess reacted with such outrage it broke the tension I’d created with my unruly hormones. “Most people do,” Liam said, like he was breaking bad news.
“That’s not true!” Tess cried.
“It is!” Liam said, teasing the girl unmercifully.
“It’s not.”
“It’s why they invented chlorine. Because of all the pee.”
“Kit?” Tess asked me as if the universe had betrayed her.
“Yes. They might have invented chlorine because of Liam,” I said, which made the girl laugh and Liam roll his eyes. “But you still shouldn’t pee in the pool.” I cast Liam a long, disgusted – what in the world are you doing? – look, before smiling back down at Tess. “I’ll just go change,” I said, gesturing towards the pool house.
As I turned, I realized everyone – every single person and there were about thirty on that pool deck – was staring at us.
“You’re okay,” Liam said quietly in my ear, bending towards me as if to give us privacy. I couldn’t have him being nice to me on top of that body of his. So I shoved him aside, walking head up, to go change into the black bikini I’d been so excited to wear again and now knew I’d just feel like a fool.
This whole thing was a terrible mistake.