Chapter 31
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
KELLAN
It’s way brighter than it should be when I wake up. But before I can figure out why that is, I wince when I open my eyes wider. My face hurts. I touch my cheek, feeling the small bandage. Oh, right. I got into an incredibly stupid fight last night. Even if it was for the right reasons.
And then…
My other hand touches soft leather, and everything starts coming back to me in spite of the throbbing in my temples. I’m at Wells’ apartment. Reed dropped me here to make sure I got somewhere safely when I was less than helpful in directing him to my apartment.
I’m about to stand up and try to sneak out–I can’t handle getting into it with Wells again, especially with my headache–when I realize that my back isn’t against the sofa.
It’s against Wells, who’s sleeping both next to me and underneath me.
His long arm is draped over my shoulders protectively, holding me close.
At the same time I move to sit up, one of his hands wraps around my own. “Please stay, Kellan.”
I check my watch. We’re on limited practice this week, so I have nowhere to be today until later when we’re going to review game tapes. Usually, I would have used this extra time to go visit my mom and brothers, but with Rick’s return, South Warwick is a no-fly zone as far as I’m concerned.
And I can’t pretend like laying against Wells’ solid frame doesn’t feel incredible. His warmth. His smell. The juxtaposition of his soft skin covering his hard muscles. I feel… protected. Safe. It’s been so long since anything or anyone’s made me feel that way, and all I want to do is lean into it.
“You didn’t need to sleep on the sofa with me. I probably wouldn’t even have fallen off if left to my own devices,” I say, but I don’t move away from him. I want to exist in this fleeting moment for as long as I can.
His fingers brush along my cheek. He’s gentle, making sure he doesn’t press against my cut. I can hear the sincerity in his voice when he says, “I’m sorry. About our last conversation. About pushing you. About just generally being a dick. I’m sorry about all of it.”
My heart is hammering crazy fast, and I wonder if he can feel it. “You were right, too. I hadn’t thought through the implications of us. And I don’t know what coming out would do to my future career prospects.”
The hand touching my cheek comes down and rests against my chest, right over my erratic heart.
Now he definitely knows the effect that he’s having on me.
He sighs softly and starts massaging into my skin with his fingertips.
“When I came out to my parents, it didn’t go especially well.
They didn’t yell or scream or kick me out, but it was clear that they weren’t happy. ”
I twist a little so that I can look at Wells, meeting his sad green eyes. He looks tired, like he didn’t fall asleep until long after I did. “What did they do?”
“Nothing,” he finally responds. “They ignored it. And then, as a result, they started ignoring me.”
I have no idea why, but Wells is finally letting me see behind the curtain. And I’m not going to take it for granted. “Like… they stopped talking to you?”
He sighs, but he doesn’t stop his movements on my chest. If anything, his patterns are becoming more concentrated, like he’s gearing up for something.
“It’s sort of complicated in my family. We have a pretty significant family business, that it was always assumed I’d take over as the oldest son.
I already knew that my dad hated that I was weak and didn’t have an ounce of athleticism, but this…
changed things,” is the phrase he settles on.
“We live in one of the most socially liberal places in the country. I had no idea that he’d take me being gay as an affront to him, specifically.
All these years later, all I can think is that I should have never even come out to them.
I should have just bided my time and gone thousands of miles away to college and lived my life on my terms. Then, I could still tell myself that when I did decide to come out, they’d be okay with it.
” He gives me a sad smile. “False hope, and all that.”
I know a lot about that. I live in an anxiety-inducing in-between where I think that telling my mom about Rick’s past abuse will get him kicked out of the house faster than I can blink, juxtaposed with a bruising worry that it would do nothing.
Could I stand it if she excused his behavior?
Or worse, if she thought that I was lying?
So yeah, I know a lot about the desire to hide the truth, especially from myself.
Even though I’m going to desperately miss his touch, I turn so that I can look at him, fully this time.
“You aren’t weak, Wells. Coming out to them took a lot of courage.
Being yourself takes a lot of courage. Maybe you didn’t exactly know the full cost when you did it, but it doesn’t change that you’re building yourself a life in spite of it. ”
He scoffs, and I watch as a blush fans across his cheeks. “Yeah, some life I’m building. Bullying my tutoring students and taking mommy and daddy’s blood money instead of making any waves.”
I place my hand on his chest. “For what it’s worth, I’m not technically your student anymore. At least, Coach hasn’t told me that I need to have sessions this semester.” I’m torn about it but, “And with the back-half of the season starting, things are going to get even busier.”
He gives me a sly smile, a look more like the Wells I’ve come to know. I’ve missed it. “Go on a date with me?”
My heartbeat, which had calmed, starts beating frantically again.
But I find myself really, really wanting to say yes.
It may be complicated. Add in that I’m not exactly sure how this can end well.
But it’s been so long since I’ve wanted something just for myself.
And it just so happens that’s Wells. I smile back at him.
I can’t believe that I thought we were done.
“Think you’re up to the task of wooing me?
” I ask, at the same time I feel–goddamnit–butterflies exploding in my stomach.
Before answering, he leans forward and gives me a soft, gentle kiss on my lips. “Hell yeah I am.”
Maybe I’m not ready to deal with the stuff with my mom, but I can man up when it comes to Dutch and Coop. I’m going on a date, after all, and that’s something I would usually talk to them about. Not that it happens very often.
The three of us are walking back from dinner, after our game tape session.
After spending the morning with Wells, I’m excited to get back on the ice with them.
But, I want to do that as my full self, even if it comes with consequences.
Working on a team is all about trust, and I couldn’t think of anything more significant to confide in them.
I’m in the middle, Dutch on my right and Coop on my left, and we’re almost back at our apartment. It’s now or never. “So, I have a date,” I say without fanfare. Immediately, Dutch clasps me on the back at the same time Coop lets out a resounding whoop.
“Glad to hear it, man. Have we met her?” Coop asks, turning around and walking backwards so that he can face me while I talk. He’s such a show-off like that.
I refuse to let myself get psyched out, so I say quickly, “It’s actually my tutor that I told you guys about last semester. Wells.”
Everyone is dead quiet for a second, as they absorb what I’ve said.
And suddenly, even though I try to tell myself that it’s stupid to feel this way, I’m genuinely worried.
About their opinions. That this could change our relationship on the ice.
That, even though I’m still me, they’ll see me differently.
I’ve opened up a really vulnerable part of myself, and now, all I can do is wait.
When I sneak a glance to my right, I see that a scowl has worked its way across Dutch’s face. My stomach drops. “I thought you said he hated you,” Dutch says seriously.
I’m not going to lie to them. “We definitely got off to a rough start.”
Dutch still looks angry when we reach the apartment door, but he holds his hand up so that we’re all standing outside. “Does he deserve someone as awesome as you, Kellan? Because if he can’t see that from the get-go…”
My limbs are buzzy, and I’m still confused as all hell about where he stands. “So… you’re like, okay that I’m going to be dating a guy?”
His whole face changes to one of complete surprise.
“Dude, I could care less about the gender of the person you’re dating.
All I give a shit about is whether they treat you right.
Is he going to treat you right?” He crosses his arms and flexes his biceps.
“Because if he’s not, I have no problem squaring up with him. I can promise you that.”
The knot in my chest is finally loosening, and I let out a strangled laugh. “I’d actually love to see you two go toe-to-toe. He boxes, but you’re bigger.”
Dutch gives me a devious smile. “His hook ain’t going to do jack shit if I’m sitting on him.”
“Noted, man. I’ll pass along the message.” I let out a deep breath and flash my keycard against the door. We all file in, and I wonder if it can really be this easy. I look at Coop, who’s far more contemplative than normal. “You good, Coop?”
He nods and gives me a smile that I don’t quite believe. “Yeah, K. I’m happy for you. But ditto to everything that Dutch said.” Then, he lets out an exaggerated yawn. “I’m going to go upstairs and chill for a while. I’m exhausted from being back at practice.”
Dutch pops his head into the doorway between the kitchen and living room. “I thought we were going to play Madden?”
“Raincheck?” Coop asks, already on the staircase.
“Sure thing.” Dutch turns his attention to me. “Wanna play Mario Kart before you head to work?”
“It’s been a while since I’ve kicked your ass,” I say to Dutch, who sits down on the sofa with a bowl of cereal.
I follow suit and sit down next to him. It’s hard for me to focus, though.
I didn’t expect Coop to roll out the red carpet, but I am a little bummed at how evasive he’s acting.
And I really hope that it doesn’t impact our ability to work well together as a line.
Dutch hands me a controller. “He’ll be fine. He knows who you are, and who you’re dating doesn’t change that. Just give him a minute.”
I sigh. “Yeah, you’re right.”
We kick off the race, and I quickly take the lead when Dutch says, “You going to explain to me whether you and Wells got into a boxing match last night? What’s up with your face?”
I groan as he hits me with a shell. “It happened at the bar last night. I’m just grateful that Coach didn’t bring it up.”
Dutch grins at me. “Well, I hope the other guy got it worse.”
Things aren’t completely normal, but I told them both about Wells, and the world didn’t fall apart. I’ll take Dutch’s advice and give Coop some time to get used to the idea. “You’re a really good friend, Dutch. I don’t know that I tell you that enough.”
He lets out an exaggerated sigh. “You could prove what a good friend you are by letting me keep the lead,” he says as I race around him.
I grin at him. “Absolutely fucking not.”