11. Alexie
11
ALEXIE
I’m not sure what happened, but I’m hoping this isn’t heaven.
Last memory was I was standing, my teammates skating at me to celebrate and then everything just went… black.
There are unfamiliar sounds— buttons beeping, buzzing of florescent lighting, muted voices that aren’t near but not far either. The room definitely isn’t warm, but it’s not the body aching chill of the rink.
I flutter my eyes open, but it takes far more energy than I’m used to. My head pulses with the incessant sound of some annoying machine. When I finally have a grasp on what I’m seeing, I’m hooked up to an IV drip, alongside countless other medical machinery.
Groggy, I take a weighted scan of the surroundings farther than two feet away and there’s nothing but two chairs in the corner.
Did I end up in the emergency department?
Right as my eyes drift to the door, it swings open. Caia slips inside, her eyes stung red while she dabs at them aggressively. When she meets my conscious gaze, she runs back out of the room.
Do I look that bad?
I’m at a loss for words. “Caia? Honey?” I stammer, slowly bringing myself upright. I immediately regret the choice— my head cracks like it’s been struck with an ax.
Fuck!
Ah… concussion ? I nervously decide that it’s better that I do not move. I’ve only had one other head injury in my life, but this one is a good one. Or a bad one, depending on how you look at it. But I didn’t even realize it had happened. I remember being taken down prior to the goal, but I thought I was fine. I was just really, really pissed.
Like a chain reaction, doctors and nurses come running into the room. Caia and GM Anderson follow closely behind. They watch the staff assess and probe me, read my vitals on the machine with careworn faces. It pains me to see Caia look this small. The only support she receives is from Anderson, when he wraps his arm around her.
“I blacked out… because of a concussion?” I piece together aloud. One of the doctors nods her head.
“Yes, Mr. Kozlov. You’re very lucky that your team’s medical staff saw you starting to have a seizure and they brought you in right away. Your brain swelled, but we were able to release the pressure with medications and we’re not seeing any brain bleeds, but we’re going to keep an eye on you for a while.”
“Can I play tomorrow night?”
Caia huffs and she clamps her eyes closed.
The doctor’s brow shoots up, like they’re surprised by the question. “Let’s not talk about that right now. You need to get better”
“No, I need to know.” Disappointing my team will kill me.
“Lexie, you need to recover,” Caia says from the corner.
“I’m leaving.” I push to sit up and my body rebels and I crack back to the bed.
The doctor’s jaw sets. “You’ll be back to playing in two to three weeks… if you do as we say.”
I don’t like it, but I review what she said… Seizure? Brain swelling? Bleeding?
Okay, so it sounds like a serious risk and a pretty good hit I took back there, but let’s be honest— it’s a small price to play for that last goal. That one’s going in my top ten of all time plays.
My gaze roams to Caia’s. She smiles tightly and I can see the care… and love… she has for me. Standing by me like an angel under the faint window lighting, with her curls framing her head like a golden halo.
If I died, I wouldn’t get to see those rosy lips smile again.
If I died, I wouldn’t be able to hold those plump hips again.
If I died, no sacrifice would be worth losing her. She’s a bigger win.
Moving subtly so as to not trigger another head-throb, I ask, “Can I have a moment alone with my wife?”
The doctor absently addresses me, scribbling in their notepad. “Sure, just keep it brief. You need to get some rest, Mr. Kozlov.”
GM Anderson walks up to the side of the bed. “You’ve been given a month off, make it count.” By his solemn face I can see he’s seriously worried. He usually speaks to the team in a light-hearted and jovial tone. This is serious, way too serious. My gut hardens.
“I will, sir.” I nod as his hand lands on my shoulder.
“Call me Robert. Afterall, we’re family,” he gives a squeeze.
My heart races. I have found a new family. I have people who care about me.
But Caia looks more than concerned… she looks distraught. Maybe she’s having second thoughts about being married to a hockey player… or our arrangement. This could be too much and I wouldn’t blame her. I come with baggage, although we’ve been able to sort through some, it’s still easy to question if what we have is real.
One by one, everyone trickles out of the room. Everyone but her. She inches towards me, almost like a cat who’s curious but equally as cautious.
Her hand jerks, like she wants to touch me, but she pulls it back.
“I was so scared.” Tears prick the edges of her eyes.
“About?”
Tears start to pour down. “That I would lose you, you big oaf!” The words are full of bare emotion and not anger, caring and not disappointment.
My heart ticks a little faster and I swallow, my mouth already dry from the game and not hydrating after.
Her bottom lip quivers. I want to reach out and pull her into my arms, but I don’t know what she needs to say, so I’ll just wait.
“They wouldn’t let me ride in the ambulance and the medical staff wouldn’t tell me what had happened. I was terrified that…” Her voice cracks. “That you… were…”
“Were?” I’m hanging on every word.
“Were gone.” Tears roll over the edge of her bottom eyelashes. “I don’t know what I’d do.”
I slip my hand into hers. “Caia, I need to tell you something.”
Her chest rises and falls choppily. She blows out a calming breath. “I know that sometimes things just don’t work out the way we want them to. Whatever it is, I’ll understand.”
This beautiful woman believes that I’m going to say I want out.
How could she ever think that?
It’s been the best two months of my life with her by my side.
“I know that you were trying to help me stay in the country, but you have given me so much more and I never want to be without you from this day forward. Ya tebya lyublyu .”
Her eyes expand. “Oh God! Are you having a stroke?”
I laugh. “No. That means ‘I love you’ in Russian.”
Her mouth falls open, but she recovers with a wide smile and a chuckle. “Oh. So you’re not telling me goodbye?”
I cup her face. “No, but I have a question for you.”
“Okay.”
I take a dramatic pause. “Will you marry me, Ms. Kozlov?”
Caia laughs, happy tears streaming down her face. “You name the day and place and I’ll be there.”
She rescues me with a kiss, and I whimper as my eyes seem to want to jump out of my head with my rising blood pressure. All the blood is draining to one place and my brain needs it to stay where it is.
“Ouch. Maybe we shouldn’t get me so excited,” I say whispering with only one eye open.
“Just hold me?”
I smirk. “And I’ll never let go.”