Chapter 21
21
CHARLIE
T he month since I’d seen Miranda dragged in an endless cycle of practice, games, and sleep. I skated every day until I fell exhausted into bed each night. It helped keep the dreams at bay, but the days were a struggle.
“Dude, we’re kicking butt on the ice.” Austin fist-bumped Duncan and sank into the couch with his drink and bowl of chips.
I deepened my slouch and hid my scowl behind a deep pull on the beer bottle, desperate to keep Austin from noticing how deep I’d slid into depression since Miranda left. I missed her with the kind of ache that left my chest feeling hollow, a gaping maw of gloom and doom. The dark poetry of my pain caused a snort of disbelief. Leave it to Miranda to drag out the soft side of my personality.
“We’ll crush it next game.” Duncan raised his bottle in a mini salute and clinked it against Patrick’s.
We’d left practice a few hours ago and drove straight to Austin’s house for a night of drinking and video games. Austin’s seventy-two inch 4K flat screen called our names. We used to get together every weekend, but things had slacked off since Austin started hanging out more with Samantha. Dude had a serious crush. I gripped the bottle so tight my fingers ached. Austin got to have a relationship with any girl he wanted while we were left lonely and withering away without Miranda, the one woman none of us could have.
I’d expected to forget my feelings. The whole “out of sight, out of mind” mentality sucked ass and was the biggest lie I’d ever believed. My phone screen lit up, and I dove for it fast enough to make Patrick’s slapshot look like a slo-mo move. My thumb grazed the screen. “Fuck.” I deleted the spam message and flung my phone back down on the coffee table.
“Problem?” Austin leaned forward and chucked his empty bottle into the trash can. It hit against the other bottles with a clink, and he grinned. “Three point shot.”
“Too bad we’re not playing basketball.” Patrick picked up his controller and scrolled through the menu. “We playing split screen or what?” The side eye he shot my way held a warning.
I’d talked to him and Duncan a couple times about Miranda. We’d all agreed not to see her, but at the time, I’d not realized how furious I’d become at her absence. I’d picked up my phone to call or text her a hundred times, even typing out whole messages just to delete them. Nothing sounded right. Every time I thought about calling her, I froze over my confusion on what I’d say. How did I start a conversation that ended with, “Will you come back and sleep with me even though your brother made us all promise we’d keep our distance?”
If Austin found out, he’d never forgive us.
“Sure.” Austin and Patrick worked on setting up the game.
Patrick handed out controllers. “Anyone want a headset?”
“Nah.” Duncan motioned around the room. “Don’t think we need one in here.”
The white walls around us remained as bare as the day Austin moved in. He’d updated the furniture to a pair of luxurious leather couches, two recliners, and a loveseat in dark brown. The cushions were deep enough to make me want to lean back and take a nap, but I’d end up with Sharpie drawings on my face if I fell into that trap.
“How’s Miranda?” My casual tone stayed intact despite the desperate way my heart hammered in my chest. “Figured she’d have called or something by now to tell us how awful we were that first game.”
Austin smirked and scrolled through the character selections. Asking him while we played was my best chance at flying under the radar. “She’s okay. She mentioned she might come to our next game.”
“I’m sure she’ll have tons to say about our performance.” Duncan frowned at the TV and changed his character’s shirt in a rapid flick before going back to the shirt he’d had in the beginning. “What’s the point of this game?”
“Wrestling.” Patrick pointed. “We’re doing tag team matches. Me and Austin against you and Charlie.”
I pretended to work on my character but my ears strained to hear Austin pick up the conversation about Miranda. “Should we plan another party for her?”
“What? Who?” Austin grabbed another beer and cracked it open.
“Miranda.” Patrick’s frown matched mine. He tried to stay casual too, but even Duncan perked up at the sound of her name.
Damn it. We were all still interested. I’d hoped at least Patrick would move on. His reputation had given me hope, but he’d been as celibate as me and Duncan this past month. All our talk about keeping things platonic between us and our publicist was a load of horse shit.
“Maybe this time we’ll convince her to move to Washington.” Duncan pushed his luck, showing too much interest.
I picked up on it the same time Austin did.
The temperature in the room dropped ten degrees when Austin lowered his controller and faced Duncan. “You don’t mess around with my sister.”
Duncan held up both hands in a placating gesture. “Just saying she seemed happy here.”
Sure she was. She had all of us, even though we’d done our best to keep things professional. Surely she knew we’d break ourselves in half to make Austin change his mind. One word from her and I’d challenge Austin myself. The guy protected his sister, and I respected that, but he was also keeping her from a beautiful relationship.
Or maybe that was my ego talking. “Why does she stay in New York?” It was a legit question, and one I’d wanted to ask for months.
Austin scrubbed a hand over his face and picked up the controller. The match started, each of our characters walking out amid the fake cheers and light shows we’d all created for our entrances. I leaned forward and grabbed one of the bowls of chips, setting it on the table beside me. Austin always went all out for these game nights, plying us with beer and snacks while he beat us at every game we played. We kept coming back because the friendship we’d forged over the years had no trouble sticking around as Austin pummeled us in good fun. His character jumped over the top rope and into the ring, beefy arms raised overhead. “I don’t know why she stays. I tried to talk her into moving after that douche Luther did what he did.”
“What did he do?” Patrick asked the exact question I’d wanted answered for months.
Austin rarely talked about Miranda in any depth. Maybe the beer had loosened his tongue enough for him to talk.
Duncan shifted in his seat beside Patrick and rapid-fired a series of buttons that had his guy picking up Duncan’s by the neck and throwing him to the mat. He laughed at the shock on Duncan’s face. “I like this game.”
I kicked Duncan when Austin returned his attention to the screen. Duncan rolled his eyes, leaving me uncertain of his intentions.
Taking a long pull from his beer, Austin tagged Patrick into the match. “Luther cheated on her.” He cussed loud and long, his face reddening with the force of his words. “Not just that. The fucking bastard had the nerve to take a woman into Miranda’s condo. She caught them in the shower together.”
“How together?” Patrick asked.
Of course he’d want specifics.
Austin slammed the bottle on the table. “About as together as it gets.”
Duncan’s hands tightened on the controller. He stared at the TV, his fingers pressing the buttons so hard the plastic creaked. His character executed a series of moves that left Patrick’s lying outside the ring. He leaned into the couch, the visible attempt to relax dropping his shoulders even as he pummeled the character on the screen with the kind of anger I’d love to unleash on Luther.
I’d known Miranda experienced a nasty breakup. Austin expressed that much when he first warned us away from her. But I hadn’t known how much it might’ve messed her up. Hearing the whole story stirred up anger and resentment toward Luther. How could he do something like that to a woman as wonderful as Miranda? The racing pulse I’d experienced earlier slowed to a steady ache. She deserved better. No one deserved to be treated that way. I’d never break her heart. The words almost escaped me before I clamped my lips and swallowed them back down where they belonged.
Duncan tagged me into the match and I tried to concentrate on the screen. Austin’s attention remained on the game, giving me a chance to check Patrick and Duncan’s reactions to the bomb he’d dropped. They looked as shell-shocked and furious as I felt. Dark scowls lined both their faces, and Duncan rubbed his thumb across his knuckles like I’d seen him do after beating the shit out of another man.
“Yes.” Austin crowed and punched his fist into the air when he pinned my character. He turned before any of us managed to school our expressions and laughed. “Come on. You don’t have to be mad.”
“You’ve been practicing.” Patrick held out the controller, jabbing it toward the screen.
“Nah.” Austin shrugged. “Just grew up playing a lot more than you.”
The truth of that hit me square in the chest. He’d not been as privileged as me, and it showed up in odd ways sometimes, this being one of them. Miranda’s broken heart was one more hurt in a long line of pain that had started when they lost their parents. I wanted to be the guy who helped her heal and gave her back a whole heart instead of the broken one she’d been carrying around. I’d protect her and prove that good men still existed. I’d show her that she deserved a man who put her first all the time and not when it was convenient to him. After years of putting my feelings on hold and keeping distance between us for the sake of keeping my friendship with Austin intact, I was beginning to think it was time to put my heart on the line. What better reason to risk it than for the woman I’d silently loved for years?
Miranda would never have to worry about anything with me. I’d loved her too long to risk losing her. And it was becoming more evident by the day that I’d never be happy with anyone else.