Chapter 41
41
DASH
I escaped into my room as soon as I could.
As much as I want to be around my pack, I just can’t right now.
I need a distraction.
A break from the sweetness of Briar’s scent and the reminder that I messed up.
Not only with her, but with Landon, Ronan, and Jasper too.
They needed my support just as much as Landon did, but I chose him over them.
I chose him over Briar.
My head is a mess as I tighten my grip on the Xbox controller and lean over my knees, keeping my eyes on the TV.
I’m not playing goalie today and instead opted for a defenseman so I could have an excuse to digitally beat someone up.
It’s not as good as doing it for real, but I’ve never gotten into a physical fight anyway.
I’d wind up minced beta meat beneath a heavy fist if I attempted it.
Ronan’s the fighter out of the four of us.
He always has been, although he’s settled more over the years.
His anger was ramped up during his teen years because of the rush of alpha hormones and his natural distaste for most people, so there was never a need for the rest of us to practice.
With everything coming to light about the danger Briar’s in, maybe we should have tried anyway.
I zone out, relying on muscle memory to control my fingers as they dart around the controller, pressing buttons that lead my player into a brawl with a random defenseman on the other team.
My headphones are snug to my ears and the top of my head, blocking out all noise from around me so I can focus on the bass-heavy song playing.
My throat is sticky, the tightness in my chest not loosening even after my player gets placed in the penalty box and a loading screen appears in front of me.
I skip through the replay footage of the fight and settle back for my next shift.
Even virtually, it feels wrong not playing as a goalie.
For twenty years, I’ve played that position, ever since my dad enrolled me in hockey when I started elementary school.
It’s in my blood. Sometimes, I feel more at ease with a big-ass helmet on my head and a pair of pads on my legs.
It’s my armour.
My next shift starts, and I skate up the ice, ramming into everyone that comes close to me.
It’s something that would only be allowed in a video game, and right now, I take advantage of the lack of whistles.
I’m staring hard enough at the screen for my eyes to water when there’s a tap on my shoulder.
I watch in slow motion as my controller slips through my fingers and soars through the air, whacking the front of my dresser.
Its back tab opens, and the batteries scatter across the hardwood before rolling onto the rug beside my bed.
I jump off the couch and whirl around, surprise controlling my limbs.
It’s so goddamn dark in here just the way I like it while I play, and that doesn’t help.
The person standing a few feet back is masked in shadows, and only when they rush forward with their hands up do I settle.
“Briar?”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. I said hi and knocked, but the door was open, and I saw you had headphones on. I’m heading to bed and just wanted to say goodnight,” she rambles, voice higher-pitched than usual.
“Maybe I should have taken your concentration as a sign to leave you alone.”
“No!” It tears past my lips, and my cheeks heat with embarrassment.
“I mean, it’s all good. I was just playing.”
She looks past me at the TV and the game that’s paused itself due to my controller batteries being on the carpet.
“You like hockey enough to play it in your free time on top of how often you’re on the ice?”
I gnaw on that.
“Haven’t you ever loved something so much that you never get bored of it?”
“Outside of work? I love to paint, but I wouldn’t say that I’ve never gotten bored of it before.”
Nodding, I sit back down and wave to my couch, silently offering her a seat on it.
She smiles and joins me, leaving only a couple of inches between our bodies.
Her scent is still sweeter than usual, a sign that her heat is approaching fast. There’s a restlessness in my chest, a flutter kicking up behind my ribs that demands I get closer.
It could be the pull of her incoming pheromones or .
. . something else. Something that I’ve been denying myself.
“The only thing I’ve ever felt that with is hockey. But I guess that’s what happens when you grow up playing it. It’s engrained in me,” I say.
She folds her hands in her lap.
“Did you always love it?”
“I think so. The first time I was in a pair of skates, I was two. I didn’t start playing until I was five.”
“Two seems really young. I imagine you were quite adorable in tiny skates, though.”
“I’ll have to show you my mom’s old videos one of these days. I was a mess,” I confirm with a low chuckle.
“Well, you aren’t anymore. I don’t know much of anything about hockey, but you play with grace. It doesn’t seem possible that you could be a mess now.”
“That depends on the game. I may not slip and fall anymore, but I have my fair share of bad games. It’s hard to work through those ones, but I’ve got the guys with me. Not every goalie is as lucky as I am to play with his entire pack on the same team.”
“Oh, I assumed it was mandatory for packmates to have to play together. Are there many packs in the league like ours?”
Ours .
The others would turn halfway feral if they heard her say that.
Shit. There’s a stiffening in my jeans that’s nearly painful.
I shift in discomfort, her claim on us having a terrifying effect on me.
“No,” I choke out, trying to subtly grab a deep breath.
“Only a handful, and other than just one, all their members are separated. Finding a team that’s okay with keeping a large group of their players tied to heavy, long-lasting contracts is rare.”
“Will Rayton keep you together forever?”
I strangle my knee with a sweaty grip.
“We hope so. There’s still five years left on our contracts. We’ve got time to figure that out or what comes next.”
“And in five years, where do you think you’ll be? In your life, I mean.”
Her sincerity is adorable.
And refreshing. Really refreshing.
The more time I spend with this woman, the easier it is to see why the other three are so obsessed with her.
Even Landon, who I didn’t think would ever let an omega in, has shocked me and done just that.
I’m surprised she’s even here talking to me right now instead of with him.
Or Ronan. Hell, even Jasper.
Do they really not care that she’s going to spend another night alone in the nest?
“Why are you here right now?” I ask, immediately wincing at the roughness to my voice.
“You could be with any one of the others.”
I keep my eyes fixed to the TV, unable to force myself to look at her.
If I saw the shine of realization or regret in her gaze, I think it would hurt more than I’m prepared for.
Her hand falls to cover the one I’m using to crush my knee.
Stroking my knuckles, she murmurs, “I know I could. But I’m pretty content right here.”
“We’re not doing anything.”
“We’re talking, aren’t we? Getting to know each other?”
I laugh without meaning to before finally looking at her.
The slight curve to her mouth settles me instantly.
“And you wanted to know where I see my life in five years,” I state.
“I do. Because I have a pretty rough draft of what I want in my next five. I’m curious if our plans match up at all.”
“Is that a deciding factor for you?”
She tips her head, her smile sliding higher.
“We’ll see.”
“You know, usually it’s me that’s teasing everyone.”
“Would you like an invitation to tease me, Dash?”
Tightness grows in my groin as I stop fighting my instincts and fall more into myself.
“I wouldn’t mind one, Bright Eyes.”
“Bright eyes? That’s a new one.”
I lean slightly in her direction, easing into the space between us until the sudden tugging sensation in my chest relaxes.
“Nobody’s ever called you that before?”
“Not until now. I guess it makes sense. My eyes are pretty light.”
“That’s not why I chose it, Briar.”
She pauses, curiosity lighting her expression.
“Are you going to tell me why, then?”
“Not yet. I thought you wanted to know what my five-year plan was.”
“That’s not fair,” she huffs.
“You’re beautiful even when you pout.”
Her eyes flick up to mine.
I swallow, debating between kicking myself in the ass for saying that or being proud of my honesty.
“You think I’m beautiful?” she asks softly.
I furrow my brows. “Yes. Are you not aware of how gorgeous you are? I thought you’d have dealt with guys staring at you everywhere you go.”
“None of them are you or the other men outside this room right now.”
“You’re perfect, Briar.”
“So, why are you still pretending you don’t feel the same way I do? I don’t care what your designation is, there’s no way you aren’t aware of who we are to each other,” she declares, going right for the jugular.
There’s no point in continuing to hide from this.
If everyone else can be brave, why can’t I?
“At first, I didn’t want to push Landon. When I met you, I knew Landon wasn’t ready for an omega. His history with his family wasn’t a secret amongst us, and Landon . . . he’s my brother. Not in blood, but by choice. He chose to have me in the pack and accepted me for who I was, designation and all, despite the backlash he got from too many people who haven’t outgrown the old way of thinking.
“It should have been obvious to me that there was a block between us.
I put it up before I’d even met you, and the night Ronan came home smelling like an omega .
. . Fear is dangerous, but so is hope.
At least with fear, you always expect the worst. Hope sets you up for heartbreak.
A brief period of bliss, and then with one strong wind, you’re tumbling off a cliff with nowhere to go but down.
What if I’d been open from the start and Landon hadn’t changed his mind?
”
I focus on the warmth of her hand and clear my throat when it grows tight.
“The draw to you is there, Briar. I won’t deny that. The way you smell and feel when we touch like this—” I slip my fingers through hers and bring our joined hands to my lips, kissing her soft skin.
“—it’s right. All of it is right. There’s a tug in my chest that guides me to you, but I can’t—I can’t get past the wall completely, even now. Maybe I’ve waited too long.”
Twisting beside me, she settles on her knees and leans into my side.
Before I can snag her hand again, she places it back in mine and brings the other to rest on my shoulder for balance.
Even in this position, I’m taller than her, but the difference isn’t so bad now.
Her mouth is level with mine, teasing me.
“There’s no timeline on this. In case you haven’t gotten it yet, I’m not going anywhere. I was prepared to fight for Landon, and now, I’m more than okay with waiting for you, Dash. I know what I feel, and that’s that you’re mine. Whether that’s today, tomorrow, or a year from now.”
I wet my bottom lip, and she lowers her stare, watching my tongue move.
My voice drops an octave, dark with anticipation.
“We don’t deserve you. Not a single one of us.”
“That’s okay. I like knowing that you’re going to have to work hard to keep me,” she drawls, her teasing tone returning.
Bit by bit, she leans closer to me until her chest presses against my shoulder and her hand has slid along my collarbones.
The light scrape of her nails against my shirt feels euphoric.
I burn beneath the touch, wanting—needing—more.
“You have no idea how hard,” I rasp.
Her smell intensifies, swirling around us so strongly that it makes my head swim despite having a weaker sense of scent than the others do.
I feel it clawing at me, demanding I give us what we both want on a deep, biological level.
“Tell me your five-year plan.”
I nod, humming so quietly it might possibly be silent.
“The only thing I want is for my pack to be complete. Healed.”
“That’s really the only thing?”
Time stands still when she brings her lips to mine but hovers them a breath away, offering me only a brief taste of her.
“How could I ask for anything more than seeing you spend the rest of your life as a member of the Montgomery pack? That seems like the perfect way to spend the rest of my years, Bright Eyes. The next five isn’t nearly enough for me.”