Chapter 29
twenty-nine
The drive back to Southmount was a blur, my brain focused on cataloging everyone I needed to contact about ending my engagement to Brian.
Thank God I hadn’t sent out the stupid save-the-date cards yet, or the list would be substantially longer.
At least most of the vendor notifications can be dealt with by email, leaving only my mom and Jake to tell in person.
Pretty obvious which one I’m dreading. She’s not going to react well to this news.
At home, I fling myself onto my mom’s living room couch like a temperamental toddler as soon as I walk in the door.
The room is devoid of engagement party gifts and all the fucking red carnations.
Seeing them again would’ve been a slap in the face—another harsh reminder about how little my ex-fiancé knew me.
When the door swings open, I don’t move a muscle, keeping my head buried in the cushion.
Hiding my face and feelings from Jake for a few minutes longer, even though I know I’ll have to face the music and share why I unexpectedly went to Chicago.
It shouldn’t be a shock to him after my breakdown yesterday or the texts Chelsi sent about the gifts and flowers.
He may not know the details, but he must have an inkling that things with Brian have come to a head.
“Hey,” Jake says softly, lifting my legs so he can sit on the couch. “How are you doing?”
“I don’t want to talk about it,” I groan into the couch.
“You need to. You’ll feel better once you tell me what happened.”
“Fine,” I mumble, turning around and sitting up against the couch arm with my legs sprawled across his lap. “You’re going to regret asking for details once I turn into a blubbering mess.”
“Try me,” he says confidently. “I’m here for you, Kate. Whatever you need.” He’s already stocked the coffee table with glasses of water, a box of tissues, and chocolate bars; he knows what type of night he’s getting himself into.
I exhale slowly, building up the courage to tell him what happened.
Sharing the mounting concerns about my relationship with Brian, which increased after the accident.
The red flags I ignored over the past five years because I was desperate to be loved, blinding myself to his flaws until it was too late.
Jake sits in complete silence as the words and tears flow out of me.
The only indication of how he’s taking the news is the clenching of his jaw, which is so tight he could crack a tooth.
When I finally share that I ended my engagement, he lets out a slow, deep breath, tension fading from his face immediately.
“I’m sorry you’re hurting, Kate.” Jake leans over, wiping the tears off my cheeks. “The last thing I want is to see you cry, but I’m glad you’ve ended things with Brian. He didn’t appreciate what an amazing person you are. How lucky he was to have you in his life. It’s his loss, not yours.”
“I know,” I reply quietly, pulling my legs to my chest. “I feel dumb and naive for letting it go on for so long. For always portraying him as the perfect man to my mom and friends. Not realizing I deserve more.” I let out a small sob, burying my head in my knees.
Jake scoots closer, wrapping his arm around me and holding me as I shake.
“I spent five years of my life blaming myself for his shortcomings. Convincing myself that I wasn’t good enough for him. That I’m not good enough for anyone.”
“Don’t put yourself down.” Jake turns to face me, lifting my chin with his fingers.
“You should be the most important person in your partner’s life.
Nothing should come before you. No exceptions.
That’s the bare minimum you deserve.” His steel-blue eyes peer into mine.
“Any man who can’t give you that isn’t worth a second of your time.
Doesn’t deserve to be in the same room as you. ”
My mouth parts slightly, my brow crinkling. He sounds so confident in how he sees me. It’s so at odds with how I feel about myself and the insecurities I have about my future. “What if no one ever loves me again? What if I end up alone?”
“Oh, Kate. That could never happen.” His eyes soften. “You’re the type of woman any man would be lucky to have in their life. I’m sure there will be a line of men at your door once you’re ready to date again.” He gently brushes a strand of hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ear.
My hand flies to my mouth as I laugh.
“What’s so funny?”
“The thought of men lining up to date me, considering I never had a boyfriend until Brian.” I shake my head and arch my eyebrows. “Maybe I’ll be lucky enough to find love again, but it’s sure as hell not going to be from a barrage of men chasing me.”
“We’ll see about that,” he teases, a wicked grin growing across his face. “How about we make a deal? A way to ensure you don’t end up alone.”
My eyes narrow, suspicious. Making a deal with Jake can be dangerous. Almost every reckless decision in my childhood started this way. “I’m listening,” I reply, unconvinced it’ll be a good idea and yet intrigued to know what he’s proposing.
“Super simple. If you don’t find love by the time you’re forty, we get married.”
I erupt with laughter. He can’t be serious. Jake and me? That’s ridiculous. We’re barely back to being friends. What is he even thinking?
“What’s so funny?” he questions, pressing his lips into a thin line and intently staring at me.
“Seriously? Where do I begin? How about the thought of you getting married in the first place?” Another small laugh escapes my throat. “Let alone to me.”
“I can see myself getting married one day—to the right woman. I’d do anything for the right one,” he says convincingly, locking his eyes on mine for a few seconds before looking away and changing the subject. “Do you want to mope around all night, or would you like to have some fun?”
“Mope. I don’t want to be around anyone,” I croak, covering my face with my hands.
“You won’t have to hang out with anyone but me. I’m thinking we go old-school. Binge on junk food and consume one too many alcoholic beverages.”
My face lights up at the thought of eating my feelings. It may not be healthy, but it works like a charm every time. “You had me at junk food.”
“Put your shoes on and meet me in the truck,” Jake says, standing and pulling me off the couch. “And this conversation isn’t over. You owe me an answer about my proposition.”