Chapter 54
fifty-four
“Dinner’s done,” Jake calls out, walking into the kitchen from the deck, wearing athletic shorts and a loose T-shirt.
We spent the day exploring Chicago like tourists.
Architectural Boat Tour, riding the Ferris wheel on Navy Pier, consuming too much Garrett’s popcorn, and stuffing ourselves with Giordano’s deep-dish pizza for lunch.
Another core memory day. One I hope expands when I tell Jake I love him.
“It smells great, babe,” I say, chopping cucumbers for our salad.
I still can’t get over Jake’s domestic side.
Growing up, he was helpless in the kitchen.
Couldn’t make a simple box of mac and cheese without screwing it up.
That’s not the case anymore. He’s an expert on the grill and offers to make or help with dinner every night.
He even attempted sourdough bread on his own.
It’s been the most welcome surprise, as I’ve always wanted a partner in the kitchen.
Someone who has the same passion for food as I do.
It’s one of my love languages, after all.
Jake comes up beside me, the tip of his nose dragging along my neck as he breathes me in. “Fuck, you smell amazing. Definitely better than dinner,” he whispers, nibbling on my ear. “Already know what I plan on having for dessert.”
“You’re insatiable,” I reply, biting my lower lip, attempting to stay focused on chopping.
“Only when it comes to you.” He presses a kiss on my temple and walks away to set the table.
Although he loves spending time cuddling on the couch, he’s advocated for having meals at the table.
Every night, he comes prepared with one or two topics for us to discuss, and it’s been instrumental in allowing us to deepen our relationship.
“We need to make a bucket list of things we want to do in Chicago before I start traveling for work,” he says, looking at me across the table. “I know you’ve mentioned a few museums, and I’m sure you have other ideas we can add to the list.” He takes a bite of his steak, his eyes not leaving mine.
“It’s crazy how long I’ve lived in this city and haven’t done many of the tourist attractions. I had so much fun exploring with you,” I reply, grinning so big my face is almost uncomfortable.
“Definitely a core memory day,” Jake says, causing my heart to skip a beat.
“Me, too.”
“Let’s start the list at breakfast. You can even make a spreadsheet for it,” he teases.
“You’re going to learn to love my spreadsheets. One day, they will change your life.”
“Wanna bet?” His eyebrows arch, already planning something devious that I’m likely going to love.
“Maybe.”
“How about this… If you convince me to create a single spreadsheet on my own, I’ll do anything you want.” He smirks. “If not, you have to fulfill one of my fantasies.”
“What would that entail?” My breath hitches, curious to learn more and find ways to bring his deepest desires to life.
Although my sexual prowess is nothing compared to his, he makes me feel comfortable in my own skin whenever we’re intimate.
Heat starts to pool in my center as I think about what he could want to do with me.
All the things I want to experience with him.
“I have a long list of fantasies I want to do with you. And I add to it every day.” His voice is low and gravelly.
“Where to start…” He taps his finger against his chin, his eyes looking upward for a moment before his gaze focuses on me.
“It would probably involve tying you to the bed and blindfolding you.”
I gasp, growing wetter with every word.
“I’d break out a wide variety of toys, giving you so many orgasms in a row that one stroke of a feather against your pussy would make you come instantly,” he whispers, even though we’re the only two people in the house.
“Then I’d fuck you so hard you can still feel me inside you after we’re done.
That’s where I’d start. As I said, I have a long list.” He leans back in his chair, eating dinner like he didn’t just blow my mind.
Is it possible to have an orgasm from words? Because I might. Holy fuck, that was the hottest thing I’ve heard.
“Sounds like I win either way,” I say breathlessly.
“Always want my girl to be happy,” he remarks. My pussy clenches every time he blinks, eagerly anticipating what will happen later.
I need to focus. Get my mind out of the gutter. Stop thinking about fucking him for a minute so I can have this conversation. I take a few bites to try to calm my hormones.
“When could you see us getting a dog?” His quick change of subject startles me. We’ve mentioned wanting a dog in the future, even discussing how we’d like to adopt from a shelter. Warmth spreads in my chest as I think about us choosing a dog and the type of long-term commitment it signifies.
I tilt my head, thinking through how to respond since I hadn’t given any thought to a timeline.
There’s so much for us to figure out once he starts traveling.
He’s had a much more relaxed work schedule the past few months, making it hard to envision what our day-to-day will look like when he’s traveling multiple days a week for months at a time.
“Not sure. Guess it depends on your schedule and our living arrangements,” I reply, swallowing a big gulp of wine. We’ve danced around the topic a few times, discussing potential long-term options without landing on any decision or timeline.
He nods. His plate is clean, so his focus is completely on me. My mind is running through a thousand different scenarios, trying to figure out what might be the right option for us. What he wants. What all of this means.
“Well…I was thinking next spring might be a good time. We’ll have been together for almost a year, and you’ll have experienced enough of my travel schedule to know what to expect,” he says with a gleam in his eye. “What do you think about that?”
My pulse races, a blush overtaking my face. He’s gauging how comfortable I am with making plans a year from now. Trying to determine whether we’re on the same page without scaring me.
“I’d like that,” I murmur, my eyes locked on him. I’ve been waiting for the perfect moment to tell him how I feel. This is the moment. He’s taking a step forward; it’s my turn to do the same. To speak the words I’ve felt for a while but have been too nervous to confess.
I inhale deeply and briefly close my eyes, centering myself and clearing my mind. I want to be in the best headspace possible when I say these three words to him for the first time. I want this moment to be another core memory for me. For us.
“There is something I want to say, but I need to get it all out before you respond. Can you do that?”
He nods silently.
“I didn’t expect any of this,” I say, gesturing between us. “It was not on my bingo card for the year. Everything I had planned for my life has blown up in the last few months.”
Jake rubs the back of his neck; his eyes are locked on mine. He’s starting to get nervous about where this is going.
“And I couldn’t be happier about it. You’re exactly what I didn’t know I needed.
Healed parts of me I didn’t think could be fixed.
Encouraged me to stand up for myself and focus on what I want.
And what I want is you, Jake,” I say confidently.
His eyes light up, and a massive grin appears on his face.
“I know this is new, and we’ll encounter challenges in the weeks, months, and years ahead, but it’ll be worth it as long as you’re by my side. ”
He reaches across the table, grabbing my hand and squeezing. His thumb gently caresses my palm. His gaze locked on mine. I take one final deep breath before saying the words I’m desperate to get out.
“I love you, Jake. I don’t expect you to say it back. I just needed to tell you.”
He presses a kiss to my hand, briefly closing his eyes.
“Can I talk now?”
I nod.
“I’m not good at relationships. Or, at least, that’s what I assumed, considering I’d never had one that lasted more than a few weeks,” he begins earnestly. “I’ve never said those words to anyone. And couldn’t imagine doing so anytime soon.”
I steel myself, waiting for him to tell me he’s not ready to say it back. Focusing on controlling my expression so I don’t accidentally make him feel guilty.
“Until you. Falling in love with you has been the easiest thing I’ve experienced.”
My breath catches in my throat. What did he just say?
“One day, I’ll tell you about the moment I knew I was in love with you. Because I am, Kate. I’m madly in love with you. I know it deep in my bones,” he says, standing and pulling me into his arms.
His lips crash into mine and I part my mouth, awaiting the thrust of his tongue. I can’t get enough of his kisses. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to have enough of him.
He pulls away and touches his forehead to mine.
“I love you, Kate. I’ve been waiting to say it until you were ready. I didn’t want to scare you,” he whispers. “I don’t want to do anything to mess up what we have.”
“I love you, too,” I reply, softly kissing his forehead and jawline.
I let myself bask in the moment, choosing to ignore the lingering questions plaguing our relationship, about how we’ll handle our drastically different lifestyles, how we’ll stay connected with his schedule, and where we’ll live long-term.
They’re all things that need to be worked out, just not today.