Chapter Seven
Carter
Normally when I go hiking, most of my focus is taken up by the sights and sounds of the surrounding area. Gazing up at the sky or into the crystal clear lake water that reflects the white wisps of clouds is something I do often when I’m out here, but today all my attention is being drawn to the woman hiking next to me. Even though I keep trying to convince myself that the reason I’m concentrating on Billie is to make sure she doesn’t trip and fall, I know the real reason. The trail around the lake is one of the easiest around town, and she isn’t having trouble with it, but I am. Billie is … distracting.
Her hiking outfit is comprised of tiny biker shorts that cling to her strong thighs and an even clingier tank top that shows off an ample amount of cleavage. It still gets chilly in the evenings, so I recommended she bring a jacket, but she shrugged off the suggestion and insisted that it would “mess up her look.” Right now I wish she was a little more into function over fashion because I can’t stop staring at all the smooth, olive skin on display. As I once again find myself staring at her, my feet stumble over the nearly obstacle free terrain, but luckily I catch myself before I can face plant into the underbrush near the line of evergreen trees.
Billie reaches over and grabs my arms to help me right myself. “Are you okay?” My cheeks flush with embarrassment and I nod, unable to form words for fear of confessing just how cute she looks with her hair in the long twin braids that rest on her shoulders. Billie’s mouth quirks up into a teasing smile, one that I know well and is quickly becoming one of my favorite smiles of hers. “You know, for someone who goes hiking and camping all the time, you kind of trip up a lot.”
“I’m normally a lot less clumsy.” I rub the back of my neck nervously, hoping that she hasn’t discovered the real reason behind my lack of coordination. “Maybe I overdid it this weekend.”
Billie hums thoughtfully as she gives me a slow once over. As her eyes trail up and down my body, I feel myself tremble despite the heat of the day. “Well, we have been going nonstop for the last twenty minutes. Do you want to take a break?”
“Sure,” I reply quickly. Hopefully a short stop will give me a chance to get my bearings so that I can keep from making a total fool of myself in front of her, the odds of which are increasing exponentially with each passing minute spent in her presence.
We come across a fallen tree that looks out across the lake and take a seat on the soft bark. After digging around my backpack, I pass her a water and take a sip of my own, hoping the liquid will douse some of the flames of desire that flicker in my body anytime I look at Billie. Brushing my reaction off as something that is happening because it’s been so long since I’ve had sex with anyone other than myself is something I could easily do, but I know that isn’t the case. There is some enigmatic quality in Billie that I’m really drawn to. She is bright and effervescent, but it’s more than that. I highly doubt she would go for someone as reserved as I am, but if I can figure out what it is about her exactly that calls to me, then maybe I can get past it and over the crazy crush that I’ve developed. Once that’s behind me, I can go out and find my real person because there is no way it could be her.
Thinking back on what brought her to Starlight Lake in the first place, I turn to Billie and broach the subject. “So, you came here to find out a little more about yourself, right?”
“That was the plan.” Billie turns to me, a wry smile on her face. “I’m not exactly excited at the prospect, though.”
My brow furrows. “Why not? Isn’t that the point of all this?” My hand sweeps across the expansive scene in front of us. “Life is all about finding out who we are and where we fit in the world, our own smaller worlds and the larger one as a whole.”
Billie sighs next to me. “I guess.” Instead of focusing on the gorgeous view of the trees and lake, she studies her hands intently for a moment before her gaze meets mine. “What if I don’t like what I find?”
Her expression is slightly pained, and I can’t help myself from scooting closer to her to offer a bit of comfort, even if it’s only from my proximity. “Why wouldn’t you?” Her shoulders bounce and she looks away from me. As she does, I take a moment to really study the woman next to me. She is incredibly beautiful, and she knows it, but it seems like she doesn’t see the other amazing traits she possesses beyond that. Sucking in a deep breath, I drag her eyes back to mine with a finger under her chin. “Would it help if I tell you what I’ve found already?”
“Maybe,” she breathes out. Her breath skates across my hand, and I reluctantly drop my arm. This is about making her realize how amazing she is, not about me getting caught up in how even more amazing it would be to hold her in my arms and feel a lot more than just her breath on my skin.
Swallowing thickly, I stare into her chocolate brown eyes, hoping that she can see the seriousness in my expression and hear it in my voice. “From what I can tell, you are a rare individual.” Her brow furrows and I smile at her confusion. “I mean that in a good way. You are incredibly friendly, not because you have to be, but because you are great with people and you truly want to spread some of the cheer you naturally possess to others. You care a lot about those you love and aren’t afraid to show it, whether that means having to drag Jake back here so he can admit to wanting to be with Maya or doing whatever it takes to get JJ to feel comfortable with you. And you like helping others.” I give her a knowing look. “You knew we wouldn’t take money for nothing, so you set up a PO Box to help our business, ordering things when you probably didn’t even want them.”
Billie’s eyes dart to the side, and for a moment it looks like she’s hiding something, but when she looks back at me, whatever was there is gone. “How can you think all that about me? You don’t even really know me all that well.”
“Maybe not,” I admit. There is a lot I don’t know about her and so much I would like to, but we’ll get there. We are roommates after all. It’s not nearly as much as I want from her, but if it’s all I have, I will take it gladly. “But that doesn’t change the fact that what I do know about you is all true.”
She exhales slowly and smiles shyly at me. “Thanks.” Her voice has a feathery quality to it. If it were any lighter, it would float away on the slight breeze that swirls around us. Her gaze turns thoughtful once again as she looks out over the water. “I do like being friendly and helping people. Meeting so many different people was the best part of my job until it turned into just another item on my to-do list.”
As she picks at the bark on the fallen tree, I think over what she just said and come up with an idea to maybe help her figure out what she wants to do. “What parts of your job did you really enjoy?”
Billie looks back at me, her eyes bright. “This might sound dumb, but I loved getting to help put together the client lunches or put up decorations for office parties.” Her smile widens and it’s impossible for me not to grin along with her. Her happiness is infectious. “I even planned an anniversary party for my parents last year. Getting to set everything up for them and see the look on their faces when they strolled into the ballroom and saw it for the first time was the best part of that night.” She bites the inside of her cheek, her expression nervous. “What if … what if I planned parties?”
She still looks a little uncertain, but I know she’s more than capable of doing that if she wanted to. “I think that sounds like a great idea. Party planning is something I can totally see you doing and being great at.”
Billie nods, but the happiness that decorated her face moments ago starts to fade. “I would need to come up with a business plan, and maybe get a loan. And then what if I’m not even good at it?” I can see her starting to go down a rabbit hole of panic, so I wrap my arm around her shoulder and pull her closer. Her eyes widen at the move, but she doesn’t look unhappy about it, so instead of moving away, I relish this small opportunity to hold her.
The feel of her body so close to mine feels so right and so good that I’m practically on cloud nine, but I try to keep my focus where it needs to be, and that is on reassuring her. “I can help you with the business stuff if you want,” I offer. As I think over the other issue, an idea pops into my head. Squeezing her shoulder, I smile over at her. “And JJ’s birthday is coming up in a few weeks. You could plan his party and see how it goes. If you don’t like it, you can try something else.” Staring into her big brown eyes, I try to convey something that I have to remind myself of often as well. “And you are more than what you do, you know.”
Billie’s head bobs up and down slowly as she processes everything I’ve just told her. “Okay,” she breathes out. Her expression is cautiously optimistic, and I take that as a win. Her eyes search mine and she leans closer, bumping my chest with her shoulder. “I want to help you too. What can I do for you?”
My face flushes as the influx of dirty thoughts enters my brain, so I stand, shake them off as best I can, and start hiking again. “I’m good. We should probably get going.” The dirty thoughts morph into sweeter ones, like the two of us sitting near a campfire talking, or Billie and me smiling down at our newborn baby. I’m not sure where these thoughts are coming from but they definitely aren’t possible. Maybe they could be with someone else, but she wouldn’t want someone like me.
Billie hops up from the tree and catches up to me easily. “Why are you in such a hurry all of a sudden?” She looks over at me and I blush again, and as she clocks it, she smiles and points to my face. “Whatever you’re thinking, that’s what I can help with.” My foot trips and I stumble again. Unable to catch myself this time, I land on a pile of dead pine needles. My hands are scraped up and I’m sure my jeans are torn, but neither of those things compares to the embarrassment I feel as Billie crouches down next to me, her hand lightly touching my shoulder as I sit back on my heels. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”
Her voice is tremulous and hearing her feel guilty when I’m the one with the problem is sobering. Dusting off my hands, I finally meet her gaze and try to offer a reassuring smile. “You didn’t upset me,” I assure her. She has me flustered and questioning my ability to function as a normal human being sometimes, but she’s never upset me. Blowing out a harsh breath, I figure I might as well confess part of the problem to her. “I was just thinking about what I want for my own future and how I don’t really know how to go about getting it.”
Billie nods thoughtfully. “Well, like I said, I would be happy to help you. You’re helping me out with the apartment and general figuring out my life stuff. Even coming out hiking has already been a big help, so if I can return the favor, I would like to.”
There’s only one thing I want right now, and admitting to it is difficult, but the sincerity in her eyes has me confessing the truth. “I’m not sure how you can help me be better at dating,” I smile sadly and shrug my shoulders. “It’s been a while, a long while, and I was never that great at it to begin with.” Looking over at the tree line, I wonder if she can see the awkwardness pouring off of me like the waves that lap at the sandy shore of the lake. It wouldn’t be surprising as I can practically feel it settling over me like one of my oversized flannels.
When I finally muster up the courage to look over at Billie, her expression is veiled, but it quickly changes into her playful one again. “Oh, I think you’d be surprised with what I can help with,” she teases with a wink. Standing, she reaches down and offers her hand to me. I take it, grateful for both the assistance and her lightening the mood. As I stand, I try to ignore the pleasure that fills me every time we touch, finding it difficult. “How about we talk a little about it over some Crusty Dog.”
Smiling at her, I hike my backpack a little higher on my shoulders. “It’s Frosty Dog,” I correct her. Not sure if this is the best idea, I find myself nodding at her suggestion anyway. “And we can talk a little more about it, but I’m not sure how you’ll be able to help me.”
Billie smirks and loops her arm through mine as we start hiking again. “Don’t you worry, Carter,” she brags. “Where there’s a will, there’s a way, and when it comes to doing something for you, there is most definitely a will.”
She beams at me once more before turning her attention to the trail in front of us, but just like before, all of mine is solely on her. How can she possibly help me find the person I am supposed to be with, when I can’t help but wishing that person was her?