Chapter Twelve
Billie
The words “let’s do it” coming out of Carter’s plump, juicy lips that are raised just enough in the corner to show a hint of the more devilish side of him have my mind taking a swan dive directly into the gutter as images of the two of us flash through my mind. Carter and me naked together in my bed, his bed, in the shower, and in the workshop all come to the forefront of my brain, though I am sure we would end up with sawdust in places that it never belongs if we actually tried to have sex in the workshop. The longer I think about these scenarios, the more I’m patting myself on the back for the brilliant idea I just presented to him. What I’m thinking must register on my face because Carter’s eyes bug wide and a blush creeps up his neck and cheeks.
“Not do it do it , but you know, let’s do the whole practice dating thing,” he blurts. All signs of the devil on his shoulder are gone as the angel takes the reins once more. Now more than ever, I’m determined to see that more playful side of him come out to play and stay out for more than a few seconds. If anyone needs to indulge himself with a little fun, it’s Carter, and if I can help him gain enough confidence to go out there and do that a little more often, I’ll be happy. Carter has been such a big help to me, it’s only natural that I offer up my services in return. Yeah, sure. That’s why you’re doing this. Admitting to anything beyond that isn’t something I’m ready to confront just yet, especially since it involves a lot of self-reflection and how even though I’m not sure what direction my life is heading in, I can’t help but want to drag the one person who seems to see me for who I really am along for the ride.
Placing that mess of emotions on a shelf to ponder later, I look over at the nervous man next to me. “Great.” I shift so that I can face Carter more and smile when he mimics my posture. “First things first. We should list off what you want to practice.”
Carter’s blush deepens and I make my own list of things to bring up later when he doesn’t look like he’s about to turn into a literal beetroot. Rubbing the back of his neck, a nervous gesture of his that I find more endearing the more I see it, he dips his head down and peers up at me through unfairly long eyelashes. “I’m not sure. I mean, we could go out to dinner or maybe do a trial run of a real date?”
He looks and sounds so unsure, a bit like a lost puppy that I want to pull him into my chest and keep him safe from others forever. That won’t be helpful, though, and even though I know I have my own selfish reasons for doing this that I may or may not examine later, above that, I want to be an actual help to him too. Moving quickly, I grip Carter’s strong shoulders and straddle his lap, sitting on his thighs. It would be so easy to slide a little further and just start grinding, but I’m pushing boundaries enough as it is and I don’t want to do anything he doesn’t want. His eyes stay glued to where my ass meets his legs for a moment before they shoot up to mine, and only then do I speak. “Carter, we have dinner every night, have gone out to eat, and gone out hiking together. You were an active listener and total gentleman the entire time. I don’t think us sharing a meal at the local steakhouse is going to give you the confidence boost you need.”
Carter nods and licks his lips nervously. “What do you suggest then?” His gaze flicks to my mouth, and that’s all the indication I need that he would be on board with what I’m planning. Still, he’s so skittish that I have to come at this slowly and carefully, like a lion stalking its prey. When I think about being with Carter, words like devour and ravage are definitely ones that come to mind, but I can’t be too forward, not yet.
“What I’m suggesting is that you embrace your Viking heritage a little more.” Grabbing and releasing his hands that have been balled up at his sides, I place them on the small of my back and lean in. My own hands drop to his chest, and when his breath hitches then exhales shakily, my stomach flips.
Have I ever had this kind of effect on anyone? Doubtful. The guys I’ve been with before were basically male versions of me, full of confidence and singularly focused on getting to the good part. Carter looks like he’s coming undone at the seams and we’ve barely even started. What makes it even more unbelievable is knowing that it’s not just because he finds me attractive or sexy, but because he likes who I am. In fact, I don’t think he’s ever openly complimented me on my appearance. It’s evident enough in how he looks at me, but him making sure I know how much he appreciates everything else first has me feeling like a half-baked brownie, all warm and gooey inside. Now it’s time to return the favor.
“Pillage, plunder, ravage, destroy,” I whisper huskily in his ear, grazing his ear with my lips. “I want you to.”
His hands tighten on my back and dip lower until they rest on the top of my ass. “What exactly are you telling me?” His breathing quickens and I can feel the evidence of his arousal underneath me. I haven’t dry humped anyone since I was a teenager, but suddenly it seems like it’s time for a little reminder of how good it can feel.
Leaning back, I leave just enough room so that he can see into my eyes, see how serious I am when I tell him this. “What I’m saying is, I am giving you permission to use me. Use my body as practice. You know how to make conversation, how to get people to open up. You’re social when you want to be, but what you need is a little more practice with the physical side of dating. You need to see how much someone can appreciate your body, for someone to show you that with more than words so that maybe you actually believe them.” Running my hands higher and playing with the hair at the nape of his neck, I tip his head back and raise a brow. “What do you say, Viking? Are you game?”
Carter’s eyes search mine intently for a moment. “Yes.”
The words barely leave his mouth before I press mine against it, sinking into the soft feel of his lips and memorizing the sound of his surprised whimper. Carter stills for a moment, and I panic at the thought of having gone too far too fast or doing something he didn’t really want, but then his hands slip to my hips and grip me so tightly I might have bruises tomorrow. Worth it. His tongue peeks out sheepishly to lick me, and before he can retreat I suck it into my mouth, swallowing more moans while making some of my own. The kiss is a little unpracticed at first, our noses bumping unceremoniously and teeth clacking a bit, but then our tongues dance together as naturally as if we have been doing this with each other for years, decades even.
We continue to explore each other’s mouths while our hands tentatively explore each other’s bodies. Well, Carter’s are tentative, barely dipping into the tops of my back pockets, but mine are very sure as they slide down his torso and dip under his shirt to feel the happy trail I’ve gotten to see but not touch as much as I’ve wanted. As my fingers dance over the light dusting of hair, I smile against his mouth before going back for more kisses. The feeling of absolute rightness that streams through my body is so different than anything I’ve ever felt before that I get a little light-headed.
Needing air, I slow our kiss and nip at his bottom lip before pulling away completely, sucking in a welcome lungful of oxygen as I look at the man underneath me. Carter’s pupils are dark, the black all but crowding out the leafy green I love so much. Our breaths mingle as we gulp down air, coming down from the brief but heavy make-out session that we shared and that I want to repeat, pronto . Carter swallows, the sound audible over the quiet of the room. “That was,” he exhales slowly, shaking his head. “That was … well, clearly I don’t have words.”
Chuckling, I smile and lightly brush my lips against his one last time. “Me either, Viking. Me either.” A small shout sounds from Carter’s room, and I jump off of him, stumbling to the floor. If I’m not bruised from Carter’s grasp, I certainly will be from hitting the hardwood.
Carter leaps up and helps me to my feet. “You all right?” he asks, his eyes looking more normal, though filled with concern.
Nodding, I hike a thumb over my shoulder “I’m good. You can go check on Little J.” Carter starts to walk towards his room, but I stop him by grabbing his forearm. When my eyes look down, I see a very large bulge in his pants and make a mental note for later practice sessions. “I’m going to go to bed, but that was just round one, Viking. I hope you’re ready for round two soon.”
With a wink, I release Carter and head into my own room, throwing open the window to let some of the night air inside. Cooling off from our first practice session is necessary if I’m going to have any hope of sleeping, but if the feeling stirring in my chest when I think about the man I just left are any indication, I might not be getting much sleep anyway.
****
As it turns out, I did get some sleep, though memories of the exploratory kissing Carter and I did made a reappearance in my dreams and may have escalated into something far naughtier than what the two of us did on the couch. When I woke up, I was a sweaty, horny mess and even taking care of business in the shower didn’t quench my desire for more. As we sat and had breakfast together this morning, I had to make a real effort to not offer to jump straight to sex. The only thing that stopped me was the presence of our nephew, but even after Jake and Maya took their son back home, I said nothing.
Carter probably isn’t ready for that, although he does seem totally unbothered by the whole situation from the night before, so maybe it didn’t affect him as much as it did me. He calmly made breakfast in a t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants that clung to him in such a way that had me squirming in my chair at the dining table. Thinking back on it now as I help customers in the store, I can’t believe I made it through the morning without crawling over to him, climbing into his lap, and purring like a kitten begging for a dish of milk.
“Are you all right, dear?” the kindly Ms. Heath asks me. I met her earlier this week when she came in to drop off more bars of the handmade soaps she creates at home and sells at the shop. I started using one of her rose-scented milk bars last week and I must say, the woman knows her soap. Even the expensive French soap I’m used to using isn’t as good as the one she makes.
Looking over at the middle aged woman, I smile and nod. “I’m good, thanks. I was just a little lost in thought.” Lost in a sea of lustful thoughts about the man that is currently working on a bed frame for some guy who owns the ski lodge one town over. When I saw the plans for it on Carter’s desk, I almost suggested we quality control test it when he’s finished, but he looked so focused on work that I figured I could save that little suggestion for a later date. “How are you today, Carol?”
She smiles as she walks up to the register where I’m stationed and passes over a silver goblet made by another artisan for me to ring up. “I’m well. I just found out that they’re going to start having a Sunday farmer’s market over in Green Valley, so I might go and see if there are any other soap sellers. If not, maybe I’ll set up a stall.” She leans in and looks at me conspiratorially. “Don’t worry, though. It won’t take any business away from the shop.”
Smiling, I process her sale and run her credit card. “Well, we appreciate you thinking of us.” The farmer’s market might be a good place to find more artisans to feature at Hodgepodge, and I try to remember to tell Maya or Carter later on. Their store is doing well, but it could always be doing better. It would also be nice if they didn’t have to rely on Carter’s creations as much as it seems they have been. He works too hard and needs time for a little more fun in his life.
“Of course,” Carol tells me as I hand her the purchase. Her gaze moves over my shoulder to where a picture of Carter, his sister, and their parents hangs in a carved wooden frame. A sad smile comes across her face and she reaches over and pats my hand. “It was just the two of them for so long. It’s nice to see that they have more people around to care for them.”
My throat goes dry as I absorb her words. I do care about Carter and Maya, and of course Jake and JJ too. But I’m leaving eventually, aren’t I? What then? Unable to form words, I simply smile and nod at the woman as she walks out the door.
My gut churns as I think about what I’m doing with my life, or rather, not doing. So far all I have figured out is that I’m not really sure I want to plan parties, I like talking to the people in town, and I really like kissing Carter. If only I could turn that into my life’s purpose, I would be set. Unfortunately, I need to figure out some kind of direction or I’m never going to leave square one. My phone buzzes under the counter and I grab it quickly, wanting a distraction from unpleasant thoughts about how frivolous my life has been. Unfortunately, the text on my screen from Jake provides no break from my downward spiraling.
Jake: When did you want to get together to make a business plan?
Groaning, I type out an excuse to put him off. Again. Jake has been asking me about my party planning idea since JJ’s birthday, but I haven’t had the courage to tell him I changed my mind. Jake has always had his professional life in order, creating and following plans easily since he has essentially been doing it since birth, so it’s hard to admit to him that I don’t have a plan still. He’ll probably lecture me when I eventually come clean, and I’ll deal with that when the time comes, but until then, I want to forget about my future and just enjoy what’s happening at present.
The back door opens just as I’m putting my phone away and Carter strides in. His hair is damp and his white shirt is a little more translucent from perspiration, but when he stops next to me, he smells as fresh and clean as if he came straight from the shower. Before I can slide down another rabbit hole of dirty thoughts, he starts rubbing the back of his neck, the telltale sign that he’s nervous about something. Spearing him with a look, I nudge him with my hip. “All right. Out with it.”
Carter doesn’t look surprised at my being able to read him, and even though I probably shouldn’t be able to after only knowing him for such a short time, it’s pretty easy. It’s obvious what is going on with him if you take the time to look hard enough, and I do. The fact that no other woman has bothered makes me irrationally angry on his behalf, yet grateful at the same time because it means I get to be the first to appreciate him the way he deserves. But you won’t be the last.
My brow furrows at my inner monologue, but luckily, Carter speaks and I push the hurtful thought of him with someone else aside. “Well, I know you said that I could talk to people and didn’t need that kind of practice, but I was still hoping that maybe we could go out on a date tomorrow night.” I hesitate because with the way I’m already feeling about him, going out on an actual date, whether it’s practice or not, is dangerous for my heart since he is exactly the type of man anyone could easily fall for. As if you haven’t already. More unhelpful thoughts, but like the knight in shining armor he is, Carter saves me once more. “If it sweetens the deal, I’ll let you pick out my outfit and show me how to style my hair.”
The deal didn’t need to get any sweeter, but I smile at his willingness to let me play dress up with him. “Done.” We shake hands, but instead of releasing them right away, they linger together. The air around us seems to spark and crackle as we continue to touch and stare at one another. I lick my suddenly dry lips and lean up on my toes, but the bell for the shop door ringing has me springing back from him. “It’s a date,” I tell him. My voice is husky and I cough to clear my throat.
An amused smile plays on Carter’s face as he backs away from me. “I look forward to it.” Carter nods at the customer who just came in, but his gaze never leaves mine. “See you at lunch.” With that, he turns and strides out the door, once again leaving me wondering how I could possibly continue with my plan to help him and protect my heart at the same time.