Chapter Nine #4
He can trust me and the rest of the crew. We would die for him—some of us already came close a few times. But that’s all I can give him. I'm nobody. Son of the worst scum.
“Does he really want to ruin a chance at becoming kumicho? To fulfill his family legacy. And for what?”
For. What.
Fun. That’s what he has with me, experimenting.
He was never the mushy type. But he’s also never suggested there’s something more between us.
He cares for me and trusts me completely; his possessiveness is over the top at times.
He’s surprisingly indifferent to people—which is good in our line of work—he always puts his enjoyments first and forgets about the rest, but me.
He never forgets about me. He looked at me without judgment from the beginning. Does that make it more than…fun?
And what about me? What is it that I actually feel?
I’m not sure what to call this emotion anymore.
It’s so much deeper than affection, and more wicked and sinful than love.
It’s consuming, perverted, dark, excruciating at times.
I tried so hard to swallow it, but it got stuck in my throat, and now it almost chokes me as it devours me from inside.
It started as an infatuation that turned into something more, day after day. Year after year. Lately, it morphed into an irresistible, obsessive passion that rages every time we touch.
Is this what Aki needs? What my wakagashira needs?
“He has to wake up. He needs someone to push him on the right path.” Kumicho seems to give an answer to my silent questions.
Is she asking me to make him go on those dates? Doing it would mean giving him up. Can I let go of him? Do I even have a choice? I knew from the start how this would end. Resentment starts boiling inside me. But it’s all futile. There’s nothing to do about it. Nothing at all.
“Understood,” I state, looking out the window. The sky looks dim and gray, a reflection of my mood.
“You’ll do what needs to be done.” Her commanding demand is clear. I don’t need it.
I know what I have to do. Not for her or the family. But for Aki. He’ll be a great kumicho one day, and I want to help it happen.
“I need to go,” I abruptly declare. I’m rapidly starting to feel nauseated. I stand up without being dismissed by her, but I have to leave before I show how revolting what I’m about to do feels to me.
“Eleven o’clock. You’ll get the details by message. Take Aki to meet his next candidate. I’ll be there as well this time.”
My stomach churns at the thought of taking him to see another suitable partner.
I bow, and freeze for a moment when she adds in a cold tone, “Nukarunayo, gaijin. Tanondazo.”
I walk a few steps and stop in front of the door where one of her men is standing, obstructing my exit. My fists tense ready to strike but he quickly moves after Kumicho orders him to let me pass, and I hurry out, heading straight to the floor bathroom to splash cold water on my face.
I’ve been trying to live in the present. I pushed away thoughts of duty and obligations to the organization and the family. I decided to be selfish for once.
It ends now.
The taxi ride to the office goes by in a blur. When the elevators open on the floor, Masa is waiting for me, his back against the wall, legs crossed at the ankles.
“Boss.” He lowers his head at me.
“Problem?”
“I know what’s going on between you and Mr. Boss.” He doesn’t beat around the bush.
“Can you be more specific?”
“You’re shagging each other,” he clarifies. “I don’t want to be too presumptuous in guessing who is fucking whom.”
He’s such a cocky fucker and I have no patience at this moment. “And?”
“Aren’t you gonna try to deny it?” he asks, half surprised.
“You look quite convinced of it.” Have I been that transparent about my feelings for Aki among other people? Fuck!
He snorts. “I don’t know how the rest of the crew didn’t catch on. It’s like a foreplay fest every time you two are in the same room. All the stolen touches, secretive glances, and underlying messages. You pop stiffies.” He grimaces.
“Do you have a problem with that?” Is he going to blab to Kumicho?
He sighs for a moment. “Mr. Boss…all of you don’t have good reputations around the organization.”
Tell me something I don’t know.
“You execute every job the kumicho gives you as you see fit—which most of the time is messier than it should be. But I like it, I like your crew, and respect you and Mr. Boss. So I won’t tell the big boss unless it interferes with the job.”
I fist my hands. Is he telling the truth? I should remind him why he needs to keep his mouth shut. “If you do tattle to anyone, I’ll rip your tongue out and make you swallow it.”
“I wouldn’t expect anything less from you, boss,” he salutes me.
“Expect worse from Akira-san. Much worse,” I growl.
He swallows and nods. This should do for now. Fuck Masa’s observation skills! He’s a damn thug, aren’t they all as dumb as a mail box in movies?
I can’t do anything about it for now, but this is just another reason to back off. It’s like the universe is showing the way to go.
I tell Masa to get Soma and wait downstairs, then I walk to Aki’s office. Trevor is at his desk, and he lets me know the wakagashira is huffing and puffing on the throne of doom. Fuck, who is he mentally torturing now?
My phone beeps. I receive the text with Aki’s date details, and when I see the name of the person he needs to meet I frown.
What the fuck is going on? What is the kumicho thinking?
Without pondering on the matter too hard, I send a text to Yuna and Karin in the chat, asking them to join us at the meeting place for the date, and then to my brother.
I have to wait only a few seconds before I get a reply from him.
I will my emotions to calm down and my body to relax before entering the grudge…room—or whatever he calls the place with that weird armchair.
His intense eyes find mine straight away.
He looks unfazed—elbow on the armrest, cheek against his palm, legs crossed—but I know better.
There’s a dangerous vibe coming from under the expensive light blue suit he’s wearing.
It emphasizes the leanness of his body and the paleness of his skin.
He changed his hair. The tips are aquamarine now.
He studies my face, then tsks. “What did she say to you?”
Nothing I didn’t know already. “You’ve been postponing meeting your next candidate.” My voice is flat and void of any emotion.
“Aren’t you going to ask me why?” His index finger strokes his lips, reminding me how voraciously they sucked the crown of my cock to milk more cum out of it yesterday.
I want to ask so damn much, but if either the cause of his hesitation is me or something else entirely, it’d hurt me in equal agonizing measure since I already made a decision regarding us.
“I’m not supposed to question my wakagashira. I’m only a servant.”
“My right hand,” he counters.
“A lackey,” I remind him of his teasing words.
“My lover.” He springs up from the armchair with a warring expression, while I keep my position near the door. His lover. It spreads a burning warmth inside my chest that I need to cool down.
“A lowly bodyguard.”
His nostrils flare. “Are you fucking serious? Would a bodyguard fuck his boss in the ass until he passes out from exhaustion and keep nailing him, even unconscious?”
I let out a growl because Jesus Christ! He-he told me to keep giving it to him even if he blacked out. He said the thought of waking up with me using him for my pleasure excited him. And he was right. It was so damn fucking hot. My dick twitches inside my boxer briefs at the memory.
No!
“Kumicho wants—”
“I don’t fucking care what she wants! I only care what I want,” he snaps, stalking slowly toward me. Telling me with his gaze exactly what he wants. Me.
“You want a gaijin who can’t do anything for you. Who can’t change how things are?” I bark. I’m panting now that he’s close to me.
“Change is nature, River.”
“Yes. You know better than anyone.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?” he hisses.
“You have no problem with moving on after you get what you want.”
My words and their meaning seem to float in the air for a silent moment.
Until he spits out, “Fuck. That’s what you think? Really?”
No, it isn’t. I know you are so much more.
“I can’t believe you!” He grabs a fistful of his hair and pulls, urging me to stop it, but I don’t move. His hand lets go. “You started this!” He pokes my chest with his long finger.
“What?”
“You kissed me while you were asleep.”
I did? I frown, trying to remember, but I can’t for the life of me recall it. That was a dream…right?
“You awakened this want inside me. And you need to take responsibility.”
Yes, I have a responsibility toward him. Aki gave me everything I needed. He helped me take control of my life with his acceptance and bloodthirst. I should do the same for him, even if it feels like squashing my heart under my boot.
“We need to go.” I take a step back. “You have a date waiting. The kumicho fixed it.”
“What?” he exclaims.
“The car is downstairs.”
“My family is important to me,” he states, unwavering brown gaze on me. “But so are you.”
Why does he have to make it so difficult? I’m doing this for him. “Don’t…”
It’s too late to stop the flash of hurt in his dark pools as he interprets whatever he sees in mine for what it is.
“You have no faith in me.”
Faith? He’s my purpose in life. The only reason I’m here. That’s why I can’t fuck it up for him. He could lose his position, his family, even his life.
“Don’t twist my intentions.”
“So you want me to get married and share a bed with someone else?”
I grit my teeth.
“To be fucked by them?”
Rage. Contempt. Jealousy. A dark proprietorship. All of them blend inside me, turning my blood as hot and thick as lava.
“The relationship can be platonic.” I say it more to calm myself.
He chuckles bitterly. “Why? If I have a hot stallion I don’t keep it resting in the stable. They’ll be my partner. I’ll be all theirs, and you? What would you become?”
I don’t know. All my memories with him are good, even the bad ones.
They are what has made it possible for me to be here right now, together with him.
But witnessing Aki with someone else, that could change everything.
Would I be able to stay and watch him get married?
Would I be able to leave him when that happens?
“I outrank you. You have to listen to me, you stubborn idiot,” he murmurs weakly, punching my chest twice with not enough force.
I can’t… My heart squeezes painfully in my chest.
“I didn’t know you were a coward.” I’ve never seen disappointment in his eyes. It’s like a bullet straight to my already bleeding chest.
Without another word, he stomps out of the room, and after a moment, I follow him as I always do.