Chapter 4
Chapter Four
Farrah
I ’ve never been to the cathedral before, let alone the rectory.
Father McDaniel—Rune—is waiting for me in the courtyard when I arrive.
It’s a testament to how attractive I find Rune that he’s standing in front of a beautiful church adorned with angels, stained glass catching the final glow of sunset…and all I can do is look at him . He leans against the gate that marks the beginning of the church grounds and I can’t help but compare it to the Pearly Gates leading into heaven.
Good thing this isn’t heaven, because I’m not sure I would get in.
Not with this snaking ribbon of heat in my tummy when I look at Rune, so serious in his clerical attire, the white square beneath his jugular marking him off limits.
I’m here to tempt him, anyway.
It’s wrong to be so warm…everywhere. As I walked here from the shelter tonight, my underwear grew wet, remembering what almost happened between me and Rune in the field that afternoon. Close your legs, before I shove them open them all the way.
Just a short distance from the gate now, I attempt to calm my racing pulse to no avail. I’ve never been with a man, never even shared a kiss, yet I would have let him spread my legs and have his way with me.
The priest makes my body feel so aware . So primed. So achy.
I’m here to help him pass the tests, though, aren’t I?
I’m not here to make him fail. Am I?
I fear I’m going to be fighting the same battle as him. A battle with the hunger that only Rune has ever inspired in me. I want him to overcome temptation.
But a deep down, inexcusable part of me wants him to give in, instead. Show me what’s possible when my body prepares itself for a man, the way mine has done for him.
I’m still wearing the same dress as earlier, but I’ve borrowed my aunt’s sandals. There’s a small bundle thrown over my shoulder containing a change of clothes, panties and some toiletries. I’ve prepared myself as much as possible for what’s to come, but when I reach the gate and tilt my head back to look at Rune, the evening wind blowing his black hair to and fro, his jaw set in an imposing line, I almost turn and run back to the village. Not because he scares me. Because my body begins to clamor so intensely.
Rune takes my bundle but never takes his eyes off me. “Hello, Farrah.”
Slow heat runs like oil down my spine. “Hello, Father McDaniel.”
The white square shifts with his swallow. “I wanted to speak with you before we go inside and meet with the monsignor.” He scrutinizes me. “I won’t allow you to be pressured into anything. If you need money, I’ll see that you get it. Without…what’s to come.”
“But how will you retain your collar unless we do as he asks?”
He considers my question, in a way that I can tell he’s already thought of the answer. “I could plead my case to the cardinal. There’s a chance he’d condemn me, but I find I would rather risk losing my collar than have you in discomfort.”
I’ll be in greater discomfort if you don’t touch me . The fact that he’s so concerned about me, so selfless, only makes me more eager to feel his warmth against mine. And sure, the virgin inside me is trembling a little over the unknown, but I’m not letting this man be kicked out of the priesthood because of my actions. No, I can’t let that happen. “I don’t feel any pressure,” I say softly. “And I don’t want to accept the money without doing as I promised.”
“Tempting me.”
Those two rasped words make my nipples throb. “Yes.”
“I don’t want to be the kind of man who gives in to temptation, Farrah,” he says, raking five fingers through his hair. “I’ve always aspired to be a man of conviction. A man of principle who looks out for the less fortunate. I was raised with the opposite values, and I’ve seen firsthand what becomes of a man who lets himself…indulge too deeply and freely of flesh, forsaking everything else. The broken shame of driving your loved ones away for empty, temporary pleasure.”
I wet my lips. “Who set this bad example for you?”
“My father.” He hesitates to say more, glancing back over his shoulder before capturing my gaze once more. “We both know the truth of what almost happened in the field.” We regard each other for a long moment, taking measured breaths. “I…worry I have the same lust inside of me. Same as him. I can’t give in to it, though. If I’m anything like the man, sex will rule me after one taste.”
An image of this man on top of me, face screwed up in pain as he slakes his urges almost makes me moan. Out loud. Then and there.
Goodness. Am I going to catch fire as soon as I set foot in this church, or what?
“I understand, Father.”
He steps closer, his hand lifting to cradle my face, but I only encounter the ghost of his palm, before he determinedly drops his hand. “Don’t let me give in, Farrah.”
“I’ll try not to,” I whisper, swaying toward him. Drowsy from an almost touch. “But if you’re feeling…desire for a woman now, won’t you continue to feel it again and again?”
Seconds tick by. Then he steps closer to speak an inch away from my temple, shooting tingles down the length of my neck. “I’ve encountered women of all ages, shapes and sizes throughout my work here. For years. I’ve never once felt need for any of them. It’s just you. I need to overcome… you . That’s it.”
My legs are so liquefied by that revelation, I’m surprised I don’t spontaneously sprawl out at his feet. “Okay,” I murmur breathily. “Overcome me, then.”
A rumble stirs in his chest, and I can feel him wanting to pull me flush to his body. Feel it with every fiber of my being. “Did you bandage your elbow, sweetheart?”
His concern is the next best thing to an actual embrace. “Yes,” I whisper.
“Good.” I can feel that his eyes are fastened to my mouth. “What did you tell your aunt about where you were going?”
“I told her I got a job cleaning the rectory.” I smile to myself, remembering her delighted reaction to me being hired, even though her exclamation of happiness sent her into a coughing fit shortly thereafter. “She’s happy that I’ll get a few days away from the shelter. It can get a little claustro—”
“ Shelter? ”
“Yes.”
Even in the rapidly fading sunset, I can see his face has lost some of its color. “There is a man who comes to confession…”
I wait for him to keep going. “Yes?”
“Every week it’s the same confession. He…” The priest’s right eye ticks. “He has impure thoughts about a girl who lives in the local shelter.”
“Is his name Mr. Tandy?”
All he does is stare down at me, haunted. Unblinking.
“It’s okay, I already knew.” I give him a smile, hoping to break the sudden tension. “The money I earn here should keep me out of his clutches a while longer.”
That phrasing makes him wince. “He’s offered to pay you…to lie with him?”
My face grows hot. “No. He wants to marry me.”
Rune looks like I’ve just told him the devil has kicked God out of heaven and started running the show. “Farrah, you can’t. The things he says.” His barrel chest is puffing up and down. “The things he wants to do to you…”
I try not to let it show how disturbed I am that Mr. Tandy feels strongly enough about me to make confession. Or that his confessions are bad enough to make Rune look sick to his stomach. “You must hear a lot of good stuff in that confessional booth,” I tease, my voice wavering slightly.
He closes his eyes, nostrils flaring. “You won’t marry him, Farrah.”
“Maybe I’ll follow in your holy footsteps and join the nunnery.”
Rune is still visibly not over the Mr. Tandy situation, but he’s trying to follow my lead into a new subject. “Do you think you’d be inclined to live a life dedicated to the church?”
“I don’t know,” I say shrugging. Looking off into the distance where town is outlined in the purple evening sky. “Up until today, I could have taken or left men. Though I suppose becoming a nun is about a lot more than…celibacy.”
A handful of moments pass. “Up until today, you could have taken or left men. What does that mean?”
“I don’t normally…”
“What?” he breathes, seemingly against his will, his mouth so close to my forehead that his words stir my hair.
Maybe it’s the darkness surrounding us now. Maybe it’s the fact that he’s a man of the cloth who receives confession for a living. But something makes me tell the truth. “For instance…I’ve never wondered before today what it would feel like to have a man rut me on the ground.”
The words are barely out of my mouth before Rune grips the meat of my arms, backing me into the darkness, the stone pillar of the gate blocking us from view of the church. “Just like that, then?” His mouth rubs side to side against mine, his breath coming in quick, harsh pants. “The temptation has begun?”
I moan at the texture of his mouth, my body encapsulated by fever—
“Father McDaniel? Miss Farrah?” The monsignor calls from the church courtyard.
We break apart, Rune pacing away to scrub frustrated hands down his face. “We’re coming in now, Monsignor,” he calls in a booming voice. “Farrah had a little trouble finding the entrance.”
We each take another beat to calm ourselves as much as possible, then Rune takes my elbow, picking up my sack that he must have dropped at some point, leading me toward the cathedral and the rectory beyond.
Where I will tempt him to betray his vows.
I thought I could hold back. Tempt him, yes, but not allow him to cross into the point of no return. After only a few minutes with him, though…
Now I’m not so sure I’m in control of this attraction.
Or the outcome of this trial.