Chapter 2
Chapter Two
Palmer watched as Master Derek walked through the crowded cafeteria.
He was such a nice man. Even when Palmer had seen him punish the other Littles, he’d never been cruel to them.
A smile tugged at her lips as she watched his Little girl bounce over to him.
The large man bent and kissed Sadie–once on the forehead and once on the lips.
Palmer hoped one day she could find a Daddy like him.
Kind, firm, and knowing. She prayed her future Dom would know her well enough to know she didn’t belong with the school-age Littles.
They were so Big, and in her heart, Palmer didn’t feel Big.
She was small! She didn’t want to go to school and take classes and make her own choices.
She wanted to be cuddled and held and fed with a bottle, but she was so grateful for Master Derek and she wouldn’t dare complain, even if the world felt hard and way too Big.
“Hi!” Sadie said, as she plopped down in a chair in front of her. The bubbly brunette broke through her thoughts.
“Hi,” Palmer answered shyly before dropping her gaze to her tray.
Heat crawled up her neck and face. She felt so out of place with the confident Little sitting in front of her.
All of the other girls had been so welcoming to Palmer, but she still struggled feeling like she was part of them.
She thought maybe it was because she’d been through so much bad stuff and it was kinda hard to put it behind her even though she was trying.
“My Daddy wants you to come to the Big House to eat tonight with us! I think it’s taco night!”
“It is taco night, sugar,” Master Derek confirmed, sitting down at the long cafeteria-style table. “How are you doing today, Palmer?”
Palmer gave her best smile, the one she’d been practicing in her room in the Littles’ dorm when she was alone. “I’m good. How are you, Master Derek?”
“I am doing well. Thank you for asking. I would like to speak to you in my office when you’re done eating. I’ve already notified your teachers you will be absent for a bit.”
Suddenly her fries and chicken nuggets didn’t look as yummy as when she’d selected them. Fear bubbled in her tummy. Had she forgotten a rule? Stayed up past bedtime? Failed a test? Had she misunderstood a conversation—that happened a lot!
“I’m done now, Sir,” she forced herself to say. There was no way she could eat when it felt like elephants were line dancing in her tummy.
“There’s no rush, honey. I am going to enjoy lunch with my Little one too.”
Sadie beamed at his announcement and Palmer couldn’t help the twinge of jealousy that she felt towards the couple. She wanted to be wanted like Master Derek wanted Sadie.
“I think I’m going to get some of those chicken nuggets. They look delicious,” Master Derek said, standing from the table.
Sadie waited until her Daddy was out of earshot before she bumped Palmer’s knee under the table. “You’re not in trouble. I promise.”
Palmer sent her classmate a relieved smile.
“You’re like one of the goodest girls here. You aren’t ever in trouble,” Wren said, sitting beside Palmer. Wren was one of Sadie’s best friends. It seemed the two were inseparable.
Master Derek sat down at the crowded lunch table again. He picked up a nugget and dipped it into Palmer’s ketchup. She tried to smile, but it felt so super forced.
He studied her for a moment. “Palmer, you’re pale, honey. Do you feel okay?”
“Yes, Sir,” she answered, far too quickly.
“Daddy, she thinks she’s in trouble and your Daddy face isn’t helping,” Sadie said, reaching up and trying to squish Derek’s face into a smile. He nipped at her fingers, making her squeal.
“Relax, Palmer, I promise you’re not in any trouble. You’re a very good girl,” he told her.
Eyes burning in shame, she picked at her food while the others talked around her. They were so nice and included her in the conversation several times, but she was always so scared of saying the wrong thing that she mostly just nodded.
Master Derek stood and held his hand out to Palmer. “Let’s walk to my office so we can talk. I don’t think you’re going to relax until we do.”
“Sorry, Master Derek. I’m not trying to be bad.” The stupid tears that never seemed to be far away filled her eyes again.
Master Derek looked taken aback. “I don’t think you’re trying to be bad, little one.”
She nodded.
Master Derek grabbed his tray. “Be good, angel. I’ll see you after school.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“You too, Wren. Be a good girl.”
“Yes, Master Derek.”
Palmer allowed Master Derek to guide her as they placed their trays to be washed and their trash to be thrown away. Once outside the noisy cafeteria, Master Derek slowed his pace.
“You know, Palmer, I think you try very hard to be a good girl. Maybe too hard.”
Palmer didn’t know what to say, so she just waited.
“How are you liking your classes?”
“I like them, Sir.”
“Have you thought about taking classes at the university?”
“No, Sir.”
“Have you thought about your future much?”
“No, Sir.”
“What makes you feel Little?”
Palmer shrugged. “I’m sorry, Sir. I don’t know.”
“You don’t need to be sorry, little one. We can figure it out together as long as you’re being true to yourself.”
Palmer frowned. Was she being true to herself?
“All of your teachers have given me wonderful reports and assured me you’ll be receiving your GED soon.”
“It makes me happy to make them happy,” Palmer answered honestly.
Master Derek took a seat at his desk and nodded his head towards the chair in front of his dark mahogany desk. Palmer sat obediently.
“What else makes you happy, Palmer?”
Palmer’s tummy dropped five stories. She gripped the chair arms tightly in her hands. Taking a breath, she repeated the answers she’d been practicing. “Being on the Ranch makes me happy, Master Derek.”
“What parts of Rawhide Ranch make you happy?”
“I like going to school with the other girls.” Sweat broke out on Palmer’s brow and she scrubbed the toe of her pink sneaker over the rug in front of her. Master Derek stared at her knowingly. His gaze was too intense and Palmer looked away.
“Palmer, look at me, darlin’.”
She worked to control her breathing as she lifted her green eyes to his deep blue ones.
“Good girl,” he praised. “There are no right and wrong answers to what I’m asking. I just want you to be honest with me.”
The far too familiar prick of tears filled Palmer’s eyes. “I-I’m sorry, Sir. I can do better.” She wasn’t even sure what she was promising to be better at. Honestly she was giving it her all and she didn’t have much more to give.
“Aw, honey.” Master Derek grabbed a box of tissues from his desk and knelt in front of her, dabbing her rapidly falling tears. “There’s no need for these tears and you definitely don’t need to do anything better. I just worry because I don’t think you’re happy in your current role here.”
“I’m trying to like it, Master Derek, I promise. I’m so grateful for the opportunity to be here and I can fill whatever role you need,” she sobbed, her heart breaking in two.
“Palmer, no, sweet girl. Being at Rawhide is a chance for you to find the role that you thrive at. It’s never about fitting into a box.
The purpose of being here is to give Little you a chance to be happy.
I know you’re grateful to be here, and I’m so glad you are, but I want us to work on figuring out what makes you thrive. ”
He dabbed her tears a bit more and Palmer worked to control her emotions.
“I’ve never been through the things you have, but I have worked with enough Littles to understand why it's hard for you to ask for what you need, but here at Rawhide, you’re always encouraged to focus on yourself.
I am not upset with you, little one, and neither is anyone else.
We love you and we want you to be happy. ”
Palmer was quiet as she reflected over his words.
“When you think about a perfect day as a Little, what do you imagine?”
Taking a deep breath and lifting her eyes, Palmer answered, “Not having to make so many choices.”
Derek met her with a knowing smile. “It can be hard making choices when you’re just a Little girl, huh?”
“Yes, Sir. I-I—” Palmer hesitated.
“There’s no negative reaction to telling me the truth, Palmer. I pinkie promise,” Master Derek said, holding out his hand.
Palmer lifted her eyes to study his face. It only took her a second to realize he was being genuine. He really did want her to be honest with him. Hooking her pinkie into his, she spilled her Little heart out.
“It’s hard, Sir. I have to get myself dressed and go to breakfast and class.
I have to pick my breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
I have to do my schoolwork and pay attention in class and I’m just so tired.
I don’t understand because I’ve taken care of myself forever, but it’s just so hard all of a sudden. ”
It frustrated Palmer. It should be easier to take care of herself now, not harder!
“Your feelings are completely valid, honey, and on point with what I’ve heard from other Littles ones who have been in similar situations. You lived in a state of survival so long that your body just wants to rest now. It’s called recovery mode.”
“Recovery mode?” His words brought a tiny stream of hope to Palmer. It was normal?
“Your body knows it’s safe now and it just wants to rest. That’s why all of these choices seem so hard now.”
Oh. That made a lot of sense, actually.
“You’ve been on your own for too long, little one. Your body is begging for a break and I have just the solution.”
“You do?” Palmer wasn’t really surprised. Master Derek always seemed like he had his duckies in a row unlike Palmer who didn’t even know where her duckies were… or if she even had any.
“I do. You know I try to take the best care of my Littles.”
Palmer did know that. He was wonderful to all the people at Rawhide.
“I believe I’ve found a wonderful mentor for you. Someone to help you rest, and to help you make all those hard choices.”
“It’s hard to picture having someone like that in my life,” Palmer admitted, feeling extra vulnerable. “No, it’s hard to picture someone wanting to do that for me,” she corrected. “Everyone is so nice to me, but I… I feel like I’m still an outsider and that maybe I don’t really belong.”
“I bet with your past, it’s hard to believe when good things happen.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“Well, I want you to keep practicing believing it, okay? There are only good things in store for you from here on out.”
“Yes, Sir.” Palmer promised herself she would practice believing.
“Would you like to know more about your mentor?”
“Yes, Sir.” Palmer did really want to know lots more about him.
“He aged out of foster care just like you. I think he will know exactly how to help your heart because he’s been exactly where you are. He’s newer to the Ranch, but he’s accepted a full time job teaching here.”
“He was in foster care too?” Palmer asked. That gave her a bit of comfort while she navigated all of the new.
“He was and he is already delighted with you.”
“Really?”
Palmer’s shoulders lifted at the idea of someone enjoying her. That was new.
“He is. That’s why I wanted you to come to the Big House for dinner tonight. I would like you two to meet on official terms.”
Palmer’s red curls bounced up and down as she nodded her head rapidly. “Yes, please! Yes, please. Who is it?”
“You already have met him, just not officially. I think you would be a wonderful match with Master Beau.”
Palmer searched her mind and smiled when she pictured the large man with crazy curly hair. She’d loved his lecture. She wasn’t sure she’d ever escape her trauma, but it was nice to think there was a chance.
“I went to his class.”
Master Derek nodded. “You did, sweet girl.”
“He seems really nice,” Palmer added.
“I believe he is very nice, and perfect for your Little heart.”
“I’ll meet him again tonight?” Palmer asked.
“Yes, ma’am. Sadie and I will come get you after class and you can do your homework at the Big House and then we will all have dinner together.”
Excitement so big and bright bubbled in Palmer’s belly that she launched into the Ranch Master’s arms and hugged him tightly. “Thank you, Master Derek! Thank you!” She didn’t miss the way Master Derek’s eyes were glossy when she pulled back from their hug.
“You are welcome, sweet girl. I want you to understand, though, this isn’t a punishment. You’re not getting a mentor because you did anything wrong, okay? It’s because I want to be able to give your heart and your body what they need.”