Chapter 8
Chapter Eight
The fear of rejection was so heavy in her chest, Palmer could almost taste it in her throat.
“Why would that be bad, pretty baby?” Beau asked.
Palmer studied his face looking for any signs of disgust or judgment, but she only saw sincerity. Taking a breath, she straightened her shoulders. “Maybe it’s selfish of me to ask for that. It could be a burden to ask someone else to make all the choices for me because it’s hard.”
Beau studied her for a moment, but not in a judgmental way—kinda like he was looking right into her heart. “I don’t know any Bigs who feel like someone trusting them that deeply would be a burden. All of the ones I know would see it as a gift.”
“A gift?” Well, that was hard to believe.
“We need to be needed, honey. We crave to do things for you, things that make your life easier. When you depend on us, we get what we need too.”
When Beau explained it in his calm, gentle, and one-hundred percent certain tone of voice, it made a lot of sense.
He reached over and took her hand in his. “Palmer, your trust is and will always be a gift, sweet girl.”
“What if I’m too much? What if my needs are too heavy for someone else to carry?” Her eyes filled with the tears that never seemed too far away. She swiped at them angrily. Before she could even get them all off of her face, Beau lifted her into his lap and kissed them away.
“Sorry,” she mumbled, embarrassed he was seeing her in another emotional moment.
“You never have to be sorry for your feelings, honey, or your fears. It’s okay to be scared. Trusting someone like you are can be terrifying.”
“It is scary,” she agreed.
“I want you to understand, though, baby. You're not going to be too much for the right person.”
Resting her head on his shoulder, she played with his wild curls. “How do you know?”
Beau rocked her back and forth. “Because…”
Palmer lifted her head to look at him.
“Because it’s not too much for me and the more time I spend with you, I realize that I want… I need to be that person… your person.”
Palmer felt like electricity was coursing through her body. The feeling made her jittery and she jumped from his lap.
“M-my person?”
Beau squeezed his hands into fists and then unclenched them. Palmer noticed the bead of sweat on his brow and the only thing that kept her from giving into the terror swirling around her belly, was the fact that he looked as scared as she felt.
“Palmer, you are the sweetest Little girl I have ever met. You are kind, precious, brave, beautiful…”
Unable to bear his words, she rushed forward and slapped her hands over his mouth, cutting off his compliments. He chuckled before licking her hand. She snatched it back and despite her big feelings, she laughed.
“That’s hard to believe,” she admitted, her voice timid. Talking about all of her feelings was so very hard.
“How I feel about you?” Beau reached out and grabbed the hem of her skirt, before pulling her back into his lap.
“No. Well, yes, but also that you would want to be my D-daddy.”
“It’s hard to believe I would want to be your Daddy? Honey, I’m pretty sure there’s a line of single Daddies and Mommies hoping to claim you. Once you’re not so scared, I’m sure you will be able to see that a lot of Bigs are interested in you.”
Palmer whipped her head around so quickly that her curls hit Beau in the face. “No.” Surely he was wrong, very, very wrong.
“Yes,” Beau confirmed, pressing a kiss to her forehead.
“But the truth is you’d never be too much for the right person because communication is always key in any relationship. If something becomes too much, you’d have to trust them to communicate that with you.”
Palmer thought over his words, letting them float around her rapidly racing mind. It was a lot to take in.
“It’s okay if you need to tuck those words into your pocket for later too, honey. You’ve been so brave today and it’s absolutely okay to just take it one day at a time. Not every piece of the puzzle has to fit together today.”
“Master Beau?”
“Yes, honey?”
“I.. I really want you to be my person too. I don’t know very much…
I don’t have very much experience with dating or relationships…
good relationships. I’m scared a lot, and I get nervous.
And I don’t like when it feels like people are mad at me.
I’m still learning w-who I am too, so it might be a lot of work…
being my Daddy, but if you’re willing to c-communicate with me l-like you said, then I-I would like to try it. ”
“Then we will try it, baby. We can go as slow as you need. Together.”
Together.
Palmer woke up the next morning, excited about her day. She sat up on the bed and rubbed her eyes. Last night, Master Beau had brought her back to the dorm and tucked her into bed. It had been so lovely. He’d even given her and her new baby a forehead kiss goodnight.
She rushed to get ready. He’d told her last night he had some business with Master Derek this morning, so she was going to have breakfast with Miss Catherine and her family. She had just put her new baby in her backpack when someone knocked on the door.
She put on her best smile and opened it.
“Good morning, Palmer,” Miss Catherine greeted. She looked so beautiful in a pink summer dress and shiny gold sandals.
“Good morning, Ma’am.”
“I’m so glad you’re coming to breakfast with us! I’ve been wanting to play with you for so longs!” Pippi declared. She was dressed just like her Mommy. How precious!
“You have?” Palmer asked, shutting the door behind her.
“Duh.”
Palmer’s cheeks pinkened at her words, but she knew Pippi wasn’t trying to be unkind.
“Piper Webb!” Miss Catherine scolded, stopping in the middle of the hallway. She grabbed her Little girl by the arm and smacked her bottom four times.
“Sorry, Mommy! Sorry!”
“We have talked about that sassy mouth of yours, little girl. Apologize to Palmer right now, Pippi.”
“I’m sorry, Palmer. I didn’t mean to be sassy to you. I was just surprised you sounded so shocked. Lots of us want to play with you, but we knew you needed time to adjust. We’re really glad you’re here with us now.”
Palmer’s eyes filled with tears again, but this time they weren’t from fear or embarrassment. They were from a tender feeling that Palmer couldn’t quite name, but she thought maybe it was what having a home felt like.