Chapter 21
It felt like exhaustion constantly tugged at Cashmere over the past few months, so it didn’t take long for her to fall asleep once they were in the car.
When her eyes opened again, it was because Savio’s door slammed closed. She peered around and noticed that they were somewhere off the coast. Her brows pulled in. That meant they had been in the car for at least forty-five minutes. It had felt like she’d only been asleep for five.
Savio pulled her door open, and she quickly asked, “Where are we?”
“Desmore Bay.”
“Why?” she asked as he helped her out of the car.
“Because I needed to get out of Ellwood.”
Cashmere nodded in understanding. She felt suffocated in her own home, but she also didn’t have the courage to leave on her own. If someone as close as her sister could try to harm her in her own home, there was no telling who could touch her outside.
She’d forgotten how safe she felt with Savio.
So much so that she didn’t really need to question him when he told her they were going somewhere.
She also didn’t expect him to go out of town, but she realized she didn’t mind it.
The salty smell of the ocean assaulted her as he helped her out of the car, and she smiled for the first time in a long time.
After noticing that a couple of guards had clearly followed them there, she felt even more at peace. It had just hit her how unsettled she’d felt since Ivoree went batshit crazy on everyone.
“I didn’t bring any clothes.” She looked down at the leggings and oversized shirt she wore.
“I didn’t either. We can buy whatever we need.”
Cashmere nodded, and her gaze landed on the home in front of them. “Whose house is this?”
Savio grinned and held his hand out for her. She took it and walked beside him up the front steps. He punched in a code on the keypad, and the whirring sound of the door unlocking met her ears.
Inside, Savio gestured his large arm around. “This is a place I bought before I went to prison. I ain’t been here in a long time, but I had a little cleaning service come through once a month to keep up with it. This used to be my safe house.”
Cashmere looked around. They entered right into a cozy living room with white couches and yellow throw pillows.
It was clear he’d had someone decorate the space.
She walked around the cozy home and gasped when she made it to the kitchen where there was a walk-out balcony.
The ocean greeted her, and she felt some tension leave her body.
When she first traveled to Desmore Bay, she remembered how much she loved the ocean.
She made a point to bring Ivoree with her on every vacation after that because neither of them had grown up visiting such beautiful sights.
This view reminded her of those moments, and tears filled her eyes.
Finally, she turned to Savio and whispered, “It’s beautiful.”
He tapped away on his phone but tucked it away when she spoke before he walked over to her and grabbed her up in his arms. “This is the first time in weeks that I feel like I can actually breathe.”
She nodded in agreement before she looked up at him. “How did you know this was exactly what I needed?”
“Because it’s what I needed.” He leaned forward and kissed her softly.
Cashmere closed her eyes. She’d missed the feel of him. Not only had she been grieving Ivoree over the past few weeks. She’d also been grieving Savio. Part of her just knew that one day he would wake up, realize this was all her fault, and then leave. She’d been preparing for that every day.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
They stayed in each other’s embrace for several moments before Savio pulled away.
“Let’s hit a few stores so we can get clothes and toiletries and shit, and then we need to go to the grocery store.
After that, I have somewhere for us to go.
I just wanted to stop here quick so I could turn on the AC and make sure they’d been properly keeping up the place. ”
“Looks like they have,” Cashmere commented as she looked around with weary eyes.
Exhaustion tugged at Cashmere, but she realized that if she wanted the chance of not losing Savio, she needed to put her own needs aside for a while.
She’d been so selfish for too long. He deserved her energy and so much more.
She realized she couldn’t allow her life to waste away because Ivoree turned out to be sick in the head. That weighed her down heavily. There was no family left for Cashmere. Her parents were probably dead or too drugged out to even remember they had daughters, and she had nobody else.
Cassydie had tried to come by and comfort her, but Cashmere had even pushed her away.
She had missed a council meeting, and she knew she needed to get back on her shit ASAP. King Ro was cool with giving grace, but she didn’t want to push her luck. Karma was just now getting back to work, but now everyone else had to pick up Cashmere’s slack.
She hadn’t gotten her hair, nails, or waxes done.
She hadn’t been to check on her warehouses or see what was up with her team.
She didn’t even know what shipments were coming in.
Cashmere knew she had to do better, and better needed to start now.
Shaking the weight of the world off her shoulders, she did what she learned from a young age. She pulled some strength straight from God himself and decided she would start to put her life back together.
With a smile that didn’t quite meet her eyes, she held her hand out to him and said, “Let’s go then.”
Cashmere’s nose scrunched up. “A boxing gym?”
“Not just any boxing gym, young lady. The best boxing gym.”
Cashmere whirled around at the gravelly voice, and her eyes landed on an elderly man with dark brown eyes and gray hair.
“Gramps, what’s good?” Savio asked as he clapped hands with the older man before drawing him close.
“Ain’t shit. You lucky my grandkids ain’t want to be up under me today. Otherwise, yo’ ass would be out of luck,” the old man grumbled.
Cashmere watched the exchange between the two men and noticed a comfortability with them.
“I ’preciate you doin’ me this favor. Let me introduce my girl. Cashmere, this is Gramps. He runs an underground gym back home. Well, he used to. Gramps, this is Cashmere.”
“Nice to meet you, young lady,” Gramps said as he shook her hand.
“Likewise,” Cashmere said, but she was really in her head realizing how small the world was. Cashmere knew all too well who Gramps was. He was a legend back in Ellwood. He used to be the reigning champ in the underground boxing scene before his protégé, Nightmare, took over.
The only reason Cashmere knew all this was because Karma oversaw the underground boxing world.
Those boxers caused her a lot of trouble, which made Karma have to step in and clean things up often.
That was part of the reason everyone in the council was so glad to have her back because nobody could clean those messes up quite like Karma could.
“I didn’t even know you opened up a gym out this way until recently,” Savio said humbly.
“You done made me a lot of money bettin’ on fights and whatnot. Least I could do. I live out this way now since Nightmare done forced me into retirement. Thought it was only right to open up a gym close by.”
“Respect,” Savio said.
“Just turn off all the lights when ya done. The front door will auto-lock when you leave,” Gramps said.
Cashmere waved at the old man after Savio said goodbye and watched him leave the gym. She turned to Savio and asked, “What are we doin’ here?”
“Boxing is a good way to relieve stress.” Savio shrugged as he walked toward a heavy bag.
Cashmere looked down at the blue two-piece workout set Savio just bought her at the mall. When he said she needed some workout clothes, she assumed they were going to go for a walk on the beach or something.
“I don’t know anything about boxing, Sav,” she said.
She tried hard to keep the whine out of her voice.
The only reason she was even there right now was for Savio.
She felt obligated to do this for him—to be his yes woman—since she had been so neglectful for several weeks.
It wasn’t a bad obligation, but an obligation nonetheless.
What she really wanted to do was go home and crawl into bed.
“I’ma teach you.” He said it so matter-of-factly, like he had all the answers in the world to whatever problem she had.
How could she be mad at that?
She slowly walked toward him and watched him shadowbox with the bag. “What about your hand?”
“Baby, I really need you to stop wit’ all the questions and just vibe wit’ me.”
Cashmere immediately clamped her mouth shut. If that was what he needed, then that was what he would get.
She watched him for a while before he turned his focus on her. He helped her wrap her hands and then showed her how to properly strike the heavy bag.
“Use the bag to let everything out, Precious. That’s why we’re here,” Savio said, but he really didn’t need to say anything.
Cashmere was already in the zone. All the emotion she had felt since Ivoree’s and Twizz’s deaths had already poured out of her at a rapid pace.
She punched the bag as hard as she could, even though it hurt her fists and wrists. Cashmere didn’t let up, though she was exhausted. Then, she surprised herself when she screamed. It took her a moment to realize she wasn’t just screaming an agonizing note. She was speaking.
“You bitch! I did every mothafuckin’ thing for you!
Everything! I starved for you! I always made sure you were good!
I took care of you! I loved you like you came out of me!
The one time I found something good for myself, you had to try to take that too?
Why? Why? Why? Why?” Each of the whys was punctuated by a severe punch to the bag.
Her vision blurred so badly that she couldn’t even see where her punches landed anymore. She only hoped Savio steered clear.
And he did. He let her go at it until pure exhaustion won out and weighed her down. She slumped onto the ground and sobbed as she thought about her sister. She wondered if life would ever feel okay to live again, without her sister’s shit weighing her down.
Savio had tears in his eyes too. The only reason she knew that was because he had grabbed her by the shoulders, shifting her attention from the blurred floor to him.
He kneeled in front of her with tears leaking from his eyes as he looked at her with a mixture of worry and love.
“I know this shit is hard. I know we’ve only had one way of livin’ since we was born, but shit has changed now.
You don’t have your sister, and I don’t got my lil homie.
“You know what we do got though? We got each other. You all I got in this whole world, and don’t think for a second Cassydie and Cell are gonna let us count them out.
They family too. I ain’t sayin’ we gotta forget about the families we came up wit’, but I am sayin’ we gotta find a way to move forward. ”
Cashmere allowed his words to sink in as her chest heaved.
She didn’t see how that could even be possible, but she did notice that it felt like a weight had been lifted from her.
Though she had spent the past few weeks doing nothing but crying, it felt good to really get those emotions out of her.
As always, Savio knew exactly what she needed, while she felt like she didn’t know anything anymore.
Wait. There was one thing she knew. One thing that felt concrete amidst the chaos. She tried to blink away her tears so she could see Savio’s face.
“I love you.” Savio offered her a smile that felt like it had the power to put her back together again, so she said it again. “I love you. I love you in a way I have never loved anyone before.
“For weeks, I have been terrified that you were going to leave me because of what Ivoree did. Let’s be honest .
. . you have every right to. I was a bitch to you on purpose, thinking that if I pushed you away it wouldn’t hurt as much as you leaving.
But I don’t want you to go, Sav. I don’t want to keep pushing you away.
“I love you so much it hurts. I don’t want to live a life without you, the security you bring me, and your guidance.
I want to learn how to live life without my sister.
I want to come to terms with what she did and the fact that she was sick without me knowing.
I want to learn how to accept the fact that my image of her was incorrect.
I want to forgive her and myself for the pain I caused you. Please, just don’t leave me.”
“Listen to me, Precious. God himself gon’ have to come down from Heaven and slap me on the back of the neck wit’ his sandal before I leave you.
I can’t believe that’s what you been thinkin’ these past few weeks.
Leavin’ you was the last thing on my mind.
It actually wasn’t even a thought. All I wanted was to mourn together.
All I ever want is to be up under you. I don’t blame you.
You ain’t did nothing wrong but love someone with your entire being.
I wouldn’t love you if you ain’t love yo’ sister like that.
“Truth be told, your love for her made me pay more attention to you in the beginning because it showed me you were capable of real feelings. I needed that shit. I’ve spent so long being hard to the world and puttin’ up a front that I ain’t need nobody. You made me look at things differently.
“I need you to stop worryin’ ’bout me leavin’ you. I ain’t goin’ nowhere, and your weak ass attempts to push me away ain’t work. I been tryna tell you for the longest that we locked in. Hopefully you can see that now.”
She did. She saw everything clearer than she ever had. Ivoree was never meant to be her end all, be all, but Savio? Yeah. He was and forever would be her infinity.