Chapter 2
Everything is back to normal. The guys switch off on who works when they can, but if not, Vince is always here. Addy is thriving and so happy. There's no hint that something traumatic happened just a little over a week ago.
And every day I feel like I should be anywhere but here, while also knowing this is the only place I will actually belong.
I’m not sleeping, and when I do, I wake from nightmares of what could have happened to Addy because of me.
Desmond had the misfortune of sleeping with me the other night, only to be violently woken up by my panic.
He was so sweet; he held me while I tried to get myself under control, rubbing my back and assuring me that everything was okay—that Addy was okay.
I cried myself back to sleep in his arms and felt so silly in the morning that I’ve yet to face him. I’ve also been sure to sleep alone so as not to repeat that with him or any of the others.
I don’t want to talk about what happened or bring it up for Nathan. He trusted me with Addy, his world, and I failed her; I’m the reason she was ever in danger to begin with.
All because of Carter. Which brings me back to bringing it up.
What did they do with Trevor?
Do I even really want to know?
Yes, I need to know what happened. I need to know he won’t be coming for Addy ever again.
“What are you thinking so deeply about?” Alex’s deep voice startles me enough that I drop my book and completely lose my place.
Not that I was making much headway; I’d been staring at the same page for a while now.
Looking at the clock on the bedside table, I see it’s been too long, well over an hour.
“Nothing.” I pick up my book and set it aside to worry about later. Clearly, it wasn’t doing a great job of keeping my attention right now.
Alex tsks as he walks into my room, kicking the door closed behind him so smoothly that I can’t help the smile that tugs at my lips.
Sometimes I’m still shocked that this is my life. That these men want to give me their attention—they could have anyone, and at least for the moment, they’ve chosen me.
“Ah, that’s better.” He arches a brow at me with a smile I can’t call anything but panty-melting before he flops down on the bed beside me. “Those lips should never have anything but a smile on them.”
He reaches out and cups my cheek in his hand, and I can’t resist the urge to nuzzle into his warmth.
“Or my dick between them,” he says it like it’s an afterthought, but I can tell by the wicked smirk on his lips he was dying to say it.
I swat him in the chest with the back of my hand, making him chuckle as I roll my eyes, yet I can’t bring myself to pull away from him.
Alex is like a warm hug, and I’ll be damned if that's not exactly what I need right now.
My eyes fall closed as I breathe in his scent and allow myself to really just be here with him before I tell him to leave.
I really don’t want to, but I also really don’t want to make him deal with my nightmares the way I did with Desmond. It isn’t fair. He has work and other things to worry about; he needs his sleep, and I need not embarrass myself further.
Alex’s hand moves from my cheek to my neck and down my arm before he wraps his arm around my waist and pulls me into his chest.
I melt.
I know it’s not what I should do, but I can’t help it. I’d thought it felt like a warm hug before, but this, fuck, I love how safe and loved I feel when they hold me.
I’ve never felt like this before, didn’t even know it was possible.
“You need to stop blaming yourself.” I try to pull back, but his arm holds me tight to his chest as the other moves to pet my head like I’m a cat or something.
It’s on the tip of my tongue to deny it, but in the end, I can’t do it. With a sigh, I bury my head in his chest and just let myself have this moment.
Do I deserve it? No.
But damn it, I want it, want him, all of them really.
“Nobody blames you for what happened, Kat. You need to stop blaming yourself.”
Desmond said the same thing, and I know they don’t blame me, but they should.
I do.
Carter wanted me, still does, I’m sure. Which is why he sent Trevor to ‘watch’ me before. He had him break into my apartment, leave me creepy flowers with my panties on them—something I only just learned from Nathan—and then eventually try to make me go back to him by threatening Addy.
It would have worked, too. There isn’t anything I wouldn’t do for that little girl. Which means I should leave to ensure this never happens again. It’s my job to keep her safe… but I promised I wouldn’t run.
And at the end of the day, if I’m being honest, I don’t want to leave. I don’t want to leave any of them. Being with them—Addy and the guys—feels so right.
“Carter never would have gone after Addy if not for my being with her. He used her to get to me. That makes it my fault, Alex.”
I can feel him shaking his head even before I’ve finished speaking, but I don’t dare look up at him.
“No, Carter coming after you is Carter’s fault. The only thing you're guilty of is having ass taste in men before us, but then again, everyone is in comparison.” Now I do pull back because what? He can’t be serious.
But he is. I look up to find him watching me, and while a smile pulls at his lips, it’s tight and nothing like his regular smile.
He leans in until his forehead is pressed to mine and lets out a huff.
“I’m serious, Kat, that wasn’t your fault. Carter is crazy and has had someone stalking you for him after he drove you away by cheating. He deserves every bad thing he gets in life, and I hope he gets a lot of them.”
I laugh; I can’t help it because I know he’s serious, and I’m not sure if that makes me a shit person, but I really hope he does too.
“I know, but I still feel bad. What if something had happened to Addy? I’m the reason she was in danger, Alex.” I hate the way my voice wavers, but I can’t seem to bite back the emotions that threaten to choke me at just the thought.
“You’re the reason she’s okay. You took care of her, the way we all know you always will, the way a mother does.
You put her above yourself, and while I hate the idea, I understand.
We’re going to handle Carter, and Vincent is so upset about all of this, I doubt you’ll ever go anywhere without him again.
” His words calm me, even if I feel bad at the idea of Vince always having to shadow us. I won’t deny it makes me feel better.
“Fine. I’ll try, okay?” It’s the best I can do, but it seems to be enough for him.
Alex rolls onto his back, pulling me with him so that I’m sprawled across his chest, my head resting just above his heart, his hand rubbing up and down my back in a way that has my eyes feeling like they're weighted down with lead.
“What are you doing?”
“Helping you get some rest. You look exhausted, Cherry.”
Crap, no, I can’t let him stay.
I push up from his chest but only make it about an inch before his arm tightens, holding me in place.
“Don’t even try it. I’m not Des. I won’t be leaving you alone, no matter what you say. Even if I leave, I’ll simply sit in the hall outside your door all night, and you don’t want that, do you?”
It takes me a second to realize he’s waiting for a reply. I shake my head, and once again, his hand rubs random soothing patterns on my back.
“Good, because I don’t want to have to do that.
I probably wouldn’t be able to walk tomorrow if I slept on that floor, but I would do it for you.
I’d rather do that than let you go one more night alone, facing nightmares.
So get some sleep and know I’ll be here.
” I’m already half asleep, hardly holding on.
He’s so warm, and I feel so safe.
I want to be annoyed with Des—clearly he told Alex—but also, how can I be when this is the outcome?
No, I’m not mad. If anything, I might need to remember to thank him later.
“We’re all here, and we’re not going anywhere.” I feel his lips press to the top of my head before I fall into what I hope is a dreamless sleep.