Chapter Eight
Georgiana had passed out with a head full of wine, and Elizabeth had fallen asleep with a pocket full of love letters. The next morning, Elizabeth, who was a habitually early riser, awoke to the discomfort of the bundle she had stuffed into her pocket. She had loosened her stays but fallen asleep in her dinner gown, a decision she regretted as she silently got out of bed and stretched. She was careful not to wake her guest, for even if it was not Georgiana’s custom to keep more fashionable hours, surely the girl would need a little extra rest after the previous evening’s amusements.
Elizabeth could be in no want of a quiet occupation to pass the time until she might reasonably rouse her friend. She brought a small knit blanket with her as she curled up in the window seat, basking in the pink and gold sunrise that ebbed on the rising tide. And then she slowly pulled at the ribbon she had bound the letters together with, telling herself this would be the last time she examined them.
There were eighteen in total, the first and last of which had been sent to by Miss Penny. The former began with congratulating Charlotte, who had inveigled Elizabeth into this scheme with the best of intentions, on being selected from dozens of applicants and continued with detailed instructions and parameters for her commission. She had been given only the barest information on Miss Penny and her beau, whom Elizabeth had thought of as “Mr. Penny,” despite Charlotte encouraging her to give the man a proper name in her mind.
Elizabeth had preferred this appellation, selecting it because she believed it would keep her safe from her own fancy. She had thought herself impervious to any words of affection meant for another woman, particularly those composed by a gentleman who had given his lady some cause to scorn his love. A gentleman with a very silly name. A gentleman of means, probably, but whose situation in life, family and connections were all concealed from her by the meticulous intermediary who oversaw the strange arrangement. A gentleman to whom she could not possibly form a sincere attachment.
The restrictions meant to prevent such unfortunate consequences of their correspondence had initially vexed Elizabeth. Her first letter to Mr. Penny had been brittle and awkward; Elizabeth found she had very little to say when the intricacies of her daily life were stripped away. But she had risen to the challenge, and during the months when she had grieved the loss of her mother most deeply, the letters Elizabeth had written taught her something of herself, of who she was beyond the second daughter of a chaotic family of the lower gentry. She could put only her own thoughts and feelings into the letters she composed, her own impressions of books and art and philosophy, her pleasure in nature and contentment in solitude, her dreams and wishes for the future – and perhaps the occasional morsel of amusing nonsense on the part of her friends and neighbors.
Mr. Penny had matched her pensive tone of self-reflection from the very beginning. He was not encumbered by any limitations in mentioning his family and estate, though much of this information was redacted, often replaced by Miss Penny’s instruction for Elizabeth to commend Mr. Penny on hiring a new steward or purchasing his sister a thoughtful gift, but without any names or identifying personal details.
Though Elizabeth knew none of the particulars, she could discern that Mr. Penny was a more industrious master than her father was, where estate matters were concerned, and more attentive to his family. He was intelligent, keen to share her sense of humor, and eager to hear her opinions on the works of history and literature that she voraciously devoured. They were often in harmonious agreement, and when they were not, the difference in sentiments between them seemed a unique advantage. And worst of all, his capacity for tender sentiments was as easily affected as Elizabeth’s own heart, for as her increasing genuine expressions of love increased, so too did the fervency of his own assurances.
The last letter from him contained a valentine, a small heart-shaped card enclosed in the usual lengthier missive; the names and message on the valentine pertained to the lovers from one of Mrs. Bevan’s wildly popular novels, which they had discussed in previous correspondence. Elizabeth did not know if it was from kindness or cruelty that Miss Penny had included the valentine, rather than just instructing her to thank Mr. Penny for it. She did not even know why she now found herself bringing the valentine card to her lips, letting them graze the thick paper he once touched, drawing in a deep breath as if to search for some lingering scent of him.
She even told herself that she did not know why she had kept the letters, nor why she had felt compelled to peruse them again. Perhaps it was because Mrs. Bevan was a guest at the hotel that Elizabeth had remembered the valentine card. Perhaps, Elizabeth chastised herself, it was because she knew it was wrong to hold onto the letters for three months after Miss Penny had written to terminate their arrangement. He was a married man, now.
Elizabeth let her eyes linger on the pastel illustrations of the valentine, and the words written in his own hand. She reminded herself that she was not formed for ill humor and melancholy. She refused to envy Miss Penny, to pine for a man she had never even set eyes upon – he might very well have warts and a leer!
Instead, Elizabeth resolved that she would simply be grateful that the correspondence had served its original purpose of distracting her from the pain of losing her mother. She had overcome her grief and learned more of herself in the process. She had even discovered that she was perfectly content without any of the romance that Jane had found and their younger sisters still desperately craved. Elizabeth could hardly repine the loss of a man who had existed chiefly in her imagination, not when she had come to enjoy her life in Sanditon. Which was why she intended to rid herself of the letters… soon.
***
When Georgiana awoke, she was unafflicted by any adverse effects of her intoxication the previous evening – beyond a bemused sort of horror at the state of her hair when she took in her reflection. Elizabeth offered her the loan of a fresh day dress and rang for tea and coffee while she brushed her new friend’s tangled golden tresses.
Elizabeth was happy to gratify Georgiana’s eagerness for the sort of sisterly intimacy that came so naturally to herself. A wistful fondness for her sisters in Hertfordshire tugged at her heart as she spoke of them, regaling Georgiana with minutiae she had never imagined anybody might wish to hear, but the younger girl listened with animation to the follies and foibles of growing up in such a feminine household.
They did not break their fast before leaving the Gardiner apartment; Elizabeth suggested they walk through the village, rather than along the beach, toward the sea-bathing machines. About halfway down Grand Avenue, nestled amongst the row of charming little shops, was a French bakery where the two young ladies indulged their love of sweet pastries. They made another detour to the bookseller next door before Elizabeth could persuade her new friend to proceed down to the beach before the window of time for ladies to sea-bathe closed.
“It is very unfair that gentlemen can swim whenever and wherever they choose,” Georgiana said with a huff. “And they can swim without any clothes on, which must be a wonderful sensation!”
“They most certainly cannot!” Elizabeth chortled with laughter as she led her friend toward the promenade path that hugged the cliffside, gently sloping downward to the beach. “It is done that way in many other places, but not here. Ever since Sir Thomas Parker became the magistrate, the rules have rather favored us ladies – and I am biased enough to give all the credit of that achievement to his wife, my oldest and dearest friend. Thanks to Lady Parker, ladies have longer hours than men for sea-bathing, and nudity is prohibited during daylight hours.”
As they approached the large public terrace that led to the promenade path, Elizabeth and Georgiana nearly collided with another pair of ladies walking arm in arm and giggling together. The terrace plaza was crowded; Elizabeth might not have recognized the mousy young woman who had unapologetically bumped her shoulder, but Georgiana let out an indignant scoff. The young lady turned around with a grimace before her expression altered into one of recognition. It was Anne de Bourgh.
“Oh – Georgiana!” Miss de Bourgh offered her cousin a tepid smile. “Miss Lovelace and I have just been sea-bathing.”
Miss Lovelace beamed at her employer. “I hope we shall go every day! The waves buffeted us about quite a bit, but I thoroughly enjoyed the sensation!”
“That is just what Lizzy and I have set out to do – well, we have dallied about, treating ourselves to croissants and novels – how funny, for had we not done so, we might have been on the beach at just the same time as you and your… maid?” The look on Georgiana’s face did not conceal her relief at having missed the opportunity to sea-bathe with her cousin.
“Miss Lovelace is more of a companion than a maid these days. She does so much more than just tend to my needs and manage my correspondence,” Miss de Bourgh replied, smiling more earnestly at the woman beside her before her countenance turned to a smirk as she swept her gaze over Elizabeth. “Poor Georgiana, I do hope your brother has not grown as tyrannical as my mother in locking you away until you have only the hired help to keep you company. But then, how pleasant for you, to untether yourself from your duties at the hotel, Miss…”
Elizabeth pressed her lips together in an effort not to laugh in the absurd creature’s face; she scarcely managed to reply. “Bennet.”
“Right, the parson’s cousin.” Miss de Bourgh nodded with all the condescension Mr. Collins had once attributed to Lady Catherine. “Well! A dedicated work ethic must be a family trait; you both certainly know how to recommend yourselves to your betters.”
Elizabeth let out a soft snort of amusement as her mouth fell open; she knew not how to begin to refute such absurdity, and experienced a moment of wicked temptation to simply agree with Miss de Bourgh’s nonsense.
Georgiana, on the other hand, had hellfire in her eyes. “Happily, my brother has not locked me away, so I am perfectly capable of discerning a true friend when I see one. How pathetic it would be if I had only ever experienced kindness and deference that had been purchased.”
Miss de Bourgh appeared not to hear her cousin’s reply and continued to grin viciously at Elizabeth. “Indeed, there are striking similarities between you and Mr. Collins! I recall his matrimonial aspirations were disappointed when he visited your family – I cannot fault certain ladies for refusing his suit – but perhaps in aspiring to capture the attentions of somebody unattainable, you and he are markedly similar.”
The horrible recollection of the day that Mr. Collins had proposed to her caused Elizabeth to scream internally, but she refused to lose her composure in the face of such insolence. Beside her, Georgiana was trembling with rage. “I suppose I only notice such fawning when it is blistering only obvious – gauche, even.”
Miss de Bourgh turned an indulgent smile on Georgiana. “How charmingly naive, my dear cousin. But perhaps I ought to speak plainly, Miss Bentley. I heard of your behavior toward my cousin Darcy last evening, and while I might reasonably thank you for vexing my mother and diverting Darcy’s attention away from where it is not wanted, I cannot in good conscience encourage anything so reckless as setting your cap at him. Darcy is clever enough to see through such attempts to ensnare him, and in your position as an employee of the hotel….”
“Lizzy’s position is that of my friend,” Georgiana hissed. “And I am astonished you should make such insinuations in the presence of your own paid companion.”
“Miss Lovelace is my dearest confidante, and we are of one mind in the impressions we have formed of the locals here in Sanditon. We have both been worried over poor Darcy’s sad situation.” Miss de Bourgh patted her companion’s arm, and Miss Lovelace nodded emphatically.
“What a pity you should find yourself in a state of such anxiety so soon after sea-bathing,” Elizabeth said with a defiant smile. “I know the Parkers take pride in proclaiming the calming and restorative benefits of that activity; they will be so disappointed to learn that the effect is not universal. However, we have every intention of looking forward to such tranquility – we had better be going, Georgie.”
“So too must we,” Miss de Bourgh said briskly. “I am joining Sir Sidney for tea. I shall take your words to heart, Miss Benson, and reassure him how much I enjoyed my excursion this morning. Do give my advice the same consideration. Come along, Penelope.” Miss de Bourgh gave them a parting sneer before dragging her companion away.
Georgiana screwed up her face and mimicked her cousin’s hauteur in a high-pitched voice. “ How charming of me to belittle my own cousin when I am the one who can only find friends for hire. And how sophisticated to pretend I cannot remember the names of anyone prettier or livelier than me! Ugh!” Georgiana’s face grew animated as she mimicked choking and gagging, then shook her head in disgust.
Elizabeth tried to suppress her own laughter as she led Georgiana toward the path along the cliffside. “I hope you are not too offended on my account.”
“How can you let such an insult pass?”
“Very easily. It seems to me that she only wishes to repel your brother by any means necessary, and fears that any kindness or decency may be misconstrued as encouragement – I have often felt myself driven to the same sentiments by Sir Anthony Denham.”
Georgiana let out a deep snarl of frustration. “The nerve of her, strutting around with her paid companion, sneering at me for having a friend who takes an interest in her uncle’s business! She knows this only makes you even more interesting – surely William thinks so. I think it is unforgivably selfish of her to envy his attentions to you at the dinner party when she was fawning over Sir Sidney! She has no wish to marry William, but I do not think she wishes to push him away – she wants him to suffer still from being under her thrall!”
Georgiana flushed and furrowed her brow, her jaw clenched. As defensive as Georgiana had been on her behalf, Elizabeth felt equally protective of her new friend; she gave the girl the same smile that always preceded her crushing one of her sisters in a tight embrace. “Do not distress yourself. I believe you are more upset about the situation than even your brother is.”
Georgiana let out a breathy, bitter laugh. “He is heartbroken over her inconstancy. I, on the other hand, am at once delighted that I shall never call her sister, and furious at the hurt she has caused him. What is worse, I feel utterly powerless to help him, even though he has done so much for me.”
Their feet sank into the soft sand as they meandered down the beach, toward the bathing machines. “He is fortunate to have such a devoted sister.”
“Oh, no – that is, I am the lucky one. He has cared for me even when….” Georgiana looked as if she might have said more, but one of the dippers, a kindly matron Elizabeth had grown fond of, called out to them and waved her hand in the air.
“Good morning, Mrs. Sealy.” Elizabeth presented her new friend to the dipper, who opened the door of her bathing machine for them.
The two young women ascended the steps into the equipage, where there was enough space for them to change into the thin muslin shifts provided, and stow their own garments on a high shelf above. When they were ready, Mrs. Sealy urged her horse forward, drawing the bathing machine into the water on its high, creaky wheels.
Georgiana and Elizabeth both jumped and giggled as water seeped up through the cracks in the wooden floor, a shock to their bare feet. They were ankle deep when the bathing machine stopped, and Mrs. Sealy opened a door on the opposite side from where the ladies had entered. “Ready?”
Elizabeth took Georgiana’s hand in hers and the pair approached the small wooden step that Mrs. Sealy folded down into the water for them. “Ready,” Elizabeth said, letting out a little gasp as she stepped down. Beside her, Georgiana did the same, her excitement only momentarily diminished by the cool waves that lapped at them.
Mrs. Sealy was already in position in the water, and she looked up and winked as she made an encouraging gesture. “Well, Miss Lizzy, I know you will adjust quick enough, just as you always do.”
Elizabeth glanced over at Georgiana. “You are a proficient swimmer, are you not?”
“Yes – we go to the seaside every summer. I love to be in the water, though we generally go in the height of summer.”
“It will only be cold for a moment – I have a singular method for acclimating quickly, and then it shall be most refreshing.” Elizabeth tightened her grip on Georgiana's hand and then hopped down off the step, bringing her friend tumbling down beside her into the chilly seawater. The fabric of her bathing shift swirled around her as she found her footing and dug her toes into the pliant, pebbly sand; when she broke the surface, she was shoulder deep and felt delightfully weightless.
Georgiana squealed and laughed as she steadied herself in ebbing water, her wet hair clinging to her face. “I have never taken such an approach, but I thoroughly enjoyed it!”
“Mrs. Sealy is generally a more attentive dipper, but I come for a swim so often that she allows me greater liberty to do as I please in the sea.” To demonstrate, Elizabeth spread her arms wide across the surface of a rolling swell and tipped her head backward as she was lifted up off her toes, humming with exhilaration.
The indulgent older woman proved to be an unassertive dipper who allowed the two experienced young ladies to move about in the water as they chose for the better part of an hour. The pair chatted idly, discussing nothing more consequential than their plans and wishes for the summer ahead of them.
When at last they were obliged to don their clothing and return to dry land, Elizabeth suggested they walk along the beach rather than taking the avenue back to the hotel. She wore her wet hair loose so that it might dry in the sun, and the damp strands blew about her face. There was something dreamy and tranquil about the sensation of floating that lingered in her body even after leaving the water, and the warm sunlight on her face only heightened the rush of euphoria.
Relaxed as she was, Elizabeth turned to Georgiana with a perspicacious gaze as they sauntered toward home. “It seemed like there was more you wished to say, before our dip – when we were speaking of your brother.”
Georgiana appeared equally placid as she closed her eyes and turned her face into the bracing breeze. She languidly linked her arm through Elizabeth’s, briefly resting her head on Elizabeth’s shoulder before she began to speak. “I have often wished for a sister, particularly in the last two years. William has done his best, but I know it has not been easy for him as both brother and guardian.”
“His task might have been more difficult had he the sort of younger sister I boast two of.”
Sadness shaded Georgiana’s answering smile. “I have given him difficulty enough – in truth, I hardly deserve such a generous and forgiving brother. I have put him through a terrible ordeal and he is suffering the consequences even now.”
Elizabeth’s serenity gave way to surprise. “Surely you do not refer to his inexplicable disappointment with Miss de Bourgh. What could you have to do with it?”
“I am the cause of it.” Georgiana let out a long sigh, her eyes shifting guiltily under her heavy lashes. “I… it is such a great secret… and a heavy burden.”
“You need not explain anything that makes you uneasy, though of course you may be assured of my secrecy.”
Georgiana nodded her head, clasping Elizabeth’s hand in her own. “Summer before last, just before my sixteenth birthday, I visited Ramsgate – it is our tradition to visit the seaside every summer. William meant to spend more time with me there, but he was called away on sudden business and so he left me with my companion, Mrs. Younge. We were mistaken in her character, just as I was deceived in the intentions of a family friend who conspired with her to pay me his addresses under the guise of finding me there by coincidence. I had known him since I was a child – trusted him, even admired him – so much so that I agreed to elope with him. I… we… well, William surprised me by returning to Ramsgate a few days earlier than expected, just in time to prevent the elopement. But there were other consequences to my foolishness.”
Elizabeth’s steps stilled as she turned to regard her friend with shock and concern. “You do not mean – was there a dalliance?”
“I believed that he loved me, simpleton that I was. And that is not the worst of it.” Georgiana worried her hands in the billowing fabric of her gown and looked up at Elizabeth with trembling anxiety.
Elizabeth could hardly think ill of the girl for the same sort of mischief that might have easily befallen her younger sisters had their mother’s death not curtailed their familiarity with the officers of the regiment. “What an awful man, to prevail upon your innocence! But surely your brother cannot blame you, nor harbor any lingering resentment for the incident.”
“No indeed! William was the greatest comfort to me when George made it perfectly clear he wished only to obtain my dowry and perhaps to mock my brother through my seduction. Dear William was even careful not to direct his fury at me when he was obliged to curtail his visit with Mr. Bingley because I had come to realize there would be a child. He took me away to Scotland and doted upon me the entire time until the baby came, and for a long while after. He even let me interview the family that adopted my baby girl. He has the most compassionate heart, and it has been utterly wasted on our selfish, sour cousin.”
For a minute or two, Elizabeth slowly walked in silence beside her friend, considering the shocking secret she had just learned, which certainly cast a more superlative shade on the kindness of Mr. Darcy, as well as the petty malice of Miss de Bourgh. “Has their broken engagement something to do with your secret? Surely she cannot be aware of it!”
Georgiana snorted with disdain. “I shudder to think how she would wield it against me if she knew the truth! But I was in London with Richard’s sisters and mother when I sent word to William that I believed I was with child, and when he came to take me to Scotland, our aunt called on him. She must have learned of it – Richard has always accused her of bribing the servants of her relations to spy for her. She must have known and used my secret to blackmail William into the engagement with Anne, for he had never shown any interest in capitulating to her pressure before.”
Tears pricked at Elizabeth’s eyes. “It speaks well of you that you should be so solicitous of your brother’s plight after he supported you in your own time of need, but it pains me to hear your torment yourself with such blame.”
“Are you not shocked and scandalized by my history? You appear to be bearing it remarkably well.”
Again, the thought of her own silly sisters gave Elizabeth pause. “I cannot deny having considered something similar befalling Kitty or Lydia, when a regiment of the militia came to Meryton in the autumn before last. Had mourning not curtailed our activities, it is entirely possible, even likely that one of my sisters might have mistaken flirtation for love and found herself in a similar predicament – and they would not have had the excuse of longstanding trust and friendship with their beaux.”
Georgiana stared at Elizabeth in wonder. “I did not know it was possible to think better of you than I already did; I rather envy your sisters.”
“I am honored that you should trust me with your secret, Georgiana. It has made me think better of you, too, for you have endured greater hardships than your cheerful disposition suggests, and that is admirable indeed.”
They had rambled westward along the beach and arrived at their destination. Another terrace hugged the cliffside along the southern edifice of the Tremont, and several guests had assembled there to take tea. Amongst them were Miss de Bourgh and Lady Catherine; Sir Sidney appeared to be attempting to flatter one while dodging the contempt of the other.
Georgiana made no effort to hide her disdain at the sight of her cousin, but in a moment her expression changed to glee as she and Elizabeth perceived Mr. Darcy and Colonel Fitzwilliam heading toward the terrace from the narrow path that led to the cottage. Though Mr. Darcy appeared intent on approaching his cousin, he paused when Georgiana called out to him and waved him over, and the colonel shifted their course to join the ladies walking up the beach.
When the gentlemen reached them, Georgiana let out a peal of laughter which caused Miss de Bourgh to look their way with an expression of jealous vexation – Elizabeth rather suspected this was her friend’s intention, though she doubted Georgiana would own to it. “William, Richard! Lizzy and I were just laughing together at the most insolent and hypocritical aspersions we were met with this morning when we encountered Anne and her upstart maid on Grand Avenue.”
Mr. Darcy looked between the ladies and the distant terrace in alarm. “What?! What happened?”
The colonel snorted with indecorous laughter. “I am all astonishment! Sweet, lovely Anne, who has the heart of an angel and the soul of a poet? This cannot be!”
Georgiana made a droll face at her cousin before answering her brother. “She pretended not to remember Lizzy’s name, and made some horrid insinuations about you and I connecting ourselves to her.”
“In fairness, I did play the same petty trick with her last week, when I called her by the wrong name out of an irrepressibly obstinate impulse to vex her,” Elizabeth said with an unrepentant smile. “I believe you were all present on the occasion, and therefore you cannot deny that I have been repaid in kind for my impudence.”
“It was no less than she deserved,” Georgiana cried, taking Elizabeth’s hand in her own and looking to her brother for aid, as if she were presenting him with a foundling kitten in want of coddling.
Still laughing, the colonel said, “I knew she was jealous! I am only surprised that she was not grateful to you for keeping Darcy so well amused last evening, which allowed Anne the chance to fawn over her foppish new beau.”
“She did thank me, amongst her other communications. In truth, I cannot fault her observations, for she is not the first to inform me of Mr. Darcy’s superiority in company. He told me of it himself when first we met in Hertfordshire.” Elizabeth smiled broadly at Mr. Darcy, hoping they could now laugh at the folly of their first encounter.
Georgiana gasped and the colonel laughed, and then they both demanded some explanation, though Mr. Darcy only silently stared at Elizabeth, who grinned as she said, “He has very handsomely apologized and been forgiven for his untoward comments the night we met, the substance of which was that he was not in the habit of stooping so low for companionship – something Miss de Bourgh agrees he would never condescend to do.”
Elizabeth’s smile turned rueful as she softly added, “I understand now – Georgiana has told me the reason you were so out of humor that night – what a distressing time it was for you both.”
Mr. Darcy drew in a sharp breath and stared at her with inscrutable severity, while the colonel turned to Georgiana with raised brows. Elizabeth feared she had overstepped, but she wished Mr. Darcy to know that his sister had confided in her, and that she could be trusted with such a secret. Anxiety churned in her stomach. “Forgive me, I… I only meant to suggest that Miss de Bourgh’s perception of you rather makes me wonder if she has only ever seen you out of humor.”
Elizabeth inwardly cringed, not sure she had undone the damage of her indiscreet remarks with more of the same, but Colonel Fitzwilliam laughed and clapped his cousin on the back, shattering the tension. “Anne really does bring out the worst in you, cousin – I daresay even you do not like yourself after you have been around her.”
“And perhaps she really is jealous, as you say, Richard.” Georgiana made a subtle gesture with her head, calling their attention up to the terrace. Miss de Bourgh appeared to be neglecting the attentions of Sir Sidney and the admonishments of her mother, in favor of staring down at the beach, where her cousins spoke with Elizabeth. Again Georgiana laughed loudly to further nettle Miss de Bourgh.
The colonel glanced between Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy, and then whispered something to Georgiana, who let out a cry of shock and delight before taking her cousin’s arm and allowing him to lead her back down the path toward the cottage.
Left alone with Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth began to fidget uncomfortably. “I apologize for speaking so bluntly. Georgiana has been open and encouraging in her friendship, but I have no right to pronounce such assumptions….”
“You were absolutely right.” Mr. Darcy impulsively caught her hand in his and pressed it tightly for a moment before releasing her and taking a step backward. He cleared his throat before speaking with greater circumspection. “With anybody else, I might be astonished that my sister chose to share… the reason for my churlishness on the night of that assembly years ago.”
“You may be assured of my discretion – I ought not to have referenced it so casually.”
Mr. Darcy looked as if he would again reach out for her, but instead offered Elizabeth his arm. They began to walk at a sedate pace some distance behind Colonel Fitzwilliam and Georgiana, who were speaking hurriedly and with great animation, and often looking back over their shoulders at Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy.
“Please, do not apologize. In my present state of disappointed hopes, your honesty is refreshing and the effect your open manners have had on my sister is more than I dared hope for in the past two years. At least there is some good in the midst of my anguish. Your opinion of me might reasonably be much worse, a lovelorn lunatic chasing his indifferent lady about the country while she flaunts her feckless paramour….”
Elizabeth gave his arm a reassuring squeeze. “I do not think so meanly of you – we have called a truce, have we not? I suppose Miss de Bourgh’s haughty attitude this morning did bother me more than I wished to admit, but I cannot really blame you for that. Indeed, I cannot at all account for why I should not simply laugh at her pomposity, as I have done before.”
Mr. Darcy looked down at Elizabeth, studying her, as if seeing her for the first time. “Perhaps you see that her behavior is not simply the sort of absurd folly that one might take as a joke.”
“Indeed. She is hurting people.” Elizabeth murmured.
He gave a rueful chuckle. “Perhaps Richard is right – he thinks I ought to pay her back in kind. I daresay you might take it for a lark, Miss Bennet, but it is not in my nature. Then again, I have not been behaving much like my usual self of late.”
Elizabeth arched an eyebrow. “Your usual self? Dancing until dawn, I suppose? Dressed to the nines and in a constant state of japery?”
“Anne might prefer such a version of me, but no. I suppose what I mean is that I am not generally so governed by emotion.”
“Your sister has sung your praises to me all morning, and in such a way as to paint you as a gentleman of feeling and compassion.”
Mr. Darcy gave a grateful bow of his head. “I hope that I am. But there was a great deal of truth in your observation – as Richard so succinctly put it, Anne brings out the worst in me.”
Elizabeth bit back a laugh. “I wonder, then, that you should pursue her across the country.”
“It is true that she has sometimes made the assumption that I share all her views, particularly when I saw her last, at Christmas. It is also true that I have often been in such a state of anxiety around her that I have perhaps not shown myself to advantage in her presence. I had hoped to remedy that, but I have this far had little success. Richard thinks I ought to….” Mr. Darcy fell silent, laughing and shaking his head.
As much as she wished to know what Colonel Fitzwilliam had advised, Elizabeth did not wish to embarrass Mr. Darcy by inquiring. Instead, she simply asked, “What will you do?”
He gave her a wry smile, but his eyes glistened with something pleasant that she had not observed in him before. “Perhaps I shall reconsider dancing – even if my partner is only tolerable.”