Chapter 20 - Hyacinth
Walking away from Shane in that moment is one of the most painful things I’ve ever done. The only thing that keeps me putting one foot in front of the other is the feeling that if I stay, the pain will be far worse.
That wasn’t love, what we did. It was just the curse. A rush of healing for Shane, and pure weakness from me.
I slam the bathroom door and lock it, trying to avoid thoughts of Shane as I get into the shower.
But as the water trickles over my skin, it awakens every sensation.
Slowly, I run my hands over my body. My skin is slick with soap as I explore every inch, small bruises bringing a rush of pleasure when I press lightly against them.
It’s wrong! After what Dan did to me, I should be furious, or terrified, or…
Tears streak down my cheeks, and I turn my face up to the warm spray of the water, obliterating them. The truth in my heart swells, so intense I can’t deny it a second longer.
He didn’t hurt me. Through all of that, Shane did not hurt me once.
A sob threatens to tear out of my throat, but I swallow hard, refusing to let my sorrow break loose. I know if I give in to it now, I’ll be crying all night, and I don’t think I could stand it.
It would also mean talking to Shane. I couldn’t have a full-scale emotional breakdown without him noticing—and I’m not ready for that right now.
I tilt my head back, massaging my scalp as I rub conditioner through my hair. With my eyes closed, my sense of touch heightens, and again I feel the small grazes and bruises smudged across my body.
Shane was with me the whole time. Even as I lost control, Shane kept his. Dan used to just wreck me. I felt the moment, every time, when his sanity disappeared, and he just started hurting me. But this was different.
I run my hands over my shoulders and across my neck, keeping my eyes closed. I can feel Shane’s firm grip on my chin and the soft, tender touch of his kiss, showing the two sides of his nature in one instant.
Before I can get carried away, I open my eyes and start rinsing my hair out, forcing my thoughts away from my encounter with Shane. There is only one thing I truly know above all else.
I can’t trust myself.
It would be all too easy to believe that Shane is a gentle, sweet guy just so I could keep having fun with him—but I know exactly where that got me last time.
I’m already a prisoner, practically locked in his house, forced to marry him. I can’t forget any of that!
Finishing with my shower, I let feelings of misery and shame take the place of the warm glow I had earlier. As much as it hurts, I know I have to keep my heart strong and not give in.
If I gave all of myself again and was betrayed… I could never recover. I know it.
When I go to bed, the house is quiet, and I assume Shane must already be asleep. I curl up in the little camp bed, expecting to toss and turn, but as soon as I lie down, a dark wave swells in my head, forcing all the tension away as it wipes my mind clean.
Instead of sinking into the black well of unconsciousness, I find myself on a gray, misty plain. Shadows rise around me, like trees I can barely glimpse through the thick fog. I walk slowly, with my hands out in front of me, barely able to see.
Then, up ahead, I see a woman hurrying through the murky light. She’s tall, with long, wavy blond hair hanging down her back. When she turns to face me, I recognize her immediately.
“Lynette!” I gasp.
Even though she looks in my direction, she doesn’t see me, just turns and hurries through the mist in the opposite direction. I follow behind her, wondering if this is a dream or something more.
Lynette starts to run, calling out left and right. Eventually, I get close enough to hear, and the name shocks me to the core.
“Darian?” she cries. “Where are you, my love? Please come back. Please—”
Lynette begins to cry, putting her face in her hands. When she begins to sob, her shoulders shaking under the weight of her sorrow, I try to comfort her, but it’s obvious we are separated by too much time and space.
“Lynette?” a voice roars through the shifting fog.
“Darian?” Lynette screams. “Where are you?”
“I can’t find you!” he yells. “I’m trying to get to you. I’m sorry, I’m so sorry—”
“Oh, my love,” Lynette whispers, tears pouring down her cheeks. “It’s too late.”
A crack shudders through the ground, so powerful I fall to my knees. The strange, in-between place evaporates around me, and when I open my eyes, I don’t believe for even a second that this was just a dream.
My curiosity is almost overpowering, but I keep my cool as I have breakfast with Shane. I’m not prepared to cut him any slack over what happened. I still feel like he sees me as a tool to be used.
I may have found the answer. If I can break the curse, then I don’t have to stay trapped here. The wolves will recover. Everyone gets what they want.
I barely speak to Shane on the way into town, and the moment I enter the bakery, I’m swept away by the morning routine. For a few hours, I don’t have time to think, but the second I get a break, I head straight to the library.
Nerves bubble in my guts as I go through the main entrance and try to plan what I’ll say to Sadie and Trina.
I know I should talk to them about this. But I don’t want to reveal my whole sob story from the past and try to explain how I felt in Shane’s arms. It’s too complicated, and they will only want to talk about the curse, anyway.
I manage to slip out the back without running into them and pull out some of the primary sources. Previously, all I focused on was folklore. Now I want facts.
There are letters sent between Darian and Lynette, and even though most of them relate to business, there are personal ones as well. Nothing that would reveal a relationship, but a strong suggestion that they wanted to be together.
There are some missing as well. This isn’t the whole story.
Towards the end of the record, there’s a sudden lack of notes, and the book ends with Darian taking ownership of the land and Lynette recorded as deceased.
What the fuck happened?
I slam the book shut and grab one of the folklore books I’ve read before. As I read through each page, dots connect in my mind—all the spaces in the history books could be filled with answers, if you start believing in witches and wolves.
The manor. It has the worst vibes of any place I’ve ever been, and I think I know why.
“Hyacinth!”
The sharp voice makes me jump so hard, I almost fall right out of my chair. I look up to see Shane in the doorway, a scowl on his face.
“Oh, hi,” I reply. “I was just taking my lunch break.”
“It’s five in the evening,” Shane says. “And your girls closed the bakery already.”
“It’s that late?” I ask. “I swear, I haven’t been here that long.”
“Swear to any gods you like—that’s what the clock says. What are you doing back here?”
“Research,” I answer. “I just had an idea I wanted to check out.”
“Don’t just disappear,” he says, an almost desperate note in his voice. “I couldn’t find you, and I didn’t know what to do.”
My irritation rises, and I get ready to accuse him of being a creep, but when I look closely at him, I see how pale he is. The gem-like beauty of his blue eyes has dimmed to the point that they look almost white.
A bolt of fear stabs through my chest, and I hurry over to him, touching his forehead.
“You aren’t hot,” I say. “But definitely clammy. Do you feel sick?”
“A little.”
“Let me clean up here, and we’ll head straight home, okay?”
“Okay,” he replies, leaning on the wall.
I hurry to put the books away, then go back to his side, checking his forehead again.
“I don’t think the state of my head would have changed in the last ten minutes,” he says wryly.
“That’s true. I just don’t know what else to do.”
“Let’s get home,” he says. “I need to lie down. I haven’t been to the infirmary, either, and I really should.”
“Not like this, you shouldn’t,” I reply, holding his hand. “You look awful.”
“You need to work on your compliments,” Shane tries to joke. “Seriously, though. I have to check in at the infirmary.”
“Okay,” I reply. “If you’re up to it.”
Shane turns to walk out of the room, and barely takes a step before his legs fail him. I rush forward, putting an arm around his waist and supporting him.
“Shane! Are you okay?”
“Never better,” he mutters, leaning on me.
His eyes are wide but dull, ringed with red, and his skin has turned sickly pale. He holds on to me to keep his balance, but stares at the floor, a look of hopeless despair on his face.
Are my problems really that important, compared to him dying? If I can cure him… I have to. No matter what happens to me afterward, I can’t just let him die if I can possibly prevent it.
“Shane,” I say softly.
His eyes twitch in my direction, but his head doesn’t move.
“Come here,” I whisper, reaching out to touch his chin. He turns towards me, and all I can see in his eyes is pain and confusion.
It worked last time—it should work now. Besides, I should test this—what if my kiss isn’t what brought him back last time? It might have been an extremely well-timed coincidence.
I turn Shane’s face towards mine and press my body against his. He tries to pull back a little, then relaxes against me again. He looks like he wants to say something, but I just shake my head and press my lips against his.
Pleasure surges through me, warm waves that tingle through my body, making my nipples hard as a throbbing ache grows between my legs. I wrap my arms around Shane’s waist, pushing him back against the wall as I deepen the kiss, flicking my tongue into his mouth as I press my body against his.
Shane holds me loosely around the waist, accepting the kiss and not escalating the situation. I begin to lose myself in the moment, even forgetting where we are, when he reaches up to touch my shoulders, pulling me back just a little.
“Hyacinth,” he says. “It’s okay. It worked.”
“It worked?”
“The kiss. I feel much better.”
I look up into his eyes, and they’re dancing again, layers upon layers of bright blue, drifting back and forth like never-ending waves of infinity.
“Really?” I ask, not quite believing it.
“Really. I don’t think we can deny it anymore—you’re the right person, Hyacinth. You can break the curse. We just have to figure out how.”
“I think you’re right,” I reply, taking his hand as we walk out of the library. I don’t elaborate because I’m thinking the exact same thing.
But if I speak those words out loud, then I’ve accepted this. I’ll be bound to Shane forever, and I still don’t know if that’s what I really want.