Chapter 15 - Felix
“I love you, mi ángel . I never stopped loving you.” The words escape my lips without a second thought. I’d been so afraid of the repercussions my confession might have brought, but it doesn’t matter right now.
Sierra had asked me to kiss her, to remind her of the feelings she once had for me. The desire is obviously too intense to ignore, and now she’s straddled on my lap, my cock buried deep inside her after filling her with the essence of my love.
I’m no longer afraid of her rejection. It’s quite the opposite. My heart flutters when I confess, mind tumbling down the road to a memory of the first time I admitted that I loved her. It was only a few days into our acquaintance, and I was sure of my feelings for her.
***
Eight Years Ago
“You’re wasting your time working for other people,” I tell Sierra as she sits across the table at the cafe. After promising to help her find work, another rejection from a potential employer has her despondent again.
It pains me to see her wallow in the turmoil of her circumstances. It’s only been a few months since she ran away from her emotionally abusive father in pursuit of a better life. Knowing her for who she truly is, I can’t sit idly by and watch her waste her life away without chasing the things she loves the most.
She’s headstrong and resilient; her effortless mastery of numbers, coupled with how incredibly talented she is in her natural state, sets her above the rest. She could do anything she sets her mind to and not have to answer to a boss.
She hums as she reads the email, sighing discontentedly as she reaches for her coffee. “I needed the job to save money for my studies,” she reminds me.
Watching her intently as she sips her drink, I decide I can’t watch this unfold any longer. There’s no way I can tell what I am—a dragon shifter—but I can help her.
She doesn’t know I have a fortune behind me. She believes me to be a simple photographer trying to capture his big break on camera. It’s the running alias I’d been using on my travels, only to end up in Charlottesville to meet the love of my life.
She doesn’t know it yet, but I’d called her here for a reason. Clearing my throat, I reach for her hand across the cafe table, wondering if it’s a good time to confess my love for her.
She offers me a pensive smile and says, “The library hasn’t gotten back to me yet. I guess I’ll just wait for an answer.”
“What if you didn’t, Sierra?” I offer, to which she frowns.
“What do you mean?” she asks.
I take a deep breath before replying. “What if you didn’t take the job at the library and just applied at the college?”
“I don’t have any money to pay for college right now,” she snickers. “I—”
“I’m offering to pay for your studies.”
A frown flits past her face as she tilts her head to one side. “Why?”
I took another deep breath to strengthen my resolve, my heart racing unfathomably quickly in my chest. I know I’ll probably have to iron out the logistics of what I’m about to do later on, but I can’t deny the obvious.
I love this woman more than I thought was possible for my heart. Giving her hand a gentle squeeze, I stare deeply into her eyes when I say. “Because I love you, mi ángel ,” I use the phrase for the first time, and as soon as it leaves my lips, it just feels right. Perfect. It’s not me who was sent to her as an angel.
It was she who was sent to show me a love so profound that only an angel could spark the feeling. My angel stares at my face, her eyes twinkling with the softness I feel for her.
“Felix, I—”
“Shh…” I shake my head gently. “You don’t need to say anything. Just know that I have fallen madly in love with you and want to help you chase your dreams.”
While a comfortable silence falls between us, we gaze into each other’s eyes as if reading our souls. The future doesn’t matter. Only this moment that we’re in now.
“I—I love you too, Felix,” she confesses at last. Though I hadn’t expected her to feel the same, I know she does. I’ve felt it in every moment we’ve spent together. From the first day when I held her in my arms, I knew that it was love I felt.
***
Sierra stares into my eyes as if walking down the same path. Tears pool in her eyes, but all she does is drop her gaze while she remains silent.
Oh, no…
My heart dropped in the moment I realized that our passionate endeavor on the mountain hadn’t had the effect I had thought it would. When the silence stretches like a rubber band of my demise, I simply hold Sierra as I cling to the memories of what was.
It’s not the same. She doesn’t feel the same way. Just when I thought she’d reciprocate my love, she remained silent in my arms.
Nothing I do will be enough to make up for the past. I can’t blame her; I know I only have myself to blame.
“Would you—do you want to go back?” I ask, a lump forming in my throat.
Sierra lifts her head and tentatively nods. She hasn’t said a word while my whole world is crashing down on me. The kiss wasn’t enough to reignite her feelings for me. The passion we shared was not enough either. ‘
As my heart shatters to pieces, I get to my feet and lead her back to hers. The incessant need to shed tears for my circumstances is pushed aside so that I can help her get clothed. Picking up her dress, I slide it over her shoulders, noticing that she still chooses to remain silent.
With my heart in my throat, so many words I want to say to her, I reach down and lift her into my arms. I realize that there’s nothing more I can do. She knows how I feel but doesn’t feel the same way.
The slow journey flying back to the castle is dragged out because of the slightest hope that she’ll say something. Anything to put me at ease. Once I reach the castle’s tenth floor and gently set her on her feet on the balcony, she turns and chooses silence as she heads to the door.
I hover in the air, watching her back as she enters the bedroom, hoping she’ll turn around and say something. A soft whimper of heartbreak falls from my dragon lips when she doesn't.
Where are you, Draco? I call out to my brother. Just as Sierra needed to speak to someone, I, too, needed someone to confide in.
My eldest brother is the only one who might understand.
I’m in my study, comes his telepathic reply, prompting me to saunter to the ground, hanging my head as I shift into human form.
***
“She doesn’t love me, Brother,” I admit painfully, the truth being voiced only solidifying my anguish. Now that I’ve spoken the words, there’s no going back.
I’d always been opposed to using force on a woman. When both Draco and Aragon kidnapped their mates and brought them to the island, I detested them for using force.
I know I can’t force Sierra to love me. Her unwillingness to speak to me after what we shared on the mountaintop says everything I needed to know. When she asked me to kiss her so she’d know if she felt the same way she did seven years ago, she didn’t find the answer she was looking for. Not the answer I’d hoped for, either.
There’s nothing I can do to change the way she feels about me.
“How do you know for sure, Felix?” Draco questions, passing me a glass of whiskey.
This time, I sip on the drink, reveling in the mild effect of thoughtlessness, even if it’s only a short burst of it.
“She didn’t say a word when I told her I love her,” I reveal glumly. I’d told Draco what happened on the mountain, and he’d been convinced I wasn’t reading between the lines. “That already says everything I need to know.”
Draco sighs. “What if she’s just afraid of being hurt again? Have you made it clear to her what it means to be a dragon shifter’s mate? Does she know that if she becomes pregnant, she’ll become immortal? Does she know she’s the only one whose DNA matches you?”
I hang my head from all the shame and guilt hanging over me like a dark cloud. “I’ve barely spoken to her,” I relent. “She didn’t want to speak to me before, and after what happened today, I don’t think she plans on speaking to me at all.”
“Perhaps Kairo can help,” he offers.
I shrug. “I think she might know everything, yet it changes nothing.”
“Give it time, Brother.”
Shaking my head, I chugged down the rest of the liquor and set the glass on the table with a deliberate thud. “It’s been seven years, Draco. If in that time, she lost the love she has for me, she won’t find it again any time soon.”
“What if she conceives after today? Do you think it will matter if she loves you or not?”
I stare blankly at my brother and contemplate something I hadn’t considered before. If she does become pregnant, it will not matter if she loves me or not. Except, it’s something I won’t be able to live with.
“When I made love to her, I didn’t intend on making her pregnant,” I sigh. “I doubt that’s what’ll happen after today. If she doesn’t love me, I no longer want her to be forced to be around me.”
Draco raises a brow. “Are you saying that you’re willing to let her go back home?”
“Yes,” I wince as I make the admission. “I’ll have to set her free. She can return to the mortal world. Though I’m not sure what to do with her father.”
A shiver courses down my spine as I realize I’m finally giving up hope for the second chance I’d been given. It turned out to be a bust, and I can’t hold on any longer.
“Don’t worry about Diego,” Draco assures. “We will meet with the Council to discuss our next steps.” He leans forward, steepling his fingers in front of him as he stares at me intently. “The only thing you should concern yourself with is what happens to you. What of needing to produce children for the clan?”
I take a deep breath, strengthening my resolve as I make the most selfless yet selfish decision. Selfless because I’ve realized that Sierra cannot love me and needs to be free to pursue happiness. I’ve done it before—left her so that she could have a chance at a proper life. I can do it again.
It’s only selfish because the human mating process was meant to save the dragon race from extinction.
“When I heard about the human mate process…” I begin sullenly. “... I was eager for my turn, hoping to take Sierra as my mate. If I can’t have her, I’ll accept that I’m not one of the Vulkans who salvages the dragon shifter race.”
“Can you live with that?” he asks.
I nod slowly. I’ll have to live with knowing that my legacy stops with me. Forcing Sierra to be with me when she doesn’t love me is something I can’t live with. “The twins are next in line,” I remind him. “And you and Aragon already have children. The Aurora Dragons will be fine.”
“Alright,” Draco sighs. “If that’s your choice, I’ll respect that.”
“Thank you, Brother,” I say, though deep down, my heart continues to break into tiny fragments of anguish. I wish things could have been different. Perhaps the second chance was only to find closure at last.