Chapter 20 - Sierra
Closing my eyes is not the best idea, especially when I only see Felix’s face. Finding sleep this way has been tough, but I have to maintain my bodily strength. I force myself to sleep every night, knowing I’ll have to endure meeting him in my dreams.
My mental state, on the other hand, isn’t doing so great. Despite sweet kisses and the warmth of his embrace, those dreams feel more like nightmares.
Groaning as I wake up from another one of those nightmares where Felix has proclaimed his love for me and I’ve confessed it back, no holds barred, I stretch my arms over my head. I’m thankful for the distraction of work; the yoga studio keeps me busy as a certified yogi.
It’s the only place where I find peace. Over the past seven years, I hadn’t realized that living in the same apartment I shared with him was keeping me prisoner to his memories. I’d worked so hard through therapy to reach a place of pure zen, working on obtaining my degree and becoming a licensed yoga instructor, that I hadn’t realized I’d been holding on to his love.
A love I didn’t think would exist after all this time. But when he came back into my life, unearthing that love was inevitable.
Now, I have to pick up the pieces again, knowing that I only have myself to blame this time around. If only…
“No, Sierra,” I chastise myself, shaking my head and hastily climbing off the bed. I’d already been late to work three days in a row. It didn’t look good for business, especially since I’d been missing in action for two weeks.
Four clients dropped out because of it, and I don’t want to risk losing the space I’ve rented as the yoga studio. With that in mind—knowing I have to carry on with life as if Felix never existed—I decide to stop by the bakery on my way to the studio.
***
“That should do it,” I smile to myself as I pack out the gluten-free pastries on the tea station, swaying to “Thinking Out Loud” as it plays on the overhead stereo. I dance my way to the control to change the sound to something calmer just as my clients arrive.
Luckily for me, I no longer have to answer questions about my sudden disappearance. Instead, I’m greeted sweetly by those who’d chosen to stick around instead of joining the local gym for yoga classes, and we proceed to prepare for our morning class.
Despite the calm sounds filtering from the speakers and the scent of sage filling the room, closing my eyes to begin my class brings back images of Felix’s face in my mind. These are images I don’t wish to see, but I’m forced to face them even through meditation.
While instructing my class, I make a mental note to visit Ms. Walter. These intrusive visions, coupled with the lack of peace in my mind, need to be dealt with.
Getting over Felix the first time around was hard. Getting over him a second time? I’m not sure I’m fully equipped to deal with it, especially since I now have to make peace with my own transgressions. We had a second chance, and I blew it because I thought I couldn’t trust him.
“... Exhale as you come into a down-dog position,” I call out to my class, planting my palms on the mat and lifting my rear into the air. I’m about to stretch out completely when a rumble in my belly skitters up to my throat like bile.
Quickly cupping a hand over my mouth when it feels like I’m going to throw up, I sink to my knees.
A burp escapes my lips as soon as I’m upright again, but the acrid bile in my throat sours my tastebuds.
I need to throw up.
“Excuse me, ladies,” I say to the class as I hastily uncoil from the yoga mat and bolt to the bathroom. As soon as I’m on my knees in front of the toilet, I splutter out the contents of my belly.
It’s mostly last night’s dinner since I’ve only had coffee this morning. Coughing and splurging over the toilet, I empty my stomach just as relief washes over me.
“Damn,” I say to myself, wiping the corners of my mouth with the back of my head when suddenly, I’m hit with a startling realization.
I’m late.
“No… No… No…” I mutter to myself in disbelief as I climb to my feet, sitting on the toilet seat. As the tank fills up with water behind me, dread fills my entire being when I suspect that I might be pregnant.
I didn’t even consider the consequences of that fateful day on the Aurora Island mountaintop. It’s only been three weeks since then, but a late period and bout of sickness is an obvious indicator.
When Felix and I were together years ago, we’d always been safe. For obvious reasons on his side—he wouldn’t have wanted to get me pregnant with a weredragon child back then.
This time, it was different. Besides the circumstances having changed, we’d acted on raw desire, not caring about the consequences. Gulping hard as I look down at my belly, absentmindedly cradling a hand over my usual bulge, I decide not to freak out until I’ve confirmed it.
***
If I thought I wouldn’t freak out, I was wrong. With a trembling hand, I reach for the pregnancy test on the shelf, glancing at my surroundings as if I were being watched.
For some strange reason, it feels as if my senses have been heightened. The fine hairs on my nape prickle as if to alert me that I’m being followed. I walk around the aisle precariously, my knees quivering from the impending doom of what I might discover.
I know I’m most likely pregnant, but I can’t help but feel like there’s greater doom on the horizon. Perhaps it’s because I know that once I’ve confirmed my pregnancy, I won’t know what to do with myself.
Not after coming back here, to the human world. Where will I find my place in the world with a weredragon child? Kairo had already told me what happens when a human becomes pregnant with what they call “a dragonspirit child”. With the spirit and heart of a weredragon growing inside a human, the human female is gifted with immortality.
Taking a deep breath as I near the teller, I attempt to mentally prepare myself for the ramifications of the passion I shared with Felix on the mountain. The lingering memory pains me when I know I’ll never see him again.
Carrying his child is a bigger burden when I have to do it alone.
I have no way of reaching him, either. It’s not like he left me a number or an email address before he disappeared from my apartment, only the knowledge that he’d inked a memory of me on his back. Sadness washes over me again, as I pay for the test and pray for whatever is best for me.
I didn’t think I’d have to deal with becoming immortal in a mortal world. I pay for the test, thank the teller, and shove the rectangular box into my bag before heading out of the pharmacy. As soon as I’m on the sidewalk, I close my eyes and take a deep breath, mentally asking the Universe for guidance and help while I navigate what comes next.
When I open my eyes again, the flesh on my forearms pebbles with goosebumps. Is this the sign I just asked for?
Shrugging it off as nothing, I make my way to my car and sink into the driver’s seat. Ignoring the prickling sense that my life is about to change for the umpteenth time, I hide behind the wheel and lug in deep breaths to calm myself.
All it would have taken was telling Felix how I really felt. He’d apologized, he’d tried to get me to talk. I was the one who refused those things because of my fear of trusting him. Now, I’m left to face the consequences alone, hiding in the confines of my car with no urge to go back home.
“Felix… If you can hear me, I need you right now…” I whisper to myself, knowing that my words are futile when I don’t share the telepathic mind link the weredragons share between themselves.
Only Lily has that connection with the Aurora Dragons, thanks to the phenomenon of “fated mates” amongst the weredragons. A rare occurrence that proved she was meant to be the Lady Dragon, the alpha’s mate.
I don’t believe I’m that special. But I can try. After all, fate led us together a second time, a fate that crossed our paths thanks to my dad’s antics.
Maybe, just maybe, if his child is growing inside me, Felix will hear my call.
Opening my eyes again, that nagging sense of impending doom rears its head again. I shrug it off, knowing that the doom awaits me on the toilet seat in my apartment bathroom while I wield the test apparatus.
I take a few more deep breaths as I turn on the ignition and kick my car into gear, willing the strength I need to keep going. I’ve done it before. When Felix left, I thought my whole world had fallen apart. I did it over the past two weeks; my confession caught on the tip of my tongue when I let him leave. Surely, I can do it again—raise a dragonspirit child on my own.
Pulling into the parking garage at the bottom of my apartment building, I begrudgingly lift my bag from the passenger’s seat and take another deep breath. The hairs on my nape haven’t receded, and the goosebumps on my flesh haven’t disappeared.
Frowning, I pull myself together and step out of my car, when suddenly, rough hands grab my arms, and a bag pulled over my head snatches my vision.
No! Not again!
“Hey! Let me go!” I demand, wrestling against the arms that drag me across the concrete. I fight against my captor, reminded of the time my father had me kidnapped to sell me off to the weredragons.
It can’t be happening again—not when I’m already aware of the weredragons’ existence. Dad swore to the weredragons that he’d give up his crooked dealings before they let him go and promised that he wouldn’t involve me in his dealings again.
It can’t be him. He wouldn’t risk being the weredragons’ enemy when they could snap his neck like a twig. Though I haven’t seen him since the kidnapping because I chose not to, I can’t imagine that he’d threaten my life again when the weredragons warned him to stay out of trouble.
When I’m pushed inside a metal van, I twist my body to protect my belly from facing the impact. Even though I haven’t confirmed my pregnancy, the instinct to protect my unborn child kicks in.
My hands and legs are quickly bound with cable ties, rendering me incapable of moving or fighting against my captors. All I can do is breathe, at least until the bag is off my head and I can figure out why I’ve been kidnapped.
Something about the engine's roar, its clanking metal as it thunders to life, sounds familiar. The putrid, murky smell in the back of the van that penetrates the bag over my head is also familiar. Flashbacks of my first abduction a month ago come spilling into my mind.
It can’t be…
My father is clearly in trouble, and he’s dragged me into his mess again. Except, it can’t be the weredragons involved.
They wouldn’t want me to be harmed.
“Felix, if you can hear me, I’m in real danger this time…” I murmur, praying he can save me once more.