37. Meg / Bb
37
MEG / BB
M eg: Was I the last name on your dance card tonight? The Pig’s Tail party was two months ago.
BB: Took a while to work up the courage to make contact, sue me.
Meg: I don’t remember you, but it was also a pretty crazy night.
BB: How so?
Meg: My introduction to J?germeister . It all went downhill from there. However, for me to hand out my number, you can’t be too bad.
BB: Not too bad? What a ringing endorsement. But I’ll take it. What are your criteria, by the way?
Meg: Not to be an asshole.
BB: I agree. Assholes suck.
Meg: And not to text me, out of the blue, at 10.30 at night like I’m a booty call. Here’s looking at you.
BB: A booty call would be extremely difficult under the circumstances unless YOU are in possession of a teleportation device. Because I’m not.
Meg: You’re not in Newport. Cool. Then include no sexting in my criteria.
BB : Gosh darn it, I was hoping to convince a complete stranger two states away to sext me while I’m sitting at work. Must be the spreadsheet with all the numbers on my screen that gave me the sexy idea.
Meg: Haha. Not that I’m opposed to sexting.
BB : I’ll keep that in mind.
Meg: But not with some stranger I can’t even remember giving my number to.
BB : I don’t blame you. Rest assured, I share your sentiments. I’m just here for the chat because I need a break from work, and I remember you being witty and smart, albeit somewhat intoxicated.
Meg: No one slides into someone’s digital space late PM because they’re witty and smart.
BB : You’d rather have me tell you I want to chat because you have a great ass?
Meg: Point taken. So, basically you just want to chat.
BB : Yes, because you are witty and smart.
Meg: Thank you.
BB : But also because you have a spectacular ass.
Meg: Stop. My laughing might wake my deaf neighbor downstairs.
BB : I make you laugh?
Meg: You do, and after my last few days, I need it.
BB : Why, what happened?
Meg: A lot. But I don’t want to talk about it. You want to chat, let’s chat. I have a question.
BB : Shoot.
Meg: If you had a teleportation device, where would you go?
BB: Depends. Is this teleportation device reliable? Would hate to end up like the guy in The Fly.
Meg: Ohhh … One of my favorite movies. The one with Goldblum. Heartbreaking. I cried like a little bitch.
BB: Exactly. Don’t get why they call it a horror because that was one sad tale.
Meg: Wait, you cried too?
BB: I might have swallowed back the lump in my throat. Even if it completely contradicts my burliness.
Meg: Burliness… Burly doesn’t exactly sound like the type of man I’d give my number to. Is that what BB stands for? Burly Burliness?
BB: Look at you trying to find out my name. You could just ask, you know. Didn’t expect you to remember.
Meg: I never pretended to remember. Which part of getting hammered on J?germeister don't you get?
BB: I won’t say it doesn’t hurt my feelings a bit. Thought I was a memorable kind of guy. Even through the haze of J?germeister .
Meg: Soooo. Name. I’m waiting. (tapping fingers)
BB: Brett Bishop.
Meg: I’ll just call you BB because Brett Bishop sounds totally made up.
BB: Exactly what you said to me when we met. Even after I showed you my driver’s license.
Meg: Wow, I had to be veeerry tipsy not to remember any of that. Send a pic and remind me, plse.
BB: Oh, so if I look like Quasimodo, we don’t get to chat.
Meg: If you look like Quasimodo, I’d totally want to chat. I have a sick thing for the Hunchback of Notre Dame. I was five when Quasimodo became my first love.
BB: Great. Then just accept I look like Quasimodo.
Meg: Then again, at five, having sex wasn’t the deciding factor.
BB: There you go again with the sex thing.
Meg: Just making sure you don’t think I’ll jump your bones because you look like Quasimodo.
BB: You’re the only one droning on about jumping bones. If I wanted to jump anyone’s bones, I wouldn’t be sitting here chatting with you.
Meg: How to pay a woman a compliment.
BB: Okay wait, that didn’t come out right. I would totally love to jump your bones.
Meg: A little difficult from two states away.
BB: I’m open to crossing state lines for a proper date.
Meg: But until then…what’s a girl to do.
BB: So sexting is back on the table.
Meg: Not if you look like Quasimodo.
BB: You just told me he was your first love!
Meg: I qualified that statement. I was five. Sex was not on my mind.
BB: Clearly, it’s on your mind now.
Meg: Because you’re so damn witty and that in itself is a massive turn on for me. And since those are rare qualities to find, I’d like to bask in the aura of your wit and charm.
BB: Oh. Well, thank you.
Meg: And it’s also the only reason I’m still chatting with you.
BB: Let me give you one more reason… I don’t look like Quasimodo.
Meg: But I’ll never know because you won’t send me a pic.
BB: Then allow me to charm you with my wit.
Meg: You already have.
BB: Does that mean I can text you again?
Meg: Why, are we done talking now?
BB: I could talk to you all night long, but then we must stop talking about sex.
Meg: Right, because you’re at work. You can’t just whip out the beast and go to town when someone can walk in at any moment. Can you now?
BB: Do you hear yourself?
Meg: Would you prefer me to be more demure?
BB: No. If you become demure, our chat ends here.
Meg: Yet, I’m not allowed to talk about sex.
BB: I never said you’re not allowed. But it might lead to something, because I’m a normal, warm-blooded man. And because you mentioned your last few days weren’t so great, I’d hate for you to use our sexting as a distraction from whatever made you unhappy…instead of it being two people just having fun.
Meg: Very perceptive. You’re very good at this, BB.
BB: You’ll have to be more specific.
Meg: Chatting some poor unhappy woman off the ledge.
BB: Perhaps if you told me what’s making you so unhappy…
Meg: I don’t know you well enough to unload this kind of baggage, seriously.
BB: Is it family? Work?
Meg: Work. But now that I’ve decided to work from home, it should be better.
BB: Is someone you work with the issue?
Meg: Long story. It’s just better not to share the same space with him anymore.
BB: And it’s because of this guy that you’re now working from home?
Meg: Bingo.
BB: Do you prefer to work from home?
Meg: Not really. I have this fabulous office over there. And they have this amazing library, and don’t get me started on the view.
BB: Meg, how long have we been chatting now?
Meg: Almost an hour, why do you have to go?
BB: No. I’m just confused that the woman I’ve been talking to for the last hour, would let some asshole from work push her away.
Meg: Well, he didn’t push me away exactly…
BB: Yet, you’re working from home because of him.
Meg: It’s complicated.
BB: Then there’s something you’re not telling me.
Meg: What’s it to you where I work from? We were complete strangers an hour ago.
BB: A lot can happen in an hour. Romeo and Juliet met at the Capulets’ feast and fell in love immediately.
Meg: And look what happened to them. Also, are you ignoring the fact that they were fictionalized characters in a dramatic play?
BB: Fine. Let’s get real. Napoleon and Josephine were inseparable after meeting the first time.
Meg: If you’re anything like Napoleon, count me out.
BB: I’m just saying never underestimate the power of the right connection.
Meg: And you think this is it?
BB: You don’t?
Meg: Food for thought. But it is funny that tonight’s the night you decide to contact me.
BB: Kismet.
Meg: If you believed in that.
BB: I’m starting to. But listen, I don’t want to keep you up too late. So, can I text you again?
Meg: I just had the most amazing hour chatting to you, why would I ever want to hear from you again?
BB: Funny woman. Text you tomorrow.
Meg: I’ll be waiting. Goodnight BB.
BB: Goodnight Meg. Sweet dreams.