Chapter 11
Christmas Eve was cold and dirty, a London winter day of such wet sleet, soot, and sodden streets that it made one wish for the cleaner and more uncomplicated winter of the countryside.
Foul as the weather was, and though the Bingleys and the Darcys were to spend Christmas day together, Jane intended to go out and visit her sister nonetheless.
Caroline stopped her upon their getting up from the breakfast table. “Might we speak in confidence, Jane? There is something I should like to ask of you.”
“Of course,” Jane said, sounding surprised, but perfectly willing.
The two women went up to Caroline’s room, for while Charles frequently burst in on Jane, as such errands as enjoying her beauty, praising the loveliness of her spirit, and lavishing surprise presents upon her could not be delayed, he rarely went in his sister’s room at all, and never without first knocking and acquiring her permission.
“Is everything well, Caroline?” Jane asked her with gentle concern as soon as the door had closed behind them. “You have been rather abstracted of late.”
“I cannot deny it,” Caroline said, and then, not wishing Jane to inquire further, quickly pressed on. “You had intended to visit Elizabeth today, had not you, Jane?”
She nodded. “It is rather silly of me, I suppose, but I should like to be there always. Lizzy is a woman grown now, of course, and married on the same day I wed Charles, but still I cannot help thinking of her as my precious little sister.”
For a moment, Caroline was overcome by an odd wave of emotion. The thought that Louisa viewed her as an ally in the struggle of life, rather than a ‘precious little sister,’ was inescapable.
There was nothing wrong with that, surely. Caroline preferred it. Only it was difficult to watch Jane’s face and not feel that there was something there she would have liked to experience for herself, and never could.
“My request may be inconvenient, then,” Caroline went on hastily, before anything more could be said, “and you must decline it if I ask too much. I shall understand perfectly. It is only that I wondered if I might go to Elizabeth alone today.”
She thought Jane might find the request odd, even startling, but she only looked at her inquiringly. “Alone, you say?”
“Yes. It must sound rather extraordinary, I know. But Elizabeth has come to be a very particular kind of friend to me. I love you dearly, Jane, but you are so naturally and effortlessly good. Elizabeth is wise in a way that is sometimes very valuable to me. It was she who first showed me where I had gone wrong in life. And now I feel badly in need of her advice.”
Far from being astonished by this confession, Jane was nodding understandingly.
“Lizzy has a gift, does she not? She has often praised me for seeing only the good in people, but in truth, I think it much better to view the world clear-sightedly, loving it for what is good, and hoping for improvement in the bad. I cannot do that myself. I can only look away from what I do not understand.”
Caroline bit her lip. “I think I have been part of teaching you to distrust the world, Jane, and part of what you must look away from. I am very sorry.”
“Do not be,” Jane said, with astonishing but obviously sincere generosity. “I am glad to be your sister, Caroline, and glad to be your friend. If there was a time when we were not such good friends, I am happy to forget it.”
“You are too good,” Caroline said. Visions of the winter two years before whirled before her eyes.
How petty she had been then, and how shortsighted!
She had almost cheated herself of the two friendships that would come to change her life, had nearly succeeded in separating Charles from the woman he loved with all his heart, simply because Jane had nothing but exquisite beauty of person and soul to offer.
In the intensity of her regret, Caroline had almost forgotten why she had wished to speak to Jane, but her sister-in-law had not.
“In any case, Caroline, certainly you may visit Elizabeth instead of me. She will be glad to see you — indeed, I should not be surprised if you do a better job of amusing her than I would.”
“Thank you,” Caroline said earnestly. “You really do not mind?”
Jane shook her head. “No, do not give it another thought. Much as I should like to be, I cannot be there every day. I shall see her tomorrow. The coach was ordered for after luncheon. Will that suit you?”
“Perfectly,” Caroline replied. In truth, she would have preferred to leave at once, for she knew that the confusion of her thoughts would not permit her a moment’s rest. But, having already caused such disruption to the household, she was unwilling to occasion any more.
Jane gave a dimpled smile. “Do you know, Caroline, I think Charles will be pleased with you for this. He would never say anything, of course, but I suspect he has been feeling rather abandoned of late.”
To judge by her brother’s broad smile upon being told the change of plans, Charles was indeed glad for the chance to claim more of his wife’s company.
Caroline set off after lunch with a clear conscience, comfortable in the knowledge that she had been the cause for little inconvenience and at least some enjoyment.
Her arrival at Darcy House went equally well. For once, Mr Darcy and Miss Darcy were not at home. Caroline expressed her surprise to Elizabeth.
Elizabeth laughed. “They have hardly left this house for a moment in the last few days. But today is the Countess’s holiday party.
When I promised Will three times over that I would be perfectly well and that I would send a messenger if anything were to happen, he at last agreed to go.
The Countess had all but begged that her nephew and niece would not stay away. ”
“Then I congratulate you on your success in convincing them,” Caroline returned.
“Thank you. But tell me, is not there something on your mind? Perhaps I am mistaken. And yet I do not think that you came merely to exchange pleasantries.”
Caroline hesitated a long moment. “There is something else I have wished to ask you, but perhaps I should not, on second thought. It is hardly a fit topic for polite conversation.”
Elizabeth grinned at her. “Surely we are past that, you and I. If you will bear all my scolding with such a good will, and take it so to heart, I think you ought to be able to ask me anything you wish.”
“I suppose there is something to what you say, at that,” Caroline admitted.
She had never been entirely able to follow Elizabeth’s clear-sighted and uncompromising vision, but it was this, if anything, that had made her wish to set the past aside and be her friend.
The visions Elizabeth showed her of another life, though strange to her experience and sometimes feeling rather improbable, were yet something she wanted more than breath.
To be her friend in truth, to have set down her old, tired attempts at triumphing over the other woman and to seek instead to play at the game of life with her, was a source of joy that had gradually shaken her to the core.
“More than anything, I should like your advice,” Caroline admitted.
Elizabeth smiled crookedly. “My advice about — what?”
“About marriage, and about love,” Caroline said. “I think it likely that Viscount Moreland will make a formal request to court me. He has been marked in his attentions.”
“I have heard,” Elizabeth remarked. “Nurse Rooke brings me a great deal of gossip, and two pieces out of three have concerned you and the viscount. He is everything you ever wanted. I congratulate you, Caroline.”
“That is just the problem — I do not know if I am to be congratulated.” Caroline rested her head in her hands. She did not think she could bear to look into Elizabeth’s eyes.
But when she at last looked up, Elizabeth was looking at her with interest, but without judgement. “Oh? Please go on, Caroline.”
“I do not know whether I ought to marry him.”
“Do you doubt his character?” Elizabeth asked. “I could ask Will his opinion, if you liked. He is highly adept at judging other men for their vices and virtues. If Will says you may trust a man, you may trust him.”
“No — no, I thank you, but it is not that.”
“Do you worry that his consequence or his wealth are less than they appear? Those, too, might easily be verified before you accepted him.”
“It is not anything like that!” Caroline exclaimed.
“Oh, Elizabeth, I am such a fool! I have known what I wanted out of life and out of marriage ever since I was a little girl. But Mr Northville has challenged everything I thought I knew. I have fallen in love with him. I cannot deny it any longer. And I know he is in love with me. He has said as much.”
“What advice did you wish for, Caroline?” Elizabeth asked her gently.
She drew in a harsh breath. “What should I do? It is likely I will soon have the opportunity to make a most glittering match, the equal of any woman this Season. I would be a fool to reject the viscount. And yet I know I do not love him. I have always judged my sister for marrying a man of fashion, but with no fortune of his own, and now I have fallen in love with a man who has neither. Elizabeth, I have the opportunity to make as good a match as any woman could ask for, to a man I do not love, or to make the most foolish match I ever heard of. What on earth should I do?”