Chapter 18
Chapter Eighteen
Wren
Me: SOS! AGAIN!
Mia: What’s wrong!? Do I need to bring a shovel?
Me: And wine! LOADS of wine!
Mia: I’m leaving now!
Holy fucking shit, I can’t believe that just happened. I need to move out. There’s no other way around this. If Theo simply woke up with his cock firm against my ass, I would have blamed biology. That didn’t happen, though. Not only did he press himself against me, I arched back, and he moaned.
And whatever is up there be damned, because the noise was enough to make my clit swell. It wasn’t what he said that terrified me. No. It was that I wanted to turn around, kiss and touch him to hear that blissful sound again.
But that moment. . . it’s awakened something within me.
Hope.
Hope that he may find me attractive. That he may see me as more than the sick girl he protected in school and at home. Hope that this crush of mine may see the light of day. Obstacles are always being thrown in my path. It’s due time I’m granted a moment of reprieve. Maybe, just maybe, that relief will come from the man I never expected could become more.
First things first, I need to calm my racing mind. I grab a fresh set of clothes and underwear, walk to the shower, and turn the handle. While the water heats up, I steal a glance at myself in the mirror.
Unlike most girls, I don’t see my mom in any of my features.
Thank the stars.
Although, I wonder if people think I look like her. And is that a good or bad thing? Growing up, I wished I looked more like her because I thought she was beautiful, but that was her camouflage.
When I look at myself, I see someone who has been through it all and survived. My body has been through battles, and my mind has seen war. While there are parts of me I wish I could change, this body has been with me through it all.
Do I wish I was as skinny as I used to be? No. Do I wish I was in shape like Amanda? Yes and no. I don’t want to be skin and bones, but I’d like to lose a few inches, especially in my thighs. No matter what I do, I can’t shake the pounds off.
It’s fine. Everything is fine.
Pulling myself away from my reflection, I step into the shower and sigh. There was a time in my life when hot water was scarce. Most of the bills were never paid on time, which meant utilities were shut off. We would boil water on the stove just to bathe, and we gathered candles so we could see in the dark. Don’t get me started on the number of times I went to bed hungry. Thankfully, those days are over. I’m safe, somewhat healthy, and content.
With all these thoughts, I still manage to clean myself and brush my teeth. I turn the water off and step out to dry off. I wipe the steam from the mirror and look into my eyes while putting on a sports bra. Another thing I hate is my boobs. Most girls dream of having a big chest. Take them back, cut them off, free me of this burden. The shoulder and back pain these melons cause is not worth the trouble.
The strap slaps against my skin, and I wince. The second I get better health insurance, I’m getting a reduction.
With a hairbrush in hand, I walk back into my room and stop when I see a bagel with cream cheese on the nightstand. Once I finish combing through my tangles, I drop it on my bed and pick up the plate. With a small smile, I push away the apprehension I felt earlier and leave my room.
Theo is standing in the kitchen with his palms pressing against his eyes. He’s slouched, and his shoulders drop with each exhale he releases.
My mortification from this morning fades away, leaving only the desire to comfort him in its wake.
On autopilot, my legs carry me to him. He doesn’t remove his hands from his eyes, but the color rises in his tan complexion. Cautiously, I take his hands in mine and lower them. His gaze meets mine, and a smile spreads across my lips.
“Did you think I was going to run away?” I whisper.
With a light chuckle, he says, “I was nervous you might.”
“You can’t scare me. No matter how hard you try.” I trace small circles along the back of his hands. “It’s normal. I’m honestly surprised it hasn’t happened sooner. I mean, how many times have you woken up with me in your bed?” I ask with a small laugh.
He flashes me a smile, and the weight around my heart lightens. “Biology is a bitch, isn’t it?”
“It really is.”
We share a laugh, and the awkwardness melts away. After a moment, it starts to feel normal again. It’s the same old Theo and Wren.
I loosen my grip around his hands and am about to step away until he pulls me back.
I let out a slight gasp as my chest presses against his. He can blame biology all he wants. Science doesn’t explain the fluttering in my stomach when I look into his eyes. It doesn’t begin to provide a explanation as to why my feelings for him have always been so strong.
“You’re stunning.” His voice drops as he brushes a stray curl away from my face.
I gulp past the lump in my throat. How do I respond to such a comment? When I look at myself in the mirror, stunning isn’t a word that comes to mind.
“Do you believe me?” he murmurs.
I open my mouth to answer, but a sudden banging on the front door causes me to jump, stealing my response.
“That’s Mia,” I tell him, and he nods but doesn’t release me. “I asked her to come over. Is that okay?”
“You don’t have to ask my permission. This is your home too.”
With one final glance, he drops my hands and walks away to let Mia in.
His words play on repeat, and the blush on my cheeks isn’t doing me any favors.
Theo swings the door open. “If it isn’t trouble herself.”
“If it isn’t the local heartthrob.” She quips back.
When she takes in my frazzled state, her expression softens, and she holds up the bottle of blueberry wine. “It’s five o’clock somewhere, right?”
“Just make sure she eats something. Wren is an emotional drunk,” Theo says while rummaging through the fridge.
I would give a retort, but he’s correct.
“I’ll bring some snacks; you girls have fun.”
Hunkering down in my new room, Mia plops at the foot of my bed while I land face-first in the blankets.
“Are you going to share with the class?” She twists the cap off the wine bottle, and the carbonation fizzles. “I assume it has to do with Theo. If it didn’t, you would have included Brandy in the message.”
“You’re right.” My voice is muffled by the mattress.
“And it must be bad because we’re drinking at ten in the morning.”
“Correct again.”
I push myself up and scoot down to sit beside her. I grab the bottle and take a swig before telling her everything, starting from the day his hands lingered on me in the kitchen. I tell her about what I asked him last night and end with what happened this morning.
“You asked him that ?” she screeches.
“I did.” I take another sip.
“And he said he wanted to fuck you while pressing his hard-on against your ass?” She reaches for the bottle, and I happily share it.
“Something along those lines,” I tell her.
“This is an SOS indeed. . .”
“I’m so confused,” I blurt out.
She takes a long drink before handing me back the bottle. It’s been thirty minutes, and we’re already buzzed.
“I don’t understand. Why did you ask him if girls fake it in those videos? Everyone knows it’s all theatrics.”
I groan. “I was curious and I trust him.”
“Every guy is going to think they’re a god in the bedroom,” she snarks. “But—” And there’s that devilish smirk of hers. “This one has proof.”
“What are you— No, no fucking way! I’m not watching one of his videos!”
“Why not? It might help!”
“How would it help?” I fire back.
“What if he’s a terrible lover?”
“I highly doubt that,” I chuckle. “There’s a reason women come running back to him.”
“You’re telling me you’re not the slightest bit curious?”
When Theo told me about his side gig back in late 2012, part of me didn’t understand, but I wanted to support him. He was always with me in high school. He never dated anyone after we became friends, and I thought that was my fault. Theo spent all his free time with me, leaving no time for himself. So, when he went to college, I thought it was his way of discovering himself. And after all he did for me, who was I to question it?
I wasn’t curious until one of his partners was hanging out with us and some of his other friends. She was all over him, and it curdled my stomach. She made a comment about him being the best she’d ever been with, and while it was offhanded, it felt like a slap in the face. At that point, I was frustrated because I couldn’t finish with the guy I was seeing, and there she was, having orgasms left and right.
“I wish I wasn’t,” I admit.
“Well then, what are we waiting for?”
I take the bottle from her hands and finish the rest of it as she gets settled. She reclines with her back against the pillows, and I sit next to her as she pulls up justthecam.com.
“I can’t believe we’re doing this,” I grumble as she makes a fake account.
“This is going to be great.” She cackles.
I side-eye her. She seems way too giddy about all this.
“Do you know what his handle is?”
“I’m pretty sure it’s just his name,” I tell her, and she types it into the search bar.
“That was too easy.” She’s smug as she flashes me her screen.
When I see the thumbnail, I cover my eyes. In the image, he’s holding his cock mid-stroke. His abs are firm, and his head is thrown back. I peek through my fingers, and the initial shock fades away, curiosity taking its place.
“Damn, he’s well endowed,” Mia murmurs.
“I figured that out this morning,” I say without thinking, and she chokes.
“Let’s get this show on the road.” She presses play on a older video, and I groan when I recognize her.
Amanda embodies “traditional” beauty with her slim figure, D-cup breasts, blue eyes, and full lips.
I shift closer to Mia when they start kissing. We’re huddled on my bed like teenagers watching something we shouldn’t be. My cheeks are beyond flushed as they kiss and inch toward the bed.
In one swift motion, Theo removes her lacy bra and tosses it to the floor. She reaches for his boxers and tugs them off, and they fall to the carpet.
Before she can wrap her hand around his length, he chuckles, grabs her throat, and forces her to look into his eyes. “Did I say you could touch me?” he growls, and with a whimper, she shakes her head. “Get on the bed.”
Obeying his command, she scurries onto the mattress and faces him on her hands and knees, waiting for his next order.
“Arch that back,” he tells her while taking a fistful of her hair.
She settles on her stomach, lifts her ass in the air, and hums when his cock grazes her lips.
He pushes himself inside her mouth without warning, and my shoulders tense.
A ball of envy sits low in my stomach as I watch him like this. It didn’t seem like a good idea to begin with, and now I’m certain it wasn’t because I wish that was me. I want to be the one to elicit those reactions from him. I want to make him moan and shudder in pleasure, but that’s not stifling the curious side of my brain because I can’t tear my eyes away.
“I’m going to skip to the good part,” Mia tells me while fast-forwarding the scene.
When she presses play, Amanda is screaming in pleasure, balling the sheets in her hands, and begging for more.
Mia tilts her head to the side, examining his angle. This would be a perfect popcorn moment if we had some.
“He’s really giving it to her,” she says, eyebrows high on her forehead.
As Amanda grunts, Theo turns his attention to the camera, seemingly making eye contact with me.
The air gets stuck in my lungs, and my stomach tilts. His lips form a pleased smile, and my temperature ratchets up.
“Turn it off,” I tell her as envy and desire war for dominance in my body. “Please?—”
“Yes, of course.” Mia turns it off and tries to look at me, but my gaze is on my hands. “I’m sorry. I truly thought it would help.”
And I hoped it would, but now all I can picture is him fucking another woman. I never questioned why he never asked me to participate, but now I’m wondering all the what-ifs. What if that were me and not Amanda? Would we still be where we are today? Or would we be something more? Less? Shit. . .
Tears sting my eyes, so I press my palms into them. “I know I asked you to come over, but I think I need to be alone,” I murmur.
“Are you sure?” she asks, her tone soft.
“I’m sure. I’ll text you in a bit.”
We sit in silence, and I keep looking down, hoping she doesn’t press further.
After a few moments, she shifts off the bed and squeezes my shoulder. “I love you.”
Against my better judgment, I meet her gaze even though my tears are threatening to spill over. “Love you too.”
The door clicks shut, and I slam my eyes closed, the weight of my thoughts pressing down harder than ever. It’s ridiculous to feel this way—frustrated, jealous, aching for something I’ve never had but suddenly craving more than anything. My skin is hot, flushed from everything I just saw and everything I can’t stop imagining.
I sit there in the dark, replaying the video in my mind—the way his hands moved, the sounds he made, the way he commanded her. Every second of it crawls under my skin and settles deep in my core. A quiet need I’ve been trying to ignore for far too long rises to the surface.
I shift on the bed, noting the tension building, my body betraying me as a dull ache pulses between my legs. My breaths grow shallow as I drag my hands up my thighs, hesitant yet yearning. I think of him, of the way his eyes locked with mine through the screen, and the heat in my body becomes unbearable.
I can’t help but wonder—what would it be like if it were me?
I bite my lip and glance at my bedside table. The last time I tried to pleasure myself, it didn’t end well, but I could use the release. What’s the worst that could happen? I don’t finish?
I reach over and grab the toy, my pulse hammering in my ears. The soft hum of it vibrates against my palm, sending tingles up my arm. I shift on the bed, trying to get comfortable, but every nerve in my body is on fire.
Another thought flickers through my mind, and I shove common sense out the window before turning on one of Theo’s solo videos.
His deep voice groans, and his eyes are dark with lust. “Do you see me, baby?” he implores. “Look what you do to me.” He runs his hand over his length before increasing the pressure. “Fuck, just like that.”
I fumble with the settings on the vibrator, trying to figure out the right intensity. Once I think I’ve got it, I settle against the pillows and press the toy between my thighs. It’s soft at first, a teasing vibration, but the pressure is off.
“Are you touching yourself?” he chuckles, dark and full of lust. “Show me how wet you are.”
I adjust it, moving it around, but the tension inside me just builds in frustration. I close my eyes and try to focus, but my mind keeps wandering.
I groan, tossing my head back. Why can’t I make this work?
Suddenly, there’s a knock at my door, soft but insistent.
My breath catches in my throat as the door creaks open, and Theo steps inside.
“Wren?”